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Old 05-09-2004, 05:58 PM   #1
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beckoning

falling down a path towards reason
as all dreams passing by my facade
of ignorance and pleasure mock the season
in my life which holds hope of the god.

all the passing memories
give me the strength to aim to please
those who call to embrace a trigger
upon which a guilty finger slithers.

nothing is seen in such flickering light while the
canvas which holds my interpretations of your
lies and covering smile but the most
beautiful silhouette conceivable.

I need to
know why
you are the
missing link which
conceals an honest
key to our ascending
lives.

on this ever-reflecting
piece beside me lies
my life like a slug
slithering for his own
existence to escape
his sickening life
which he desires.

you are like me in all
these ways but what
I crave is to rise, not fall
and experience these things
with an opened mind

Last edited by mike tyson; 05-09-2004 at 06:34 PM..
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Old 05-13-2004, 01:09 PM   #2
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Re: beckoning

what happened in the last half? It went from really good to really dull and dry. I like what's going on at the start, keep that part up buddy.
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Old 05-15-2004, 07:18 PM   #3
$2 + a potato = $2
 
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Re: beckoning

where does it go dry, because at one point, i was just writing every word that came to mind and it flowed very nicely, and then i hit a wall, then i think i tried too hard after that
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