"I hope my partner doesn't realize I pissed my fucking pants" The live lyrics being mentioned might be exactly that: a live reference Maynard did, as many a singer is prone to do from time to time. As for what's on the CD however, I'm fairly certain it's "my partner" not "Uncle" whatever.

"With some infrared-sonic eyes / don't even know what that means" (nor would I, hence the second line perhaps)

"and can anyone tell me why also my penis hurts" Struggled with this one a bit because the grammer is fairly bad, but it fits within the context of the frenzied character telling the story.