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smeefsmeef's Avatar smeefsmeef
12-21-2009, 03:21 PM
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I just wrote this ... it's in its baby phase lol ... any tips/advice good or bad are appreciated :)

Thanks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAVt8NmHNG8
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Old 12-21-2009, 03:21 PM   #1
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New song

I just wrote this ... it's in its baby phase lol ... any tips/advice good or bad are appreciated :)

Thanks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAVt8NmHNG8
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MypugsAreSmarterThanYou's Avatar MypugsAreSmarterThanYou
12-21-2009, 07:59 PM
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I recommend anyone who listen's to this,to give it more than one listen and to listen without watching the video itself and stop the music before it gets to the beatbox,the "humour" that's evident in the video makes you take his music as supposedly serious as he does.There's nothing wrong with humour but if it spoils a song that could be a nice visual pretty song,why put it in? Get rid of that shit.
My favourite part is "now that i left you...i'm so glad i found you...i missed you so much part". BUT the lyrics are evidently thirdeye.it reminds me of thirdeye when i hear that part.And i actually give more credit to tool for having an influence on that part than from your own originality. It's an emotional pretty part,tainted by tool's lyrics.
This piece of music is an apple with worms,get rid of the worms.
I fuckin can't stand the "ignorant....blind part"
And your singing is a little on the sour end, soften the vocals a bit.
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:59 PM   #2
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Re: New song

I recommend anyone who listen's to this,to give it more than one listen and to listen without watching the video itself and stop the music before it gets to the beatbox,the "humour" that's evident in the video makes you take his music as supposedly serious as he does.There's nothing wrong with humour but if it spoils a song that could be a nice visual pretty song,why put it in? Get rid of that shit.
My favourite part is "now that i left you...i'm so glad i found you...i missed you so much part". BUT the lyrics are evidently thirdeye.it reminds me of thirdeye when i hear that part.And i actually give more credit to tool for having an influence on that part than from your own originality. It's an emotional pretty part,tainted by tool's lyrics.
This piece of music is an apple with worms,get rid of the worms.
I fuckin can't stand the "ignorant....blind part"
And your singing is a little on the sour end, soften the vocals a bit.
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Loveboat Captain's Avatar Loveboat Captain
12-22-2009, 08:40 AM
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There's a lot of Tool in this song.
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Old 12-22-2009, 08:40 AM   #3
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Re: New song

There's a lot of Tool in this song.
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crincled
12-22-2009, 09:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveboat Captain View Post
There's a lot of Tool in this song.
i can see how someone would say this, but i feel that those dark, spunky riffs that have been taken from tool are really the crappiest part of the tool that i know. one of the many things that brought me into tool were the type of ironically "happy" melodies present in, say, "opiate", or "hush". the "tool" present in this song is really just whats left after you take away the interesting musical aspects that make up tool. hence, you can see the presence of all these tool-like bands all over the place who, imo, are utter shit.

that being said, i like your finger movements all over the guitar and also your carefree approach to music-making, smeef. keep it up, and try not to make it sound so much like the "tool" i mentioned above. those are my 2 cents.
Old 12-22-2009, 09:08 AM   #4
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Re: New song

Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveboat Captain View Post
There's a lot of Tool in this song.
i can see how someone would say this, but i feel that those dark, spunky riffs that have been taken from tool are really the crappiest part of the tool that i know. one of the many things that brought me into tool were the type of ironically "happy" melodies present in, say, "opiate", or "hush". the "tool" present in this song is really just whats left after you take away the interesting musical aspects that make up tool. hence, you can see the presence of all these tool-like bands all over the place who, imo, are utter shit.

that being said, i like your finger movements all over the guitar and also your carefree approach to music-making, smeef. keep it up, and try not to make it sound so much like the "tool" i mentioned above. those are my 2 cents.
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shardzo's Avatar shardzo
12-22-2009, 03:02 PM
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I liked it
but it says you were feeling sick the day you recorded it
and that the song is in it's "baby phase"
perhaps do another take after you've worked on it a bit more
I'd like to listen to a version where you're feeling better
and you feel that the song is complete
also
maybe clean up the sound a bit more if you can
It felt like the riff got a bit lost within the delay/echo effect
it did compliment your vocals though
all in all - like I said - I liked it
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Old 12-22-2009, 03:02 PM   #5
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Re: New song

I liked it
but it says you were feeling sick the day you recorded it
and that the song is in it's "baby phase"
perhaps do another take after you've worked on it a bit more
I'd like to listen to a version where you're feeling better
and you feel that the song is complete
also
maybe clean up the sound a bit more if you can
It felt like the riff got a bit lost within the delay/echo effect
it did compliment your vocals though
all in all - like I said - I liked it
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smeefsmeef's Avatar smeefsmeef
12-22-2009, 05:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MypugsAreSmarterThanYou View Post
I recommend anyone who listen's to this,to give it more than one listen and to listen without watching the video itself and stop the music before it gets to the beatbox,the "humour" that's evident in the video makes you take his music as supposedly serious as he does.There's nothing wrong with humour but if it spoils a song that could be a nice visual pretty song,why put it in? Get rid of that shit.
My favourite part is "now that i left you...i'm so glad i found you...i missed you so much part". BUT the lyrics are evidently thirdeye.it reminds me of thirdeye when i hear that part.And i actually give more credit to tool for having an influence on that part than from your own originality. It's an emotional pretty part,tainted by tool's lyrics.
This piece of music is an apple with worms,get rid of the worms.
I fuckin can't stand the "ignorant....blind part"
And your singing is a little on the sour end, soften the vocals a bit.

Wow ... really great advice! I'm definitely gonna change the lyrics ... and maybe I'll tune the guitar down a step ... those high notes sound pretty bad to me lol ... so yeah, I'm gonna work on getting rid of the worms and I'll re-record the new version minus those "worms" .... thanks again!
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Old 12-22-2009, 05:31 PM   #6
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Re: New song

Quote:
Originally Posted by MypugsAreSmarterThanYou View Post
I recommend anyone who listen's to this,to give it more than one listen and to listen without watching the video itself and stop the music before it gets to the beatbox,the "humour" that's evident in the video makes you take his music as supposedly serious as he does.There's nothing wrong with humour but if it spoils a song that could be a nice visual pretty song,why put it in? Get rid of that shit.
My favourite part is "now that i left you...i'm so glad i found you...i missed you so much part". BUT the lyrics are evidently thirdeye.it reminds me of thirdeye when i hear that part.And i actually give more credit to tool for having an influence on that part than from your own originality. It's an emotional pretty part,tainted by tool's lyrics.
This piece of music is an apple with worms,get rid of the worms.
I fuckin can't stand the "ignorant....blind part"
And your singing is a little on the sour end, soften the vocals a bit.

Wow ... really great advice! I'm definitely gonna change the lyrics ... and maybe I'll tune the guitar down a step ... those high notes sound pretty bad to me lol ... so yeah, I'm gonna work on getting rid of the worms and I'll re-record the new version minus those "worms" .... thanks again!
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smeefsmeef's Avatar smeefsmeef
12-22-2009, 05:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crincled View Post
i can see how someone would say this, but i feel that those dark, spunky riffs that have been taken from tool are really the crappiest part of the tool that i know. one of the many things that brought me into tool were the type of ironically "happy" melodies present in, say, "opiate", or "hush". the "tool" present in this song is really just whats left after you take away the interesting musical aspects that make up tool. hence, you can see the presence of all these tool-like bands all over the place who, imo, are utter shit.

that being said, i like your finger movements all over the guitar and also your carefree approach to music-making, smeef. keep it up, and try not to make it sound so much like the "tool" i mentioned above. those are my 2 cents.
I wrote a couple of the riffs like 10 years ago-ish ... really obsessed w/ aenima at the time ... and weird time sigs (got 9/8, 6/8, and 15/8 all over) ... I still like this song and I know it needs improvement ... so I'm not gonna trash it ... just work on it ... and yeah ... maybe make it less tool-ish if possible lol ...

and thanks for that last paragraph :) ... nice and reassuring
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Old 12-22-2009, 05:36 PM   #7
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Re: New song

Quote:
Originally Posted by crincled View Post
i can see how someone would say this, but i feel that those dark, spunky riffs that have been taken from tool are really the crappiest part of the tool that i know. one of the many things that brought me into tool were the type of ironically "happy" melodies present in, say, "opiate", or "hush". the "tool" present in this song is really just whats left after you take away the interesting musical aspects that make up tool. hence, you can see the presence of all these tool-like bands all over the place who, imo, are utter shit.

that being said, i like your finger movements all over the guitar and also your carefree approach to music-making, smeef. keep it up, and try not to make it sound so much like the "tool" i mentioned above. those are my 2 cents.
I wrote a couple of the riffs like 10 years ago-ish ... really obsessed w/ aenima at the time ... and weird time sigs (got 9/8, 6/8, and 15/8 all over) ... I still like this song and I know it needs improvement ... so I'm not gonna trash it ... just work on it ... and yeah ... maybe make it less tool-ish if possible lol ...

and thanks for that last paragraph :) ... nice and reassuring
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smeefsmeef's Avatar smeefsmeef
12-22-2009, 05:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shardzo View Post
I liked it
but it says you were feeling sick the day you recorded it
and that the song is in it's "baby phase"
perhaps do another take after you've worked on it a bit more
I'd like to listen to a version where you're feeling better
and you feel that the song is complete
also
maybe clean up the sound a bit more if you can
It felt like the riff got a bit lost within the delay/echo effect
it did compliment your vocals though
all in all - like I said - I liked it
I'm definitely gonna do another take eventually ... after I figure out what to write it about lol ... definitely when my nose isn't stuffy ... and I'll work on the equalization of the sound too.

Really appreciate all your comments, peeps :)
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Old 12-22-2009, 05:38 PM   #8
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Re: New song

Quote:
Originally Posted by shardzo View Post
I liked it
but it says you were feeling sick the day you recorded it
and that the song is in it's "baby phase"
perhaps do another take after you've worked on it a bit more
I'd like to listen to a version where you're feeling better
and you feel that the song is complete
also
maybe clean up the sound a bit more if you can
It felt like the riff got a bit lost within the delay/echo effect
it did compliment your vocals though
all in all - like I said - I liked it
I'm definitely gonna do another take eventually ... after I figure out what to write it about lol ... definitely when my nose isn't stuffy ... and I'll work on the equalization of the sound too.

Really appreciate all your comments, peeps :)
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Stenrose's Avatar Stenrose
12-22-2009, 07:55 PM
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The beatbox part wasn't bad in itself, I guess (not much of a beatbox fan, but some parts of it were very nicely done). But it certainly ruins an otherwise good effort I agree on this. I'll try to check in for a refined version. Good listen.
Old 12-22-2009, 07:55 PM   #9
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Re: New song

The beatbox part wasn't bad in itself, I guess (not much of a beatbox fan, but some parts of it were very nicely done). But it certainly ruins an otherwise good effort I agree on this. I'll try to check in for a refined version. Good listen.
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smeefsmeef's Avatar smeefsmeef
12-23-2009, 08:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stenrose View Post
The beatbox part wasn't bad in itself, I guess (not much of a beatbox fan, but some parts of it were very nicely done). But it certainly ruins an otherwise good effort I agree on this. I'll try to check in for a refined version. Good listen.
Well thanks, brutha. ... if you want here's another recently recorded song I did (more serious but still w/ beatboxing at the end lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuFGDwiix8s
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Old 12-23-2009, 08:44 AM   #10
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Re: New song

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stenrose View Post
The beatbox part wasn't bad in itself, I guess (not much of a beatbox fan, but some parts of it were very nicely done). But it certainly ruins an otherwise good effort I agree on this. I'll try to check in for a refined version. Good listen.
Well thanks, brutha. ... if you want here's another recently recorded song I did (more serious but still w/ beatboxing at the end lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuFGDwiix8s
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