Kruppo

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So much to do, so little time to figure it all out. I was incredibly worried about the whole Virginia Beach situation, and I spent the rest of the day uttering curses and kicking things. Jessie had cleared out of the room for the night, claiming that he was seeing some girl for the night. I didn’t care. I wanted things to pull together for the next few weeks, not get torn apart. I had put too much into Juggernaut only to let the other guys rip it apart for me.
Brian. I was starting to get worried about him as well. I felt bad for him, on one hand; it wasn’t his fault that he’d fallen into a rock band with the intent to combine that with a jazzy piano. He was a jazz player, not a rockstar.
But he’d known what he was getting into in the firstplace as well. ‘Juggernaut’ as a band name? That should’ve been the big warning sign for him; the white flag, as it were. He should’ve been prepared for the other guys to be into a different sound. He should’ve known, given my spur-of-the-moment guitar solos and riffs, that we were destined to be yet another typical rock band, and not something like Isis or Tool, bands which had somehow ‘evolved’ according to their fans, and had formed into something greater than typical rock.
But I didn’t buy that. Tool was just like any other band. Play a song for the crowd, get them stirred up, and make sure they hear you and remember you. The best way to keep a fan is to burn the image of your show into their brain. That way, they always would recall how brilliant you were, and how much better you are than the other bands out there.
But for me, this was all small-time. I wasn’t rolling in cash. I wasn’t even playing clubs weekly. Juggernaut had been a part-time thing until now; a pastime that took all the stress from my days of school and released it into a wall of noise and sound that came off sounding altogether beautiful to me.
Reminiscing over the past glories of Juggernaut did little to make me feel better. I wanted to get out for a smoke. Locking my door behind me, I went outside, warm air welcoming me as I put a cigarette in my mouth and leaned against a tree.
“Hey, Chad!” I was thrown off balance when I heard an all-too familiar voice not too far away. Rachel approached me then, and I felt a strange sensation punch me in the stomach.
“Hey, how you doing?” I put the cigarette out after she and I exchanged pleasantries, talking about our week so far.
Rachel hadn’t changed from that night at the party; she was still pleasant to be around, and friendly. Warm, but not slutty. It was the kind of warmth that I admired and found great to be in the presence of.
“Anything happening tonight?” I inquired, hoping for something; anything to get away from the campus for a little bit.
“I was thinking of going out to hang with a few other girls at a party…” She tipped her head as a shrug. “Nothing big. Why?”
“Mind if I tag along? I need a diversion.” That much was true.
“Sure.” She said. “Would you mind driving? I don’t really have any gas, and I’m low on money.”
“Yeah, okay,” I was feeling generous anyway.
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After hanging out for a little bit, we went to my car. I got in and was in the process of making sure the car looked presentable when I spotted the dark duffel bag that contained Jessie’s alcohol in the car. I’d completely forgotten about it.
“Something wrong?” Rachel’s voice reached me, and I shrugged it off.
“Nah,” I said “Just forgot something of Jessie’s was in here, that’s all. I’ll have to give it to him later.”
The drive to the house wasn’t bad. The host wasn’t bad either; she was cool, and meeting people as they came in. I smiled politely and shook her hand.
Rachel already had found her friends and was having a grand time talking with them, all of them laughing maniacally about some joke I didn’t get. Sitting on the couch next to Rachel, my mind reeled as I took stock of the living room.

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I'm so post-rock I shit sad birds