Dodo

I only read a couple posts/chapters and I noticed two things: If you're writing in the first person you should really use more contractions, for characterization purposes. As it stands it reads very robotic.

"I'll consider it" was all I'd give her. Reads much easier than "Was all I would give her".

And second, you should go through it all again and tighten up your sentences with better description and jucier words. When I have some time I'll pull some examples. Other than that your story telling skills are great.