Grief is a somewhat commplicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same.
There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.
The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
1 - Undertow
2 - Aenima
3 - Lateralus
4 - Ten thousand days
5 - ...
Well i wasnt guessing songs, but albuns. I think most of tools work reflect on maynard's pain about his mother being paralyzed and later her death. It's obviously a huge event that affected him through out his whole life.. So the other day i ran across the five stages of grief and it kinda clicked.
1 - Undertow may be seen as a denial album, with songs like Sober, Crawl away, Undertow and Flood. Flood could be that familiar place he went to. Sober is sort of self-destructive. No crying.
Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but what's past and done.
2 - Aenima is clearly angry towards many things - Eulogy, Hooker with a penis, Aenema and even Pushit. Ranting and pointing the finger at so many things, consumed by his own pain.
I'll move to heal
As soon as pain allows so we can
Reunite and both move on together
3 - Lateralus curiously took place right before the loss. It is the most rational album of all. I guess The Patient is the better example of him talking about the price to pay to keep her alive. I wouldnt like to say the whole album is a deal with god, but..
But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
4 - Ten Thousand Days depressing? No doubt, if you listen to Wings.. Plus there is Jambi. Again, pointing the finger, just not so furiously. Like he didnt care that much anymore. Yet there is some bitterness.
But I would wish it all away
If I thought I'd lose you just one day
5 - So, I think the next tool album will be the last one, finally reflecting Acceptance. Who knows.
Maybe there's a pattern. Maybe not.
Last edited by emotional masturbation; 12-05-2006 at 05:07 AM..
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Re: Five stages of Grief
Originally Posted by pork chops
i think people have too much time on their hands.
I think it's good when people use their extra time to think and analyze instead of wasting it on other unproductive pastimes.
Not that I necessarily agree with the theory originally posted, but I always thought their albums gradually got less angry since Opiate. Although I thought Lateralus would be their last, since it's the most calming to me.
You'd think that would be the denile album as Sober and Intolerance seem to show a sort of acceptance with lyrics like "Why can we not be sober" and "I've been far too sympathetic"
Again, I know I'm preaching to no one, but this whole chain of Tool songs thing is being way overdone. Cool idea I guess, but I don't think the band was thinking back in the Opiate/Undertow days about how much they wanted to make a chain of CD's that showed all of the emotions of the stages of grief. However, the coincidental ideas are pretty cool.