Kruppo

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The meeting was held late at night, around ten. We were all huddled around in my living room while Marvin and Grant were both asleep. We hadn’t planned on a really long meeting, and it was late enough as it was.
For a change though, Brian had shown up, while David had to stay at home to spend time with his mom and dad. Brian had arrived last, a grim look on his face, but otherwise, everyone seemed to be in a decent mood; decent enough to discuss the thoughts that had been crossing my skull for the last few weeks. While everyone else sat down, I remained standing, pacing back and forth in the dim lighting of the room, unsure how to begin.
Brian started things off. “I’ve been thinking lately,” he said. “I think we need to talk about sound again.”
“Again? Don’t we have this talk almost every time we meet up?” Jake rolled his eyes, and the battle began. “Dude, I think we need to quit-”
“Let me finish!” Brian didn’t raise his voice, but he came close enough, and I shot him a warning glance as he settled back down on the small wooden chair he’d grabbed from the kitchen. “I think we need to fire David.”
The room was dead silent for a full minute before we could even think of something to say. “What?” was the general consensus at first. I locked eyes with Brian, his eyes staring back at me with what could be described as a tornado in the making, brewing around in those pupils. I couldn’t find the words to say, to even begin to reason with him, so he drew first blood again.
“Dude, I knew from the start it was a bad idea having him join us,” Brian shrugged helplessly. “I’ve gone along with it so that you guys would get it out of your system. Just think about it; he doesn’t fit in. We don’t sound right with him in Juggernaut. We sound more like…like…” he shook his head. “Ah, hell, I don’t even know what we sound like, but I know it sucks. We just sound like another rock band.”
“What, just because we have a singer? Dude, that’s a lame excuse. Really lame.” Jake was once again the first man to throw himself forward as a challenger.
Ty chewed on his leap before speaking. “Bro,” he finally said. “I think you’re getting a little carried away with all this. Juggernaut is Juggernaut man. Is there a point to caring about what others think about us?”
“Don’t you guys want to be innovative? I mean, c’mon, I thought that was what this was all about; pushing the envelope?” Brian was definitely glaring at me now. He was baiting me, just waiting for me to swing first. He wanted a confrontation.
“You know,” Jake spoke up before I could get a word in. “All you ever do is bitch, you realize that, man? First you bitched about how Tits and Tabs sounded like a bunch of stoners wrote it, and then when we finished the next EP, you started bitching again when we weren’t playing enough like Naked City. What’s your problem?”
“Hey!” I tried to put myself between them, but Jake wasn’t having any of it. He stood up, and so did Brian, both of them looking ready to throw elbows.
“You sure you’re in the right band?” Jake said first.
“Fuck you! I’m the only reason you’re in this band!”
“Hey!” I finally took a step forward, physically putting myself in between them. “Marvin’s asleep, man! Both of you shut up!”
Neither moved. I was worried I’d have to do something desperate to avoid the coming storm. Ty was now standing, ready to grab his brother in case Brian threw a punch. I slapped Jake on the forearm. I heard him take a deep breath, and I felt the wind from his lungs hit me on the back of my neck as he let it out, a deliberate emphasis on what he planned to do if Brian didn’t back down.
“Enough,” I was tired as it was. I didn’t want any more of this. “I know, I know. It’s been a weird period for us. I know we seem to have been progressing back to hardcore elements-”
“Progressing?” Brian smirked. “More like regressing. Dude, I thought you guys wanted to change and move forward with something new. Apparently, I didn’t get the memo that we’re still playing like Devil Wears Prada or whatever.”
I was staring to lose my temper with Brian. I’d been playing calm for the episode, but now I could actually feel the wrath rising up in my chest, slowly ascending, ready to break out of my throat and hands. Brian couldn’t see it coming; he wouldn’t see it coming unless I started to tremble, like I had been known to do in the past. But for the moment, all that was happening was me clenching my fists.
“Maybe we need to take a break,” Ty suggested from behind Brian. “Think all of this over. We need to really be careful about this kind of talk.”
“Yeah,” I said, hoping this would mollify both Brian and Jake. “Let’s not do something stupid here. Seriously. We’re a band together, not apart.”
“Do you even know what you’re saying anymore?” Brian’s cold eyes ran a white-hot nail through me as he continued to smirk. “You know what? I’m tired of this man. Everyone is always against me. No matter what I say, everyone always attacks me. It’s like my opinion in this band doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “You know that good and well that’s not the case.”
“Bullshit.” He shook his head. “You guys don’t like my work. You don’t approve of it, and I see that. I get it. Why else would you bring in a minor for a singer? So that you could push me out of the band. You’re trying to shove me out, Palma, and you know it.”
Although we weren’t necessarily being loud, I was getting worried that Marvin was going to hear this and come stomping down the steps, annoyed that we were making such bad noise. How could we let it come to this? Juggernaut had been a democracy, for the lack of a better term. We had been brothers up until now. But it seemed a thief had stolen one of our brothers from us, and it looked like things were not going to end well.
Brian stepped back a half-pace, and Jake sat down. I relaxed my guard, and so did Ty, who was looking relieved for the moment. “Chad,” Brian said, almost in a sad manner. “You and me, we started this thing man. You were there from the start. So you make the call.”
“What are you talking about? What call?” I knew instinctively what he was talking about, but my heart didn’t want to accept it. Didn’t want to face the music, not after things had been finally coming around, when Juggernaut seemed like it might actually go somewhere. It was looking grim.
“I can’t be in this band as long as David is in it too.” He said. “It’s either me or him. And you know what, it’s all right with me if you keep him. It’s whatever man. I’ll just go find some other guys to play with.”
“Don’t start trying to put him on a guilt trip!” Ty nudged Brian hard from behind sternly. “Not cool, man. Don’t put him on the spot like that. That’s a bitch move right there.”
Brian ignored him. It was down to me then, to make the choice. To turn a new page, or maintain the one we’d been trying to hold onto for years now. I couldn’t do it. There was some internal war being waged within now; my karma was wrecked. The anarchistic free-for-all that was my subconscious had no idea what was the real choice now. Brian had been my friend for years; did I trade him for a kid that I’d been cool with, but no really as tight as I was with Brian?
It wasn’t just that, either. Did I trade Brian for a kid who was dating the girl I’d had my sights on for a while now? Or did I keep this kid, hoping that somehow, he’d contribute something better to Juggernaut than just division and complaining? Brian’s rants and raves during recording sessions had been ugly marks on Juggernaut’s history; we all knew how vicious he could get, due to his perfectionist attitude. He was almost as bad as Billy Corgan was supposed to be.
The words came out of my mouth before I knew what I was doing. “I’m not kicking David out of the band, Brian. I’m sorry.” It was like a small pebble hitting the surface of water in a pond, bouncing a few times before causing a ripple. The waves traveled through the room, and surprise and shock was on the face of every man in the room.
No doubt they’d expected a different choice. Brian’s eyes were filled with sincere sadness now. I held out my hand. He took it quickly, weakly, barely forming a handshake. He looked around with disbelief, and nodded once. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. That’s it then. Good luck with Juggernaut guys.”
“Good luck with whatever you do in the future, man.” Jake spoke for the rest of us. Brian reached over and shook his hand.
“No hard feelings about the yelling?” he inquired of Jake. Jake shook his head.
“None whatsoever.” Brian turned around then and looked at Ty. Immediately I felt regret draw deeply into me. These two were flesh-and-blood brothers. This was going to affect them. I figured then that Ty would beg me to reconsider the choice, really mull it over. But he didn’t. Instead, he and Brian seemed to share and understanding glance, and they both told us they’d see us around.
The moment I heard the front door shut quietly, I collapsed into the couch, drained. Jake joined me, looking just like I felt. He rubbed his eyes with one hand. “You think I made the right choice?” I had to know. It would kill me otherwise.
He looked at me then, his dirt-brown eyes filled with uncertainty. “I don’t know, man. When is anything ever certain?”
Of course, he was right. He left ten minutes later. I spent the rest of the night awake in my room, feeling restless, and guilty. For a little bit, I thought I understood how Judas Iscariot felt after betraying Jesus. It felt fucked up.

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I'm so post-rock I shit sad birds