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Old 02-11-2017, 05:40 AM   #1
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Mein Kampf

Here's my story...hopefully its interesting, if not, that's fine too. Inspiring? Let's hope.


So people talk about reality, and these truths and the ways in which the world works. Well, to some people perhaps its enough to intuitively recognize a fundamental truth, not really understand it, but they recognize it and agree with it. But it can also be dangerous.

Its been my experience that these fundamental truths can be found in all sorts of interesting places. Sure you might read it or see it somewhere, but come to these truths yourself, to fundamentally come to the understanding and realization yourselves, is infinitely more important and interesting useful than simply agreeing with someone else who came to the realization.

To achieve this required clarity. Well, high school presented a certain view of the world, and i got out in it and it was nothing like what they had suggested. So, and at this point (and maybe i'm not the brightest bulb sometimes) but I sort of recognized intuitively that I had been lied too....and that set me on a path to figure out why, and so it began.

Noam Chomsky is a brilliant man. He's not this authoritative figure telling everybody what to do or how it is. He just present an accurate picture of the situation, based on facts, leads readers to understanding through great ideas. Clarity, reality, this beautiful, powerful thing that can can be used in a lot of ways to deal with a whole lot of situations. So there was this, sort of, academic, studious approach to finding answers, and it wasn't just Chomsky, it was a whole lot of people and authors and so on. And so I understood, and understand a whole lot more about all those institutions and how and why they work or don't work, or whatever the case may be. I found the answer as to why i was manipulated, a very powerful thing.

Just the idea -perception vs. reality-

And the idea -question authority-

Well that's where the path began...and as i wandered blindly along, i came to these truths, and my initial reaction was righteous indignation, fuck the gov't fuck the system fuck you for lying and manipulating and trying to control me. Fuck it all i'm gonna change it and tear it down and do it the right way. well....i had a ways to go.

As I wandered around the country that sort of angst and knowledge was very apparent and very much a part of my life. But after a while....I realized...well with massive amounts of cocaine and bonghits and shots of whiskey and on and on, and years and years of that...well something wasn't right in my life. There was more to know. My approach wasn't working.

I stopped taking all substances on a single day. I don't think i'd been sober for a single day in over 12 years or so at that point. A couple of weeks later my friends and family held an intervention. It was great, but, you know maybe i sensed it was coming, maybe I knew something wasn't right, who knows. They held an intervention after i had already stopped. But once that way of sort of blocking out a whole lot of signals that I didn't know how to interpret (or even consciously were aware of) suddenly the whole fucking world changed.

So, against everything I knew to be true, I was sort of pointed at the mental health industry and diagnosed and drugged and counseled and deeper and deeper i went into this place. And, I knew that long ago this was a profession where some guy had a patient in front of him and, i think out fear....thought, hmm I'm going to stick this 8 inch needle through this guys eyeball and scramble his brains. And another so called professional saw him do that and thought, "that's a great idea". And it became standard practice.
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Old 02-11-2017, 05:40 AM   #2
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Re: Mein Kampf

So I started reaching out....to a whole lot of people in a lot of ways that even I didn't understand at the time. I mean was fucking psychically screaming "SAVE ME" "HELP" me. Well, some people listened, and some things listened, and most were not so nice.

But, and this could be groupthink, or simple delusion or whatever you want to think, that's fine, i'm not here to try and impress anybody....but i was doing that....fucking begging for the way out of this madness.....and this sort of scream into the universe...well it led to the Joe Rogan interview that Maynard did....and looking back they were directly answering the questions i had, calmly and clearly, just part of the conversation..well, again i may not be the brightest bulb, whatever...and accurate self reflection was required to realize this, but i don't like being told what to do. so i didnt' hear it, also i wasn't thinking too clearly, obviously. It got to a point where maynard was talking and it was sort of a break from what they were talking about, and he began to address directly what it was i was begging for. Again, a whole lot of things could have been the reason for that sure, pure delusion, go with that that's fine.....and Rogan said something interesting right at that point, and he sort of had a interesting look on his face and he said, yeah sometimes you pick up someone else's record groove, somebody else's track. So i'm starting to realize....just intuitively at this point....maybe i gotta figure it myself, because even this amazing creative dude who seems to have a whole lot of really good ideas....it doesn't work that, i suppose i can only speak for myself, so it doesn't work like that for me.

So, within this lie that i had accepted it became easier and easier for people to get me to accept their bullshit and their lies, and a whole lot of those people did not have my best interest in mind. So these decisions I made within that context were done without accurate information....which naturally led to even darker and weirder and stranger places. It was anxiety....well ok, give me some fucking benzhos and i'll feel better. on and on....it reached a point where fear was making my decisions for me....leading deeper and deeper.

I even tried the old ways. I'm not kidding, i would drink 2/5ths of scotch a day......just to try and fucking black out and forget for a few hours. at least maybe get really stupid and stumble around and bounce off walls and shit. I couldn't. I was wide the fuck awake after that second 1/5 of scotch, could have passed a sobriety test if they didn't smell my breath. I didn't know wtf to do.
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