Quote:
Originally Posted by kanaduh
hello guys. i'm sorry to bring a negative note to this thread for a little while, but this forum in a sense is almost like a second family to me.
last sunday my father died. he had been gone for a few days and i found his body. words are pretty incomprehensible to describe how the past week has been for me.
making things more challenging is that i haven't spoken to him since christmas. not a phone call. not a visit. i was always "too busy". he had no friends or communication, and there's no doubt he was thinking about me in his final days.
it's going to be 4-6 months before we know what happened. they did an autopsy. i highly doubt it was medical related. he was depressed and had addiction issues.
i'm sitting here, absolutely balling my eyes out, with the new song Descending playing on repeat. what i wouldn't give to take back those pensacola and NOLA shows and trip to instead visit or even just call my dad.
sorry. some of the people i respect the most are on these forums and I just had to get this out. the funeral is tomorrow and I am trying to write a eulogy. all of my friends and family are amazed at how "strong" and "mature" i've been dealing with this. i've put up a nice facade this week,, but tonight it's all crashing down. this fucking sucks.
i know things will get better. but jesus fucking christ - this is going to haunt me for years.
sorry again. i will probably delete this eventually. just had to get this off my chest to somewhere that might let me feel just a little bit better.
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Turned on wings/10000 days and have it a listen in honor of your dad. It made me reflect on the relationship I have with my absentee/addict father, wondering how I'd feel in that situation. I often turn to that Cat Stevens song "cat in the cradle" to remind myself that our distant relationship is a product of his choices and better decisions could STILL change some things. You can't carry that weight, man. We're all here for ya, brother.