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01-27-2004, 03:22 PM
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#1
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Level 4 - Thinker
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Where do I live?
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Crimson Path
I wrote this for my girlfriend...I would really appreciate some feedback. Positive or negative.
Ahead of us lies a path.
A path of deep red color.
This path is what we make of it.
I know it will be great.
I know this path will be great.
Because I will walk it,
Hand in hand,
With you.
This path is a deep and passionate crimson,
With roses scattered along the way.
No need to worry about the painful thorns.
For they are no more.
So let us make this path be wonderful.
I know it will be.
I walk this path with the one I love.
I walk this path with you.
So, any thoughts?
__________________
It's not enough watching me bleed...
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01-27-2004, 04:03 PM
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#2
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Banned.
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: beyond you.
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Re: Crimson Path
As a love letter, it's great.
As a poem, it's pretty cliche. I would find metaphors other than paths and roses, something more unique, and use them to relay the same message.
(butmaybethatsjustme)
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06-11-2008, 03:35 PM
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#3
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Level 9 - Obstreperous
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: a warm place
Posts: 1,360
Bincount™: 94
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Re: Crimson Path
I know this is a dead thread, but yeah, as a love letter, it's pretty good.
I like how it flows...really.
You don't complicate the song in any way, and yet, it's nice.
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06-13-2008, 09:10 AM
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#4
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Level 9 - Obstreperous
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where infinity converged
Posts: 1,311
Bincount™: 1385
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Re: Crimson Path
good, but i agree with pushthis, it is cliched, but it is good.
__________________
"You are, and shall be, set in obsidian obelisk.
Those scars, these memories, will see you through"
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