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Old 10-11-2008, 08:45 PM   #1
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Angel

She proposed these dying words.
She released these apprehensions.
A wilted promise on the face off some untilled field.
Growing like weeds on the edge of my mind.

Lips like a serrated edge.
On the surface of some subtle beauty.
Futile beauty of a Dasmascus Queen.
Quilted like ropes on the noose of my vision.
Injecting self deprevation.
Over and over again.

Listless caress of a succubus.
A mouth made to swallow.
Consuming the come of a world she created.
The seeds of forgiveness for the lies that she told.
Lifting her skirt for the smiles of deception.
So sullen, so sad, like the serpent that starves for the screams of his prey.

A tear stains the cheek of the flawless, painted whore.
Tears of an unsane sorrow.
Tears for the diseased, dying petals of her laboratory blossom.
Taking and taking it all into herself.
Spreading her legs for the convenience of fiction.

I'm watching an angel fall from the sky.
I'm watching her needle threading my eye.
And I'm watching her, without wings, trying to fly.
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Last edited by Hogpile; 10-11-2008 at 08:58 PM..
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Old 10-12-2008, 06:17 PM   #2
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Re: Angel

Wow. I quite like this. I wasn't expecting a rhyming ending, but I think it worked out well with this.

The 3rd stanza struck me particularly...no sugar-coating, just blunt this is how it is. "Lips like a serrated edge" gave me a clear, interesting image.

Very good, Hoggy. :]
Makes me want to write again!
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+1 Eoafa. end thread/ -Kelly
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Old 10-14-2008, 04:11 PM   #3
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Re: Angel

Quote:
Originally Posted by EyesOfAFallenAngel View Post
Wow. I quite like this. I wasn't expecting a rhyming ending, but I think it worked out well with this.

The 3rd stanza struck me particularly...no sugar-coating, just blunt this is how it is. "Lips like a serrated edge" gave me a clear, interesting image.

Very good, Hoggy. :]
Makes me want to write again!
Thanks EOAFA. You should write. Whenever possible. We all should, really.
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Old 10-14-2008, 05:23 PM   #4
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Re: Angel

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Originally Posted by Hogpile View Post
Thanks EOAFA. You should write. Whenever possible. We all should, really.
You're very welcome. :]

I agree. I used to write much and often. For the last couple years or so, I haven't really felt the urge to write that I once felt. I miss it, honestly. I suppose it's been filled in with my wanting to take photos, but it's not quite the same.
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+1 Eoafa. end thread/ -Kelly
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Old 10-15-2008, 10:10 AM   #5
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Re: Angel

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Originally Posted by EyesOfAFallenAngel View Post
You're very welcome. :]

I agree. I used to write much and often. For the last couple years or so, I haven't really felt the urge to write that I once felt. I miss it, honestly. I suppose it's been filled in with my wanting to take photos, but it's not quite the same.
Yeah, I know. You're going to shit yourself when you see this post. I used to write alot as well but the interest has seemed to dwindle lately. Not sure why, just haven't had that creative spark, I guess it's from transferring all that energy into drumming.
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Old 10-17-2008, 01:35 PM   #6
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Re: Angel

nice
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:25 PM   #7
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Re: Angel

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Originally Posted by Destructicon View Post
Yeah, I know. You're going to shit yourself when you see this post. I used to write alot as well but the interest has seemed to dwindle lately. Not sure why, just haven't had that creative spark, I guess it's from transferring all that energy into drumming.
YOU!! <3<3

Yeah, you did. Hell, we did. :]
Life goes on. Things change. Sometimes things you don't want to change do, which might be the drive you had to do something you enjoyed. But hey, transferring that energy into drumming isn't bad for you. :]
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+1 Eoafa. end thread/ -Kelly
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