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Old 11-18-2008, 02:42 PM   #41
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
We arrived in D.C., and had a little trouble finding parking. For the reader that is unfamiliar with Washington D.C. and its traffic patterns, there’s not much that needs to be said. A summarization of it all could be done with two single words: vicious drivers.
It took almost a complete thirty minutes alone to find a parking area, and we then had to scramble to pay the guy watching the area, to avoid getting towed. Mitch went through it all with good humor, while I couldn’t help but mutter ominous things behind everyone’s backs.
But the bitching and griping was indeed worth it all; even as I strolled through the urban areas of D.C., I had forgotten what it could be like. Normal, small-town men like Mitch or I, we were not used to such size and scope that was familiar in cities all across the country. The mere density of D.C. is enough often to throw off the inner balance of any small-time chump.
Dodging crowds of people, it was a wonder that no one got hurt. I feared constantly an elbow would strike me in the face or something, while Mitch and everyone else was talking and laughing, enjoying their time. I was merely trying to survive, hoping for an open spot, somewhere where I could sit down or at the very least, take a break from the claustrophobic march I was enduring.
After walking for what seemed like an hour, we finally got down to seeing the good stuff. First, we came in contact with the Washington Monument.
Elicia immediately pulled me and Clarissa into a pose for Jessie as he took a picture. The girls made funny faces as the camera flashed; I maintained a neutral look. I wasn’t exactly in the mood for cameras yet, after all.
“Ha ha, Palma, you look hilarious!” I was forced to glance down at the image then on the camera, and was surprised by what I saw. A man was standing where I had been standing; his face was covered by a swath of stubble, and his face donned aviator sunglasses. His tee shirt declared in a brutal font ‘Pig Destroyer’ and his face was one of annoyance.
“That can’t be me.” Everyone laughed again, and Mitch nudged me.
“You need to light up more man,” he grinned. “Maybe we should get a drink.”
“What in the middle of the day? Forget it, man.” Jessie spoke for me. “We’ll save that for tonight. Besides, you know Palma doesn’t drink, remember?”
“Oh right.” Mitch said as we took one last look at the monument before pressing on. “Living the straight-edge life, huh, Chad?”
“Not exactly.” I was halfway to lighting up a cigarette before I remembered that there were women in our presence. I didn’t get a chance to say a word or even put the cigarette away before Elicia held out a hand.
“Is it all right if I have one?” She asked.
Why not? Being a smoker myself, I felt obligated to offer her one and light it for her as well. She thanked me, her eyes bright as she and I strolled along, behind the others. I hadn’t planned on doing anything that would draw her towards me; my staring at her in class not too long ago had been unintentional, purely an accident. Chalk it up to my tiredness. Blame it not on my good character, but the devil who willed me do it.
The others didn’t seem to notice; we began a short ten-minute waltz past the World War II memorial, paying our respects quickly. Mitch wanted to remain longer, as that his grandfather had been a veteran of that war. However, everyone else wanted to see Mr. Lincoln sitting on his throne instead.
“Sorry man,” Jessie said. “You’ve been overruled.”
Mitch took it well, and we pushed on. No matter where I went, whether I was standing in front of everyone or behind, Elicia somehow managed to saunter right next to me, like a constant wingman. It was starting to disrupt my senses, and finally, I gave in and finally got around to talking to her a bit more. Otherwise I would’ve probably fainted on the spot.
We sat down on the steps that led to Lincoln, while everyone else went to go take more pictures. We’d gotten rid of the cigarettes, and I was wondering whether smoking was legal or not in D.C. when Elicia spoke first.
“So in class a few days ago, you were in the back, right? Far right corner of the room?”
I immediately felt my nerves tense up, my face probably started to redden, I imagine. But I had to confess, “Yeah.”
“Then that was you that was watching me, huh?” Her eyes were glinting, and I was flushed and out of diversions to pull out of my sleeve.
“Well…” Bad start; worse than anything I could’ve imagined. But she just laughed it off.
“I was just tired.” I gave it a shot, and had no clue whether she’d buy this lie or not.
Luck was on my side, if only for the moment; she merely shrugged, tipping her head to the side. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you awake in there.”
“That is very true. It’s not my fault that that professor is so boring.”
We sat there for not much longer, talking about stupid things that mattered very little to anyone when the rest of the gang joined us. David was on his cell phone, and he grinned at me while I stood up.
“Who you talking to?” I mouthed to him. He didn’t see this, as that he turned away just as I had attempted to communicate with him.
“Hey, I got an idea for where we can go next.” Mitch said. “Let’s go to the Vietnam wall. My dad served there too.”
“But Mitch, he ain’t dead.” Jessie pointed out.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter, man; he visits the wall every time he comes here. It’s a duty in my family to respect everyone who serves.” Mitch said this with such an aggressive manner, I was startled. Glancing at his face, it was obvious he was dead serious, and there was no other place we were going to go see before the wall.
“Right; why not?” David made the decision easy for us, having wrapped up his conversation on the phone. He shrugged. “They fought for us and died; the very least we can do is see the wall.”
The walk didn’t take long, and we arrived quickly. While there was a constant stream of people moving in and out about the wall, we were fairly free to move around ourselves. I found this a relief, and went off on my own to survey the list of names myself.
One name on the blackened marble caught my eye, and I stopped to read it. Private-First-Class George Wayne Baker.
How old was this man? Who was he with when he died? Had he been alone, or even old enough to understand why he was there in the first place? These were questions I didn’t have the answers to.
Had any man really understood what in hellfire was going on in Nam? If they could’ve seen the future, peer right here into modern times with a microscope from Heaven and watch how the war in the Middle East was being handled at the time, how would these soldiers feel about it? I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps man was always doomed to fight someone else across the world. How could it be any other way? Man was just too stupid to get the memo – that you didn’t need to shoot someone or carry a gun around to make yourself heard. No one needed that.
“You okay over there?” It was Clarissa, with Elicia, calling my name, bringing me back to reality. I snapped my trance and nodded.
“I’m fine.” Not necessarily true, but it would do to make them feel better and still be enjoying their day. But as I went back over to the group, I knew deep in my heart now why Marvin got mad whenever I ignored his rules, and treated him like a massive prick. After all he had done to keep this country in good shape, he deserved all respect due to him.
-
It was nightfall when we got back to GMU; Mitch and the other split and went a separate way to go to McDonald’s while Elicia wanted to go back to her dorm. I drove her there and parked in front of the building.
“Thanks for the ride today; it was fun.” She said to me.
“Not a problem.” I replied. “Let’s do it again sometime.”
“Oh yeah, definitely.” She beamed at me, and confusion ran through my systems for a moment while I tried to decipher what exactly was going on here, between the two of us.
She had already shut the car door and was headed for her building by then; and I felt like something had been blown in our little talk. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I didn’t know what to do for a moment as I sat there, trying to relax. Turning the stereo back on, I rummaged through my side-door until I found an Acid Mothers Temple disc and started playing it. Immediately, as I started driving, my mind went off on another one of those journeys it took when I needed a timeout to think about things.
I didn’t know what was going on with my life right now; I had some positive energy running for me, and some negative energy trying to corrupt the positive amount. Both were colliding hard, like two heavyweight boxers going at it. And despite it all, I felt like my Yin and Yang were perfectly focused, and harmonized. Everything felt like it was where it should be.
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Old 11-30-2008, 02:00 PM   #42
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 17
For some reason Tuesday night, I had an epiphany; one that involved massive amounts of improvisation. For most of the late afternoon and some of the evening, I sat in my room, blaring a Melvins album, and screwing around with my guitar. For what seemed like hours, no one could touch me. I was in my own place, my sanctuary, where I alone controlled the sounds that zipped around in my brain, all demanding to be placed together to create something beautiful.
It was a wonderful experience, much like the time before Juggernaut had come into fruition. I had been on my own then; and for some reason, that had no effect on my playing. I had been playing a guitar since the age of seven, and only when I had turned seventeen, a whole decade later, did I realize that there was more to playing music than just taking a song on the radio and learning how to play it. I started to improvise then, and slowly I began my experiments with sound.
Unfortunately, this was around the time I had also started experimenting with alcohol and heroin. Although I thought I had been stable back then, and my sounds had seemed so fluid and impressive, I had no real idea how out of control I had been. My life had been a complete wreck, and more than once did Marvin catch me with a bottle of Jack Daniels in the closet.
It was only because Marvin himself had been a crazy kid once that he even had relented and allowed me to remain in public school, instead of having me sent to a boarding school, which was his original plan. Despite my hatred for him, Marvin had been kind and forgiving enough to let things like alcohol slip. But while he let it go, he pounded me on my grades, and I didn’t disappoint.
But throughout the turmoil, the sounds in my head hadn’t changed much; perhaps they had sounded crazier back then, but they had persisted in grooves and drones like always. After a while of allowing the Melvins to spur me on, I finally put the guitar down, and sprawled onto my bed. I felt a sudden urge.
Call home, a voice in my mind pressed me. I didn’t want to do it, however. Instead, I sat down and went on the internet, checking my emails and making sure there were no surprises for the rest of the week. Surprises like quizzes and tests that I wasn’t aware.
But the urging kept persisting, and finally, after a moment’s deliberation, my cellphone came into hand and I was dialing the number. Grant picked up on the first ring. “Hello, this is the Palma residence.” He answered.
“What’s up, kid?” I smiled when I heard his voice. Even though I hadn’t missed home since coming back from the break, I’d missed Grant. A little version of Marvin or not, I had to admire him for not jeopardizing his school or his life at home. At least Marvin had one son that hadn’t gone wayward.
“What are you calling for?” it wasn’t the response I’d been expecting, but I laughed it off. “You’re not already out of cash, are you? Dad said he wasn’t gonna send you anymore.”
“Nah, I’m fine with my money.” I lied. “How’s everything?”
“Okay, I guess. The usual. Kinda boring around here though.”
“Yeah, well maybe you should come here sometime and spend the weekend with me, eh? Might have some fun doing that.” I laughed a little to show that I was kidding around.
“I don’t think so,” Grant sighed. “Did you want Dad or something?”
“Yeah. Is he there or what?” Grant took his time getting the phone to Marvin. I waited as patiently as possible. Marvin finally got his hands on the phone and spoke clearly, his voice as deep as a dog’s growl.
“Palma,” he said.
“Hey,” I replied. “How’s things?”
“Not bad.” Marvin said. “What do you need?”
“Well…” I stalled a little, trying to figure out what to say exactly. “I’m not planning on coming back after the finals are done. I’m probably gonna be driving up to Virginia Beach for a little bit.”
“Yeah?” Marvin sounded surprised. “For what? You don’t have the money to stay up there.”
“No I don’t; but my band’s been doing really well the last couple of weeks,” I licked my lips, hoping he’d bite. “Apparently, one of the guys in the band has a friend whose uncle owns a shop over there. He’s given us permission to stay there and play for a few days.”
“So let me guess,” Marvin said carefully. “You need a little cash to get up there? Gas money?”
“You read my mind,” I chuckled. “So…could I please have some cash for the sake of forwarding my one dream in life?” In my experience with Marvin, I had learned quickly that it paid to say ‘please,’ as that was considered a token of respect to elders, apparently.
Whatever token it might have seemed to Marvin, he remained quiet for a moment before speaking. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll put two hundred in the account for you. But you’re going to pay it off during the summer, I can promise you that.”
“Trust me; I’ll get it all back to you, in cash or check.” I said. “Thanks a lot.”
“You’re welcome,” he said. “So how’s school?”
“I’m surviving,” I sat back down on my bed, eyeing the time. It was seven-thirty. “Finals are in two weeks. Things look good.”
“Glad to hear it,” He said. “Keep it up, Chad. Your mom would be proud of you for keeping focused like this.”
I wish to the God Dude he hadn’t mentioned Mom. I really did. “I’m sure,” was all I said, in a hollow tone. The upbeat attitude I’d approached him with was now gone, and I was now seriously wanting to get the rest of the conversation finished.
“I mean that,” Marvin insisted. I could picture his face as he spoke; fist clenching the phone, his eyes bright yet intense, clearly intent on encouraging me to higher limits. “Keep pushing yourself. You’ll be outshining me and your mother both in short time if you can.”
“Thanks Marvin.” I said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“See to it that you do,” he said. “All right; I’m sure you’re itching to get back to whatever it is you were doing. Good night, and take care.”
“You too.” I hung up then, feeling a bit annoyed. Tossing the phone on the desk, I crumpled onto the bed, suddenly exhausted, fervently wanting nothing more than to sleep for the rest of the week.
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Old 11-30-2008, 02:01 PM   #43
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Re: Keep it Cool

Before I could even get to that task, my roommate Jessie burst through the door carrying a bag in his arms like it was his own child. He looked at me anxiously, kicking the door shut behind him, leaning on it heavily. “Dude,” he said. “Move.”
“What?” he shoved me aside and slid the bag beneath my bed. “What is that? What’d you do?”
“Patience,” Jessie said. “Give me a minute man. I’ll get it out.”
The door opened again, and we were facing our asshole RA, Jeff Clayton. Jessie had always made fun of him for having a first name as his last name. “Is sounds gay,” Jessie had always said to me. “Don’t you agree?”
What I thought of Jeff’s name didn’t matter. But he didn’t look pleased as he took the room in one swooping glance. “You dove in here awful fast, Jessie.” He said after a moment.
It was then that Jessie’s worst comeback comment ensued. “Yeah man; I’m trying to hustle and lose weight.”
I tried to maintain a neutral look; tried not to laugh. Jeff’s eyes showed some mirth as well, but he didn’t laugh. Instead he shook his head.
“Whatever,” he said. “Don’t screw with me, Portwood. I’m watching you.”
The situation was too humorous for me, and so was the dialogue being spoken between these two. I burst out laughing then, long and hard. Jessie grinned, and now Jeff’s eyes were on me instead.
“You laugh all you want, Palma,” he said coldly. “But that won’t change the fact that you’re a first-rate fuckup like your friend here.” He turned and was halfway out the door when he halted and spun back to say something else. “Oh, and I think I’ll be dropping by for a roomcheck later tonight. I don’t know when; maybe two minutes?” he smiled, but underneath the fakeness of it there was nothing but menace. “Just thought I’d mention it to you, guys.” He left then, and the moment the door shut, Jessie cursed and dived for the bag under my bed.
“That douchebag doesn’t quit!” he hissed.
“What’d you do?” I grabbed the bag from him, and knew immediately, judging from the weight of the bag, what Jessie had just done. Opening the bag confirmed my worries; there was loads on alcohol in it, at least several large bottles of different types of vodka and whiskey.
“You’re an idiot.” I shoved the bag into Jessie’s arms. “You know that? Congratulations. Now we’re in trouble.”
“I’ll deal with it!” Jessie went for the window, and threw it open.
“What? No!” I almost shouted it, knowing now his intentions. “You think he’s gonna be dumb enough to not look? He’ll check if you chuck something out there!”
“We don’t have a choice!” Jessie said desperately. “It’s either this, or shove it back under the bed. Your call.”
The seconds were ticking down. I didn’t say a word, racking my brain for other options. By then, however, Jessie had flung the bag out the window, and I heard the clang as the bottles in the bag landed on the ground outside.
Jessie managed to shut the window and step away when Jeff came back into the room. He overturned our mattresses, looked under the bed. Went through the drawers of our desks, and smirked at us when he found Maxim magazine in one of the drawers.
“It ain’t mine.” Jessie said first. I rolled my eyes. Jeff continued his search. After scouring the entire room, he nodded his head.
“All right. It looks like everything’s in order,” he said. “Let’s keep it that way, huh?” he left after that without looking back.
“What a dick. He didn’t even put things back!” Jessie swore a few more times as we slowly put the room back together. He opened the window and leaned out, snatching the bag back up. “Good thing we live on the first floor.” He said as he turned to me.
“Not cool, man.” I yanked the bag away from him once again. “We’re gonna wait an hour. And then, you’re taking this out to the car, and putting it in there. We’ll deal with it later.”
“But I brought it in here for when I need it!” he said indignantly.
“What are you gonna need booze for when you study?” I had to laugh at his stunned look.
“I need alcohol in my blood to focus!”
“Nah, you don’t,” I laughed some more, the feeling of fear leaving my system, my heart slowing down. Relief washed over me then, and I felt my good mood returning. “This was really, really stupid to do, Jessie. Don’t do this again. We don’t need Clayton tearing the room apart again.”
“Yeah, I hear ya.” Jessie said.
“What’s he got against you, anyway?” I honestly didn’t know. But now I was curious.
“I have no idea.” Jessie shrugged. “Does it matter, anyway?”
I let the issue go, if only because I wanted rest. After a little bit of screwing around, having a few other guys from the dorm come and hang out, Jessie and I finally hit the sack.
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Old 11-30-2008, 02:02 PM   #44
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 18
That next day was declared a “Juggernaut-Skip-Day” where every member, save for David, who stayed home in class, skipped and joined me as we ate out at the local McDonald’s. It was an official announcement kind of thing; since we never really had any meetings before that day, I figured it would pay in the end to stay organized and aware of all of our options as a band.
“So what’s going on, guys?” We all sat down at the table in the corner. The McDonald’s was quiet for the day; only a few other customers had come in besides us. Everyone had a burger or something similar, and while we chowed down, I looked at them all, trying to get up to date on things.
“It’s school, man,” Ty got out first. “What’d you expect us to tell you about? Not much happens.”
“Well, maybe that’s your lifestyle, but not mine,” Jake said. “But you remember that girl from that party that I hooked up with? Yeah, things are looking good right now.”
“Cool,” I said, vaguely remembering something about an eighteen-year-old girl that had ended up being Jake’s one-night-stand for that high schooler party we’d been to during spring break. “How about you, man?” I nudged Brian. “How’s your girl?”
“Not bad,” he replied. “Had a fight last night, but things’ll work out. She’ll call me today all apologetic. It’s always like that.”
We went on like this for a little bit, not really wanting to do anything other than goof around. I finally broke the humor though. “Hey guys, let’s talk.” I said. “Now, Brian and Ty’s uncle has said we could stay over in Virginia Beach, am I right?”
“Oh yeah,” Brian sipped his Coke quickly before picking up where I’d left off. “He’s wanting us to play at his shop for a few nights. One or two performances. You guys wanted to make Juggernaut a touring band; this could be a good start.”
Everyone digested this. Jake spoke up after a moment. “Sounds like a plan,” he said. “When we doing this?”
“The day after finals.” I said. “We pack up and take right off. It’s not gonna be a big deal.”
“Uh…dude?” Jake had a strange look on his face. “How we gonna get our equipment back and forth? We don’t have a trailer or something. We don’t have anything like that.”
This brought a seldom crash to our discussion. We all sat there, the gloom pouring down as we pondered this problem. “Maybe the new guy’s knows somebody who can help us.” Ty ventured.
It was an idea. I was willing to try it. “He’s in class right now.” I said. “But would you call him, Ty?”
“Yeah, sure. No problem.” Ty said. “Give me his number, will you?”
“And what then?” Jake spoke up again. “if he doesn’t have a trailer or know somebody with one, then we’re in trouble.”
“Relax; time’s on our side for now.” I assured him. Jake shook his head, but he didn’t object, either.
“We’ll find something to carry the stuff,” I said. “But until then, let’s stay cool. We’ll take the next few nights or whatever time we can find to figure out what we’re gonna do for the actual set. What we’re gonna play, specifically.”
“Improvise the whole thing?” Brian shrugged.
“I’m not feelin’ that.” Jake said. “Maybe we should just stick with our old stuff.”
“But we never included vocals in that stuff,” Brian said. “What’s the new guy’s name? David?” I nodded, and Brian continued. “He won’t be able to improvise with that.”
“Maybe we can give him time to come up with some lyrics or something over the next week, real quick.” I said, trying to calm both Jake and Brian down. “C’mon guys; we can’t panic over this crap. This is just a small roadblock. It’s nothing we can’t get around.”
“I hope so,” Brian said, a look of extreme annoyance on his face. “Otherwise, I have no clue what we’re gonna do. We need this.”
I had to agree with that. But there was not much choice as to what we could do. I was determined to get to Virginia Beach nonetheless, and I was determined to play a set with Juggernaut. We’d only played once before that, and it wasn’t a big deal. This was huge for us.
“Well,” Brian stood up. “I’ve gotta run. I’ve got some important things to take care of. You guys have a good one.”
“Yeah man. See you later.” Ty got up as well and went with Brian. Jake and I sat there after they left. Jake spoke first.
“Dude, I’m thinkin’ Brian’s gonna quit soon.” He said.
“What? What are you talking about?” I’d heard him clear enough, but his words affirmed the fear that had been stuck in my head the last few weeks.
“You know what I’m talking about man,” Jake said. “He hates Juggernaut. I bet he would’ve quit a while ago if he could find a band that wants a pianist.”
“Knock it off, will you?” I rolled my eyes. “Just don’t push him, Jake. Seriously. He’s a big part of the sound.”
“What does he do besides play jazz while we’re trying to play rock?” Jake protested. “Palma, you’re in denial. Haven’t you figured out yet that you’re the only reason he’s still in the band? You’re the only guy who defends him while everyone else finds him annoying. Even Ty is getting tired of him, and they’re related, for God’s sake.”
“Brian was in the band before you and Ty both were,” My temper had gotten the better of me, and I exploded visibly. “So do me a favor and shut up. He’s not quitting. You’re just gonna have to deal with it.”
“I’ll live with it, man,” Jake sighed. “But if he gives me that look he gave me ten minutes ago ever gain, I swear I’m gonna deck him.”
“Oh, Mother of God,” I’d had enough. Standing up abruptly, I picked my stuff up. “Look, just forget about it, Jake. I’ll talk with you later. Tomorrow, ok? Just stay in touch. Things will work out, I promise.”
“I hope so,” Jake agreed. “See you later, man.”
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Old 12-06-2008, 10:59 AM   #45
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
So much to do, so little time to figure it all out. I was incredibly worried about the whole Virginia Beach situation, and I spent the rest of the day uttering curses and kicking things. Jessie had cleared out of the room for the night, claiming that he was seeing some girl for the night. I didn’t care. I wanted things to pull together for the next few weeks, not get torn apart. I had put too much into Juggernaut only to let the other guys rip it apart for me.
Brian. I was starting to get worried about him as well. I felt bad for him, on one hand; it wasn’t his fault that he’d fallen into a rock band with the intent to combine that with a jazzy piano. He was a jazz player, not a rockstar.
But he’d known what he was getting into in the firstplace as well. ‘Juggernaut’ as a band name? That should’ve been the big warning sign for him; the white flag, as it were. He should’ve been prepared for the other guys to be into a different sound. He should’ve known, given my spur-of-the-moment guitar solos and riffs, that we were destined to be yet another typical rock band, and not something like Isis or Tool, bands which had somehow ‘evolved’ according to their fans, and had formed into something greater than typical rock.
But I didn’t buy that. Tool was just like any other band. Play a song for the crowd, get them stirred up, and make sure they hear you and remember you. The best way to keep a fan is to burn the image of your show into their brain. That way, they always would recall how brilliant you were, and how much better you are than the other bands out there.
But for me, this was all small-time. I wasn’t rolling in cash. I wasn’t even playing clubs weekly. Juggernaut had been a part-time thing until now; a pastime that took all the stress from my days of school and released it into a wall of noise and sound that came off sounding altogether beautiful to me.
Reminiscing over the past glories of Juggernaut did little to make me feel better. I wanted to get out for a smoke. Locking my door behind me, I went outside, warm air welcoming me as I put a cigarette in my mouth and leaned against a tree.
“Hey, Chad!” I was thrown off balance when I heard an all-too familiar voice not too far away. Rachel approached me then, and I felt a strange sensation punch me in the stomach.
“Hey, how you doing?” I put the cigarette out after she and I exchanged pleasantries, talking about our week so far.
Rachel hadn’t changed from that night at the party; she was still pleasant to be around, and friendly. Warm, but not slutty. It was the kind of warmth that I admired and found great to be in the presence of.
“Anything happening tonight?” I inquired, hoping for something; anything to get away from the campus for a little bit.
“I was thinking of going out to hang with a few other girls at a party…” She tipped her head as a shrug. “Nothing big. Why?”
“Mind if I tag along? I need a diversion.” That much was true.
“Sure.” She said. “Would you mind driving? I don’t really have any gas, and I’m low on money.”
“Yeah, okay,” I was feeling generous anyway.
-
After hanging out for a little bit, we went to my car. I got in and was in the process of making sure the car looked presentable when I spotted the dark duffel bag that contained Jessie’s alcohol in the car. I’d completely forgotten about it.
“Something wrong?” Rachel’s voice reached me, and I shrugged it off.
“Nah,” I said “Just forgot something of Jessie’s was in here, that’s all. I’ll have to give it to him later.”
The drive to the house wasn’t bad. The host wasn’t bad either; she was cool, and meeting people as they came in. I smiled politely and shook her hand.
Rachel already had found her friends and was having a grand time talking with them, all of them laughing maniacally about some joke I didn’t get. Sitting on the couch next to Rachel, my mind reeled as I took stock of the living room.
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Old 12-06-2008, 10:59 AM   #46
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Re: Keep it Cool

Another party scene. Another night where I was trapped amongst drunkards against my will. I could’ve said no to Rachel and stayed back at the dorm. Part of me now regretted even coming. Being in the house with a booming bass, alcohol everywhere, and people my age getting tanked raised a cloud of annoyance and gloom over my head. Like a bad movie that was replayed on television constantly, this party scene had started to freak me out, and cause my senses to overload.
Why did it seem like every face was the same? Who were these random people that were here? Did they even know each other? Did they know the host? Why did it seem like I was in my own different version of Groundhog Day?
It was a strained atmosphere, and I was starting to get pissed off. Part of me wanted to start a riot. Seize a nearby object and break it over some guy’s head. That would break the strain, wouldn’t it?
Rachel then stood and went over to where the booming bass was located, along with two of her friends. They began dancing to it, slowly, as a slower beat came on then. Some foolish rap song played in the clubs all around the country. But that wasn’t what I was focused on as the song bounced on in its ceaseless gibberish bullshit.
Certain parts of Rachel started to catch my eye as she and her friends went to town. To a passerby, these girls would’ve probably been considered wanton whores trying to get attention from some frat boy. The clothes they wore, the way they moved...yet I was powerless. I couldn’t avert my eyes if I’d wanted to.
And then that thick, strange sensation that had come over me not too long ago punched me in the stomach again, hitting me harder this time. I knew then what it was, and what it was doing to me. The lust crept over me with a wave of desperation. I tried to throw it off, tried to look away and find somebody I could chill with elsewhere in the house, but I couldn’t even move to get off of the couch.
Rachel finally quit dancing after doing it for a few songs. She came back to me then, but her friends kept dancing. Some guys had joined them now. Rachel smiled at me as she sat down.
“You okay? You look like you’re feeling sick.” She’d nailed it dead on, almost. I was feeling sick. But it wasn’t the kind of sick that she no doubt thought I was undergoing. I wasn’t close to wanting to throw up, or anything like that.
I wanted Rachel. I had to have her now, or I was going to lose it. The atmosphere was already breaking me, so why not surrender to it? Why not join along in the fun? I’m sure plenty of other guys here at the house were getting it done.
Looking at her one last time, my will finally snapped. I lost control. Chad Palma, myself, went on autopilot and went in for the kill. Rachel didn’t see it coming when I kissed her hard, landing on her roughly, caressing her there on the couch, not caring if a single person walked by and noticed.
After she’d realized my intent, Rachel somehow shoved me off, creating some distance between us. The moment this happened, the autopilot was switched off, and I found myself staring at an angry female. She looked like she was ready to kill. Her eyes were on fire, and her lips were drawn back in what seemed to be a snarl, her teeth bared at me.
In my confusion, part of me found the sight erotic. But before I could even say something, much less do anything, Rachel snapped at me. “Chad! Are you kidding me?”
“What?” I had nothing else to say. Her response was not exactly something I’d planned for. “What!” I had now switched into self-defense mode. Lie, say whatever needed to be said to smooth things over, etc.
“You know what’s wrong here.” She was fuming, but the erotic glare was gone now. And so was my only hope of having her to myself. “I mean, seriously? Chad!” She, too, was at a loss for words. “What were you thinking?”
“I was just going with it!” I didn’t know what ‘it’ was, exactly, but whatever it was it had felt good at the time.
“I can’t believe you just did that.” She stood up, pissed, and went off towards the door without another word. I jumped up, wanting to get it over with. I was finished. I knew that much.
“Hey!” I finally caught up with her outside, next to the car. “Come on, what’s wrong? If there’s something you wanna tell me then go ahead.” I managed to pin her between me and the car. “What’s your problem? Too fast, right?”
“It’s not even that!” Rachel took a deep breath, and feeling a bit less aggressive than I’d been moments ago, I took a step back and let her have some breathing room.
“I’m seeing someone right now, Chad,” She came right out with it. I’d known, subconsciously, that there had to be someone. Of course. It’d made complete sense.
But even then, I had to go all the way and finish this nonsense for good. “Yeah?”
“It’s your friend, David.” And boom. There it had gone. My temper got the better of me again as I stood there, recalling how David and Rachel had gotten along very well during that night at the party…
And then I remembered David being on the phone with a mysterious stranger during our trip to D.C. That stranger had been Rachel.
Of course, of course. Who else could it have been? This had been what I’d feared the entire time. But in my temper, I still couldn’t fathom it. I don’t know how Rachel tolerated the entire scene. I’m sure there had been people watching.
“David-” I’d been looking for some weakness I could flaunt about the guy behind his back; something I could use to somehow turn the tables on Rachel. “David’s a high schooler! You can’t be serious about this!”
“What, just because he’s not graduated yet? Because he’s younger than you are?” Rachel fired back. “If you haven’t noticed, Chad, he’s just as mature as you are. Age had nothing to do with it.”
“How long have you two been seeing each other?” And for that matter, how many nights had David been sneaking over here without telling the rest of Juggernaut, just so that he could see Rachel?
“Since we first met. I gave him my number while you were sleeping.” Rachel said. “It’s just gone from there.”
Even though I’d had my suspicions, my gut still hadn’t been ready for her to admit it all. I felt a war brewing in me, and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Finally, Rachel must’ve gotten tired of me staring at her in disbelief, because then she said, “Look, we can stand here all night, and nothing is going to change. I like you well enough Chad; you seem like a decent guy. But it’s not happening. Not here. Not now. Not at all. Don’t even try to do that to me again, all right?”
“Fine.” I finally seized some strength within and let bygones be bygones. “If you’ll excuse me then, I think it best if we go our separate ways for the evening.”
“I came here to be with my friends, Chad,” She said. “I’m not leaving. You can, if you want. I know you hate these parties anyway.” She turned her back on me, then turned her head to me. “You enjoy the rest of the night.”
Yes, of course, dear. I’ll take full advantage of it. My night had just been killed with on foul stroke. Like the soldier who thought he’d just cleared the minefield, only to step on the last mine left, I felt the shame crush me as I waited a few moments before going back into the house.
What now? What was I going to do? I didn’t know; but I didn’t want to leave just yet. I slammed back into couch, my head starting to ache. Just then, a couple of guys came into the room, shouting. They put a bag on the table in front of the couch and went to the kitchen, where Rachel had gone, I was sure.
I shut my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose as I uttered a curse. There went one of my main priorities for the spring break; getting something going with Rachel. The sting of her rejection had hurt greatly, and I needed something, anything, to get me out of the foul pit I found myself in at the time.
Apparently, somebody had set up a beer pong table in the kitchen, because there were cheers and similar ruckus coming from the kitchen. Nobody was in the living room except me. I sat there, miserable for a few moments, until something caught my eye. A bottle of Jack Daniels was also on the table, at the far end of it. In the light, I could see that some fool had left almost a full bottle of Jack Daniels without the consideration that it might get stolen.
Perhaps my internal systems were still running amuck when I reached for the bottle. Perhaps I was just too tired to care about Mom. But as my hand gripped the cool, smooth bottle, something deep within my internal system hit me hard, and a slugfest ensued, causing me to freeze in position, still reaching for the bottle.
For some reason, all I could see was Marvin in my mind. Our last real discussion, the embrace at the end of it; I also saw Grant in my mind’s eye as well, and how I’d been a terrible example to him in the past. Even at my worst, I still felt some deep regret about those chaotic days where I had destroyed myself physically and mentally. And that remorse was now running so powerfully though me, at the time, I finally let go of the bottle. Through sheer will power, I stood up and left the building, proceeding to get in the car, where I sat for a good hour before deciding to head back to the dorm.
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Old 12-06-2008, 11:00 AM   #47
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 19
The next two weeks passed quickly, and no one was more thankful for this than me. For the whole two weeks, I said my goodbyes to George Mason as I finished up my final exams, and scrambled around with the rest of Juggernaut looking for someone who could lend us a trailer or something to carry our gear in.
Mainly, this involved me and Jake spending half the nighttime calling people, anyone who might possibly own a trailer or know someone who did. But luck was on our side when Jessie’s father contacted me to let me know that his company had a spare trailer that could be used. “It’s a bit old, and we’re not using it anymore.” Mr. Portwood had told me. “Go ahead. At least somebody’s putting it to good use then.”
Getting the trailer had been the hard part of the beginning of our trip. Getting a car that could tow it was another thing. Fortunately, this problem too was taken care of rather easily. Brian and Ty convinced their parents to let them use the family Landcruiser to take the trip out to Virginia Beach, provided that Jake, David, Jessie, and I all paid for the gas along with Ty and Brian.
Jessie was being brought along as a roadie and emotional support; at least, that was our joke when we told him that he was coming along for the ride. Otherwise the poor fool would’ve been spending his time at home trying to hang out with Janice and other high schoolers, having no other friends to hang out with.
“What do we need him for?” Brian had protested it at first, but as usual, the rest of the band overruled him. David and Jessie had hit it off right away, and David was the one that told Brian to deal with it in the end.
“He’s coming along for the hell of it,” I told Brian. “And besides, he’s pretty good at fixing things. If something’s wrong with our gear, he’ll take care of it.”
And so, Jessie had been brought on. The final day before we left we spent packing the trailer and the Landcruiser with personal stuff. We all went back home to say goodbye to the folks. My farewell to Grant and Marvin went smoothly, and for a change, I was happy to be able to have a peaceful goodbye.
Grant and I slapped hands, and he went back into his room. Marvin on the other hand followed me out to the Landcruiser, where the rest of the lads were waiting. Marvin faced me, smiling, in a good mood.
“Well,” He started. “Be smart. Don’t get lost, and don’t blow your cash on other things besides the gas and important things like that.”
“Trust me, this is strictly gas money.” I promised him. I held out a hand, but he pulled me into a hug anyway.
“Stay safe, Chad.” He said. “And have fun. I’ll be calling later to make sure you’re on track and not lost.”
“Much obliged.” I picked my bags up and tossed them in the back of the Landcruiser and got the shotgun seat. Everyone else piled in; Ty took the driver seat, planning on driving the whole thing. Brian sat behind me, and he passed me the directions.
“Simple route, really.” He said.
I studied the directions and had to agree with him. “Let’s do it.” I said to Ty.
And so began the trip. It didn’t seem so bad the first hour; I had brought along my CD collection and stuffed Jimi Hendrix into the stereo. Everyone was cracking jokes, screwing around, and generally enjoying himself. The sun was starting to climb into the sky, and the day looked very, very bright and alive. Everyone wore sunglasses except Ty and Jake, and Jessie and I both smoked while David sat in the back of the Landcruiser, still concentrating on writing lyrics for the songs we were planning on playing. He had claimed that he’d finished most of them earlier, but now he was going over them again with a fine-toothed comb, to make sure they worked and were perfect.
He hadn’t spoken much for the past two weeks. Maybe a word or two about the band, or the trip, and how cool the whole thing was. Besides that, however, David had been reserved and calm the entire time. Although he’d been a quiet kid in class in high school as well, I’d never seen him this quiet. Usually he was a part of every conversation, even if he only spoke a little bit. He had completely detached himself from Juggernaut for the moment.
Part of me worried that I was to blame. David and I hadn’t spoken much either; what had happened between me and Rachel at the party had always come to my mind, and I felt awkward even being in David’s presence. My only hope was that Rachel hadn’t breathed a word about the incident. However, this hope was small, and I was fairly sure that David knew. Even if he didn’t, I still felt horrible about the entire thing.
I was grateful to be sitting up front, with the rest of the guys, where the good humor flocked in waves, and the energy was intense, and the spirits were high. Everyone was pumped, and it felt good to finally be doing something with Juggernaut.
Jessie and I both got a pack of cigarettes, and were going to town on them. Driving and smoking was something I rarely did, and I only did it when I was sitting in a passenger seat. There was something satisfying about doing it this time. It just felt right, with the window down, leaning out the window, taking in the scenery as we flew down the highway. Things couldn’t have been better.
The hours wore on, and we were getting closer. David was still quiet, although he’d asked me what time it was, and how close we were. Jessie, Jake, and Brian had all mysteriously passed out. Jessie’s head was resting on Jake’s shoulder.
“Cute,” Ty had snickered. “You know, they’d make a good couple.”
I rolled my eyes. “And you said my humor sucks.”
“I’ve been driving for almost four straight hours. My humor’s off the mark by a bit,” he replied. “But dude, this is awesome; you’re gonna like my uncle, man. He’s completely tight.”
“Yeah? What does he do besides run the shop?”
Ty shrugged. “Sometimes he throws beach parties and invites all the neighbors. That could be another place where we could perform.”
“Maybe,” I wasn’t really thinking about it. The club that Ty’s uncle wanted us to play at was sounding much more like my type of thing, as it were. “But I say we take this thing one step at a time. Let’s just get there first and see what he wants.”
“True, dat.” Ty smirked.
I had to roll my eye once more. “Don’t ever say that in my presence again. That sounded pathetic.”
“You’re just jealous that you can’t make it work.” Ty grinned cheekily.
“Whatever, man, whatever.” I let him get back to driving.
Driving into Norfolk at the beginning of summer was an interesting thing. Lots of cars swarmed around us on the road, and we dove through some spots as well. The atmosphere here was incredible; the place was getting all of its returners and tourists in a single, glorious swoop.
“How far is the house?” I asked Ty.
“Not more than twenty minutes.” He said. “Relax man. We’ll be there real soon. This is pretty cool. I haven’t been up here in a year or so.”
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Old 12-06-2008, 11:02 AM   #48
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Re: Keep it Cool

And he was right. Before I knew it, we had arrived at a neighborhood of houses that were fairly large. Much larger than anything that had been back home. We stopped in front of particularly tall and white house, with a fence going around the entire thing.
We were greeted by a tall, tanned character with graying hair and a huge mustache that seemed to invade his face rather than compliment it. He came at us with the energy of a man who’d never lost his youth. Friendly eyes, warm attitude; this was Brian and Ty’s uncle. They introduced him as Martin.
“It’s great to have you guys up here,” he shook hands with every one of us; his grip was solid. According to Marvin, that was the mark of a real man. A guy who could give a firm shake and look you straight in the eye was a real man.
If that was the case here, then we were in good hands. I immediately found myself liking Ty and Brian’s uncle, who insisted we called him Marty. “Everyone else around here does; you guys might as well join the party.”
We got our bags and filed into the beautiful house; Marty’s wife Megan was polite and quick to show us to our rooms. Jake and I were sent to sleep downstairs in the basement, where there were two couches. The basement was a quiet little area. A flatscreen television was hung on the wall, and there was an Xbox 360 console set up nearby. The rest of the basement had exercise equipment, and a foozeball table.
“I guess this is where their kids hang out.” Jake said first. “Now I kinda just feel guilty.”
We didn’t say anything else; simply went back up the stairs to the main floor. Ty and Brian were given the same room they’d stayed in last time they had been in the house, on the third floor. Jessie and David were given mattresses to sleep out on the back porch.
“Wow,” Jake laughed at Jessie and David as they put their stuff down. “Looks like Palma and I didn’t get the crap end of the stick after all.”
“Screw you, man.” Jake and I both laughed at David, who flipped us off when Marty was busy talking with Ty and Brian.
“Hey, you guys.” Brian called us over, and we all met up in the kitchen with Marty, who was sitting at the head of the table in the room. We all sat down.
For an hour or so, we just talked and had fun goofing off. Marty was a decent man, very much like Jessie’s dad, only even nicer, it would seem. I hadn’t thought that was possible, but it was evident in his friendly-yet-casual demeanor, and his willingness to let others talk his ear off for thirty minutes. How he managed in this way was beyond my comprehension, but it was interesting to see nonetheless.
Finally, Marty wanted to get to the heart of our little trip. “All right,” he began. “So here’s the thing; you guys are gonna play tomorrow night. Just one time, a few songs, nothing big. I wish I could give you more time than that, but I have a few other bands that have been approaching me about playing in the shop for a while now.”
“That’s fine,” I spoke for the rest of the band. “I think we all just appreciate you being kind enough to let us stay here and perform for you.”
“Ah, it’s nothing. These two,” he pointed at Brian and Ty, who both smiled. “They’re great guys. Their cousins? Eh, they’re not as much fun. I’d do anything for Ty and Brian.”
“Yeah, well, we’ll give you a good show tomorrow night.” Brian promised.
“I expect no less.” Marty laughed. He then jumped to his feet. “Well, I suppose you guys are gonna wanna take off and see the sights around here, eh?”
“Well,” Brian said slowly. “What time is it, seven?”
“Seven-thirty!” Megan called from the living room.
“Time to eat,” Jessie chuckled. “Are there any good restaurant around here?”
Ty bit his lip, thinking. “Uh, there’s the California Pizza Kitchen.”
Marty nodded. “Yeah. Great place to go. Tell you what, here,” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a wallet. “I know you boys probably burned up some gas trying to get here. This is on me tonight.”
Ty and Brian both tried to protest simultaneously, but Marty would have none of it. “C’mon,” he said. “You’re not even getting paid for this whole gig thing. Just have a good time while you’re here. It’s the least I can do for you.”
Finally, Brian accepted the cash. “All right then,” Jessie shook Marty’s hand again. “Nice to meet you sir. See you later.”
We all followed him out the door.
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Old 12-13-2008, 05:38 PM   #49
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Re: Keep it Cool

i have to say, the chad palma character makes no sense.
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Old 12-17-2008, 01:59 PM   #50
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 20
The California Pizza Kitchen was almost completely full, but we managed to squeeze into a booth in the far corner of the restaurant. Morale was high, and we were all just happy to be away from home, excited at the thought that tomorrow night, Juggernaut would be performing for the first time in more than a year. There seemed to be a bright light at the end of the tunnel after all, and we all discussed the possibilities of our success, and what we could do should we perform at an unbelievable level.
“Heck, Marty might have us back up here again sometime if we really pull it off.” David’s eyes were getting starry; someone had to calm him down, so I spoke up first.
“Let’s not get crazy about this, guys,” I said. “First, let’s just concentrate on getting through tomorrow night. Opportunities can come later.”
“That’s true,” Brian remarked, glancing at the menu. “Anybody want some appetizers to start off with?”
We went through the menu for a little bit, ordered drinks, and were just sitting back saying nothing in particular when Jake frowned suddenly. “You know,” he said. “I just remembered something.”
“Nothing serious, right?” Whenever Jake frowned, it usually wasn’t good. Immediately, the mood at the table shifted to something fairly darker.
“No,” he shook his head. “Nothing big. I just remembered my boss wanted me to call him to let him know what the deal was, and if I’m working this week. I’d better call him.” He stood up then and went outside before a word could be said.
“He sure takes this job seriously,” Jessie said then. “What does he do, construction?”
“No, that was what he did a while ago,” I said. “I think he was working in a Blockbuster.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.” Jessie shrugged. We went back to talking about nothing serious, impatiently waiting for Jake to get back so that we could finally order. When he finally came back, he had a smoldering look in his eyes, and there was no doubt that something terrible had happened.
“What’s wrong, man?” Ty was the first to pick up on it.
“Just lost my job,” Jake sat down quietly. Sitting across from him, it was easy to see the rage that was being gathered up in him. “Apparently, there was a miscommunication, and my boss figured I was working this week when I clearly told him two weeks ago that I wasn’t available. Dickhead just fired me because he was pissed off.”
“That’s crap, man.” David said. Everyone nodded their assent.
The waitress came over, and we changed the subject. Jake lost his anger gradually, and his mood became mellow after a few good jokes between Ty and Jessie. Brian leaned back against the booth seating, and suddenly he blurted out-
“Hey, would you guys wanna head to the strip after this? I mean, what else do we have to do?”
He had a good point. Then someone started to talk about clubbing, and the conversation went from there. Ty wanted to take a walk in case there were any girls that ‘needed escorting’ and Jessie wanted to check the local clubs.
“I’d rather not,” Brian said. “I mean, David can’t even get in, can he?”
“Depends on which one we hit up,” Ty reminded him. “Remember? Some of these places let guys 18 or older in. It would just mean we’d have to leave before two in the morning; but then again, we weren’t planning on staying out that late anyway, right?”
“I don’t know about that,” Jessie had a wicked smile on his face, and Jake was now grinning as well.
“If I recall,” I said slowly. “Jessie, Ty, and I are the only guys here who are single. What’s with the rest of you?”
Brian and Jake both laughed at this, but my remark caught David square, and he looked down at the table, trying to avoid looking at me. I felt guilty then, having forgotten what had happened a few weeks ago.
“Hey, I’m still single,” Jake protested then. “Just because me and that girl are interested in each other don’t mean a thing. Nothing’s happened save for that one night.”
“You’re absolutely incredible, you know that?” It wasn’t too much of a surprise to me, I had to admit; that was Jake for you. Any girl was fair game to him.
“So it’s settled then?” Brian asked. “We’re making for the strip, and any club we find along the way?”
“Provided they’re cheap to get into,” Jessie sighed. “Money’s a problem nowadays.”
“If money was an issue, you wouldn’t be here right now.” I had to laugh at him. Jessie glared at me, jokingly.
“Let’s do it.” David was the deciding factor for us; he pounded the table lightly. “We’re on vacation. Everything should be a blast from here on out.”
One could only hope so. If there was one thing I had learned from experience, it was that the good times were almost always followed by bad. This was the start of summer; it was time to celebrate another year of schooling finished, and another winter finished and put away in everyone’s memory. But even though summer was a sign of all that was sunny, bright, and beautiful in America, it was also a target for bad karma to swiftly steal onto the scene and screw everything up.
I had no fear of bad karma at the time, however; despite my misfortune with Rachel, my hopes were for a truly wonderful summer, and a brilliant break that was rejuvenate any lost energy spent on school, and frustrations at home. This was no false hope. I sincerely could feel something good coming around the corner of the not-so-distant-future. Something that would change my life, or at the least give me some time to enjoy life, instead of constantly fearing it.
-
For the duration of the night after dinner, we crashed around the strip, not really caring where we went or what scene we made. We were the entertainment, and the party, no matter where we went. People stared at us from all directions, but none of us paid heed. We hit up several shops, almost all of us buying some stupid souvenir we’d no doubt regret getting later.
It didn’t really matter to us. What really mattered was that we were doing all that we could to ensure that not one moment we spent on that night was wasted. And I was fairly sure, by the time we had got back to Marty’s house and I crashed down on the couch in his basement, the trip was already a success.
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Old 01-07-2009, 02:18 PM   #51
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 21
“How you holding up about the job?” I woke up at around nine in the morning that next day, and found Jake was the only other guy awake. We both sat around the table in the kitchen, eating a quiet breakfast that Megan had cooked for us before exiting the room.
Jake’s eyes were steady, as was his demeanor as he spoke. “It’s okay,” he said. “I’m not gonna lose sleep or cry over it. I’ll just have to find another place to work.”
I was relieved to hear this from his own lips. Most of the guys last night had been worried that Jake would stress over the loss and therefore would be difficult to work with for the next few days, but it was fairly obvious that we all had forgotten that Jake was a trooper. He let very little get to him, and even when something did shatter his peace, Jake didn’t let it stop him from maintaining his grit and iron will.
I patted him on the shoulder then. “Okay man,” I told him. “Just let me know if you wanna talk.”
“Talk? Talk about what?” Jake’s face took on a humorously dubious look. “I lost a job, dude. It’s not like I lost a family member or something.”
Of course. How sad of me to think that Jake was agonizing over this blockbuster job; a job, according to Jake, that was far more boring and unsatisfying than anything he’d ever done. I laughed at his words, and agreed with him. “Yeah, I guess it’s not a big deal.”
“I’ll tell you what the big deal is,” Jake said then as he reached for his cup of coffee. “Today we’re playing the first live show that Juggernaut’s ever done.”
“Well, not quite,” I reminded him. “We played two before you joined the band. But that was a long while ago.”
“Well, the first live show in a long time.” Jake concluded. “Not much of a difference.”
Indeed. I was already starting to feel the nerves. There was something about facing a crowd that set off my internal systems and got me worked up, and not in a pleasant, excited way. I had never liked performing live, if only because these nerves ruined all of the fun for me. I usually took a song or two to really relax in front of crowd; at least, that had been the case in the times before, when Juggernaut had played live on a rare occasion.
It wasn’t so much nerves of screwing upon stage that bothered me. What it was really about was the worry that, even if we were playing the show of our lives, the crowd would detest the music and boo us off stage. That had always been the pinnacle of my fears; that kind of rejection was one that I had fervently hoped I would never have to face.
And here I was again, trying to toughen myself up for yet another show. But this time, it had been years since I’d tried to do thing kind of thing; I hadn’t played for more than a crowd of fifteen in my entire life. And according to Marty, his coffee shop somehow managed to draw a large gathering in the summer almost every night for the bands that performed there. All sorts of bands had come and gone through the shop; sometimes he had a jazz band come in, sometimes a grunge-esque band. Marty usually avoided the metal groups, if only because there were too rowdy for his liking, and the last thing he needed was a moshpit in his store, even if it was a decently-sized store.
Lucky for him, Juggernaut was in transition from psychedelic-influenced sound to a jazzier type. It was a change that none of us, save for Brian, was enjoying. Therefore, I was determined to enjoy this show tonight as much as I could, and remember our original sound before it went the way of the dodo.
Still, as much as I wanted to keep the peace in the band and maintain all of its members, I was also discontent with the jazz sound that Brian was imposing on the sound. It wasn’t that it wasn’t hard enough for us; we all were ready to slow the pace down a bit as it were. But the jazz just didn’t fit what Juggernaut had been, and what it was now. Brian was the only calm guy of the group. The rest of us were crazy bastards and generally drunkards, save for David and me. Our sound was one inspired by the chaos we forced on ourselves through the lifestyles we lived.
And even though my own lifestyle had been cleaner in the past years, I could feel the walls caving in, slowly. A part of me wanted to stop over-analyzing everything and cut loose. That part was tired of having to hold back while everyone else was having fun in their own fashion. There was nothing worse than watching as everyone else was indulging in things you had once partaken in. Especially when those things had been the only kind of escape you had in your power; the only kind of escape that sufficed in times that had seemed almost impossible to survive otherwise.
The music had, and always would, be influenced by the events of the creators of that music. My past had been something I’d always hidden behind Juggernaut’s hectic-yet-fun sound, a way of declaring that while I’d seen some bad things in my time, not all was horrible. If only I’d had the strength to overthrow those cravings for the escape Heroin gave me back then, perhaps now, in this modern time, I could’ve enjoyed the jazzy sound that Juggernaut was evolving into. I would be having a ball with life, instead of dragging a book of bad memories around with me, desperate to forget them.
But ruminations were for those who had too much time on their hands, and that was something Juggernaut had very little of, at the moment. I finished up my own coffee, waiting for Jake to finish his before we went to wake the others.
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Old 01-07-2009, 02:19 PM   #52
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
The day passed far too quickly, and it had been fun for us as we had gone to the beach, swam for a bit, hit on a few girls, and in general tried to relax and avoid the oncoming rush of fears that would probably hit all of us.
The worst cases of nervousness came from David and me, naturally. David had never performed before, and he was terrified, whereas I was just trying to contain the nerves that had been building up in me from the early morning.
While the rest of Juggernaut was in the main room of Marty’s coffee shop, setting up the gear, David and I were in the bathroom, hitting the stalls. I didn’t throw up, but instead just felt my stomach flare up, as if taking a direct punch again and again. I felt a tightening in my throat, the kind that comes only when an anticipated vomiting was on its way. But to my sorrow, nothing came out of my mouth except gasps of air as I strove to maintain my strength.
I could hear David going at it in the stall beside me, and even though I couldn’t see him because of the wall that separated us, I could tell from the sound of his heaving that he was in absolute agony and fear. I heard him release, and the sound of liquids and half-digested shit pouring forth from his mouth into the toilet was sickening, and the smell that came afterwards almost did me in as well.
And yet still, nothing came out. I finally gave up and kicked the flushing mechanism on the toilet, leaving the stall. I waited outside of David’s, listening to hear if he was still throwing up. I heard nothing but deep breaths, and I spoke through the door. “You gonna be all right, man?”
“I guess,” He said after he regained his breath. “How do you guys do this?”
“You kidding me? I’m not used to this at all, either.” I laughed as he came out of the stall, face pale, lips slightly trembling as he went over to the sink and splashed water on his face and hair, soaking his whole head.
“This is the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life,” he said quietly after pulling his head out of the stream of water. “I need to thank you guys once again for giving me a shot at this. You could’ve had any other guy who’s already had experience in other bands, but you guys bet the farm on me.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say we’re gambling everything away on you,” I had to laugh again at how serious he was taking this whole thing. It was a good sign though; he was intense, and that would only mean he’d strive to perform to his greatest abilities. “I mean, we’re not really a live band anyways.”
“Point taken,” He dried his hands, shaking his head a few times to get rid of the excess saturation. “Still, thanks for letting me do this. This is a dream I’ve always wanted to pursue, but never thought I’d ever have the opportunity of doing.”
I punched him in the arm lightly, trying to put on a brave face and inspire him. “Hey man, this is an experience. Regardless of what happens here tonight, or what happens to the band in the future, you can always tell your kids about this in a decade or so.”
And with that, our bathroom conversation was over. We went back out to the main room, where a stage was placed carefully against the back wall of the shop. The lights were dimmed, and Marty had the speakers around the whole shop playing some Nirvana while the crowd stood around, ordering drinks and talking excitedly. Jessie helped Jake finish up putting his kit together, and Brian was ready to go. Jessie eventually ran over to Ty and me, both of us checking to make sure our instruments were tuned.
“So it looks like you guys are in the clear, so far.” Jessie slapped us both on the backs. “You ready for this?”
“I was bred for this.” Ty laughed. I rolled my eyes. My stomach was still being assaulted by the nerves, but now they had settled for a slow, drumming beat instead of an all-out frenzy. This was as good as it was going to get, no doubt.
“Still breathing, Chad?” Jessie eyed me now. I just swallowed and nodded.
“I just hope David doesn’t pass out on stage,” I said. “He was freaking out in the bathroom.”
“He’ll be fine, as long as he sticks with the music and doesn’t try to change the tempo or anything,” Ty said. “Did you get a chance to read what he wrote for lyrics?”
“No. Did you?” I had the feeling that Ty had.
Ty nodded. There was a glint in his eyes, something bright and wild. “They’re really, really good man.” He said.
“Good.” It was time to go then. I could feel it as Marty approached us.
“Hey, you guys ready to go? It’s time.” We all nodded, and Marty smiled. “Good luck, fellas. See you on the other side.” He and Jessie went back down to the front of the store, where a few tables and chairs as well as couches were strung out.
“See you on the other side? Was that a joke?” Jake wondered aloud as he sat down in front of his drums and slammed through a blast beat, a final check for his kit.
No one could be sure. Everyone was lined up, and we had warmed up. It was time to quit stalling and get going. Everyone in the crowd had their eyes on us, and once again, the nerves hit me like a battering ram. There was a microphone stand in front of me, but David wasn’t there; he was still pacing on the stage, trying to get himself under control.
It had to have been the grace of the God character; before Ty or I could step up to the mic and say something, Brian seized one nearby him and spoke directly into it. “Nice to see some friendly faces,” he said. “How you all doin’ tonight?”
We got a simple cheer, nothing serious. It was all a formality anyway. But already, Ty and I faced each other, the song already in our minds and hearts, and as we faced each other, it was easy to see the music already flowing between us.
“Well great,” Brian was still speaking, working his charm on the audience. “We’re from a small town in the northern part of Virginia, and we called ourselves Juggernaut.”
The first song began then. It was the one that our former drummer Gary Johnson had named “You Ain’t No Bum Without Whiskey” and as soon as it built up on Jake’s slow drumming, Ty and I came in with our leads, and as we quickly came to the peak of the intro, we all came down on our instruments in a slamming rhythm that was almost impossible to ignore. The whole crowd started jumping up and down to it.
And things improved from there. The moment we’d begun our heavy assault, David had leaped towards the microphone stand and began belting out the lyrics he’d written. It was just like the last time I’d seen him singing, when we’d recruited him. His stance was straight, and his hands were behind his back as he proceeded in a fine voice, pure and steady.
“I’ve got aches and pains/” I heard. “Tried to get rid of the cocaine/ Dug too deep into my grave/ Fell back into the wave…” I was too busy with my own part in the performance to hear much at the time. I was too worried about screwing up to pay attention.
Whatever words he was slinging about, however, it became fairly obvious that David had the crowd wrapped around his little finger. They really dug his attitude and ferocity; Ty also garnered some attention as he drifted close to the stage edge and bent down near some of the kids in the front row, having no idea what he was doing except that he was pounding out music.
The song was a long one by normal standards; originally, the song had been thirteen minutes long. However, Marty had encouraged us to avoid playing anything too lengthy, if only for time’s sake, so we’d cut it down to eight minutes.
But that didn’t stop the musical journey, as that time had no effect on us. We knew the song well enough to enjoy every little moment it hung in the air. Finally, we came to the bridge part of the song, where it was all me, Jake, and Ty playing, with Brian throwing a little pitter-pattering piece on the keys. Jake’s drumming had sped up to the point where it seemed he was going King Crimson on us. Ty played a fast section as well, but it was one I knew that was setting me up for the solos that I was going to be playing.
And there was nothing more I wanted to do then than tear loose. Instead of playing the solo Ty and I had rehearsed, I found myself busting something similar sounding to what the Acid Mothers Temple collective would play in their concerts. Shrieking lines came out of the speakers as I shredded the damn tool in my hands, feeling like I was tearing some skin on my fingers. But nevertheless, I was in my own world, and the fretboard was my controls for creating something spectacular.
The crowd ate it up. Every minute that passed, even when David took back over, there was no doubt Juggernaut was asserting its dominance over any of the other bands that had come through here this night. And even as we slowly drew towards the ending of the song, Ty and David were both laughing on stage, knowing that we’d succeeded.
The song finally finished, and the sounds of cheering and screams for more were incredible, rising up on a point of force that was difficult to face. Brian was shaking his head in admiration, sweating viciously like the rest of us. I glanced at him, and he grinned back at me.
He leaned back into the microphone and said, “Wow,” He spoke to us on the stage, as we all looked about, pleased. “I think they liked it. So tell me, guys. Do you want more?”
Their cheers were enough. We went on to play three more songs and an encore that was completely improvised, and we finished up, letting the next band take the stage. By the end of our own performance, we were all soaked with sweat and drained, but the sheer energy in the room, the sheer atmosphere of our unbelievable play gave us enough adrenaline to hug each other and shake hands with Marty.
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Old 01-07-2009, 02:20 PM   #53
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
“Well, if you guys will excuse me, I have to get back to running the place. There are two bands left for the night, and plenty of things for me to do in the meantime.” Marty left us then. Juggernaut had split up into different groups then; David and I were tired and just wanted to chill on the big leather couch in the back of the shop, while Jessie and the rest of the gang decided to go up to the pit where everyone else was for the music.
I had no energy left in me to do such a thing, and David must’ve felt the same way. He tipped his head back on the couch and groaned. “Who would’ve thought just playing a couple of songs would make you so tired?”
“I figured it would be this way,” I had to admit. “I’ve done this before. You’d think I would’ve been prepared for it better.”
David laughed shortly at me, and then, something came over him. His face became straight, almost dead. And then, speaking in an animated voice, he said, “Hey, can we be completely honest with each other for a minute or so?”
“What’s the problem?” I sat up straight then, turning towards him so that he had my full attention.
“I never mentioned it before, and I kinda feel guilty for not doing so, but uh…” he shrugged. “Rachel and I are dating now. We’re taking it pretty slow, but I thought I should talk to you about it because she told me about what happened between you two at a party not too long ago.”
Here we go. I should’ve known that this conversation was inevitably going to happen. I had been poor to think otherwise. “Yeah? What’d she tell you exactly?”
“Just that you started kissing her and things like that,” he said. “Look, that’s not important. I mean, after all, you didn’t even know what was going.”
“I had my suspicions,” I said, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. “But I was hoping that I was wrong.”
“Yeah, well,” David stared at the band on stage. For some odd reason tonight, Marty had enlisted a screamo band, which was supposedly atypical of him. The noise blasted us as we started shouting to be heard. David leaned closer to continue his thought. “I’m not pissed off, and I hope you aren’t. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before; I didn’t know you were interested.”
“I’m sorry I took off on her anyway,” I held out my hand to him. “Can we just put this behind us then?”
“Absolutely.” We shook hands then, and David smiled. “I like you, man. I wanna be in Juggernaut. I wanna make things work out with me and Rachel, and I don’t want you to feel like I stole her from you or something.”
“Eh, don’t worry about it.” I slapped him on the shoulder. The screamo band went on to pound out the night, and we both sat there, watching the crowd slamming each other around. Marty was telling stragglers at the back and sides of the pit to watch out and avoid hitting things like tables and chairs. It wasn’t working out well in that way, but David and I had a few good laughs when we saw Jessie get knocked out of the crowd entirely, landing on his ass not ten feet away. He glanced up at us, and then waved at us to join the crowd. “C’mon!” I thought I saw his mouth form.
“You wanna go?” David stood up, cracking his neck carefully.
And get beaten up to a bloody bruise for the rest of the night? Upon examination of my other options, like sitting there on the couch, and sitting at the bar with Marty, I figured it was worth it. David and I joined Jessie as the band took a quick break to regain their composure. We shoved our way back to the front, where everybody else was.
The rest of the night was a hazy blur as a few other bands went on to play, and we were almost the last group of guys to leave that night. I recall hanging out with the final band that played for a little while, just hanging out and doing nothing but talking about music and creativity. Otherwise, I let myself slip into the fun atmosphere of a college on summer break, taking every moment of enjoyment and making it worthwhile.
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Old 01-19-2009, 06:55 PM   #54
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 22
It was a shame to have to say goodbye to Marty and his wife after all they’d done for us; letting us stay there for a little bit, play a few songs in Marty’s shop, and put up with our fuckery for a few nights. It had been a great few nights, but now it was time to go home. For now.
I knew that somehow, I would fine the time to get back to Virginia Beach for another run. It was either that, or somewhere even better. Myrtle, maybe even? The possibilities ran wild in my mind as we each in turn shook Marty’s hand, outside on his lawn.
It became my turn, and I grasped his hand firmly, and he shook it heartily. “It was great having you here,” He said. “Maybe you guys can come back sometime?”
“I’d look forward to that.” I grinned.
“Well, you guys take care.” He hugged Brian and Ty and said goodbye to them, and then we were on our way back home.
-
“So what’s the scoop for you guys?” I turned around to look at David, who was asking us something.
“Are you guys all getting jobs, or have them already?” he concluded.
“Me and Ty work for our dad,” Brian said as he steered us through traffic. “So we’re covered.”
“Yeah, and my dad’ll probably let me work for him too.” Jessie shrugged. “No big deal there.”
That left me, who hadn’t had a steady, decent job in a long time, and Jake, who had just lost his. We both glanced at each other for a moment before Jake spoke first. “You and I should get started looking when we get back.” He said.
I nodded and agreed with him. “Need to,” I said. “After all, we have to keep Juggernaut financed if we wanna keep doing trips like this.”
“How many more times are you planning on doing this then?” Brian stared at me inquisitively. “I mean, this is more than I expected. Are you trying to make this a full-fledged thing or something? We can’t do this and school at the same time.”
He had a point. We were all workers in some way or another. None of us had the time to support Juggernaut for every minute of the day. But I had this feeling in my gut, one that I couldn’t explain properly. I’d had the feeling in me since we’d finished the show that previous night. Juggernaut was going to go places, that was what feeling was declaring within me.
Call it Fate hollering away or whatever, I was inclined to start believing it. The crowd reception had been incredible…even with the older material that we’d played. It seemed to be a sign to me. I’m sure that Brian was getting tired of my vision; he didn’t understand, after all, what I wanted to do. I wanted to make Juggernaut my life.
And if it came down to it, I would do it alone. I knew Brian was already having issues with the sound, but now I couldn’t help but wonder what the rest of the guys thought. Were they going to stick around? Maybe Jake would. I could see David jumping ship if it came down to it; if another band really wanted him and he found them intriguing I had no doubt that he’d leave us. In my mind it almost seemed inevitable.
And Ty? I couldn’t be sure about Ty. Part of me wanted to believe that he, Jake, and I were the solid core of this group. Regardless of who had joined when, and who had founded the band, Ty and Jake were the only two members of the band who weren’t bitching, or complaining about circumstances. They were always there to jam, and they always were interested in trying something new. Both also believe in the do-it-yourself ethic that I felt really defined Juggernaut as a band.
But as it was with David, Ty struck me as a person that would leave if there were greener pastures nearby. The only member I could completely trust in the end was Jake. And perhaps that was why I liked Jake so much; he was a reliable guy, in more ways than one. I could depend on him to be solid, and really care about the band. His life was about music just as much as mine was.
“Yeah,” I finally told Brian after quickly thinking about all of this. “I wanna keep doing this. We could really do something with this band, man.”
“What, go around selling albums for five bucks, and living our lives out selling music, occasionally touring, and earning money to record by washing windows or serving people in restaurants?” Brian snorted. “You know that’s what’s going to happen. Do you even realize how hard it is to live as a musician, man?”
Yeah, I was well aware of the life of a musician. I had known even before Juggernaut had been formed. I knew it better than Brian suspected. He, on the other hand, did not understand my excitement about said life. I didn’t want it any other way.
I didn’t expect Brian to grasp that, or even consider it, so I just nodded simply and said “Yes.” The car ride got quiet from there. We played some Tool, which was a surprising change from all of the Jimi Hendrix we’d soaked in. The music was somber, almost to a point of humor, and I immediately got bored of it. I lit a cigarette, hoping to God that the car ride wouldn’t last longer than a few hours.
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Old 01-19-2009, 06:57 PM   #55
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
Home sweet home. I got dropped off after promising the guys I’d speak with them later in the week. Grant and Marvin both helped me carry my stuff into the house, and then Grant was gone; off seeing some girl, apparently. This was a genuine surprise for me, and it was a welcome one, at that. Marvin seemed to be in good cheer about it as well.
“So he’s finally become a man.” I commented as we both moved around the kitchen. Marvin had fixed himself a decent lunch of some sort of sandwich and a bag of chips, while I was looking around for the hot dogs in the fridge, assuming that they were still there.
“Yeah, and it’s been a long time coming,” Marvin and I both laughed about it, and Marvin looked up at me. “So how was the trip?”
“It was fun,” I admitted. “We played a lot better than I thought we would. The crowd was really into it.”
“Cool,” Marvin “So what are you going to do the next few days?”
I knew that there was only one answer to that question. Marvin was giving me that look; the one where he had one eye narrowed, and the other one twinkling, as if to say, “Choose your next words carefully.”
“I’m going to get a job.” I confessed, and he nodded his approval.
“Excellent. Hey, listen, I’m going to be going out tonight, and I’ll be back late. I’d appreciate it if you stayed here and watched house, and didn’t have a ton of people over, okay?” he stood up and moved towards the dishwasher while speaking, so I barely caught what he was saying.
When the words registered within my head, I immediately felt a sense of suspicion rise up in me. “What do you mean, you’re going out? Hanging out with a couple of the guys?” And by the guys, I was assuming Marvin had been meaning some of his old military buddies who weren’t too far from here; maybe every month or so they all got together and hung out one night, here or at a bar somewhere downtown.
“No,” Marvin had a strange look on his face now; a look of – dare I write it – hesitation, before he finally came out with it. “I’m meeting someone I recently met a week ago. Her name’s Loretta, and she’s very nice.”
Had I been sipping a drink, I would’ve been coughing it all over the place at his words. “What?” I managed to say after staring for what seemed like minutes of an awkward silence. “Are you serious?”
“What? Don’t give me that look, boy, I’m entitled to date if I want to,” Marvin said wearily. “Don’t even start to get defensive. I’m not making a desperate move or anything. This is just a simple night out. That’s it.”
First Grant, now Marvin? Suddenly, I felt like an idiot. Of course Marvin was entitled. How could he not be? He was a man, after all. And it wasn’t like mom was around to argue about it.
But Mom was all I could see; the woman that Marvin had claimed was the only woman he could ever have loved. She was gone, and I don’t know whether or not Marvin had just been blowing smoke when he’d said that or if he’d finally been broken after being alone all this time. But even if Marvin felt it was justified, I sure didn’t feel like it was. This woman wouldn’t replace Mom; I wasn’t going to let it happen.
“And that’s all there is to it?” I should’ve just kept quiet about it, despite that I wasn’t pleased about the news. “Just a little get-to-know-each-other, eh?”
“Chad, do I detect some anger in your voice?” he turned around, and now I could see he was dead serious. He had the look of fire in his eye that came only when he was absolutely set in his ways, and there was no getting him to retreat or consider anything other than whatever plan of action he’d come up with. Not even Mom could sway the man when that fire was lit.
So I withdrew, deferred the ground while it was still under my feet. “I’m sorry,” I figured it was a good idea to play along for the moment. “It’s just…”
“Mom,” Marvin knew it. “Trust me, she’s been on my mind too, Chad. God knows I love her. I always will.” He glanced away as he went on. “I know it’s not easy for you to have to hear that I’m trying to date someone else right now; I’m sure it feels like a betrayal. But let me ask you this: have I ever done something that’s really been a bad call for this family? Have I ever steered you wrong?”
What could I say? That while it wasn’t him purposely, it was really just the fact that we were two opposing forces with different way so life, trying to get through a single hole at the same time from opposite ends? Marvin had always fought me from day one. I didn’t want to say yes to his question, but I didn’t want to say no, either.
“You know the truth,” He placed a hand on my shoulder regardless. “You know that I’m not the kind of guy who’s into humping the nearest woman in sight. You know that I’ve always been loyal to your mom, even when it seemed like things were going bad.”
I could recall fairly well the details of those nights where there had been shouting matches between Mom and Marvin. Somehow, I’d always been prepared on those nights to get Grant and take him with me out of the house for a couple of hours, and in the end, it was pointless as that Marvin would end the fight himself, telling Mom that he’d leave for an hour so that she could collect her thought and he, his.
I didn’t like those nights; but at least they had usually ended well with both Marvin and Mom reconciling and putting it behind them. Marvin might have been a tough guy, but I was proud that the only person in the world who brought him down ever in a fight was my Mom. It made me feel better knowing that Marvin could be brought down to our level every now and then.
And Marvin had been loyal to Mom. I had respect for him because of that. I finally relented completely. “Okay. I’m sorry,” I said again. “I won’t get in the way or say anything.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate it.” Marvin smiled and started to walk out of the kitchen. “I’ve gotta get going and get cleaned up. Glad to have you back home.”
“Me too.” I watched him go, and checked my watch. It was only five-fifteen. There had to be someone who would be interested in hanging out. I dialed Mitch’s number, and he picked up on the second ring. “Hey man, wanna come chill tonight?”
“Yeah, sure. Hey, you won’t believe who I’ve got with me right now. You remember Elicia? Well, she and I are just having a grand time out here at Five Guys. Come on out here and hang with us.”
“No can do. I have to watch the house. You two come here.”
We argued stiffly for a full minute before he finally agreed and hung up abruptly. Things looked like they were going to get interesting. At least I had something to do.
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Old 02-07-2009, 01:23 PM   #56
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 23
Mitch and Elicia arrived forty minutes after the phone call, and after setting some Eric Johnson on the CD player in the living room, I finally felt like I had something removed from my shoulders. Perhaps it had been the stress of Juggernaut, and how the last few days had been nothing but that. It did feel nice to take a small break, although I was already eager to push new material; try to get the guys to write some new jams.
However, I would take this break and have fun with it. Mitch smiled widely at me as we slapped hands, the stub left from his missing tooth in plain sight. I couldn’t help but recall how I’d felt seeing it for the first time. Had anyone else ever noticed it? If they had, not a single one had said a word about it.
I was taken aback more by the sight of Elicia herself, however. She looked great, as she had the last time we’d met. She wore another skirt, a little more showy than her last one, and her hair was tied back. She just grinned at me as I said hello. Mitch had marched into the kitchen, his voice easy to hear from the hallway. “What kind ****** music you listening to, man?”
I was hoping he was kidding; he did like the new Juggernaut EP, after all, and that had been very jazzy, more piano and 80’s sounding guitar tones. I had to admit, Eric Johnson had played a significant role in aiding me in writing stuff for that EP. Johnson was a great player, and his music settled my soul when nothing else could.
So hearing Mitch say such blasphemy worried me that he was going off the deep end. “Tell me you know who this is playing right now.” I pleaded as Elicia and I entered the kitchen.
Mitch placed down a six pack carelessly. I halted when I saw it. “What is this? You can’t drink man. You’re driving after all.”
“Yeah,” Mitch shrugged. “But don’t worry, we came in separate cars, so it’s only my life on the line. I’m only havin’ one. As you can see, there’s only three left.”
“What happened to the rest of them?” he was right, but that only increased my suspicions as Elicia sat down on the chair across from Mitch.
“I drank those earlier today. Don’t worry about it, man. Seriously, I’m fine. I’m just having this one, and I’ll be okay to drive.” Mitch shook his head. “Jesus. You straight-edge fuckers are always having a heart attack about the little stuff.”
“How many times have I said it, I’m not straight-edge,” I was getting tired of having to correct him, too. “Straight-edge guys don’t smoke. I do. They’re also vegans or vegetarians or whatever.”
“Yeah,” Mitch smirked. “What’s the difference between a vegan and vegetarian, anyways? I thought they were the same thing.”
“Not exactly. The difference is that vegans don’t touch anything to do with animals, not even dairy. At least vegetarians will try dairy.” Mitch and I both were now looking at Elicia, who shrugged, and then laughed at our faces. “What?”
“You uh…did you used to be a vegan or something?” Mitch got to it before I could.
“No; my mom is a vegetarian and she explained it all to me once,” Elicia must’ve seen us still looking strangely at her, because she laughed some more. “Relax, guys. I’m not a freak.” She said.
“Well that’s disappointing to hear.” Mitch had his head turned to me when he said it, and his voice was lowered so that Elicia couldn’t hear the words completely, but I could. I cracked up as she reached over to smack Mitch.
We joked around for about an hour, and it felt great to have someone outside of Juggernaut, or anything music-related, here to hang out with. Elicia was fun. I had no clue she could come up with wisecracks; and she used them well on Mitch, who took the brunt of her jokes and insults. I’d had a great time laughing at him, but Mitch just rolled his eyes every time.
Finally, after that hour had passed, Mitch suddenly stood up. “Well, it’s been fun,” he said. “But I gotta get going. I’m expected at Andy’s for a party.”
“More drinking? Mitch, forget about it man.” I was starting to get concerned, but Mitch shook his head.
“Nah, I’m not doing the drinking. I’m just going to see Andy, don’t’ worry about that.” He shook my hand heartily, and winked at Elicia before bidding us both farewell. We followed him out the door, and I sat down on the porch after a while, feeling the need to be outdoors.
“So what are you doing this week?” Elicia asked as she sat down nearby, on a chair next to mine.
“Eh, I gotta get a job,” I told her reluctantly. “I hate work, but I need the cash.”
“Don’t we all?” Elicia said.
“Yeah, well I get the feeling I’m gonna be driving around for a long while this whole week. I barely got a job last summer.” And it had been a close one, at that. The only reason I’d gotten the job over several others was because I’d somehow befriended the manager by accident one day during an interesting night at Walmart when a huge car accident had taken place. Somehow, we’d both been there, assisted both parties, and he ended up getting me a job.
“You know what? Maybe I can help you!” Elicia sprung to life then, her eyes jubilant. “My work will probably be hiring. I could talk to them for you.”
“What kind of work?” It was a fair question, one that I hoped she’d grace me with a decent answer to.
“American Eagle?” She started laughing almost immediately after suggesting it, probably because I fixed her the biggest glare I could manage.
“Ain’t happening.” I told her.
“Why not? I could totally see you working there with me!” She persisted, but I did my best to hold strong, despite her affectionate laugh and attitude. It wasn’t easy, but I felt like I was starting to emerge victorious. But then she gave me a look with those soft eyes, and for what seemed like a whole minute, she didn’t break away from the stare.
It was starting to unnerve me how easily this girl could catch my attention. Almost like…Rachel. The thought crossed my mind then, and instantly, another thought came to me then; what would she do if I pulled her down to the wooden floor, in my arms, kissing her? Would she pull away, or perhaps moan softly in a quavering voice and give in to it?
Lights streaking across the driveway denied me any chance to find out as Marvin pulled up then, killing the car quickly. HE stepped out of the car after a moment and waved at us. “Hello there.” he said.
I was at a loss for words, and Elicia saved me from being obviously annoyed at the bad timing. “Hi there,” She said.
“I don’t think we’ve met,” Marvin came over and held out his hand. Elicia took it. “I’m Marvin. And you are?”
“Elicia. It’s nice to meet you.” She smiled kindly at the old man, and I caught the look he had in his eyes as he sized up the situation as a whole; the porch, at night, a boy and a girl…
If it had been two minutes later, he might’ve seen a picture much more erotic than he would’ve cared to see, no doubt. But the party was over now, and I walked Elicia to her car and said my goodbyes. She hugged me then, and told me to think about the job offer.
“I’ll consider it.” was all I would give her.
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Old 02-08-2009, 07:55 PM   #57
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Re: Keep it Cool

I only read a couple posts/chapters and I noticed two things: If you're writing in the first person you should really use more contractions, for characterization purposes. As it stands it reads very robotic.

"I'll consider it" was all I'd give her. Reads much easier than "Was all I would give her".

And second, you should go through it all again and tighten up your sentences with better description and jucier words. When I have some time I'll pull some examples. Other than that your story telling skills are great.

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Old 02-08-2009, 09:03 PM   #58
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Re: Keep it Cool

actually, it should be:

"I'll consider it," was all I'd give her.

(The ' I'd ' simply for continuity purposes, as your narrative voice [I think, at least] calls for it.)

Unless the quoted dialogue ends a sentence/thought, a comma should always be used before endquotes, or else the quoted text and what precedes it will read like one - making the quotes used moot.


I've been keeping up, Kruppo. I'll try my hand at a critique once you're finished.

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Old 02-08-2009, 09:12 PM   #59
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Re: Keep it Cool

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayar View Post
actually, it should be:

"I'll consider it," was all I'd give her.

(The ' I'd ' simply for continuity purposes, as your narrative voice [I think, at least] calls for it.)

Unless the quoted dialogue ends a sentence/thought, a comma should always be used before endquotes, or else the quoted text and what precedes it will read like one - making the quotes used moot.


I've been keeping up, Kruppo. I'll try my hand at a critique once you're finished.
Yeah of course, but I wasn't paying attention to grammer. Just voice. Grammer is easily fixable.

Do you agree or disagree that he should use contractions?
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Old 02-08-2009, 09:21 PM   #60
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Re: Keep it Cool

I agree so long as the narrator isn't really a deranged psychopath who put together a band just so he could have original songs to listen to while he tortures his victims. If that's the case, elongate elongate elongate!.
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Old 02-08-2009, 09:54 PM   #61
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Re: Keep it Cool

Eh, you have a point. But I don't think he would lose any characterization and he'd gain some read-ability.

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Old 02-10-2009, 08:26 PM   #62
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Re: Keep it Cool

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayar View Post
I've been keeping up, Kruppo. I'll try my hand at a critique once you're finished.
Thanks for reading, guys. It might be a long while before it's finished. I'd like to get it all done before summer starts. It's been more than a year since I started writing this, so I'm kind of annoyed it's taken me this long to get where I'm at now.

But I'll keep working at it. I must be honest, though, when I ask what doing without contractions would do for characterization? I guess I just don't see what the problem is.
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Old 02-15-2009, 01:28 PM   #63
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 24
I stood across from the American Eagle in the local mall less than a week later, feeling accomplished. Behind me was the Pacific Sunwear store, where I had just been handed a job. It had been a stressful few days; with very few people hiring, or claiming they’d call back to set up an interview, but never doing so.
Marvin had encouraged me to keep up the pressure. “Stick to it, no matter what.” He’d said. “Because you won’t be doing anything this summer if you have no cash.”
An unfortunate truth indeed. So unfortunate that it had come to a point, after multiple interviews in the past few days, I had finally reached a point of exhaustion and had stopped caring about where I worked, almost. Once again, I had come dangerously close to going a summer without a job. The pattern was taking on a shape that I didn’t like the looks of. These was happening way too often in the US to be anything other than a severe sign of troubled times coming down the road.
Everyone was losing jobs. It was either that or they just weren’t making enough to support themselves; in a way, it was a circular loop that ran around in a vicious cycle that was, for reasons I don’t think anyone really understood, showing up now on the radar. It was a growing concern, and I wasn’t sure exactly how bad it was gonna get. It was a ball that had been tossed up into the air; nobody knew exactly when it was going to come back down, but we all had a good idea that it was going to be coming at a faster rate than we all anticipated.
Scrambling around like a madman hadn’t helped my chances; it wasn’t that I practically screamed at anyone, or got on my knees and begged for a job. I was friendly, appreciative, and I shook hands firmly, as Marvin had showed me when I was younger. I’m sure what put off the managers and interviewers for other stores were that naturally intense stare I seemed to get on my face whenever I was feeling nervous or desperate. A freakish stare, wide-eyed yet friendly, it definitely was a bad habit of mine.
Not that it mattered anymore. I’d hardly been in the Pacific Sunwear store, having turned in the application, when a big guy came from the back of the store and hollered at the kid working the front. “Hey, did he say he was looking for an interview?” The big guy pointed at me.
Several minutes later I was sitting in the back with this guy, going over my application, and surprisingly, we hit it off great. The big man was a decent guy, friendly as could be, a large smile with a tad bit of an under bite, but a cheerful demeanor that pretty much trumped anything negative about him. Eventually, after completing the interview, I knew I had him hooked; we had connected easily, having a surprising common taste in music. Maybe not the extreme stuff, but this guy seemed to know enough about bands like Kyuss that I didn’t feel like a fool talking to him, which was a pleasant surprise when it came to talking to people about music usually.
“You’re not bad, man,” He shook my hand heartily, beaming me a smile. “Name’s Ted. I think you’ll do well here. So yeah; you’re good.”
“You mean I’m hired?” I tried not to show any true jubilance, but some might’ve shown due to the relief I was feeling in my gut, knowing that I had a job and wasn’t going to be left in the cold with no cash.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “You’ll have to come in and do orientation later this week, but otherwise, yeah, you’re hired.”
“Thanks Ted. I appreciate it man.”
“Not a problem, bud.” He grinned, and it actually seemed as if the room actually was lit up by that smile. Like the light above us had just kicked it up in juice. This instant flaring friendship between Ted and me, though, felt like a truly good sign. There was more to come, I hoped.
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Old 02-15-2009, 01:29 PM   #64
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
Juggernaut rehearsals had been sparse lately, as that everyone was now busy working for cash, and Brian himself was doing summer classes. Ty only had one, and that was on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The rest of us were tired of school, and were taking our summer sabbatical from anything that had to do with exams, textbooks, and lectures.
It being a Friday, Brian was busy, leaving only me, Ty, and Jake. David was running late, but at least he was coming along. He had told me on the phone that he had some song ideas that we would definitely be interested in.
In the meantime, we practiced in Jessie’s garage, not really playing anything in particular. Jake was leaning back on his stool, his back pressing against a stack of disassembled drums parts. “Why does Jessie have all these parts for? He doesn’t even play the drums,” Jake commented as he sized the stack up and down.
“I think he and his dad sell ‘em on Ebay.” Ty said. “Not a bad idea nowadays. You’d do it.”
“Yeah, I would.” Jake agreed.
I was sitting in the only chair in the garage, right next to Mr. Portwood’s truck. Without thinking, I lit up a cigarette, safe in knowledge that the Portwoods didn’t mind smoking; Mr. Portwood himself had been a smoker since the age of 16. Or, so he claimed. I looked over at Jake, who seemed to be completely relaxed, tapping out rim shots while he leaned back, a bored look on his face.
“So how’s the job search?” I asked.
Jake shrugged. “I’ll find something.” He said. “Don’t worry about me, man. I’ve always found something.”
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him anyway. It had been a few weeks now since he’d been informed while we were at Norfolk that he’d been fired. But even then, I had to remind myself that it was Jake, not Ty, Jessie, David, or me, for that matter that had been fired. Jake was tough. He could take it, and he would run with it and make it work.
Jake didn’t even seem to notice me as I studied him carelessly. For a moment, part of me envied him; he was already entrusted by his mom to take care of himself. She never got on him for anything, and I’d been to his house many times. Sometimes, she might say to him “Did you forget to do this…?” and he might respond negatively or positively, but she never told him what to do. Jake was his own man, and he needed no post to lean on, or a friend or girl to carry him. Jake carried himself far better than anyone could. Maybe even better than God could carry him, even; assuming that God cared about men like Jake.
But that was something I wasn’t worried about. Jake was Jake, and constantly fretting about whether or not he had a job or if he was going to be able to get one wasn’t a part of my job description.
Eventually, we started to jam for a little bit, nothing serious or intelligent. Just good ol’ rock emerged from the session. But even as we kept going for the next hour, I couldn’t help but notice that our sound was slowly merging back into the hard rocking sound that it had been for Tits and Tabs. It wasn’t just me, either. Ty and Jake were both playing differently as well; Jake, like he was Brant Bjork, and Ty, like he was backing Bjork up on stage. That left me, playing the way I’d been wanting to play for months now, and it felt great to do so.
David would join us and hour and half after we’d started jamming. He didn’t own a car, so to see him in the passenger seat of a car coming our way was no particular surprise. What threw us all off, especially me, was the recognizable car itself. We knew this car from somewhere, though from where, I had no idea.
As soon as the car parked on the curb next to the driveway, it was only then did I realize who was driving. Rachel stepped out of the car with David, both smiling happily. Something about the picture struck me odd; David approaching in a tee shirt with Megadeath on the front, and Rachel in a skirt. They seemed like an impossible match, one that should never have happened. But here they were, and I was standing the very garage that they wanted access to.
And who was I to tell them to get lost? Even if this had been my garage, being a dick would’ve been pointless. We all said hello, and David warmed up while Rachel and Ty started talking. Jessie had come out of the house, having finished whatever chore his mom had wanted him to take care of. “My bad about that, guys,” he apologized before noticing Rachel. “Whoa. What brings you here?”
“This guy.” She laughed as she pointed at David. She still looked great, and the thought of her being so near yet so far really drove me. Once David was ready, we jumped back into the session, Jessie and Rachel taking seats. I gave Rachel my chair, standing up instead. The sound wasn’t soft or chilled like it had been ten minutes ago. It was now hard, a pounding slam of Jake’s drums coupled with my shredding, and Ty’s relentlessness. It became difficult for David to sing anything, because we were slamming the beat so hard. He finally started to improvise by shouting something I couldn’t hear. I was in my own world, right next to the amp, on an island surrounded by water, cut off from friend and foe. This was what I’d wanted all along; to be able to cut myself off, but do so through sound, not parties, or school, or even road trips with friends.
Eventually, we had to end the session when it became obvious that we were all exhausted and couldn’t find anything else to play. We’d gone over all the songs we’d written, and even pulled off a little improvisation for a while. But we were hitting dead end with no energy, and it was time to call it quits.
For me, calling it quits when that sound had been so close, so reachable that I could almost touch it, this was a disappointment. I stepped out of the garage as everyone else was chatting and cleared my head, lighting another cigarette. I didn’t feel like going back in the garage for a bit. Despite feeling like a failure for not being able to keep the sound going, I also felt that I need a break. A break from what, though? I wasn’t sure.
David finally came out to me after a few minutes. “That was good stuff man. Too bad Brian’s gonna wanna do something different and slower, right?”
“I’d put money down on that.” I told him.
“Yeah,” David nodded his head. “You all right, man? Why are you out here when everyone else is in there?”
“I just feel like I need some space.” It was somewhat true, but I knew it was more than just that. I had counted on Rachel joining the jamming session today, and it brought up awkward feelings. I didn’t hate the girl, nor did I hate the boy she was with, who was standing next to me. But I every time I saw them together, I felt like I was a wrench that was destined to be thrown into the machine of romance they’d constructed.
And that was a role I was not interested in playing; but despite my reluctance, there was something devilish in me, some inner demon just waiting for the opportunity to arrive where it could cause me to achieve a total obliteration of the bond Rachel and David seemed to have. I had to get out, go do something or find someone else to hang with.
“Well, I need to get going,” I heard myself saying aloud to David as we were standing there. “I got business to take care of tonight.”
The look in David’s eyes spoke aloud for him; he wasn’t buying my crap. Those eyes, though calm, were filled with disbelief. I almost expected him to call me out, call me a liar, or ask me what kind of business I had my hand in on this particular day. But luck was on my side for the moment; David did none of these things, but slapped me on the back as we proceeded towards the garage. He helped me pack my stuff, and I said goodbye to everyone in there, including Rachel. I was on my way out when she said one last thing “So what are you getting into, tonight?”
“Me? I have some stuff to do at home that my dad wants me to help him with.” I turned around and left without another word. The last one would belong to me, not her.
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Old 02-15-2009, 02:29 PM   #65
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 25
Mitch and I sat in his living room, his parents out for the weekend, off on their anniversary. Mitch had been waiting for such an opportunity, he claimed.
“Glad you’re here,” He said as he disappeared into his room for a few moments, shouting through the door as I sat on the couch. “I wouldn’t be able to do this on my own.” He remerged with a whole case of Natty, and put it down on the small table in front of us. “I’ve got a few girls comin’ over,” He said. “We’ll all have a good time and fuck around.”
I was all for good times, and I had no problem with having girls around, but I wasn’t going to touch the beer. I made this clear to Mitch, but he just laughed. “You say that now,” he said, with a glimmer in his eye. “But trust me when I say that tonight I’m gonna get you drunker than you’ve ever been in your life.”
“Go for it,” I sighed. “You’ll get nowhere, man. I quite for a reason.”
“And there’s a reason why you’re not in good spirits all the time, is there?” Mitch’s eyes were getting intense; filled with frustration. He shook his head. “I’m not sayin’ that getting drunk is the answer to all the problems in life, man. You know me better than that. But…” he bit his lip in deep thought as he popped a can open. “It’s kinda like getting in a fight for me. Is it a temporary happiness? Hell yeah. The Adrenaline kicks in, and you feel like superman for a short while. But that’s all it is, a temporary high. I know that, I ain’t an idiot.”
I just let him keep talking, though his words were starting to get under my skin. I gritted my teeth as he went on. “But let me ask you something; you’ve never been in a fight, have you?” His darkly-smooth eyes were challenging me. I could feel the weight of their punches as they dared me to answer the question.
“No. You know that.”
“Of course you haven’t; so you can’t understand what it’s like being in one. I’m sure it’s probably something like when you’re playing your music, though.” Mitch shrugged. “I mean, it’s just this experience that’s so crazy, you wouldn’t believe it. For maybe a few moments, even if you’re the one getting hit, it’s like some survival episode in a movie or something. You don’t care about what everyone else thinks about you getting beaten up, you’re just looking to get back on your feet and pay this douchebag back for hitting you in the first place. You’re not there to please people; you’re just trying to make sure you knock this guy down so that he can’t get back up for a bit. And if he does get back up, you’ll at least be ready for him.”
I had no idea where Mitch was going with all of this. Suffice to say, I couldn’t see the connection between this explanation and beer. I considered the possibility that Mitch might have been steadily drinking before I’d even arrived, but one glance at his eyes again revealed that this was his first beer of the night, and he was straight.
“And…” I goaded him further anyway, looking for some entertainment.
“My point is, man, that drinkin’s kinda like that. You’re pissed off about something? This’ll at least make sure you’re not so focused on it. It’ll work for a little while, maybe until tomorrow, but then you’ll be ready for whatever.” Mitch held out a beer to me then. I didn’t reach for it, and I didn’t want to.
“Dude, that was a terrible attempt,” I admitted. “That did nothing to encourage me.”
“Then just shut the fuck up and drink anyways. You need to do it, man.” Mitch flung the can into my chest.
“Why do I need to do it? What’s the point?” I really didn’t know, and I was begging for an answer. “It solves nothing.”
“It’s not supposed to solve anything! Didn’t you hear a word I just said? It’s supposed to be a distraction!”
“Then why would I want to do it? I don’t need any more distractions in my life.” That much was true. Mitch didn’t want to hear it though.
“Dude, I know it got out of hand a while ago,” He said. “But you were just a kid then. You didn’t know how to handle it, and you weren’t ready. You’re older and wiser now. You know when to walk away. Are you seriously going to deny yourself some downtime just because you tried something once when you were young and dumb and didn’t like it?”
I didn’t know how to handle this argument. I was unequipped, and it showed. No matter where the debate turned, Mitch had me cornered, just begging me to let go for the night and enjoy myself. I still managed to keep my hands away from the beer can sitting in my lap, cold to the touch.
“You know what? Forget it man. You’re the stubbornest person I’ve ever known, Palma. You realize that?” Mitch gave up, fuming. “It’s not even funny anymore. You’re no fun to be around when everyone’s drunk, because all you do is sit in a corner and glare at everyone like they’re degenerates.”
That wasn’t entirely true, but I knew that he was getting there. I had to admit, I felt guilty about running his good mood, but I just couldn’t bring myself to open the can, even if only for the sake of preserving his good mood. About twenty minutes after our heated debate the girls arrived, three of them, all blonde or brunette, all of them looking to have a good time. Then another guy showed up, and the gender ratio was an even 3:3.
Mitch forgot about me when the new guy showed up, and they all drank quickly. The new guy had brought another case and a bottle of Captain Morgan. I sat on the couch, speaking occasionally when someone asked me something or nudged me. Mitch kept glancing my way, though, and I knew he was getting annoyed.
The beer was still in my lap, but it was getting warm now. And as I sat there, surveying this scene of kids doing what kids did best, I suddenly felt something snap in me. What was I doing? How could I be so sullen about the situation? It wasn’t like I was underage, or not mature enough to handle any drinking. The whole thing seemed so…childish now. Shame hit me then, and I felt like an idiot for sitting there on the couch like a goody-two-shoes.
And the truth finally reached me in an epiphany. Who did I think I was? I was getting tired of going to these kinds of hang outs, feeling like the only man in the world that was sober, and not getting what everyone else was laughing at. I was tired of being left to my own devices, having no one there to support me, because everyone was grouping together under the influence instead.
I was getting so tired of it, and this epiphany seeped through the cracks of my armor, breaking my will down. I tried to think of mom, tried to think of why I was remaining sober in the first place. But the moment my thoughts drifted over to her, I felt a sudden disgust with myself. She wasn’t around anymore. I was hanging onto a dead thought, one that had been bludgeoning my brain and my good humor for a long time now. It was time to end this charade and move on to what hopefully seemed to be healthier prospects.
Everyone in the room looked my way when they heard the tab on my beer make a popping noise as I opened it up. Mitch gave a yell of triumph and slapped me on the back. I brought the beer up to my lips, and let it enter my mouth for the first time in years.
It tasted like shit, but that was Natty for you. And even though it wasn’t a pleasant taste, just the feeling of alcohol itself in my system after a few gulps of beer felt different. Or maybe I was just feeling better, knowing that I was going to try and move into a different phase of my life. Something more adventurous or interesting. Whatever the case was, I finished the beer fairly quickly and had myself another one.
I eventually started to slip in my perspective, and everything started to lose focus. I felt like if I started to move around too fast, I was going to fall over and hit my head on the way down. That seemed inevitable rather than just being a possibility, so I tried to stay on the couch while everyone was goofing off around the house. Eventually, one of the blondes started to speak sweetly to me. I was fairly wasted at the time, and I didn’t comprehend a single word she was saying.
Soon, she crawled onto my lap, and not too long afterwards, I lost complete control of my consciousness and everything went black.
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Old 02-15-2009, 08:29 PM   #66
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 26
Waking up that next morning is something I won’t ever forget. The first words out of my mouth were relevant in every single connotation of the phrase used:
“Ah…shit, what the fuck?” everything hurt. I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and remain in that position for the rest of the week.
It was fairly quiet in the house. I suspected that, judging from the fact that there was hardly any sunlight coming through the nearest window that it was early still. Beside me the blonde was still asleep. Now that I was completely sober studying her, she was a cute kid. Her hair was curled, tucked around her neck and shoulders. She wasn’t a skinny thing like the other two had been; she actually looked like a stuffed animal of some kind, given the way she was laying. She was curled up very close to me. Something about the scene struck me as humorous, seeing this fairly cute girl lying next to a table crowded with beer cans and a completely empty bottle of rum. Or maybe the term ‘humorous’ wasn’t the one I was searching for. In either case, I felt a sudden surge of curiosity. Had we-? Checking myself, all my clothing was still on. All of hers were still on, except for her shirt.
This revelation hit me hard, and for a moment I was dumbstruck with fear. I knew I’d had no condoms on me, had I done something I was gonna regret? Or had we just played around instead? The fear was enough to galvanize me to my feet, at least so that I could find Mitch, whenever in the house he was.
I eventually found him, after minutes of scouting around, in the master bedroom upstairs, in the bathroom. He was on the floor, wearing a robe, but with nothing underneath it, and it wasn’t tied. The other two girls were on the bed, asleep.
I had to hit him hard across the face to wake him up, but Mitch came around fast enough, pissed that I’d woke him. He finally spoke to me in a half rasp “Dude, now that was a good night.” He smiled at me.
I nodded, not trusting my voice just yet. He stood up and tied the robe shut, glancing at the girls in the bed. “Well,” he said softly. “I guess I’m gonna have to make breakfast for us all.”
“Where’s the other guy?” I asked him as we left the room, proceeding down the carpeted steps. My body ached considerably with every movement I made. I just wanted someone to hit me and knock me out.
“He left last night. He had someone pick him up.” We stopped to glance at the table of Booze. “Wow,” Mitch now had his smile out and full, proud. “We sure did a number last night, huh?”
“I can’t remember anything.” I admitted.
“Well, I wouldn’t either, if I’d had as much as you had, and I was a lightweight,” Mitch chuckled. He noticed the blonde and shook his head. “She had a ton too, man. You two were all over each other last night. Fell asleep on the couch there for a while, and then…well, I have no idea how you two ended up on the ground later, but then again, I was tied up with those other two-”
“Did we-” I cut him off, unsure how to phrase my words correctly. “Did we just play around, or did you see anything more than that?”
“What?” Mitch didn’t get it, and I had to explain what I meant. He laughed shortly and shook his head. “Not really. I don’t think so. But then again,” he shrugged. “Like I said, I was upstairs for a while there. Who knows? You had fun, right?”
“I don’t remember anything!” I repeated.
He just ignored my statement, instead making his way to the kitchen. I helped him with breakfast, making enough for all five of us. The girls from the upstairs woke up first, and both woke their friend up. The blonde smiled at me as we all sat down around in the kitchen. She had her shirt back on, and she sat down quietly next to me. Even when everyone else was being chatty, morning-people, the blonde and I remained quiet. Me, because I was desperately trying to comb my brain for any memory or image I could scrape up from last night, and her, because I suspected that she was shy in nature. Some quiet girl whose friends decided that they were going to get her out of the house and hanging out with boys.
I glanced at her twice, and both times she smiled at me, not saying a word. It was an awkward situation that the other three hadn’t seemed to notice. After finishing my plate, I broke the ice. Otherwise, I would’ve gone mad with the silence. “You know, this is gonna sound weird,” I started off, looking right into her crystal blue eyes, “But I don’t think I caught your name last night.”
To be honest, I hadn’t caught any names that previous night. I was sure of this, at the very least. But nothing else clicked in my brain; no other knowledge came to me then. But at least the girl spoke then. “Brittany.” She smiled again, but this time, I couldn’t help but notice some discomfort in her body language as she turned from me then and sipped the orange juice in her glass.
Mitch looked over at me, smirking. I couldn’t wink or smile back. I bit my lip instead, and mouthed “We’ll talk later.” To him while the other two girls were talking, their attention on each other, not Mitch. Mitch read my words and nodded shortly.
“So are you from around here?” Brittany piped up, and I answered swiftly.
“Uh, yeah. About fifteen minutes away from here. How about you?”
“I’m about thirty minutes away.” She said.
“Cool. So uh…” I was running out of filler questions, so I threw one at random. “what school are you from?”
“NOVA,” was her reply. “Where are you from?”
“GMU,” I kept going, despite my reluctance to talk. I had too much to figure out about the previous night, and this sure wasn’t helping anything but my social skills. “Are you freshman? Sophomore?”
“Freshman,” She nodded at the first one. “Just graduated from Osbourn Park High School last year.”
I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard that name. “OP? Lame. I have many a friend who says that that school sucked.”
“It did.” She laughed too. “But I survived, so I won’t complain.”
“Fair enough.” This went on for a little bit, when one of the brunettes stood up then, and announced that they needed to get going. Mitch and I saw them to their car, and we all said our fond farewells. Brittany looked down at the ground before looking back up at me, smiling brightly. “Nice meeting you.” She said. She quickly reached up and gave a hug before hopping in the SUV her friend drove. They took off, leaving me with many unanswered questions, and a head filled with confusion.
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Old 02-15-2009, 08:30 PM   #67
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
“Okay, so you wanna tell me what happened exactly?” I was at work, hours later, and Mitch had strolled in, citing boredom as his reason for visiting. Ted was in the backroom, busy with something, and I was the only man working the register that day. Being a Friday, things would get busy soon, but it was only two in the afternoon.
“With what, Brit and you?” He grinned. “What are you getting curious or something?”
I leaned on hardwood counter then, chewing on his words as he took the whole store in, the clothes racks, the walls lines with jeans, shirts, and styles of attire that was almost pointless in my eyes as much as his. It was nice having someone to hang out with besides Ted while working in a store where trends were being set on a daily basis, and nothing lasted long enough to become household anymore. People were scrambling to find the new ‘thing’ and it seemed to be getting America nowhere. The age of the Consumer would die a slow and agonizing death one day, and I’d be there, knowing that I’d predicted such an ending in the first place.
“Please, if you could just stop messing with me,” I was at the point where I was too tired to be playing games with Mitch anymore. I just couldn’t do it. “Just tell me what you really know about her. Is she clean?”
Mitch lost it then, slapping the counter hard as he burst out laughing. He spun around, completely crazed with laughter for a full minute. Ted came out just as this situation developed, and several customers waded in, staring at this strange friend of mine, who was dying, apparently.
“You know him?” Ted asked quick as he passed by.
“Uh, yeah.” I was trying not to grin, but it was impossible.
Ted rolled his eyes. “Unless he’s in here trying to purchase something, I’d appreciate it if you’d just send him on his way or something. I don’t want it looking like you’re just conversing without really working.”
I understood, and I waited until Mitch had himself under control. “Look man, I need to get back to work,” I said. “But I want an explanation later, all right? No one laughs like that and says there’s nothing to the story.”
“Oh, there is, but I won’t let you writhe in agony over it,” he chuckled again, and leaned forward confidentially. “Dude, I honestly believe that chick is a virgin, bro. I mean, the way she’s been when I’ve seen here, I can’t believe she even touched any beer. I’ve never seen her drink until last night, and I’ve seen her around a lot.”
“So you two are friends?” I was hearing what he said, but I was still wrapping my mind around it. The customers were looking around in the store, but it seemed as though they were coming close to finding whatever it was they were looking for.
“Yeah; I’m more friends with her sister though.” Mitch said. “That was the other girl last night; the one that I’d been with the whole night before the other girl jumped in on us. I don’t know who she is though,” He frowned at this. “Come to think of it, that was a strange development…”
“Mitch.” I said, anxious.
“Oh yeah,” He picked up where he’d left off. “Nah man, she’s definitely a clean kid. I think she’s a goody-goody or something. Pretty sure, anyways. Just ask her sis about it sometime. I’m sure she can attest to that.”
“I didn’t know you knew such words. Since when do you go around saying things like ‘attest’?”I had to laugh at him, and he glared sourly at me.
“Screw you man,” He said. “But hey, I’d better go. See you later?”
“Ah,” I had a meeting with Juggernaut that night, so time was short for me. “Maybe. Give me a call around five or so.”
He left then, and as if on cue the customers who’d come in were standing in front of me. I smiled as kindly as I could. “Hi there. How can I help you today?”
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Old 02-18-2009, 06:49 PM   #68
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
The meeting was held late at night, around ten. We were all huddled around in my living room while Marvin and Grant were both asleep. We hadn’t planned on a really long meeting, and it was late enough as it was.
For a change though, Brian had shown up, while David had to stay at home to spend time with his mom and dad. Brian had arrived last, a grim look on his face, but otherwise, everyone seemed to be in a decent mood; decent enough to discuss the thoughts that had been crossing my skull for the last few weeks. While everyone else sat down, I remained standing, pacing back and forth in the dim lighting of the room, unsure how to begin.
Brian started things off. “I’ve been thinking lately,” he said. “I think we need to talk about sound again.”
“Again? Don’t we have this talk almost every time we meet up?” Jake rolled his eyes, and the battle began. “Dude, I think we need to quit-”
“Let me finish!” Brian didn’t raise his voice, but he came close enough, and I shot him a warning glance as he settled back down on the small wooden chair he’d grabbed from the kitchen. “I think we need to fire David.”
The room was dead silent for a full minute before we could even think of something to say. “What?” was the general consensus at first. I locked eyes with Brian, his eyes staring back at me with what could be described as a tornado in the making, brewing around in those pupils. I couldn’t find the words to say, to even begin to reason with him, so he drew first blood again.
“Dude, I knew from the start it was a bad idea having him join us,” Brian shrugged helplessly. “I’ve gone along with it so that you guys would get it out of your system. Just think about it; he doesn’t fit in. We don’t sound right with him in Juggernaut. We sound more like…like…” he shook his head. “Ah, hell, I don’t even know what we sound like, but I know it sucks. We just sound like another rock band.”
“What, just because we have a singer? Dude, that’s a lame excuse. Really lame.” Jake was once again the first man to throw himself forward as a challenger.
Ty chewed on his leap before speaking. “Bro,” he finally said. “I think you’re getting a little carried away with all this. Juggernaut is Juggernaut man. Is there a point to caring about what others think about us?”
“Don’t you guys want to be innovative? I mean, c’mon, I thought that was what this was all about; pushing the envelope?” Brian was definitely glaring at me now. He was baiting me, just waiting for me to swing first. He wanted a confrontation.
“You know,” Jake spoke up before I could get a word in. “All you ever do is bitch, you realize that, man? First you bitched about how Tits and Tabs sounded like a bunch of stoners wrote it, and then when we finished the next EP, you started bitching again when we weren’t playing enough like Naked City. What’s your problem?”
“Hey!” I tried to put myself between them, but Jake wasn’t having any of it. He stood up, and so did Brian, both of them looking ready to throw elbows.
“You sure you’re in the right band?” Jake said first.
“Fuck you! I’m the only reason you’re in this band!”
“Hey!” I finally took a step forward, physically putting myself in between them. “Marvin’s asleep, man! Both of you shut up!”
Neither moved. I was worried I’d have to do something desperate to avoid the coming storm. Ty was now standing, ready to grab his brother in case Brian threw a punch. I slapped Jake on the forearm. I heard him take a deep breath, and I felt the wind from his lungs hit me on the back of my neck as he let it out, a deliberate emphasis on what he planned to do if Brian didn’t back down.
“Enough,” I was tired as it was. I didn’t want any more of this. “I know, I know. It’s been a weird period for us. I know we seem to have been progressing back to hardcore elements-”
“Progressing?” Brian smirked. “More like regressing. Dude, I thought you guys wanted to change and move forward with something new. Apparently, I didn’t get the memo that we’re still playing like Devil Wears Prada or whatever.”
I was staring to lose my temper with Brian. I’d been playing calm for the episode, but now I could actually feel the wrath rising up in my chest, slowly ascending, ready to break out of my throat and hands. Brian couldn’t see it coming; he wouldn’t see it coming unless I started to tremble, like I had been known to do in the past. But for the moment, all that was happening was me clenching my fists.
“Maybe we need to take a break,” Ty suggested from behind Brian. “Think all of this over. We need to really be careful about this kind of talk.”
“Yeah,” I said, hoping this would mollify both Brian and Jake. “Let’s not do something stupid here. Seriously. We’re a band together, not apart.”
“Do you even know what you’re saying anymore?” Brian’s cold eyes ran a white-hot nail through me as he continued to smirk. “You know what? I’m tired of this man. Everyone is always against me. No matter what I say, everyone always attacks me. It’s like my opinion in this band doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “You know that good and well that’s not the case.”
“Bullshit.” He shook his head. “You guys don’t like my work. You don’t approve of it, and I see that. I get it. Why else would you bring in a minor for a singer? So that you could push me out of the band. You’re trying to shove me out, Palma, and you know it.”
Although we weren’t necessarily being loud, I was getting worried that Marvin was going to hear this and come stomping down the steps, annoyed that we were making such bad noise. How could we let it come to this? Juggernaut had been a democracy, for the lack of a better term. We had been brothers up until now. But it seemed a thief had stolen one of our brothers from us, and it looked like things were not going to end well.
Brian stepped back a half-pace, and Jake sat down. I relaxed my guard, and so did Ty, who was looking relieved for the moment. “Chad,” Brian said, almost in a sad manner. “You and me, we started this thing man. You were there from the start. So you make the call.”
“What are you talking about? What call?” I knew instinctively what he was talking about, but my heart didn’t want to accept it. Didn’t want to face the music, not after things had been finally coming around, when Juggernaut seemed like it might actually go somewhere. It was looking grim.
“I can’t be in this band as long as David is in it too.” He said. “It’s either me or him. And you know what, it’s all right with me if you keep him. It’s whatever man. I’ll just go find some other guys to play with.”
“Don’t start trying to put him on a guilt trip!” Ty nudged Brian hard from behind sternly. “Not cool, man. Don’t put him on the spot like that. That’s a bitch move right there.”
Brian ignored him. It was down to me then, to make the choice. To turn a new page, or maintain the one we’d been trying to hold onto for years now. I couldn’t do it. There was some internal war being waged within now; my karma was wrecked. The anarchistic free-for-all that was my subconscious had no idea what was the real choice now. Brian had been my friend for years; did I trade him for a kid that I’d been cool with, but no really as tight as I was with Brian?
It wasn’t just that, either. Did I trade Brian for a kid who was dating the girl I’d had my sights on for a while now? Or did I keep this kid, hoping that somehow, he’d contribute something better to Juggernaut than just division and complaining? Brian’s rants and raves during recording sessions had been ugly marks on Juggernaut’s history; we all knew how vicious he could get, due to his perfectionist attitude. He was almost as bad as Billy Corgan was supposed to be.
The words came out of my mouth before I knew what I was doing. “I’m not kicking David out of the band, Brian. I’m sorry.” It was like a small pebble hitting the surface of water in a pond, bouncing a few times before causing a ripple. The waves traveled through the room, and surprise and shock was on the face of every man in the room.
No doubt they’d expected a different choice. Brian’s eyes were filled with sincere sadness now. I held out my hand. He took it quickly, weakly, barely forming a handshake. He looked around with disbelief, and nodded once. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. That’s it then. Good luck with Juggernaut guys.”
“Good luck with whatever you do in the future, man.” Jake spoke for the rest of us. Brian reached over and shook his hand.
“No hard feelings about the yelling?” he inquired of Jake. Jake shook his head.
“None whatsoever.” Brian turned around then and looked at Ty. Immediately I felt regret draw deeply into me. These two were flesh-and-blood brothers. This was going to affect them. I figured then that Ty would beg me to reconsider the choice, really mull it over. But he didn’t. Instead, he and Brian seemed to share and understanding glance, and they both told us they’d see us around.
The moment I heard the front door shut quietly, I collapsed into the couch, drained. Jake joined me, looking just like I felt. He rubbed his eyes with one hand. “You think I made the right choice?” I had to know. It would kill me otherwise.
He looked at me then, his dirt-brown eyes filled with uncertainty. “I don’t know, man. When is anything ever certain?”
Of course, he was right. He left ten minutes later. I spent the rest of the night awake in my room, feeling restless, and guilty. For a little bit, I thought I understood how Judas Iscariot felt after betraying Jesus. It felt fucked up.
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Old 02-24-2009, 08:21 AM   #69
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 27
For the duration of the week, and even during the first few days of the next one, my mind was scrambled in between Juggernaut’s woes and work. I was working generally most of the time that I should’ve been rehearsing. I only got to rehearse once or twice a week now. And even after we had broken the news to David about Brian, things in the band just seemed to be broken. For starters, no one could write anything new. We tried to write even more stuff like Tits and Tabs, even, and still nothing came out of it. We all rode in from the wave of frustration, all of us broken, dejected, and unsure about the future.
Marvin had even asked me once during the one time I’d seen him on a casual basis if I was sure that I even needed to go in for work that day. I was worn out, he claimed. “You’ve got bags under your eyes.” He reached out to my face, as if to point them out. I just stepped away from him and went to work.
Even being at Pacific Sunwear was boring, though Ted was a great, upbeat person to be around. He had this energy in him, the kind you can’t keep down. But Ted wasn’t always there to hang out with; usually he was in the back taking care of business. There were others who worked in the store, but they were all stoners or idiots. One in particular, a Jason, some long-haired Kurt Cobain wannabe, had once told me while we were working that sometimes he borrowed cash out of the register when he needed something to go on for the week.
Suffice to say, Ted found out fairly quick about this development and had him fired, threatening to call the cops if he ever saw Jason again. The kid vanished into thin air after that.
I was half awake when Elicia came in, during the week. She surprised me completely. I didn’t even see her when she yelled “CHAD!” from right beside me. The yell caused me to jump, and almost fall over.
She laughed at me, and I couldn’t help but grin as well. I needed sleep desperately, but I wasn’t going to let her in on that. “Nice to see a friendly face for a change.” I said.
“I’ll bet. What time do you get off?” She was dressed in American Eagle attire, all across the torso. Save for shoe wear, she was a walking endorsement for the damn store.
“Uh,” I forgot for a moment. “Eight? I’ve been here since seven.”
“Yeah? Does your dad need you back home?” She was in a bubbly mood, almost as if she was going to start jumping up and down excitedly. I really wasn’t in the mood for it, as much as I liked her. She was fun to be around, but not when a man had only four hours of real sleep in the last few days.
“Not really. He’s probably off doing something.” It then occurred to me that the old man was having a few friends over for the night, and I passed this information along to her. Elicia laughed.
“Well, I think we should hang out tonight,” Her eyes sparkled, and my soul groaned. I simply did not have enough strength to face a night of wild times drinking or anything similar.
In fact, remembering the drinking not too long ago, I almost had no interest in doing it again. Not after what had happened with that Brittany girl. Strangely enough, the kid had been on my mind. I’d felt sorry for her that she’d gotten mixed up with me during a night where she should’ve been home, spending time with her parents, or her sisters or brothers, if she had any. Brittany hadn’t struck me as anything other than a poor, sweet kid who’d somehow got thrown into a den of drunkards that night in Mitch’s living room.
And now, who knew where she was? Probably sitting at home, trying to forget what had happened. Her friends were probably trying to get her to go to the next big party in town, and she probably had me in her head as an association with what happens when you party; you meet a shady character like Chad Palma, the drunkard who didn’t know his own limits.
Elicia kept pestering me, and I finally agreed to hang out. It was something I’d felt was entirely involuntary, similar to that of the heart beating, or the brain running signals throughout the body. Chad Palma did not seem to be in control of his own body.
A shame it was, stumbling around, feeling my body wasn’t big enough for my soul, and I was at the bursting point. Ted came around later that day, as I was slowly closing shop down. He observed me with that thick, jolly face, his eyes darting up and down my appearance. “When’s the last time you’ve slept?” He asked me.
“You don’t wanna know the answer to that.” I said.
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:39 PM   #70
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
We sat out under the stars at the Uno’s near the mall. I’d hopped her car, planning on getting mine back after we’d finished up. It was still in the mall parking lot. But for the past two hours, instead of just eating quickly as I had originally planned, Elicia and I found interesting things to talk about, and for those two hours, I felt at ease, instead of a tired and disjointed state. My head was clear, and I felt content with everything set before me.
It wasn’t that we even spoke about anything that was significantly important. We just spoke about dreams, about future wants and needs, and above all, the end of the road that we thought we could make out from where we were standing; that road called Life, and the end being the literal END of it all, where everything seemed to just come to a crashing halt.
Elicia asked me first, startling me as I had been gazing at the stars, listening to the gentle jazz being played nearby in a speaker system set up all around the area. “So what do you hope you’ll be doing in ten years?”
Easy question. At least, it started out as such. “Well, I hope to be writing music for the rest of my life. I don’t wanna have to worry about money, of course, and we’ll see how that turns out.” I didn’t have much to say on the matter. As far as dreams went, my life was playing itself out well so far. I was at least writing music, and that was a boost of healthiness. Elicia’s next question was the one that startled me.
“But what do you think will really happen in ten years?” I was puzzled by the sudden conviction in her voice, and I looked closer, seeing if I could find a reason for her strange question. Surely she led a happy life? I had not seen the kid once where she seemed upset or unhappy…
But to answer her, I finally gave in and unleashed the floodgates of doubt that had been sprouting within me for the past few weeks after Brian’s departure from Juggernaut. “I don’t think it will work out in the end. I’ll probably end up doing some shit job in some shit place because no one cares if I can play a guitar or not. No one cares if I can write a good song, or if I can actually come up with something fresh sounding. No one even cares about what music is really there for; to explore the depths of the soul. All we care about now is how it sounds to our ear; is the sound pleasant? Perverted? Weird? Uncool?”
Elicia nodded intently, hanging on every word. I was too busy thinking rapidly to let her get a word in. “I know I’m not the best guitarist there is. I know I’m not the first to do what I’ve been doing. I know I won’t be the last. But you’d think that it’s important that we try to achieve that balance between what’s right in music, and what’s not, yeah?” the confused look on her features revealed that she didn’t get it, so I tried to elaborate. “What’s right about music is that it’s…it’s almost a spiritual purge, not a physical one. It’s got its moments where it can help us release a little bit of physical stress, sure, but music is more about cleaning the internal space rather than the external. Music is supposed to help us understand ourselves better.”
“So you think that by playing something that’s already been done before,” Elicia said after a moment “you’re improving yourself spiritually? How? I guess I just don’t get it.”
“Well, it’s not that playing the same thing does the work; it’s the awareness that we develop that helps with that,” She was trying to hide behind that innocent, fun-lovin’ girl image that I’d seen every time we had met and hung out before. Now I was starting to see something; a whole new individual was appearing before me. I decided to keep going, see who I was really talking to. “We aren’t just developing our minds when we start to write and play stuff. We’re evolving, actually. Our minds are shifting into different kinds of specimen than they were when we started out. Now they’re more varied, they enjoy different tastes, and they are willing to experiment more.”
“Evolution? Chad, I don’t think you realize how strange you sound sometimes,” She laughed then, and for a moment the fun-lovin’ girl was back. The image disappeared as quickly as it had come. She leaned forward, looking very pretty in the night, suddenly. I lost my train of thought for a moment, being distracted by her.
“Well…” I floundered in my brain until I found where I’d left off. “It sounds strange, but it’s true. Humanity’s a progressive race; you don’t need me to tell you that though. You’ve probably already noticed it for yourself. We started out with nothing, and now look at what we’ve accomplished over the millenniums gone by.”
She was starting to see my point, amongst other things. We eventually got off topic and she sat uncomfortably for a little while before I got tired of sitting there, watching as she stared blankly at the empty glass in front of her that had held Pepsi an hour ago. “You know, I’m thinking that you have something you wanna get out of your system.” I said it directly, trying to be nice, but firm. Whether she was aware of this, I had no idea. She looked up at me, her lips partly open, as if astonished that I’d read her thoughts.
She opened her mouth, closed it sharply, and then opened it again, looking lost. “I don’t know,” She finally gave up and shook her head. “I just feel like, you know, we’re just wasting our time here.”
“Here at UNO’s, or do you mean it another way?”
“Just everything!” She now looked frustrated, and it was a strange turn of events for me to see her this way. I had never seen her look so bothered over something. “I don’t know why I’m in school. It feels like someone already had my life planned out before I was born, and they’re just dragging me along through it.”
.
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:40 PM   #71
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Re: Keep it Cool

I knew well what she was talking about; that strange feeling we all get that there was someone keeping an eye on us, or pushing us along a path in life that we didn’t particularly feel like choosing. I had assumed in my younger days that it was merely the God character, doing what He did best. But now, I had new suspicions to go on, and they weren’t pretty.
Always, we were going on ranting and bitching at a God we didn’t understand, assuming he was to blame, due to his omnipotence. Yet not once had I heard a single person ‘fess up and admit that just maybe, God wasn’t the perpetrator. We were the only ones to blame.
But no one ever wanted to see that for themselves. No one wanted to look at themselves in the mirror, note the rusty, darkened color of despair tinting their eyes, and admit that “Shit, I fucked up this time.” Even though my pride be damned, I knew I was no better than any of these people. I was one of them as well, staring at the mirror, seeing a skinny, pale creature on the other side, a hungry look on his face, his eye pleading with me to just admit that he was the outcome of all my choices, and he was what I would become in the end, after years of life finally passed me by.
As I sat there, I could feel Elicia’s depression finally start to permeate through me, penetrating my shell and throwing a switch in the dark. I wanted nothing to do with her depression; I had enough difficulty with my own life as it were, and I didn’t need some girl trying to yank me down to her level. As much I as liked hanging out with Elicia, I was not enjoying the girl I was seeing before me now; as it turned out, she was only a small child, alone in the world, afraid of everyone and everything, unsure where she should go, or where she could go, even.
The evening wrapped up quickly after that. We got in her car, and she didn’t start it right away, instead opting to sit there, the sadness of that little girl leaking from within still leaking out for the entire world to see. “I’m sorry Chad,” She finally said after an awkward moment. “I don’t want to burden you with my life. I just get tired of it sometimes.”
“Don’t we all?” I leaned against the window, trying to maintain my calm, trying not to let her depression get to me. It was harder than I figured it would be. She gripped the wheel tightly, as if it was the only truth she knew in life, and if she let go, all would be lost.
She began crying, or was on the verge of it as she drove us back to the mall parking lot. The tears themselves were only noticeable because I’d been looking for them, scrutinizing her face for any signs of trouble. I saw the tears then, and I knew that I’d have to do something. I didn’t want the girl to go home a complete mess.
But who was I? Chad Palma, the mysterious gentleman, the man who can comfort all women of all sorts of woes? It didn’t fit my vibe. I was just a former drunkard and addict who’d managed to beat the odds somehow and now was slowly diving back into that wave of craziness. And here was a girl who wanted to shove me deeper into it.
But then, a small sound struck me, and I felt myself inwardly jerked. It was a small gasp, to the untrained or indifferent ear, but I knew what it had truly been. A sob that slipped through the restraints that she was putting up to ensure that I didn’t hear it. Or perhaps, on a subconscious level, she had actually meant for me to hear it? Did it really matter in the end?
Before I knew what I was doing, I unbuckled my seat belt, and my arm snaked around her shoulders. She hunched over, and fell right into my chest, not even trying to hide the crying now. I felt her arms slip around my waist, and after a few moments, I pondered whether I should say something or not.
“You’ll be fine.” I told her. “We all go through bad moments. We all just drift from one thing to another. Whatever’s botherin’ you right now will pass.”
She took a while to calm down, and when she finally regained control of herself, I was feeling a little better for it as well. It was a relief that she’d stopped crying. She looked up at me with reddened eyes, and planted a kiss on my cheek. “You’re a real sweetheart.” Were the final words I heard her say that night before we went our separate ways. I spent the rest of that night on my bed, wondering what exactly I had just witnessed earlier that night.
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Old 03-24-2009, 12:53 PM   #72
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 28
I was sitting at the table with Marvin, finishing up some pizza we’d ordered, because neither felt like taking a stab at cooking. So we’d ordered a large pepperoni pizza and a large Hawaiian pineapple pizza.
Sitting back in his chair, a satisfied look on his face, Marvin smiled slightly after sighing. “There’s a reason why I don’t eat much pizza,” he said to me. “It’s because I eat too much when I get my hands on it.”
I could relate; there is nothing better in the world at making someone feel fatter than pizza. But what a wonderful feeling it is when it happens. I grabbed both boxes and took them out to the trash, and came back in to find Grant talking with Marvin.
They were into the conversation pretty deep when I approached. “So how’s everything going with that, anyway?” Marvin was beaming about something. I hadn’t heard what it was Grant had said previously, so what that particular could be I had no idea.
“We’re doing great,” Grant shrugged. “Could we have her over for dinner sometime?”
“Her? Who’s her?” I couldn’t help my curiosity, and I stepped in before Marvin could speak. I leaned on the counter next to Grant, and I nudged him. “You didn’t tell me you were datin’ anyone, man. Is she cute? What’s she look like? Blonde, brunette? Mexican?”
Grant blushed, and Marvin rolled his eyes. “Chad, leave him be.” Marvin said. “You should be proud of him anyways. It’s been a while, huh Grant?”
Grant’s blush didn’t go away, but he nodded. “Her name’s Patty,” he told me. “Is that okay, or is there a problem?”
“Why would there be a problem?” I didn’t care. The glare he was giving me spoke volumes, however. I knew he was pissed for me butting into the whole thing. The last thing in the world Grant liked was getting made fun of for having very little experience with girls. It was something he wasn’t proud of, and even though I never really poked huge fun at him, I did tease him every now and then.
It wasn’t going to make him feel better unless I encouraged him. So I punched him on the shoulder lightly. “Bring to hang out with me and the guys sometime.”
“Yeah, right,” Grant said sourly. “That’s what I need; a bunch of guys hitting on my girlfriend right in front of me.”
Marvin was already heading towards the living room when he spoke again. “Don’t get all riled up about it, Grant. She can come have dinner sometime. Just let me know when.” He sat down on the plush, green couch we’d inherited from our grandfather, and reached for the television remote. “Chad, come in here, will you please?” I didn’t have to hear the tone in his voice to know what was coming. I winked at Grant one more time before leaving the room and sitting on the other end of the couch, a few feet away from Marvin.
We waited until Grant was out of earshot when Marvin spoke. “Look, I want you to be nice.”
“Oh, come on! It was a joke, for God’s sake.”
“Chad, you know Grant gets sensitive to this kind of stuff.” Marvin sat forward, his eyes containing a mix between a glare and something else I couldn’t place. “We all know that you have tons of girls you hang out with, but Grant doesn’t do this often. Just be happy for him, and give him something to go on for once.”
“I am giving him something to go on!” The heat was flooding in, and I could feel something starting to jerk back and forth between the two of us; unseen, angry. A little demonic thing trying to push us over the ledge, towards an argument.
“No you’re not. I can tell when you’re being funny and when you’re being mean,” Marvin’s voice was getting louder as well. He wasn’t shouting, but he wasn’t being quiet like he had been a few moments before. “I don’t know why you do this to him. He’s never made fun of you for anything, and you treat him like an inferior. Stop it!”
“I’m not gonna argue about this,” I was doing whatever I could to salvage the situation. Standing up seemed to be a good idea, but Marvin shot to his feet as well. “I’m sorry. I don’t wanna fight about this though. I love the kid, you know that. I just like to push his buttons every now and then. It’s not being mean, it’s just fun.”
“Well, what’s fun to you is not fun to him, get it?” Marvin shook his head and sat back down slowly. “Go apologize. You’re brothers. Start treating him like one.”
“Okay, okay. Don’t kill me.” I let him win. I just didn’t have it in me anymore; arguing over pointless subjects like a girlfriend was not exactly the kind of excitement I was looking for anyway.
Marvin turned the TV on then, sighing. “Seriously, Chad. Grant deserves better than what you give him.”
“I know. I’ll go apologize now.” And I left the room, feeling more than slightly annoyed.
Getting upstairs to Grant’s room seemed to take less than a few seconds, and I was in front of his door before I knew it. I struck the wooden frame twice, hoping Grant wouldn’t just ignore me like he had done a few times before, years ago.
He opened the door, but he was on the phone then. I gave him thumbs up, hoping he understood that I meant to check in on him. He returned the gesture with his free hand. He then mouthed. “Later.”
There was no point in waiting a few hours to apologize, so I mouthed it back. “I’m sorry.” I whispered.
“Hey, hold on a sec, will you?” Grant took the phone receiver away from his ear. “What?” he said quietly.
“I said I’m sorry for earlier.” I said again, louder this time.
“Sure, whatever.” Grant shrugged it off. “I gotta take this call. It’s Patty.”
I let him get back to it, feeling a strange dissatisfaction in my soul as I dragged myself back into my own room. Sitting down at my laptop, I plugged in my ipod and started playing an Earth album, and leaned back in the chair, pondering what kind of man I was measured to be.
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Old 03-24-2009, 12:55 PM   #73
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
Sizing myself next to a kid like Grant, it felt like the similar comparison between an honorable soldier and a pervert. He held himself to high standards, obeying Marvin throughout the years, while I had been running off doing what I’d felt like, caring for nothing except the pursuit of my own pleasure. Where Grant was working hard and maintaining and honesty that was beyond admirable, I was skulking around in the background, hiding things behind everyone’s backs, including a past-old heroin addiction.
The mere memory of that addiction always left me with a hollow heart and a worm of fear squirming around in my soul. The fear was always there; it was a promise that if I let my strength slip for only a moment, I would be back to square one. Back to the heroin, back to certain death of the soul and mind.
My worry about Marvin’s discovery of my addiction had always been a fear as well. I was lucky he had been the gone the whole summer I’d promised myself I would quit; he had spent some time in China, on business that I didn’t know. I could already feel the effects of withdrawal only hours after my last session. I put all of the rest of the heroin in a trash bag, and dumped it in a creek. Then, sitting in my room for days on end, I waited for it to stop. But the withdrawals did not want the party to end. They demanded I get up to see some hookups and get some new stuff.
Grant knew. Every day that I spent in hell, on the bed, cursing at myself, my family, my friends, and myself some more, Grant would bring me sandwiches or other kinds of food, even if I didn’t feel hungry. I would let it lay there for a while until I couldn’t stand to lie still and let the withdrawals consume me. Grant would come in the room, and encourage me, telling me that he believed I could do it.
For three months, this cycle continued. Five days before Marvin returned, and school was back in session, I had finally overcome the pains of withdrawal. To this very day, I still feel the urge at times, the slightest bit of curiosity stirring within me, to sample some heroin. However, seeing Grant’s youthful face, encouraging me every day to fight it, I know deep in my heart, I can never go back.
In what was a strange sense of understanding and pure desperation, before the withdrawals had left me, I felt something in me give as I finished vomiting one day in the toilet and had collapsed back onto the bed. I was sweating viciously, and shaking like a leaf in the breeze. For the first time in my life, I wondered if the God character could do me a favor.
“Just one favor.” I had begged silently, hunched over in agony. “Let me beat this before Marvin comes home. Let me win. Please. Please. I need it. I can’t lose anymore.”
Whether the God dude was real or not, I couldn’t say. All I know is that after that moment, I felt my head clear, despite the pains I would suffer for the next four weeks before I felt strong enough to leave the house again. For a short time, I felt as though Someone, if not God himself, had heard me, and had answered my prayer.
Every time I think about the heroin, I think about how strong Grant had been in that time when I’d needed a friend more than anything. He had been there more than a girlfriend could’ve been. And as I sat in my chair that night, contemplating all of this, I felt yet another wave of guilt hit me as I realized how much of an asshole I had been to Grant since then.
Without thinking about it, I snatched up a sheet of paper, a pen, and scribbled a hasty note. I spoke aloud the words I wanted to say as I wrote them down, not caring how much my hand hurt.
“Dear kid. I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk to you. I know I haven’t been there for you, even when you’ve been there for me. I don’t know how to thank you for all you’ve done, except to say that if you ever need anything, you just tell me. I owe you better than what I’ve given you, and I swear, if you give me time, I’ll make up for it.”
And that was it. Nothing else needed to be said. I folded the piece of paper into thirds and went back out into the hallway, next to Grant’s door. I could still hear him talking, laughing on the phone. Without hesitation, I shoved the note under the crack, and went back to my laptop, feeling a weight come off of me, like the Albatross had fallen from the Mariner’s neck after the Mariner had blessed the ugly creatures of the sea that God had made.
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Old 04-08-2009, 03:00 PM   #74
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Re: Keep it Cool

Chapter 29
The next day felt like the start of something new. Ty came into the Pacific Sunwear with a look of glee in his eyes, and tagging along behind him was Brian.
At first, upon seeing the latter, I felt awkwardness in the air, and after talking for a few minutes, I finally got my courage up to ask about him. “How’s things going, man?”
Brian smiled, to my great shock. “Things are going okay,” He said simply. “I’m in a new band, and it looks like we’re already writing something new that’ll be finished up real soon.”
This set the mood, and while I still felt weird about it all, we talked a little while more before Ty finally revealed why he was there. “I got an idea you’re gonna love. Why don’t you come jam tonight?” he said. “Assuming you get off early.”
“I doubt it.” I wasn’t lying either. Ted was running me like a madman. For the first time since meeting him, Ted was actually strutting around like a pain in the ass kind of boss, shouting at me if I looked like I wasn’t doing something.
“You serious?” Ty shook his head. “Dude, you gotta get off. I can do this with Jake, but just the two of us won’t get this new idea down. We need your opinion.”
“Have you already spoken with Jake?” I asked.
“Yeah man. We jammed last night, where were you?”
“I was at home spending time with Marvin and my brother.” I had to grin at his frustration a little. I knew it was starting to wear thin on the rest of Juggernaut that I was so busy while the rest of them seemed to have relatively easier weekly schedules. “Sorry Ty. I can’t get off, man.”
“You’re a nut, you know that?” Ty said. “Don’t worry. I’ll get Jake and David together tonight and we’ll get it done. We’ll send what we’ve got to you later this week; that is, if you’re not dead from work by then.”
They both said goodbye, and Brian even went as far as to shake my hand. “Brian,” I called to him before he left the store. He came back, and I had to ask him. “There’s no hard feelings anymore, is there?”
Brian shook his head. “If you’re still feeling guilty about what happened, don’t.” He said it so firmly, yet so friendly; it felt like I was being consoled. “I deserved it. Besides, kicking me out of Juggernaut did something good for me. I’m in a band I finally belong with.”
He vacated then, and things only got slower as the day crawled by. Minutes lasted as long as hours, and I thought I would never get off. A new start had come indeed; but was this start only for Brian, or could its grace be extended to me as well?
It appeared that there would be no mercy, no fresh start. Not right away.
-
The very next day I had shaken off the nagging doubts and caught up with both Jake and Ty. We met at my house, while Marvin was busy upstairs with business of sorts, we were in the garage, sitting in plastic chairs, talking things out.
Jake had excitedly bought, out of an impulsive spasm in his logic, the new Napalm Death album; after playing it in the old and cheap cd player that I had, we all found ourselves disappointed by how lacking the sound was.
“Wow, this thing sucks,” Ty said it for us. Jake just looked upset. Ty and I both laughed at him and turned off the cd.
“You guys wanna get drinks quick before we get into this?” I had purchased a case of Heineken earlier that day, having anticipated the meeting.
Both said yes, and as we made our way to the kitchen, Jake observed something. “You know, has anyone here heard from David in a while? What’s up with that guy?”
“I don’t know man; I don’t like it,” Ty said. “I called him twice last night, and all I got was the answering machine.”
This was a problem indeed. This meant most likely that David was off with Rachel, MIA while the rest of us were busy working on Juggernaut.
“Tell you what; you give him a call right now,” I nudged Ty. “We’ll get started warming up.”
He went to use my house phone while Jake and I took the case of Heineken back out the garage. We had one each, while I asked him, “So how’s the job search going?”
“Nothing.” Was all Jake needed to say.
“Still?”
“Still. Nobody’s hiring right now,” Jake shook his head and rubbed his recently-shaved head. He looked like a different person with no hair; he looked older. His goatee was the only sign of him that I recognized at such close range. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do man. I need cash.”
“Don’t we all?” I took another sip of my bottle, and Ty came then, looking pissed. “He ain’t answering. I’m gonna track him down and break his legs.”
Just then, the phone in Ty’s hand went off, and he answered it swiftly. “Hello? Well, why didn’t you answer the phone the first time around?” He rolled his eyes and mouthed David to us. Jake and I both grinned as Ty’s face got redder. I couldn’t figure out why, but Ty’s anger was amusing to see.
“Just get your butt to Palma’s, will you? We’ve got business to take care of.” He said before hanging up abruptly.
“Not cool, man.” Jake spoke for the both of us.
“Whatever,” Ty waved it off, his face red. “Let’s just get to it man. I’m tired of this.”
What I sat listening to for the next eight minutes or so was an incredible display of drumming and bass play. It wasn’t like what we’d been playing with Brian; it wasn’t smooth jazz. This was something different. Something John Zorn might’ve been proud of if there had been a sax thrown in.
Jake’s playing was fantastic, hitting mostly fills, and an occasional snare, keeping time perfectly. Ty fed off of Jake’s energy, improvising his section entirely, sounding good as he did so. In the end, it was a funk jam that was appealing on several levels, and one that I wanted in on.
I grabbed my guitar and brought it back down from my room, and we jammed at a slower pace, feeling the whole concept out. Jake kept playing the jazzy drums, but with more depth and feeling than he had when Brian had been playing with us. It sounded more alive now. Ty kept the bass play in a swinging groove, leaving me sitting there for a minute or two as I tried desperately to figure out what in hellfire I should be playing. I decided to keep it simple and play along with the sound, instead of tossing it into left field.
So I played the minimalist, keeping my role simple, strumming every now and then, maybe opening up a relatively quiet and slow solo, letting Ty and Jake speak out more. It was a great scene, and it stayed that way for a full thirty minutes. There was no real energetic or passionate display here; just the three of us in my garage, the door closed, the noise loud, but tolerable, and the small amounts of light peeking in from outside as the sun tried to pound its way through before the evening arrived.
David came through the door, from within my house, Marvin in tow. Both said nothing as Jake, Ty, and I were still working. When we finally wrapped it up, David shook his head in surprise while Marvin clapped his hands. The sounds of the clapping startled both Jake and Ty, who were both stuck in trances after the entire affair.
“Oh, whoa! Where’d you guys come from?” Jake’s response got everyone laughing, and Marvin left us with David.
He was looking bigger; like he’d been working out. He also wore sunglasses, despite how dark the garage was at this point. He removed them slowly, his eyes lined with red. “That was interesting,” he said. “I thought we were done with jazz.”
“Not really,” Jake admitted. “We’re just trying things out, man. The problem wasn’t that we were playing jazz when Brian was in this whole thing; it was that we were playing the boring kind of jazz, with nothing to go on, or any kind of interest. It was basically all played so that Brian could be heard above the rest of us.”
I couldn’t help myself as I glanced at Ty to see how he was taking this. To his credit, he didn’t even blink. David settled in, looking sicker as each moment passed. “You okay, man?” Ty finally asked after it was evident that David clearly was not.
“I’m fine.” He said with indifference. “I’m sorry I’ve been busy lately.”
“Not a problem. Let’s get to it, huh?”
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Old 04-08-2009, 03:04 PM   #75
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Re: Keep it Cool

-
I grabbed David afterwards and asked him to stay while the other two planned to head out to a party that night. They left, and David and I chilled on the porch, reflecting in the quiet, humid, and starless night.
It had been another day of inspiration, and yet, at the same time, Juggernaut had parted ways without a single song written, or an idea perfected. We were starting to feel the tear and crunch of writer’s block; at the very least, I was certain I was feeling it. It just seemed that no matter what we did, it was something we felt no pride in partaking.
Nothing felt right, and I was starting to get worried that nothing would ever feel right. David sat hunched over, and I reached over and slapped him on the back, causing him to jerk. “Dude, seriously, what’s the matter with you?”
“I’m just tired, all right?” He shook his head. “I’ve been doing nothing but work, partying, and Rachel for the past few months. It’s getting tiring.”
I could bet. Working for me was a difficult thing, though mainly that was because I hated how slow it seemed to go. However, I was annoyed with the mention of Rachel’s name, and how David put it that he was ‘doing her’ and I knew well what that meant. It still affected me in a way I couldn’t figure out. Just hearing the name bothered me.
Nevertheless, I tried to shove this feeling aside and ignore it, continue on with business. “Hey, look man, we’re not writing anything or recording anything new anyways. There’s no pressure here,” He seemed to understand what I was saying, and he nodded to it. “But we’d appreciate it from now on if you’d make a little bit more of an effort to come and join us for rehearsals and stuff. This is important to us, man. This is our lives. This is my life.”
“I hear you,” David said, leaning back then, looking up at the sky. “I know what you mean. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. But…I don’t know man. Doesn’t it bother you that nothing’s being written yet? That we haven’t been able to come up with anything?”
He had no clue how I felt on the matter; but I wasn’t going to even start. I gritted my teeth for a moment and answered him quickly. “It is what it is. We’ll get it figured out eventually. Maybe we need to do something more, a lot different than what we’re trying. Maybe we need to add a new instrument or something.”
David shrugged. “Whatever man. We’ll get it done, I guess.” He stood up suddenly, as if he just remembered something, and grinned. “But hey, can I let you in on something awesome?”
“What is it?” I was surprised at his sudden excitement. He was almost jumping up and down.
“Pig Destroyer’s playing in a club in D.C. next week. How would you feel about going to it?”
I was knocked off my feet. Pig Destroyer, despite my distaste for most grindcore, was one of the coolest bands I listened to. They knew how to grind, and how to really evoke an emotional response through music. I felt myself saying yes, mouthing the words softly, still high from the shock.
David laughed. “I’ve got three tickets. Me and Rachel will both go, and you’re free to come.” He said. “I didn’t want to say a word to Jake or Ty, because I didn’t want to explain why only one of us could go. I know you like Pig Destroyer, and I like you more than the other guys, so…there you have it.”
“Dude, I don’t know what to say,” I was still reeling from the shock, joy flooding through me. “Thanks a lot man. This is awesome. I haven’t been to a real concert in a long time.”
“It’s no problem, dude. I’m looking forward to it too. Rachel’s gonna be in for a surprise,” he laughed again. “She doesn’t even know what grindcore is, I think. I tried explaining it to her once, and she just rolled her eyes.”
That sounded like Rachel. I could picture that pretty face, and the moment I did so, I regretted it. She was an angel of malcontent in the past, and I wanted nothing to do with her now. But at the same time, I wasn’t going to turn down a ticket to Pig Destroyer, even if such an angel was going to be present.
“So when is this next week?”
“Friday.” David smiled. “This is gonna rock man. I can’t wait.”
“Neither can I.”
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Old 04-13-2009, 08:01 PM   #76
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Re: Keep it Cool

The week could not pass by fast enough. Literally, it seemed to go as it had been going for the past few weeks. Work had lost all fun for me; the sense of amusement I’d started out with, thanks to Ted’s company, had now lost its luster, and I wasn’t interested in answering questions for customers, nor did I feel like having a small side-conversation while working the register for said customers. They chattered on, I powered down, letting my mind drift off to safer waters.
Every now and then, through the week, Elicia would drop in for a visit during her breaks or when she got off the clock. She was becoming a regular in my life now, and I had long forgotten about the incident of her catching me staring at her in class that last semester; I could only hope that she too, had forgotten it.
One particular night, I had wrapped up my business a little earlier than usual, and waited for her to get off. When she did, we went to UNO’s, which now seemed to be our customary hangout spot. We sat outside every time, enjoying the warmth of the night, despite its humidity. This particular night was a starry one, and all of the little blinkers were out in the dark blue sky, greeting us with a dazzling display of beauty.
I found myself entranced for a few moments while Elicia was pouring over the menu, debating what it was that her stomach was craving. Meanwhile, the stars were beckoning me quietly, offering me an escape from the sticky atmosphere outdoors, an escape from the cycle that had become my life. The work, the home, and the rehearsing. It was a nonstop barrage, and I was grateful for every moment that I had to myself, or with a friend, that did not involve either work or Juggernaut. I was getting sorely tired of both.
Those stars, so lovely in appearance, so bright, seemingly perfect in the distance. How long had it taken for them to be created? Science could list off random numerical answers, give a theory or two, but in truth, facts bored me. My mind bordered on the imagination; the pondering of how such a thing like a star had developed, and what it must have looked like up close, to watch it being created, molded, and sculpted into something that shimmered so wonderfully in the night. The stars, regardless of how they were created, or whatever was the cause of their creation, were very much like my dreams in life; so far away, yet always shining high and powerfully.
There is an invisible, seemingly-endless void that engulfed the no-man’s land between man’s dreams and his chances of accomplishing those dreams. One could always ask why there was even a void holding us back at all, but that is a futile attempt at trying to understand why life is what it is. I had tried that route many times, and found it always a dead end. So I had decided to ask another question: What bridges the gap?
That was the question. Only one person could possibly know, and that was the God Character. And in his wisdom, he always plays his cards close to the chest. I had figured a long time ago that we were never going to understand God, much less ever learn how good the hand he was holding to his chest was. It could be a royal flush for all we knew, but he was keeping it from us for a good reason.
My issues with the God Character were not something I was embarrassed of, but they were not something I spoke of lightly. I had always considered life’s questions with time, and patience. And most of the time, it felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall, and all that I got for it was a headache.
Elicia thankfully pulled me out of my ruminations by kicking me under the table, a teasing look on her face. “Off in your head again, hippie boy?”
She had dubbed me with the nickname not too long ago. Where she had gotten such a name from, she didn’t bother to explain. I assumed it came from my status as a musician, and a so-called ‘artist’ which is a stereotype that she knew I abhorred. “You could say that.” Instead of challenging her on it I merely let it slip by. I would tolerate it this time. Future offenses would not be taken kindly, however.
“You seem to do that a lot. Ever thought abou taking a vacation to do just that? Getting lost in your head?” She said in reply.
“Don’t tempt me,” I begged. “You have no idea what you’re suggesting to me.”
She laughed, and the server came and took our orders. When she had cleared out, I leaned back in my chair, careful to hook my foot around the pole holding the table, so I didn’t fall backwards, looking like an idiot. “Well, I’m headed to a Municipal Waste concert next week.” I informed her. “It’s gonna be rad. I haven’t been to one of these kinds of concerts in a long, long time.”
“Really? Last one I went to was last summer.” Elicia said. “It was a country festival. It was a ton of fun to sit and drink before going and enjoying the show.”
“Yeah, well, the music being played at the concert I’m going to is not a mellow, whiskey-totin’ kind.” I had to laugh at my own words. “It’s more for hardcore head bangers and the like.”
“You metal heads,” Elicia shook her head at me, still teasing. “You’re all the same.”
She didn’t elaborate, but I didn’t care. We traded a few jabs about musical tastes back and forth, and I felt like I was getting the upper hand in the battle, when our food finally came. My stomach growled at the sight of the sixteen-ounce steak I had ordered. I didn’t say a word as we sat there for several minutes, just eating, no conversation, nothing.
Soon I had eaten too much, and my stomach then protested the foolish endeavors of overeating. I found myself leaning back again, this time looking at the stars in pain. Elicia spoke then. “That was good. You cleaned your plate, Chad.”
And she hadn’t cleaned hers. She had been taking her time, while I had been going balls out without a reason to do so. I just shrugged as she laughed at me for it. “I don’t like wasting food.” was my only defense.
As we paid the bill and were leaving, it occurred to me how much I enjoyed being around this girl. It was strange. It was an interesting pair, the two of us; both of us seeming to come from different walks in life, yet we didn’t care, both of us having a good time in each other’s company. It felt nice to have that kind of person to hang out with on occasion.
We walked back to the cars slowly. This time, we’d used my car, and we’d go get hers from the mall parking lot. Getting into it, I turned it on, and some quiet jazz played in the background. A John Zorn CD that Brian had let me borrow, for inspiration’s sake. It hit a crescendo as soon as Elicia entered the car, and suddenly, the music turned into a mix between jazz and grindcore, sounding hellish and absurd enough to make Elicia blink.
“What is this stuff? Chad, you remember how I told you you’re weird? Well, this is another example of that.” She said.
“It’s just some…homework.” I turned the thing off.
We drove silently back to the mall, the two minutes it took to do so was done in silence. I was thinking my thoughts, and she, hers. I didn’t know what she was thinking, but I suddenly had a strange sensation creep over me. One I hadn’t even considered since I’d first clapped eyes on her in that classroom.
Looking at her in the light, her thin form complimented by the tight skirt she wore, showing off all the perfect assets, I was yanked into another world that I hadn’t experienced since that time with Rachel at that party, so long ago. My loins took over my brain, and I was overpowered with a craving that I didn’t know what to do with. My mind disconnected then, and the autopilot slowly shifted into place.
She turned, staring at me, reading my thoughts, it seemed. “You all right, Chad?”
I didn’t know. Or then again, maybe I did, knowing that I was in the right place, the right time…and the pieces were slowly starting to fit together. I could wait, try to slap the whole puzzle set together later, or I could give it a shot now and see if I had it right.
But in the end, my cravings were too strong to repress. I shoved her hard against the doorframe, and she suppressed a startled yelp, while I went in for the kill. Elicia, despite being unprepared for it all, came back at me swinging hard, and we locked in, neither of us holding back; unleashing the natural animal instinct that was locked up inside of us.
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