Bursting forth,
From burial and fluid-
Into this world: A child.
Given a name, a bloodline
But no voice or vision.
The way of the world: To break you.
Fearsome and loathsome,
System to slap the face and hands-
The world: a brush upon your canvas.
Bewildered and blinking,
In awe and in question-
The world and it's mysteries, waiting.
Years of the simple,
Learning, walking, talking
The world's eyes, watching progress.
They teach you, they tell you, they hold you,
They clutch you tight- and crying.
They scold you, they grow you, they scar you,
They limit your sight- while smiling.
They condone and condemn, bred into sanctions and sins,
Controlled by their warmth, their fear, their blood in your skin.
Eyes become swollen. Minds become sullen. Fingers numb from reaching.
Money and madness. Children and wives, and middleclass lives. Two cars, a house and vacations: On someone else's clock, we beg for change.
Pondering, wandering, wondering why?
We stumble along our programmed lives.
For god and for country, for family and friend:
We toil, we play, from color to gray, we worship and pray-
They teach you, they tell you, they hold you,
They clutch you tight- and crying.
They scold you, they grow you, they scar you,
They limit your sight- while smiling.
They condone and condemn, bred into sanctions and sins,
Controlled by their warmth, their fear, their blood in your skin.
This is, by far, your best that I've read. Keep it up, man.
__________________ "Then, meditating upon that which is thy highest ideal within thyself, raise the vibrations from thy lower self, thy lower consciousness, through the centers of the body to the temple of thy mind, thy brain, thy eye that is single in purpose; or to the glandular forces of the body as the Single Eye." - Edgar Cayce
I especially love this:
They teach you, they tell you, they hold you,
They clutch you tight- and crying.
They scold you, they grow you, they scar you,
They limit your sight- while smiling.
They condone and condemn, bred into sanctions and sins,
Controlled by their warmth, their fear, their blood in your skin
Great flow and timing. Seems to come very natural, not forced. Very, very well done.
I really like how throughout the poem, you changed the form. It works very well.
__________________ Do you serve a purpose? or purposely serve?
I especially love this:
They teach you, they tell you, they hold you,
They clutch you tight- and crying.
They scold you, they grow you, they scar you,
They limit your sight- while smiling.
They condone and condemn, bred into sanctions and sins,
Controlled by their warmth, their fear, their blood in your skin
Great flow and timing. Seems to come very natural, not forced. Very, very well done.
I really like how throughout the poem, you changed the form. It works very well.
Thanks, I'm glad I finally posted something here, where someone noticed my deliberate timing/rhythm. I really appreciate the praise from you guys on this one, because I too, have been in a funk(writers block) lately, and this was something I felt extremely pleased with.
P.S. It's a song. Thus the timing. I envisioned it as 2-3 parts. I should have a second part soon, and if any of you are interested, I will post it. My best friend up in NoCal is getting a pro-tools set-up soon, and asked me to start coming up with lyrics.(He's a badass guitar player). I'm pretty excited to see what he comes up with for this lyric.
Really good work. As was said before, it wasn't some revolutionary, mindbending poem, but definitely well written and moving. This is the first I've seen of yours...hope to see more.
No, not much of a singer. Once I finish the second part, and maybe a third, I have a friend up north who's a badass guitar player, and he wants to put music to it. I originally envisioned it as a three-piece song, with each part interlocking, but being set to different music. I'm looking forward to seeing what my friend comes up with. If it comes out badass, we have another buddy who has access to some pretty sweet studio equipment, and we can record it. We'll see.
Probably my friend, since he's a badass singer, as well as a pimp ass guitar player. He can also lay down the bass tracks, so all we really need is a drummer.