Vines of tainted fruit seem sweet to the living
Grow from the deceased silenced and always quivering
Rest in peace, but never sleep
The mind may live in the deep
Creep, the emotions of the dead
Seep, unto the surface where I tread
Life is bliss, as long as you miss
The wave of consternation
The eternal infestation
That language cannot elucidate
Must simply show the blatant hate
Innate, many have claimed
Contaminate, the revelation we defamed
Is it necessary for a better place?
To exist in order for us to save face?
Have we blessed them by delivering,
Unto a world where they may remain living?
Or is this world that He created outdated?
Is he as evil as what is fated?
Have our efforts led to this degraded
State where pain is educated?
This a blessing that we continue testing
Cruelty what he has bestowed in nesting
Our little earth, given at birth
Express more mirth during our time on this turf
I wish I could and always would
Yes, oh yes, I wish I could.
I love it man. There is some real genious in there if you ask me.
You seem to be a master of rhyhming, but where I think you're off is your timing.
No, not really, I just felt like making a rhyhme.
The tough thing about rhymhing is actually making the words' meanings connect. You seem to be able to do that very well. The only part I didn't care for was the ending. It was just a bit unsatisfying and not up to the same level as the rest of it. By ending, I just mean the last line I guess (yes, oh yes I wish I could). But, I guess it depends on the medium that the words are being communicated through, and the tone. In some ways that could work just fine, in others, not so fine.
There are more on this letters section that have just fizzled away...i dunno how good they are, some I think kinda suck. Posted under "the psychokinesis thesis" probably...
