_____nothing

i'm new to this forum. i'm writing a paper about tool/maynard in my english class. my argument for the paper will be something about maynard's search for enlightenment and faith versus that of organized religion. i'm still working on it. anyway, i've been reading everybody's posts and all your opinions have really helped me out, but i'd really like some feedback on my ideas. i know that these lyrics can be twisted to mean almost anything. and the idea that he's against organized religion may be completely wrong, that's why it's a good subject to write about - because it's arguable. i'd really like feedback that i could use to support my argument... thanks to all who contributes.

here goes:

the grudge would be the resentment he feels against organized religion. although he may be against the idea, he cannot keep this grudge because "otherwise it all comes down." if he tries to justify his denials, he will do nothing but "grip 'em to the lonesome end." saturn is the planet of responsibility in astrology (maynard may or may not agree with the ideas of astrology but i'll use this definition anyway). saturn has many lessons to teach us about hard work and discipline and sometimes reaching these goals are difficult to achieve. maybe he needs to discipline himself to release these grudges.. as soon as he does, the rewards to be reaped are plentiful and satisfying. he needs to recognized the grudge and "let go" even if he doesn't agree with the teachings of organized religion. he can choose "what [he] will or will not tolerate." he can have faith but doesn't necessarily have to be "religious."

eon blue apocalypse has no words so he can reflect on letting go of the grudge and prepare for enlightenment.

the patient - the patient ones are the ones able to realize what life has to offer. the test could be... the offerings of life, spirituality. i'm not too sure about this one... maybe he knows that keeping faith offers some kind of reward, because if there "were no rewards to reap...[he] certainly would've walked away by now." he's chosen to go down his own path, not one paved for him by organized religion - the institution. but he's not certain that this is the path he wants to take, and he "still may [walk away]." he has to keep reminding himself that he should "wait it out" and see what his faith has to offer.

mantra - moaning... about... ??

schism - this is obviously all about communication. maybe bettering the communication between people or his self can transcend his faith and spirituality.
the pieces could be the fundamental elements of spirituality (i'm reaching, here) and maybe they "tumbled down" because the religious institutions changed those elements to justify their actions? there is no one in particular to blame, but "it doesn't mean [he doesn't] desire to point the finger." everyone has to "bring the pieces back together" for themselves to rediscover their own faith.

i don't know how to explain the line: "i've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing."

but then it could continue with, "doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication" - his faith is doomed unless he grows in it, realizes the differences between his faith and the institution of relgion. that realization will strengthen his faith. "cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion" or faith. without communication, he cannot grow as a spiritual person, and will be destined to "cold silence."

parabol/parabola - basically about embracing his reality, his new-found faith. he's "wide-eyed and hopeful" about the rewards his spirituality will present. he can "barely remember what came before this precious moment " - the precious moment being his ability to let go of his grudges and to open up communication to progress in his faith, without relying on organized religion to tell him what to believe. he's beginning to forget the effects of organized religion. he's reminded that he's not alone in his choice. having spirituality makes him feel "eternal." he's choosing to figure things out for himself, and this is a "holy experience" - he feels experience more by himself than he would if somebody else told him what to feel. the "familiar parable" he's "twirling round with" is a lesson that he's "spinning, weaving" into his own faith and taking that parable out of it's original institutional context. His ability to reason and learn lessons for himself, as well as being "alive and breathing" is a "holy gift" to be celebrated. maynard says his body reminds me of his own mortality - but his soul is eternal and that is what he has faith in.

ticks and leeches - this songs is all about what organized religion did to him. maynard was raised a lutheran but rebelled against those beliefs. he says, "you thieving bastards. you have turned my blood cold and bitter, beat my compassion black and blue." maybe he's saying the things they taught him as a lutheran made him a colder person instead of a better person. in opposition to that, he completely rejects that religion and finds faith in his own way. he's "taken all [he can take." organized religion "takes what it wants and then goes." maybe all the church wanted was money? that's a shallow explanation, i know. he's very angry in this song. i think this is the one that most supports my argument. i'll probably also include a comment about one of maynard's other songs, "judith" by APC: "so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you. fuck your god."

lateralus - over-thinking and over-analyzing are good ways to explore your thoughts. enlightenment is found in confusion: "searching for the random or whatever will bewilder me."

if somebody could help me out on what the colors could mean in relation to my argument that would be great!

his infancy could be not his literal infancy, but maybe his newfound faith. he sees that "there is so much more and beckons him to look through to these infinite possibilities." there are many different directions and possibilities and he needs to determine what he believes in by maybe narrowing it down.

what could "swing on the spiral" mean?

basically this song is about all the possibilities in life, and finding what's right for him....

disposition - "mention something, mention anything" could be saying anything to him about spirituality could cause him to change his mind or include that idea in his faith.

reflection - the first stanza could be about the church: "defeated, he concedes and moves closer, he may find comfort here, he may find peace within the emptiness." he's giving up on the church and finds comfort in the emptiness. the moon is a metaphor for how we are merely reflectors. we absorb knowledge and then release it: "...a million light reflections pass over me." i could be wrong on the metaphor....any other suggestions?

he says he must crucify the ego - this could mean that he does not contain knowledge but only reflect it. also, i don't think he literally means that we are all one mind. i think he means that we are all capable of being able to think for ourselves, "capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable." he needs to let the light touch him, "and let the words spill through and let them pass right through, bringing out [his] hope and reason." he needs to be open to all ideas and from all these random ideas, he'll be able to discern his own hope and reason for existence. and maynard knows that he needs to do this before he "pines away," or dies. at this point, he starts to reach enlightenment.

triad - there are no words but the music is intense - maybe he's reaching englightenment during the song.. any other ideas???

faaip de oiad - somebody said in another post that this means "voice of god" in the enoch language... something like that. this could just be a comment on the idea of institutions trying to control people's lives.

sorry this was so freakin' long. but i appreciate all the help that anyone has to offer!