Yours Faithlessly

(part II)

Suddenly, the mellowness of the first section of the song is gone; the drums come in, the guitars increase in intensity, and Maynard keens:

You still love me

We're pushing and we’re shoving
And you're pushing and I'm shoving

You still love me
You still love me

And we’re pushing and we’re shoving
And I'm pushing as you’re shoving

And I’m slipping back into the gap again
I feel alive when you touch me...
I feel alive when you hold me...
...down

‘I feel alive when you hold me… down.’ There is no more artful way of expressing the ideas building up to this point than with this line. And the use of that line, once again, perfectly ties into the theme, articulated within the first two lines, of the intermingling of violence and longing. Call me weird (although I prefer the term ‘non-linear’) but there’s something in that idea that cuts right to everything I enjoy about music.

Slipping back into you…

Following this is the aforementioned drum solo. I find it interesting that in today’s market of manufactured pop singers, whiney (if I may be that blunt) Emo bands, generic punk groups and terrible nu-metal nonsense, Tool, whose latest album has gone double platinum in the USA, managed to find a reason to bring Latin traditional drumming into their live set. It restores my faith (somewhat) in the state of the modern music market. The atmosphere created by the combination of the Latin drums with Carey’s regular drum kit is nothing short of incredible, keeping the tension created by the verses and adding to it what has been call the ‘evil bongos’ effect; a very menacing and foreboding feel, to say the least.

After a while, the drumming patterns move into a kind of ‘holding pattern’ feel. There is a great emphasis on low, tribal sounding beats, complemented by the guitarist playing a melody that sounds almost like an echoed argument, or a silhouette of a dramatic scene in a movie; hinting at far more than it shows, suggesting a mood rather than shoving it (or pushing it, as it were) down your throat. It provides the perfect place for the vocals to enter with:

I am somewhere I don’t wanna be
Put me somewhere I don’t wanna be
Push me somewhere I don’t wanna be
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see
Never wanna see that place again...

This could be seen as the turning point in the song, although a subtle one; the lyrics and their delivery give little initially to show how telling this stanza is. However, when considering the song as a whole, it comes out as incredibly important. Every part of the music in this section communicates depression; not the sullen, selfish adolescent kind most often portrayed in music, but the depression of knowing that you are the architect of your own imprisonment, and moreover, that there is no way out. Or at least, that’s how it appears at the start of the verse.

As Maynard releases the long ‘n’ sound in ‘again’, all of the band kicks in with the energy that you expect from Tool. Considering the position of the sudden change in music, right after Maynard sings, ‘Never wanna see that place again…”, it seems reasonable to think that just by reaching the bottom, reaching the point where he knows that he cannot live in this situation, he has found a foothold, a ground where he can move from. That idea, of finding a stepping stone after sinking as low as you can go, is one that I have come across in my life; in the odd times that I’ve done something crazy and illogical like leave everything to move halfway across the planet, it provided me with an opportunity to look at who I am and the things about myself that don’t change just because I happen to be living in another country.

Following this breakdown section comes an extended guitar solo over the top of the drums and bass. It’s not a typical guitar solo; indeed, it sounds more like a confused radio signal than any kind of regular guitar bridge. Obviously, this is the intent, and it gives to that section a truly chaotic feeling, as if the vocalist is looking for a way out, an alternative, a kind of release.

And then it comes, when the guitarist plays a solo contrary in every way to the last one. It is controlled, almost conventional, and has a smoothness and flow to it that suggests that maybe, he has finally found what he’s looking for. In the same way that a great riff can make a song absolutely deadly, this guitar solo, no more than forty-five seconds long and placed almost at the end of the song, is a moment of pure listening pleasure, every time I listen to Pushit. All of the tension that is building up throughout the entire song is released all at once, and it’s a feeling that, honestly, you just have to experience for yourself. It’s absolutely amazing.

Easing off, the music parts like the Red Sea for long enough for Maynard to deliver, punctuated with bursts of noise after each line:

Saw that gap again today
While you were begging me to stay
Managed to push myself away,
And you as well, my dear

One of the many things that I love about Tool is the way that they use the structure of their songs to such great effect. This is the exact same verse that appears earlier in the song, but yet it is completely different. It’s different, true, because the tempo, the delivery and the music is faster and more intense, but it’s more significantly different because of where it comes in the song. After the journey of emotions that the singer has through the song, to come back to this point could represent coming full circle, finding yourself and finding a resolution to the quandary shown when first this verse appeared. Those times that I manage to listen to this song, uninterrupted, the whole way through (oddly, usually while walking home from school), by this time in the song I’m almost in a trance due to the way that the music piles on layer after layer of meaning, depth, impact – and all without feeling in any way forced.

This only adds to the impact as Maynard sings:

If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay
You minimize my movement anyway
I must persuade you another way

There is a phenomenon dubbed by Tool fans on the internet as a ‘Toolgasm’; in other words, a musical experience involving a Tool song that is as good as or better than sex. Although you can get this occasionally with other bands, there is something about Tool that can give you these moments almost one a song. When all the music stops and Maynard’s voice soars to sing the end of the last line, no matter where I am, I have to stop, close my eyes and just experience it. It’s an incredible feeling, and something that no words can properly express.

I’d like to add that the first line, ‘If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay,’ is one of the most beautiful lines I have heard in a song. Even without its significance within the grand scheme of the song, the phrasing, the internal rhythm and the way it just flows really makes it stand out in my mind. I think it’s because it flows so effortlessly. The magnificent use of internal rhyme (say and stay, fade and sigh) doesn’t hurt this at all.

As to the meaning of this stanza… there is so much you could interpret this to mean, but it seems likely that what he means is that, when his attempts to leave her are rejected out of hand, he must get rid of her another way – forcibly, as it turns out by the end.

Pushing and shoving and
Pushing and shoving and
Pushing me

There's no love in fear.

And here is where it truly goes crazy; the drums and guitars speed up to almost the normal speed of a metal song, and you know that, whatever your interpretation of the final events of the song, it’s all coming to an end.

Staring down the hole again
Hands are on my back again
Survival is my only friend
Terrified of what’s to come

Remember I will always love you
As I claw your fucking throat away
It will end no other way
It will end no other way…

And an end has come. I’ll not try to extrapolate on what exactly he’s talking about at the end of the song; it’s something you have to come to your own conclusions about. Regardless, it’s the summation of a magnificent journey in music, one that left me stunned, dazed and amazed. Hopefully it will you too.



(so, what'd you think? :))