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Old 03-23-2004, 06:58 PM   #1
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Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

Here is some stuff I've been working on. They are presented in both structured and paragraph form.

I hope you all enjoy.

---

THE RING

Chasing my tail in a circular motion
Eating away, showing utmost devotion
To killing myself, just to come back again.
Continually walking a road with no end.
You leave me no choice but to keep this routine.
Constant deaths and rebirths, with a life in between.

Wrapped around your finger,
Catering your every need.
Blankets embroidered with scarlet letters
Hiding desires for something more. You whore.

A wall built from salvaged emotions between us
So easily crumbled if one of us leaves.
We’ll fade amongst the remnants of concrete and dust,
Casualties of our lack of trust.

Reborn from the ashes, we are set to restart and recollect.
Reconnect and recycle again.
Your absence of faith keeps on dragging me down,
Yet I need you around, even after the end.

I need you to survive.
I don’t care if you lied.
You keep me alive.
You complete my life.

A part of me still loves you.

---

Chasing my tail in a circular motion, eating away. Showing utmost devotion to killing myself, just to come back again. Continually walking a road with no end. You leave me no choice but to keep this routine. Constant deaths and rebirths, with a life in between. Wrapped around your finger, catering your every need. Blankets embroidered with scarlet letters, hiding desires for something more. You whore. A wall built from salvaged emotions between us, so easily crumbled if one of us leaves. We’ll fade amongst the remnants of concrete and dust, casualties of our lack of trust. Reborn from the ashes, we are set to restart and recollect. Reconnect and recycle again. Your absence of faith keeps on dragging me down, yet I need you around, even after the end. I need you to survive. I don’t care if you lied. You keep me alive. You complete my life. A part of me still loves you.

---

FAITH

You say you are the only one,
Still innocent and pure and just.
Why should I show faith in someone
That I can’t even trust?

You have drowned me in your lies.
Baptized me in your sin.
I am tired of all the fights.
I will not be blind again.

Why am I not like you?
You are evil.

I refuse to die for you.
Martyrdom is not a must.
Why should I die for someone
That I don’t even trust?

I will not be like you.
I will not be evil.

Liar.

---

You say you are the only one, still innocent and pure and just. Why should I show faith in someone that I can’t even trust? You have drowned me in your lies, baptized me in your sin. I am tired of all the fights. I will not be blind again. Why am I not like you? You are evil. I refuse to die for you. Martyrdom is not a must. Why should I die for someone that I don’t even trust? I will not be like you. I will not be evil. Liar.

---

Comments, as well as interpretations are welcome...
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Old 03-25-2004, 08:37 PM   #2
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

*bump* I'll probably have something new soon...
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Old 03-26-2004, 09:32 AM   #3
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

I like them... they've got more structure than mine do. Keep it up. :D


DistortedxUnity
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Old 03-26-2004, 10:39 AM   #4
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

I really loved THE RING... I can find myself in it with the thing between me and my ex... I truly love that one!
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Old 03-26-2004, 01:16 PM   #5
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

Quote:
Originally Posted by Windir
I really loved THE RING... I can find myself in it with the thing between me and my ex... I truly love that one!
Thank you. A friend of mine actually thought that it was about the off-and-on relationship that he had with his ex.

I'm not going to tell what it is about...

Last edited by xblackxaurax; 03-26-2004 at 04:36 PM..
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Old 03-26-2004, 05:30 PM   #6
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

Here's my newest one...

---

X.

My world used to be filled with colors. You left me cold and gray.

We used to be lovers. You left me to decay.

I can’t keep focus, and you are to blame.

Reoccurring thoughts of you are running through my brain.

Your touch was euphoric. I would kiss you everyday.

Hugs from a goddess like yourself left me wanting more.

But look at me now. I cannot sleep.

The price to pay for love is far too steep.

You will drain me regardless of what I do or say.

No one had to know what was going on.

They can’t make it better. I love only you.

You did things no one else could do

And now the pleasure is gone.

Your passion is addictive, my venomous queen.

I would die for one last taste of you.

---

My world used to be filled with colors. You left me cold and gray. We used to be lovers. You left me to decay. I can’t keep focus, and you are to blame. Reoccurring thoughts of you are running through my brain. Your touch was euphoric. I would kiss you everyday. Hugs from a goddess like yourself left me wanting more. But look at me now. I cannot sleep. The price to pay for love is far too steep. You will drain me regardless of what I do or say. No one had to know what was going on. They can’t make it better. I love only you. You did things no one else could do and now the pleasure is gone. Your passion is addictive, my venomous queen. I would die for one last taste of you.
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Old 03-26-2004, 07:42 PM   #7
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

Do I sense a running theme?

Seriously, The Ring was very good, especially the 3rd verse. The rhyming words throughout do not interrupt the flow and sound quite natural. I relate somewhat, in a rather complicated manner.

I didn't really like Faith. I don't know why.
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Old 03-26-2004, 10:00 PM   #8
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

Thanks.

Everyone I talk to seems to like "The Ring" the most. It's probably my favorite, and it's probably the best of any of my writings so far because it actually took me a few days to finish. It seems like the ones I've done after it just seem to lack something...although I've been told that they are still really good. I'll try writing another one sometime soon and I'll see if I can do it "Ring" style...
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Old 03-27-2004, 03:35 AM   #9
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

Quote:
Originally Posted by xblackxaurax
Thank you. A friend of mine actually thought that it was about the off-and-on relationship that he had with his ex.
I have the same feeling.
I can really relate to the poem...
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Old 03-27-2004, 12:07 PM   #10
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

I dont really like rhymed poetry at all, but...

hmm
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Old 03-30-2004, 09:07 AM   #11
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

I made some wallpaper featuring 'The Ring.' IM me if you would like to see it...
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Old 03-30-2004, 09:30 AM   #12
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Re: Some stuff of mine...('synaesthetic writing')

<Mail me<
<Check profile<
<E-mail<
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