AliceNWonderland

Angels burning deep in hell,
They never deserved heaven.
Angels surrounded by flames,
Calling out for forgiveness.
They had their chance;
They failed.
One by One
Ten by Ten
Hundreds...
All dying.
Hell is where they belong;
Hell is where they will stay.

Love...
It doesn't exist.
Hate...
It thrives.
Pleasure...
It never set foot in this place.
Pain...
Is always present.
Power...
Is what drove the Angels here.
To hell.

At the end of the day
It doesn't matter.
At the end of our lives,
Nothing matters.
Life will go on
No matter how hard.
Until eventually
It all will End.

And you all will die.
And I will watch
The angels burn.
I will watch
The angels die.

gabreal2003

What has brought you to this point in your life?
Do you believe that Maynard see life this way?

Thrakandor

How Maynard sees things matters not at all if you have no reason to agree with him. Alice - have you tried writing poetry that isn't in blank verse?

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So they built as men must build
With the sword in one hand and the trowel in the other.

T.S. Eliot.

deviatedwolf625

Ok, I'm gonna be stupid and ask what blank verse is ...

I loved it Alice, I thought the repitition added a great deal of depth to it. I especially liked the second stanza where you would bounce between opposite ideas.

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baphomet

Not to sound like a pedant, but blank verse is actually unrhymed iambic pentameter, whereas free verse doesn't have a set meter to it (so Alice's poem is free verse).

Iambic pentameter is made up of 5 iambs, which is a type of metrical "foot". One iamb conisists of one unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. So a line of blank verse contains 5 iambs and ten syllables.

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Opposition is True Friendship

All-One-Mind

I like it, but I am so full of negativity right now, that it really helps me continue to feel this way.

Thrakandor

Oops - I stand corrected. Thanks, baphomet.

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So they built as men must build
With the sword in one hand and the trowel in the other.

T.S. Eliot.

yllwcrystlstr

i think it was the worst thing you've ever written cause it was a little cliched...thats always a problem for anyone that writes, though. angels dying is a great subject for a poem, though.

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1111

Orion-Meridian

Perhaps you are speaking of the lack of permenance of biological life. And the metapor is the angels dammed to eternity in hell. This is a powerful metaphor becase it presents the idea that if beings specificly created by god to represent divinity and perfection, are capable of sinful failure to the highest deegree, then we humans are sure to fail.

Yet, under all the negative expressions and confussed thoughs, I see the calling card of an open-minded, obsevent and creative person who is simply playing a mirror, reflecting back to the reader all of the hate,fear,greed ect. that surrounds him every day. Unable to ignore it anymore he turns to writing as his tool.

I say its the best worst poem I ve ever read

Orion-Meridian

Perhaps you are speaking of the lack of permenance of biological life. And the metapor is the angels dammed to eternity in hell. This is a powerful metaphor becase it presents the idea that if beings specificly created by god to represent divinity and perfection, are capable of sinful failure to the highest deegree, then we humans are sure to fail.

Yet, under all the negative expressions and confussed thoughs, I see the calling card of an open-minded, obsevent and creative person who is simply playing a mirror, reflecting back to the reader all of the hate,fear,greed ect. that surrounds him every day. Unable to ignore it anymore he turns to writing as his tool.

I say its the best worst poem I ve ever read

AliceNWonderland

Wow, Thank you.

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neochrist

actually in the book of enoch the angels do sin and are banished to hell, but anyways yea this isnt the best poem ive ever read and alice knows why....blah....but she has shown remarkable improvement as of late, im so proud.

self-destruction

I think that while repetition can help to underline an idea or emotion, a writer should be careful not to restate his/her ideas, I would not say this is a terrible poem, although the lines "one by one, ten by ten..." still urks me. Im not sure I can explain why, it seem out of place. I read back at this response and it feels negative, dont get me wrong, I enjoy your work and I think if you go over it a couple times and reorganize your thoughts it could be a great poem.

pacifister

No. He doesn't rhyme a whole lot but he does use rhythm.

Alicenwonderland: don't be so hard on yourself. the quality of the poetry is not in the eye of the poet or the masses but the individual. I liked it, though I'm having trouble reading your metaphors. Could you elaborate on what you mean when you say "I will watch the angels die"?

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"Painting a picture, composing an opera, that's just something you do until you find the next willing piece of ass. The minute something better than sex comes along, you call me. Have me paged. For sure, even the worst blow job is better than say, sniffing the best rose...watching the greatest sunset. Hearing children laugh."
-Chuck P, Choke

AliceNWonderland

Its about playing Tennis when I was four, and I got hit on the head with a ball and went into a coma for 87 years.

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"Just kidding, just kidding...I'm just kidding."

AliceNWonderland

I'm sorry- I was being sarcastic

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"Just kidding, just kidding...I'm just kidding."

AliceNWonderland

I dont like explaining my poetry, I want the reader to take what ever the get out of it and run with it.

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"Just kidding, just kidding...I'm just kidding."

neochrist

stop with the small talk....EXPLAIN..."just kidding, just kidding, i'm just kidding"