Here are the lyrics as I have heard them. I got some of this off of metrolyrics.com though I have modified them. I do believe they are very close to spot on.

Alrighty then
Picture this if you will

10 to 2 AM
And actually eating up a box of Krispy Kremes
At my need-to-know post
Just outside Area 51
Contemplating the whole chosen people� thing
When a flaming stealth banana split the skyline wide open
I never expected to see it in a place like this
I do believe I poured a diamond sundae
Right on my Birkenstocks
And me yelping
Holy fucking shit (repeated)

Then the x-file being who was like
some kind of blue-grey Jackie Chan
With Isabella Rossellini lips and breath that reeked
Up the delicate [chocolate? (chocolate from the sundae?)] air
All while making the sound abananadabanana
So when I opened up my bug eyes, my gaping jaw
And my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip
And all I could think was
I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice
that I pissed my fucking pants

So light his way
Like an apparition
He had me crying out
Fuck me
It's got to be
Dead head
Chemistry
The blotter got
Right on top of me
Got me seeing
E mother-fucking T

And after calming me down with some orange slices
And some fetal spooning
The ET revealed to me his singular purpose
He said you are the chosen one
The one who'll deliver the message
A message of hope for those who chose to hear it
And a warning for those who do not
Me, the chosen one, they chose me
And I didn't graduate from fucking high school

You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better listen

And he looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down
This is so real
Like the time Dave floated away
See, my heart is pounding
Cause this shit never happens to me

I can't breathe right now

It was so real
Like I woke up in Wonderland
All sort of terrifying
I don't want to be all alone
When I tell this story
And can anyone tell me why
All the sudden the peanuts dance
will I ever be coming down
This is so real
Finally it's my lucky day
See my heart is racing
Cause this shit never happens to me

I can't breathe right now

You believe me don't you
Please believe what I just said
See they're telling true and
And this wasn't all in my head
See they took me by the hand
And invited me right in
Then they showed me something
I don't even know where to begin

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out my head
Am I alive am I dead
Can't remember what they said
God damn shit the bed

hey hey (might be "high eye" or "I")

Overwhelmed as one would be placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and read to all the details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see
But I forgot my pen
shit the bed again
Typical

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am I alive am I dead
Sunkist and Sudafed
Gyroscopes and infrared
Won't help
Brain dead
Can't remember what they said
God damn shit the bed

IIIIIIIIIII!

I Can't remember what they said to me
Can't remember what they said to me
Made out to be a hero
Can't remember what they said
God help me?
Can't remember what they said

Don't know, won't know (repeated 12 times)

God damn shit the bed!


I do believe that is almost perfect.