brought it
to a close
and still
it spills
over every
edge of this
rotting container.
pushed back
and felt
resistance that
could only come from
persistance but then
stopped in step
and came once it
left to find
something worth finding
__________________ What do you expect after this? Applause? Your name on stone?
You will have nothing but me and in a worse way than before -
Dissolving and reforming so quickly I seem only to flicker.
I like this. I like the idea of the inanimate objects that seem to resist, to work against us. At least we want to define them as inanimate - lifeless, apathetic objects that give us no reason to feel pity, scorn or longing.
Anyway, enough rambling.
I think this is a very well written piece, succinct yet able to convey most (if not all) of what you need it to and it doesn't leave the reader mired in questions.
If I were to pick anything I might change, it would be "then/stopped in step/and came once it/left" as it seems to throw off the rhythm and is somewhat jumbled in its clarity.
Are you the container? This may have not left me "mired" in questions but I certainly have some... The one I ask is most relevant as it sets the tone for every word uttered... If you are, this poem is fairly self deprecating... I'm guessing that someone left and then realized one of your good attributes only after the fact... It seems to always be the way of things.
brought it
to a close
and still
it spills
over every
edge of this
rotting container.
pushed back
and felt
resistance that
could only come from
persistance but then
stopped in step
and came once it
left to find
something worth finding
Nice work. I think you should use a different word than container though in the first stanza. It seems too causual of a word choice for the tone of the piece.
Are you the container? This may have not left me "mired" in questions but I certainly have some... The one I ask is most relevant as it sets the tone for every word uttered... If you are, this poem is fairly self deprecating... I'm guessing that someone left and then realized one of your good attributes only after the fact... It seems to always be the way of things.
im not the container, actually.
wrote this after i heard one of my very good friends was in a very bad spot.
__________________ What do you expect after this? Applause? Your name on stone?
You will have nothing but me and in a worse way than before -
Dissolving and reforming so quickly I seem only to flicker.
