dead1nyou

paint your fingers
lips and eyes
disappear
in your disguise

catch your shadow
in the sun
hope the clouds
don't ever come

look into the eyes of empty
carry the weight of decay
pretend your always happy
now do you feel like me

Make up a wold to live in
Sheltered from all the pain
find out there's no escaping
now do you feel misery

dress your skin
and dance around me
suck me in
with your own lies

hide the truth
like nothing happened
leave me empty
and left to die

look into the eyes of empty
carry the weight of decay
pretend your always happy
now do you feel like me

Make up a wold to live in
Sheltered from all the pain
find out there's no escaping
now do you feel misery

as your place your heart with a stone
I watch your eyes decompose
make me believe that you love me
soon I'll find nothing for me

infinitee

i liked most of it, cept for this line

and this

overall, good, strong words, but i think the lines themselves could use a little work

__________________
"You are, and shall be, set in obsidian obelisk.
Those scars, these memories, will see you through"

lotus.

This is kinda sad dead1nyou but I believe that I know where you're coming from and do like how the stanzas flow.

__________________

I don't know where the sunbeams end
And the starlights begin
It's all a mystery

infinitee

dont contradict me! >:v

well, they do flow, i guess. i suppose i just think that some better words could be used.

the first stanza is great. my biggest problem was "now do you feel misery," four unaccented syllables in a row. it really takes away from the power of that stanza.

__________________
"You are, and shall be, set in obsidian obelisk.
Those scars, these memories, will see you through"

dead1nyou

thanks for the feed back

I agree fully the day i wrote that
I cant really say I was feeling everything
that and I kept leaving the words as is
not normally what I do
But I haven't felt this way in a long time
which brings me to the point
nothings going to connect with confusion
but again thanks I'll see what comes out next time