There must be something wrong
When I see my friends as enemies
That rival every ambition
And tear apart my every dream
There must a screw that needs to be tight
That has let me slip this far
From feeling safe within your arms
To now wanting you full of scars
I hope you feel the same as I,
Because no one deserves the pain
More than the liar behind your smile
I start to think what drove me here
And all the pressures that stand
I'm a wounded vessel leagues from home
Biting at my own hands
I'm chewing and chewing on my own flesh
Waiting for the taste to become sweet
While all I along I dream of you
And how you left me here
I hope you feel the same as I,
Because no one deserves the pain
More than the liar behind your smile
This must be the cure for all denial
This must be the cure for all denial
Good rhythm n rhyme, but the last lines of the verses don't quite seem to fit.
How about something like:
From feeling safe within your arms
I now treasure a different charm
To tear you limb from limb
The extra line breaks the rhythm nicely while still keeping the flow. Just a suggestion.
I like 'more than the liar behind your smile'. This poem reads very like a song. Did you intend it as such?
__________________ Nothing in the universe can be the same while somewhere, nobody knows where, a sheep which we have never seen may or may not have eaten a flower.
