What happens once the mystery wears off? I feel like I just went through puberty for the second time only to realize that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, again, yeah I know I have to remember to “discover the pot of gold within my mind”… whatever the hell that means… I know what it means but sometimes I just don’t give a shit! For the first time I don’t even care what this low level vent session does to my “Karmic Bank”, I have met many obstacles and traversed many nooks and crannies within my subconscious with open arms, yet after years of dedication I have never allowed myself to say how this process makes me feel, because it’s an illusion when you feel something… but the process of enlightening the mind sometimes sucks! It’s not all illuminations and ah-ha moments, sometimes is just down right dirty and sucks every last fiber of patience you have.
What’s so fun about being a continuous contradiction to your own intentions, I can tell you, not a damn thing! I can’t even seem to find a place to bring in what I know into conversations because I have absolutely no interest in what is being discussed, and half the time anything I have to contribute just ends up making me look like “the hippie” or whatever other stereo type I have been type-cast by. Is this my full circle? First I must love people to generate enough motivation to want to change myself and follow a path to help others, then I have to start hating them? Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate people, I just have a hard time tolerating them, and what’s worse is that not for one second have I fooled myself to believe that it doesn’t go both ways. So what comes next compassion? I’ll take it, because I want to enjoy interactions again, I honestly can’t live my life so cynically.
Even with all of this pessimism I wouldn’t change it for a second of who I was before I started my journey, in fact I have changed so much that it’s hard to reflect back on who I once was the day that my life changed forever. There are some aspects of my old self that would have been more resilient through a lot of the scenarios that I have been presented with, however positioning myself to be a student of life and not a victim has provided wisdom and growth beyond anything I ever thought possible for myself. So yes even in the face of frustration I am forced to acknowledge my gratitude to this thing we call enlightenment!
I have many insights that aren't subjective. This particular "rant" was specifically for the subjective experience that I was having, or creating, and I had to get it out! So I am glad to see that was translated.
I have many insights that aren't subjective. This particular "rant" was specifically for the subjective experience that I was having, or creating, and I had to get it out! So I am glad to see that was translated.
That only partially answered the question.
__________________ "You are, and shall be, set in obsidian obelisk.
Those scars, these memories, will see you through"
That's what the forum's for, RachJacob, so carry on with the personal rants. The question was more directed at this satori-like awakening that you're talking about. Is there some specific insight that we could all take from it, or is it more of a personal enlightenment?
That's what the forum's for, RachJacob, so carry on with the personal rants. The question was more directed at this satori-like awakening that you're talking about. Is there some specific insight that we could all take from it, or is it more of a personal enlightenment?
I tend to believe that what ignites awareness always comes from the personal realm, that’s what self-awareness is right?
My satori experience was a conglomeration of things combining jogging, yoga, music and art. I kept having these moments of complete understanding, for example music, was obviously Tool (I hate to be so cliché, but that only means your on track) and at the time I lived near Los Angeles and was engrossed in an industry that meant nothing but the prospect of leeching a couple more dollars out of anyone you could (or at least that was how I saw it), and jogging had quickly turned into a source of escape rather then a necessity for weight loss. One particular day I had reached my level of compassion for the crap I was surrounded by when Aenima came on my shuffle, up until that moment I had only understood that song as a person who listens to someone who needed to vent, but it matched my thoughts perfectly, complete synchronicity and I burst into tears. These things get brushed off as one of those amazing coincidences when you are completely unaware of its correlations. Couple days later I was doing yoga, and as anyone who tries a slower pace exercise in replacement of their normal high paced one, I was totally bored forcing myself to finish this simple session, at the very end was my favorite part, the laying on the ground to meditate part, so I did and as soon as I settled into a laying position on my living room floor, everything dissolved away, the ground beneath me, my body, my thoughts, everything! Again I didn't know what I had just experienced, I just knew that it was damn good! Then the day my satori occurred I was watching a documentary on Alex Grey, having not known anything about him previously other then what I saw of his from the Tool albums. Alex proceeded to present one of his most popular paintings Theolouge and then began explaining the essence he was trying to capture, well something inside of me freaked out and I jumped to my feet yelling I’ve felt that before! My life from that point forward has never been the same.
This is such a great forum. I just moved 1,200 miles across the country, after having planned my course for over 4 years, I have been working toward this goal to get into grad school. Now that I have been here for 3 weeks I feel so down b/c I don't know anyone here, nobody knows me and I am questioning my decision. The only thing that gets me through is listening to Tool, especially Lateralus, reminding myself that this is what I wanted, I'm here for a reason, and that you just got to be patient, and won't always know the answers right away. Thanks for posting all of your thoughts, they gave me a boost today!
This is such a great forum. I just moved 1,200 miles across the country, after having planned my course for over 4 years, I have been working toward this goal to get into grad school. Now that I have been here for 3 weeks I feel so down b/c I don't know anyone here, nobody knows me and I am questioning my decision. The only thing that gets me through is listening to Tool, especially Lateralus, reminding myself that this is what I wanted, I'm here for a reason, and that you just got to be patient, and won't always know the answers right away. Thanks for posting all of your thoughts, they gave me a boost today!
I recently moved back to California from Colorado with a family of four within two years. Things don't always go the way we expect them to, but positioning yourself to learn from the experiences that we have during these crazy journey's is what give us leverage to grow from them regardless of how the outcome manifests itself. My goal for Colorado was to grow as a family and spiritually, little did I know that how I expected it to happen would be far from how it actually manifested. A herniated disc, in bed for eight months and another child later, I sit here today amazed that I survived it without any damage. Not only did I manage to grow exponentially, so did my family, literally and figuratively.
You moved with a purpose, don't let you expectations get in the way of that, stay focused on your outcome and everything will fall into place. If you want people to know you, focus on that as your outcome, make it a daily priority, people gravitate to those who know what they want, as long as your intentions are good then it will happen.
I recently moved back to California from Colorado with a family of four within two years. Things don't always go the way we expect them to, but positioning yourself to learn from the experiences that we have during these crazy journey's is what give us leverage to grow from them regardless of how the outcome manifests itself. My goal for Colorado was to grow as a family and spiritually, little did I know that how I expected it to happen would be far from how it actually manifested. A herniated disc, in bed for eight months and another child later, I sit here today amazed that I survived it without any damage. Not only did I manage to grow exponentially, so did my family, literally and figuratively.
You moved with a purpose, don't let you expectations get in the way of that, stay focused on your outcome and everything will fall into place. If you want people to know you, focus on that as your outcome, make it a daily priority, people gravitate to those who know what they want, as long as your intentions are good then it will happen.
Thank you for your kind thoughts that is what I needed to hear. I have found that in my own life as well, when you know what you want, if its something that you should have, then it will come to you. That is amazing what happened to you b/c I know how hard it must have been to manage a family and all other aspects of life during all that pain!!
reading all this, i took some time to figure out what to type. since this my first post here...in the navy...
i was reminded of a quote, in an old Dzogchen forum i used to participate in, years ago.
"we become the things we hate." i'm not sure who typed it, and i could be paraphrasing as well.
i also am reminded of a book Tantra: The Supreme Understanding, by Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh) where he mentions the issue regarding contradictions (it's been a long time since i read it, and it was one of the first 'buddhist' books i read over 10 years ago). i think that part of the objective viewing of subjective experiences can be contradictory since objective thinking is still subjective isn't it? yet those tend to be rooted in one's perspective of how one thinks of enlightenment, ie; models for enlightenment, practice, teachings and so on.
"I figured life would just hand me bliss" Reality Used To Be A Friend of Mine by P.M. Dawn.
Since i'm not familiar with which teachings you have been exposed to and continue to learn from, it's somewhat difficult to really suggest much, to perhaps find more clarity into your frustrations. I'm not very familiar with alex grey's stuff beyond seeing the tool art/videos mainly because i can't afford it but I promise no ranting on the cost of enlightement!
good luck ~);-)
__________________ "The Creator having become kama, became infinite." Jaimini Brahmana
Last edited by aphasic_mind; 07-25-2009 at 12:06 PM..
Reason: type o
It should be established that the way we interpret others experiences, happen to be in itself a window into the way we see the stage in question in our own development. A huge part of my growth and commitment therein has been the acceptance of low-level perspectives, for the sole purpose of exposing and redirecting them. This by no means is to imply a block in transcendence, as much as tool for it.
Application is the key to success.
It should be established that the way we interpret others experiences, happen to be in itself a window into the way we see the stage in question in our own development. A huge part of my growth and commitment therein has been the acceptance of low-level perspectives, for the sole purpose of exposing and redirecting them. This by no means is to imply a block in transcendence, as much as tool for it.
Application is the key to success.
The Great Treatise on the Stages of the Path To Enlightenment by Tsongkhapa (3 books) gives a pretty detailed account as to why one should investigate the "lower" teachings.
is it possible one can have lower level perspectives about one's own reality, yet still neglect to understand them?
i'm an idiot...so i fuck up all the time!
__________________ "The Creator having become kama, became infinite." Jaimini Brahmana
So my question at this point would be, if it is possible, then are we to assume that every time we have a low level perspective that the only outcome is another distorted arrangement of the initial outlook?
I don't know about you but the growth I have had isn't due to the assumption that I am in a continual loop of misinterpreted information, this is where the concept of focusing on your outcome to begin the process of transcendence begins to play a role.
__________________ It's that simple!
Last edited by RachJacob; 07-26-2009 at 02:16 PM..
