opin.menu.members.jpgopin.menu.forumfaq.jpgopin.menu.search.jpgopin.menu.home.jpgview our wiki

Go Back  The Tool Page: Opinion » Creativity » Poetry & Prose
User Name
Password
Reply
Old 06-13-2005, 05:16 PM   #1
Level 7 - Loquacious
 
Finny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 472
Bincount™: 11
soiled hands

Weary image of a clay cast.
Once moist now aged and sun caked,
with lines to tell the searing tale.
Mop toped, blood specked –
Mattered symptoms of another’s hate,
another’s greed.

Eye’s cast with self-doubt,
as smothered shame sees soiled hands
rise -
palms up, fingers cupped.

[Get a job.
Why not just crawl
down and die.]

Sockets glint as lips split,
a thoughtful smile.
Tried that door, wouldn’t open.
Soundless defiance, sun blessed -
an old man at his best.
Watch as he turns away
his back to the locked room,
raises a soiled hand.

[Poverty]

‘What does it mean?’ -

Asks the sparkled crusted girl.
Sun kissed with chest fixed,
Wire cotton shelled.
Steal subtly encases the un-bloomed peach,
so tiresomely wrapped in insecurities -
Omits the stink of fear.
Doesn’t know answers to questions,
no one does.



Lowers hand,
unconsciously.
Shakes it, palm flat -
Fingers spread.

- ‘Poor people.’

Claims the tweed clasped,
arrogant blown educator of wrongs –
laughably never judged.


Halts motion,
relaxes and moves
hand downward –
slips into an ink stained pocket.

Heard by our land tied down by fences,
dressed in scared lines flecked with blood –
Such hate sunken crevasses.

Watched by people,
firmly set in hardened pools of crimson earth,
feet supported by her crumbled features.
Feel their eyes shift now cast downwards –
All raise a soiled hand.

---

any comments welcome
http://finny-.deviantart.com/

Last edited by Finny; 06-13-2005 at 05:43 PM..
OFFLINE |   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2005, 06:47 PM   #2
Level 6 - Very Deep Thinker
 
Darkest Night's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 196
Bincount™: 33
Re: soiled hands

nice, i like what you did with this from what you had originally on the previous thread. the third verse was the best in my opinion, i liked the thoughts of the locked door. the end was good also, showing that the poor had worth and that the people were no more soiled than the rest. very good.
__________________
Originally Posted by spooky
I think it's totally cool that eoafa adopted you and stuff.
OFFLINE |   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2005, 07:18 PM   #3
Level 7 - Loquacious
 
Finny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 472
Bincount™: 11
Re: soiled hands

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkest Night
nice, i like what you did with this from what you had originally on the previous thread. the third verse was the best in my opinion, i liked the thoughts of the locked door. the end was good also, showing that the poor had worth and that the people were no more soiled than the rest. very good.
cheers
OFFLINE |   Reply With Quote


Reply

Rate This Thread
You have already rated this thread
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Quick Reply
Your Reply:
Forum Jump

all posts © their respective authors. the tool page is not responsible for any of their thoughts, brilliant or otherwise.