As most of you would know "The Rosetta Stone is a granodiorite stele, found in 1799, inscribed with a decree issued at Memphis, Egypt, in 196 BC on behalf of King Ptolemy V. The decree appears in three scripts: the upper text is Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, the middle portion is Demotic script, and the lowest is Ancient Greek. The stone presents essentially the same text in all three scripts (with some minor differences among them) and so provided the key to the modern understanding of Egyptian hieroglyphs."

So the original Rosetta stone appears with 3 different languages. I'm proposing that this song is not a mockery but is actually a new 'puzzle' to figure out. What different languages does it withhold, and what is the possible answer? There are the sound clues, the entertainment references and the analogies, what else in the song have you found?

P.S. Now I'm sure this will end better than Kubrick's 2001

I'll start shall I...

Okay, so this is a song about the human race. When you understand it's so obvious, but brilliant and true. The protagonist is led through the journey as an individual, however he actually represents all of us. You see this in lyrics such as "chosen people", the chosen one, which is why "dave" is Dave Lister from Red Dwarf. The sole human on an epic space adventure. The reference to having woken in wonderland reveals how few of us actually perceive this life as a gift, that when one of us actually do the world suddenly becomes so magical. "Cause this shit never happens to me!" Yes, this is happening! Wake up! The continuity of the world brings boredom and complacency.

...
I'm all for spoon feeding

For my fellow enthusiasts, after the "Hey..." part, picture the formation of the Earth, consider the amount of time, the evolution of life, and the evolution of complex life, and the growth and development of humanity. This song is better than Lateralus IMO, I just want to see it recognized as such

it is a great song... though i only see it as a parody of acid-heads.

I like to push 1 for Spanish when Hoffman is eating keys of acid. Then it sounds like rainbow tacos shooting out of the headphones. The deep bass parts are more like a steak burrito. Dat quesadilla solo tho lit af with cheese on top!

My take is that the band intended this song to serve as a deterrent against the use of mind-expanding drugs.

In the protagonist's experience, he is entrusted with a 'message of hope for those who choose to hear it, and a warning for those who do not' by some non-human entities. In this new paradigm, he accepts the Zoo Hypothesis as the solution to the Fermi Paradox, that humanity is almost certainly headed towards extinction, and recognizes the severity of failing to deliver such a message.

Rosetta Stoned

As the contents of the revelation begin to elude the protagonist, he starts to question his own sanity and loses confidence in the legitimacy of his experience. Overcome with burden and guilt, he is dragged into a downward spiral of self-defeat.

If it's not meant to deter, it's a disclaimer at the very least.

What's contentious for me is the meaning of "feet cold (and) eyes red". I relate it to humans inability to accept our reality, or want to (cold feet), and an industrial revolution hangover that is leading toward climate change, hence shitting the bed. But it could mean many other things.

Also the alien involvement and identity. I gather there is something suggestive of a similar step in our evolutionary process to that you see in Kubrick's 2001. The oblong feature perhaps being a drug of some kind, propelling us forward. As I posted elsewhere though I question whether Tool might be hinting that Scientology may be correct about something, with his sweaty upper lip perhaps being the staunch (religious) opponent being met with evidence. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Other little pieces fit, while some are still baffling. If you're up this line of thinking thoughm please add

i know i get red eyes when i smoke bud and my feet and hands get freezing cold when dropping tabs.
i just attribute it to slowed blood circulation and/or lowered blood pressure.
maybe i'm taking the song too literally.

Scientology reference is just for humour methinks. But the lines "my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip....notice I pissed my fucking pants" are hinting at hypocrisy.

Say you're the leader of some Church who preaches about the 'chosen people thingy', you are either faithful to your teachings or being deceitful for financial gain. And now this happens....let's just say it would reveal a lot about yourself.

Would you accept that message? Could you change your belief system? Do you always carry a pen & paper, and how far along would you go as a 'messenger'? Maybe that's the point of the song...you wouldn't know ahead of time