My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
I saw the souls of my generation burnt at the stake -
Escapist flames with a television-glow
Drawing the herd with its apathetic kiss,
And with open arms I embraced the destruction
And those who said they loved me;
Those who lived to serve me;
The shapers and the mentors -
They watched as we burnt
“Burn, baby, burn
To your own hollow songs of freedom.
Question not the flames, friends -
Everybody burns, everybody burns.
“Search nowhere but Us and you will not be lost;
If you buy not for delight you shall then pay no cost.
We are the light, and the only way
It is through Us you must go to reach the Kingdom
Well today I escape these holocaust flames;
The ranks I climb today will be mine.
Today call me ‘Tyrant’, for this now is my name;
I will be the servant of no man today.
__________________ Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
What a horrible attempt.
I'd give you an F for fail and a kick in the head for wasting my time if I was a judge.
Dude, I don't really like to be mean... but you're a fuckin' asshole, Ænimated!!! There's absolutely no need to denegrate somebody like this, especially if the person is modestly expressing that this is his/her first attempt at poetic expression! I'm sure you wern't some fuckin' ingenious author upon composing your first piece, so quit talking senseless shit..!
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny
No title. I was thinking of entering it in a shcool competition, but I wasnt sure if it was worth anything
In all honesty, Penny, poetically speaking, I do not think that you poem may stand up against the work of a writer who has been composing longer than you have... But don't let this get you down, Penny, for like anything else in this world, poetry is an unfolding process... My first poems haven't anywhere near the structure nor the substance that they now posess. I look back at my former work, and I can't believe that that's how I used to express myself... But just like any language, you have to use it for a long enough time to be able to express yourself the way you want to. So keep up the work, keep writing, keep expressing, keep evolving... For it's an unfolding process...
Apart from the literal composition process, I do, however, really like the points you had to make. On a level of consciousness, in regards to politics, we have very similar ideals, or so I gather from your poem, anyway...
I like the refrence to "escap[ing] these holocaust flames", for this really shows that you can see through the fascades that are presented by the beast...
As I said, keep on writing, and with time and effort, you'll learn to more efficiently express yourself...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
I think it's calm and subtle, expresses my emotions about women and their treatment in society. With my use of repetition and basic rhythm, I believe I get my message across to my audience.
Can you elaborate your point of view? It's hard to tell whether or not you are for or against treating women that way...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by <8>jF<8>
In all honesty, Penny, poetically speaking, I do not think that you poem may stand up against the work of a writer who has been composing longer than you have... But don't let this get you down, Penny, for like anything else in this world, poetry is an unfolding process... My first poems haven't anywhere near the structure nor the substance that they now posess. I look back at my former work, and I can't believe that that's how I used to express myself... But just like any language, you have to use it for a long enough time to be able to express yourself the way you want to. So keep up the work, keep writing, keep expressing, keep evolving... For it's an unfolding process...
Thanks for the honesty and constructiveness
__________________ Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
Women
Women are dumb
Women are dumb
All their good for
Is fucking up the bum
Women are dumb
Women are dumb
Make sure you beat them
When your done
Women are dumb
~A poem by Ænimated~
And this, my friend, is what you consider ingenious..?
First of all there isn't any punctuation nor form to your poem, and I sincerely don't believe that this is done because you're trying to make some kind of creative statement...
You used the wrong form of the word "they're" in the line "All 'their' good for"...
as well as the wrong form of "you're" in the line "When 'your' done". These simple gramatical errors don't quite add up to "genious" in my experience...
Then, to top it all off, your poetic "ingenuity" strides new bounds, not only in creativity and originality, but in concept, too...
What the fuck!? What kind of worthwhile point can you even begin to be making here.?!
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
I think it's calm and subtle, expresses my emotions about women and their treatment in society. With my use of repetition and basic rhythm, I believe I get my message across to my audience.
Subtle..? It's more like sub-human... For what you express is animalistic and senseless... You are a sorry excuse for a human being, if this is truly how you feel, and I sincerely hope you're just being a strange, sarchastic asshole about this...
And yes, your use of repetition and basic rhythm do get your message across to your audience, a message that I'm sure will be by all humans here unanimously understood as your a being simple minded fool who has nothing better to do with his life than talk some worthless shit to people on a website just to try to feel better about himself...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
That women are dumb, what are you, retarded?
Dude... apparently, there's not a rational word that can be typed by your fingers and I truly grieve for your unconscious soul... I hope you get everything that you deserve, everything that you have earned... I'm done trying to initiate rational conversation with you, my friend, and I wish you better than what's most probably karmically coming to you...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
You're right, by criticising everyone else, I truly begin to grasp the concept of how good I am by comparison.
Apparently you have some problems with your ego... Maybe you should find another form of masking your insecurities (other than putting other people down for what you are afraid of)... It's pathetic how you have to praise yourself because no one else will do it for you... I'm sorry if you weren't loved enough by your mother when you were younger in age (for in terms of cognitive development, you're apparently rather remedial), but taking it out on women just shows how weak of a person you really are inside... Honestly, that shit that you call "genius" doesn't live up to "genius" standards, seeing as you don't even chose the right diction, you make no 'worthwhile' point, there's no higher meaning to it and I can't help but state the obvious in pointing out that it appears as though a five year old had written it... Why don't you try writing something worth reading?
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
I have conquered this thread.
You poor, senseless fool... Do you really have nothing better to do than try to bludgen people with your words and feel as though you've dominated something?
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
Bludgen? I think you mean bludgeon, but yes, I won a logical argument with evidence that I am in fact a genius. I like arguing, because everyone else is wrong and they need to be shown otherwise.
I'm helping people in a way.
The only thing you are helping people with is becoming more ingorant...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Pudding
absolute genius. do you have anything published yet? if so, i would like to buy your book.
What is this shit? I couldn't believe that anyone would be as unconscious as this guy, but I think you just proved me wrong... You are just as bad as he is, if not worse... It's sad how people have to belittle the people they are afraid of...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ænimated
I think you ignorant, I'm also helping them with spelling.
Princess Diana was a crack whore compared to me.
Spelling is one thing, but ego, ignorance and sheer stupidity are something else... You should really stop thinking... And if I am so ignorant, why can't you even type a sentence correctly? 'I think YOU ignorant' is the perfect example to prove my point...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Pudding
who is it exactly that i am afraid of? i was just completely inspired by his work of art. it is genius. it is inspiring. it gave me the chills, and i felt the force within me.
you too? man im so glad that we are all one mind, capable of all conceivable. spiral out man. keep going.
__________________ Smashing Pumpkins sounds like a bag of shit doing a cartwheel.
-mope
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Pudding
who is it exactly that i am afraid of? i was just completely inspired by his work of art. it is genius. it is inspiring. it gave me the chills, and i felt the force within me.
If you are too stupid to realize your fears, you have a long way to go...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Pudding
who is it exactly that i am afraid of? i was just completely inspired by his work of art. it is genius. it is inspiring. it gave me the chills, and i felt the force within me.
I think that force felt inside you was just your soul withering and dying, my friend... Anyone who would consider this sad excuse at poetry, writing or even thinking to be a work of art doesn't even begin to understand the true meaning of art, especially if he/she chooses to side with this asshole, Ænimated, in denigrating poor Penny's original post... For Penny's original post, although it wasn't written in the most effective manner to express the thoughts, feelings and insights she was trying to express, actually had some sort of artistic vision where she wasn't just trying to feel better about herself through the cowardice of attempting to condemn others through senseless, degrading denegration... You people siding with the point of view expressed by this elementry attempt at expression, so composed by Ænimated, are nothing but little boys in a schoolyard torturing some poor helpless animal, such as a cat, just to feel empowered... Would you call it art to rip the head off of a puppy, perhaps, to spray it's fresh, young blood upon a canvas and then highlight your work with the smeared bone marrow from all the small, tender bones just barely ripe for cracking, siging your work with pigments from his internal organs..? This is how I see you fools... for in my mind, this is the equivilant to your art...
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_milkman
you too? man im so glad that we are all one mind, capable of all conceivable. spiral out man. keep going.
To even begin to explain any of the thoughts you poor souls have expressed with quotes from LATARALUS is a disgrace unlike any other... It shows how little you poor fools truly know, as the lines of the song used in this refrence pertain to things unknown to earthbound entities, unconcieveable to the mind of a person imprisoned in this realm... "Spiral out(?)", it's more like you're dropping straight down, for life is beckoning to you from the lower astral planes... You're going to be eaten alive... I hope you have fun. ;)
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by <8>jF<8>
To even begin to explain any of the thoughts you poor souls have expressed with quotes from LATARALUS is a disgrace unlike any other... It shows how little you poor fools truly know, as the lines of the song used in this refrence pertain to things unknown to earthbound entities, unconcieveable to the mind of a person imprisoned in this realm... "Spiral out(?)", it's more like you're dropping straight down, for life is beckoning to you from the lower astral planes... You're going to be eaten alive... I hope you have fun. ;)
YES AND WITH YOUR KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR YOU'RE PROBABLY HAVING TONS OF FUN ON THIS HOLY REALITY. AMIRITE?
__________________ Smashing Pumpkins sounds like a bag of shit doing a cartwheel.
-mope
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by <8>jF<8>
I think that force felt inside you was just your soul withering and dying, my friend... Anyone who would consider this sad excuse at poetry, writing or even thinking to be a work of art doesn't even begin to understand the true meaning of art, especially if he/she chooses to side with this asshole, Ænimated, in denigrating poor Penny's original post... For Penny's original post, although it wasn't written in the most effective manner to express the thoughts, feelings and insights she was trying to express, actually had some sort of artistic vision where she wasn't just trying to feel better about herself through the cowardice of attempting to condemn others through senseless, degrading denegration... You people siding with the point of view expressed by this elementry attempt at expression, so composed by Ænimated, are nothing but little boys in a schoolyard torturing some poor helpless animal, such as a cat, just to feel empowered... Would you call it art to rip the head off of a puppy, perhaps, to spray it's fresh, young blood upon a canvas and then highlight your work with the smeared bone marrow from all the small, tender bones just barely ripe for cracking, siging your work with pigments from his internal organs..? This is how I see you fools... for in my mind, this is the equivilant to your art...
yeah, wow...you're such a good writer man...hope things work out for you ::THUMBS UP::
Location: The Phallus Palace Fernando Clavijo: Resigned!!! Sex: ***MALE***
Posts: 1,061
Bincount™: 4914
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by <8>jF<8>
I think that force felt inside you was just your soul withering and dying, my friend... Anyone who would consider this sad excuse at poetry, writing or even thinking to be a work of art doesn't even begin to understand the true meaning of art, especially if he/she chooses to side with this asshole, Ænimated, in denigrating poor Penny's original post... For Penny's original post, although it wasn't written in the most effective manner to express the thoughts, feelings and insights she was trying to express, actually had some sort of artistic vision where she wasn't just trying to feel better about herself through the cowardice of attempting to condemn others through senseless, degrading denegration... You people siding with the point of view expressed by this elementry attempt at expression, so composed by Ænimated, are nothing but little boys in a schoolyard torturing some poor helpless animal, such as a cat, just to feel empowered... Would you call it art to rip the head off of a puppy, perhaps, to spray it's fresh, young blood upon a canvas and then highlight your work with the smeared bone marrow from all the small, tender bones just barely ripe for cracking, siging your work with pigments from his internal organs..? This is how I see you fools... for in my mind, this is the equivilant to your art...
F00KING EPIC LULZ ***
__________________
THE PARTICIPATION OF THE KGB IN THIS INCIDENT
IS A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION
Re: My first attempt at something that resembles poetry
Quote:
Originally Posted by dirtyepic
i don't think i could write that so i guess i respect him
I presume you're writing that towards my last response? If so, thank you, dirtyepic... As for the rest of you feminest fearing fools, evaders of equality, I feel arguing with you isn't worth my time nor energy, so good day...
