Alkaloids fuel a racing synapse, metabolic stimulation has surpassed transient disorders.
90 minutes.. 90 minutes will be enough.
A personification of the passive observer ends no thoughts of tension.
...breathe in..release.
Tremble with apprehension while bruxism peels enamel, a psychological half-life that fears floods of adenosine.
If I can get 90 minutes it will be enough.
A fondation of springs and polyester support apendages that shudder. Tibia resonates steel, oscillation with no conscious thought.
..breathe in..release.
Neural circuitry fused with adrenaline immersed in quiet panic..
This poem is extremely wordy. If it takes too much effort for the reader to interpret the first sentence/stanza/thingy, then they're bound to just throw down the entire poem and move on to the next one. I read the whole thing and I have absolutely no idea what you're trying to say, that's a sign that you need to stick to your message a little more and rethink how you convey it. By the way: 'fondation'? I'm guessing that was supposed to be foundation? Maybe I'm wrong. Keep writing/posting on here, I want to see more of your stuff. -Travis
I agree with Wild Goose. I think it's too wordy. When I read poems that are too wordy, it sometimes appears that the author had an idea, but they didn't think it was strong enough so they added more and more words to make it sound more "deep".
I know that's just an assumption, and might not be the case here. It's hard for the reader to get wrapped into it if every other word they have to stop and figure out what you're saying. In order for a poem to be deep, it does not need to have very complicated words. I'm not suggesting you use extremely simple words, but perhaps it's more effective to use smaller words which have a more powerful meaning to them. I'm not sure, maybe its just me.
I do, however, like the use of repetition.
__________________ I fear I'm the only one who thinks this way.
It's nice to be articulate, but not always entirely necessary in writing. Some of the best poetry out there isn't so damn wordy. It's more about placement...
I hate to go into it since it makes sense to me yet I know can be baffling...but it basically revolves around another one of my nights of insomnia, add in the fact all the coffee, laying in bed with shaky legs, anxiousness and caffiene making me grind my teeth.
I was wired off a 36 hour binge..needed 90 minutes of sleep at least. During which Ill read about whats runnin through my head and body, words about my body of the additives to my situation Ill write down when they catch my eye.
I hate to go into it since it makes sense to me yet I know can be baffling...but it basically revolves around another one of my nights of insomnia, add in the fact all the coffee, laying in bed with shaky legs, anxiousness and caffiene making me grind my teeth.
I was wired off a 36 hour binge..needed 90 minutes of sleep at least. During which Ill read about whats runnin through my head and body, words about my body of the additives to my situation Ill write down when they catch my eye.
That's good that you're a spontaneous writer. It can be pretty therapeudic.
It's stuff like this that makes me think the writer likes to hear himself talk... I'm quite full of assumptions I guess, most of the times I'm not far off wrong.
But yeah I agree too, and I didn't understand one word of it- I should learn some new words I guess. I'm sure it was good don't get me wrong, it's just that it's in another language lol.
