Kruppo

Before I could even get to that task, my roommate Jessie burst through the door carrying a bag in his arms like it was his own child. He looked at me anxiously, kicking the door shut behind him, leaning on it heavily. “Dude,” he said. “Move.”
“What?” he shoved me aside and slid the bag beneath my bed. “What is that? What’d you do?”
“Patience,” Jessie said. “Give me a minute man. I’ll get it out.”
The door opened again, and we were facing our asshole RA, Jeff Clayton. Jessie had always made fun of him for having a first name as his last name. “Is sounds gay,” Jessie had always said to me. “Don’t you agree?”
What I thought of Jeff’s name didn’t matter. But he didn’t look pleased as he took the room in one swooping glance. “You dove in here awful fast, Jessie.” He said after a moment.
It was then that Jessie’s worst comeback comment ensued. “Yeah man; I’m trying to hustle and lose weight.”
I tried to maintain a neutral look; tried not to laugh. Jeff’s eyes showed some mirth as well, but he didn’t laugh. Instead he shook his head.
“Whatever,” he said. “Don’t screw with me, Portwood. I’m watching you.”
The situation was too humorous for me, and so was the dialogue being spoken between these two. I burst out laughing then, long and hard. Jessie grinned, and now Jeff’s eyes were on me instead.
“You laugh all you want, Palma,” he said coldly. “But that won’t change the fact that you’re a first-rate fuckup like your friend here.” He turned and was halfway out the door when he halted and spun back to say something else. “Oh, and I think I’ll be dropping by for a roomcheck later tonight. I don’t know when; maybe two minutes?” he smiled, but underneath the fakeness of it there was nothing but menace. “Just thought I’d mention it to you, guys.” He left then, and the moment the door shut, Jessie cursed and dived for the bag under my bed.
“That douchebag doesn’t quit!” he hissed.
“What’d you do?” I grabbed the bag from him, and knew immediately, judging from the weight of the bag, what Jessie had just done. Opening the bag confirmed my worries; there was loads on alcohol in it, at least several large bottles of different types of vodka and whiskey.
“You’re an idiot.” I shoved the bag into Jessie’s arms. “You know that? Congratulations. Now we’re in trouble.”
“I’ll deal with it!” Jessie went for the window, and threw it open.
“What? No!” I almost shouted it, knowing now his intentions. “You think he’s gonna be dumb enough to not look? He’ll check if you chuck something out there!”
“We don’t have a choice!” Jessie said desperately. “It’s either this, or shove it back under the bed. Your call.”
The seconds were ticking down. I didn’t say a word, racking my brain for other options. By then, however, Jessie had flung the bag out the window, and I heard the clang as the bottles in the bag landed on the ground outside.
Jessie managed to shut the window and step away when Jeff came back into the room. He overturned our mattresses, looked under the bed. Went through the drawers of our desks, and smirked at us when he found Maxim magazine in one of the drawers.
“It ain’t mine.” Jessie said first. I rolled my eyes. Jeff continued his search. After scouring the entire room, he nodded his head.
“All right. It looks like everything’s in order,” he said. “Let’s keep it that way, huh?” he left after that without looking back.
“What a dick. He didn’t even put things back!” Jessie swore a few more times as we slowly put the room back together. He opened the window and leaned out, snatching the bag back up. “Good thing we live on the first floor.” He said as he turned to me.
“Not cool, man.” I yanked the bag away from him once again. “We’re gonna wait an hour. And then, you’re taking this out to the car, and putting it in there. We’ll deal with it later.”
“But I brought it in here for when I need it!” he said indignantly.
“What are you gonna need booze for when you study?” I had to laugh at his stunned look.
“I need alcohol in my blood to focus!”
“Nah, you don’t,” I laughed some more, the feeling of fear leaving my system, my heart slowing down. Relief washed over me then, and I felt my good mood returning. “This was really, really stupid to do, Jessie. Don’t do this again. We don’t need Clayton tearing the room apart again.”
“Yeah, I hear ya.” Jessie said.
“What’s he got against you, anyway?” I honestly didn’t know. But now I was curious.
“I have no idea.” Jessie shrugged. “Does it matter, anyway?”
I let the issue go, if only because I wanted rest. After a little bit of screwing around, having a few other guys from the dorm come and hang out, Jessie and I finally hit the sack.

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I'm so post-rock I shit sad birds