This poem does have a Tool influence in about 2 places, but not much more than that. Here you are, the latest of my vague, parabolic poem collection. Enjoy:
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∙• The Crow •∙
Decadent sheets of immortal blunder,
Scarred by reign of insignificance.
Reproducing filopodium seeks a light of justification,
only once brought upon by ceremonial smite.
Dissipating mantras throbbing through ones head,
attracting their fragile song bird, one would hope to edge toward instead.
Tempting breezes fume through currents of vast priority,
searching through a mind left pruned and dazed by reality.
" Debate the irony between those who choose to walk,
and those who happen to stumble. The end becomes the same
as fate transects beginning to middle from our Life's distained picture. "
" We are niether lost, nor forgotten.
We are only one conscience, experiencing ones self subjectively,
there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream in which imagination of
Ourselves. "
We find the linings of truth and lie, to prevent the whither of our wise third eye.
The light submits vibrations in the calmest of waters...
Depicting a potent shrill..." Revenge serves as the awaiting crow slumbers.."
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Thank you very much. I didn't want it to ruin the read, and have you dwell on the fact that I used it directly from TOOL's work, so, I'm glad you read the whole poem, instead of looked for the influence only. Take care of yourself.
Nicely done. The Tool influences were obvious and implemented in a classy fashion. Furthermore they tied in to the poem smoothly.
I agree. It was well written, and using tool as an influence in your writing is by no means ruining anything. I like to think that the reason we are here on this page is because tool has influenced us all in some way or another. I enjoyed it!
__________________ Hesitation only leads to regret.
I agree. It was well written, and using tool as an influence in your writing is by no means ruining anything. I like to think that the reason we are here on this page is because tool has influenced us all in some way or another. I enjoyed it!
Thank you, and I quote: " I like to think the reason we are on this page is because TOOL has influenced us all in some way or another. " Very good moral-esque statement to go by. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Take great care.
This is one of my favorite lines I've read on here:
" Debate the irony between those who choose to walk,
and those who happen to stumble. The end becomes the same
as fate transects beginning to middle from our Life's distained picture. "
I like how you've tied in the quotes. It seems a little superficial perhaps to some people, but how the poem looks on the page can really create an effect on the reader. I really enjoy the fact that you seem to be having fun with your structures and playing with them a little, this is part of what creative writing's all about.
In the end though, Andrew, I have to be honest and say I'm not quite sure what you're talking about. You've condensed so much I feel like perhaps I missed something.
You've condensed so much I feel like perhaps I missed something.
Yes, over the course of these few days, I've spent some time "re-decorating" my poem with new meaning, some new phrases, and I've made it vulnerable to take my "pseudo"-quote:
" Debate the irony between those who choose to walk,
and those who happen to stumble. The end becomes the same
as fate transects beginning to middle from our Life's distained picture. "
(I say pseudo because it was origionally made by me, just submitted into 'quote' form), and make it fit into the poem without quotation marks wrapped on each end, although, I left the Third-Eye quote in its origional form, with the addative at the beginning.
This poem, and I admit this with shame, basically had no real feeling or meaning, until I completely edited the hell out of it. I apologize to all that have been scarred by reading, what I would consider, my worst rough draft I've ever created, and I'll be more careful to fully look over it next time and have it completely edited before administering it to this forum.
Thank you for your comments otherwise, and Take great care Grey, and take care the rest of you as well.
