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Old 02-21-2006, 03:25 PM   #41
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Re: The new video

The TOOL Story Marches On

From Jesus Christ, bibleRock… New Album playback at 10, Bethleham Road, Jesusville W10 - February 20th 2006... 4pm and 7.30pm

Track 1 (7min 3sec). It mesmerized me, and taught me a little treat that acted like a beat. It was fun. I think Tool needs less vocals and more Greenday-esque drum beats.

Track 2 (7min 12sec) This is Tool's version of an APC rip-off. it's melodic, and better then anything Tool has produced. Adam is the only reason you should listen to this song. Why? He does a sweet hendrix rip off.

Track 3/4 (This is either one 17 minute monster or two tracks – of 6min 20sec and 10min 26sec – only the Gods Of The Stinkfist know the answer).This is that "really long one. It sucks. Blair fucked with you when he said it'd be good. It is tribal like, but it sounds like a bunch of red skinned savages shit this out of their ass. Kind of melodic. Kind of.

Track 5 (Probably. 6min 11 sec definitely). Blatant Blink 182 rip off. Take the chorus from "Aleins' Exsist" by Blink and repeat it for 5 minutes with the occasional alteration and you have this song. Radio's will eat it up, but you all will shit it out.

Track 6 (1min). Anyone else hate natives?

Track 7 (Maybe. Could be two medium length tracks and a terribly short one, too. I’m now losing the will to live with the stopwatch. It’s 14min 45sec of music, whatever). Too many guitars and too much drumming. I like my songs short and too the point.

Track 8 (6min 44sec). it's like a seashore meets my dick. Best song on the album. If you have a women, put headphones into the jack and put them in her cooter. It'll vibrate her vagina like crazy. Toolgasm.

Track 9 (9min 04sec. I think). Melodic, slow, hypnotic. Almost balladic. Danny does a build up then sucks cause he rim shots like 7 or 8 times in the course of 2 minutes.

Track 10 (OK it’s 11 but I’m f@!# if I can work out how we got here). The balls of satan, the noodles of satan - whatever. They just redid Die Eier Von Satan.

And that’s it. First playback and Maynard bids us farewell. ‘Hope you enjoyed it. If you didn’t we could put on a little King Crimson for you?’. Second playback and Justin apologises for not being The Arctic Monkeys. We smoodge and chatter. We remember that Danny is actually the World’s nicest (and tallest) man. If only I could feel as comfy in my skin as he does. That’s it – go on, compare my insides with his outsides. We rejoice in the fact that ¼ of Tool is, in fact, English. We clamber onto our pushbike past legions of hoodies whilst the Tool Carnival ups and offs to Amsterdam. f@!# knows where THAT playback will take place but I have a shrewd idea or two…

Jesus Christ - www.TotalJesus.com - 20/2/2006
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