Rosetta Stoner

[Wild_Lion_]

Hi, my name is Simon. And I have a mental illness. But please don't judge me because of this, judge me because I'm a self obsessed arrogant asshole.

I suffered depression so I self-medicated myself with drugs. I started with alcohol at the age of 15 and it became a major crutch because I had social phobias with out it. Then after going to a rave I was introduced into marijuana I was hooked on the stuff and was a typical stoner who would sit round listening to music, playing video games and munching on food. I would sometimes over think and annalyse things that would make me paranoid so it wasn't my optimum drug of choice, it would make me think outside the square but it wouldn't give me confidence.

At the age of 17 I started getting influenced by the band Tool and the comedian Bill Hicks and his views on drugs so this made me want to experiment so I could open a so called "Third Eye" and connect with God.

In an episode of South Park they took Cough Syrup so this made me want to try it. Me and my friends took the stuff and desided to hang in the city's gardens and have a good time tripping out. We did trip and it was a different experience but we were puking our guts out. We just couldn't handle the stuff.
I wanted to explore the drug more so I started to be able to stomach the stuff. I did it more and more and it started to change my perception of reality and it gave me alot of beliefs in God and the world.
Alot of my friends didn't like who I was becomming they liked the old me. After taking it for awhile my mood started to get lifted dramatically. I nolonger had fear of things that would usually intimidate me. And this amplified 'till I started getting delusions and was diagnosed with drug enduced mania and that I possibly had Bi-Polar and the DXM triggered the mania.
the first mania episode I had dxm in my system and then had smoked some marijuana. I went home and was playing on my computer. I then had a sudden thought that I had figured out the meaning of life, that this world is not possible and that technology doesn't make sense.(little pixels making up text that was instantly sent to another computer screen in the world) When I started thinking this I started to panic and as I was panicing I thought I was dying and I thought once you had figured out the meaning of life you then die. So I got my dad to call an ambulance and when he was on the phone to him I go "I just have one question, how does the internet work?"
he looked at me like "What The Fuck?" and hung up and I began to relax. After that night I started to have a million questions racing through my head mainly asking how are things possible in this world. I then wanted to make a movie about my life because I thought I was some kind of genius. So I got to writing and called up some film workers and they told me to get it all down and send it to them. I ended up getting taken to the doctors and then they reffered me to Psych service where I was given antipsychotic medication they just told me it would help me sleep 'cause I wasn't needing much sleep. So I took it and then suddenly all my ideas and happiness disappeared. And I was brought back to normality, it was horrible.
I started to look at the stuff I had written when high and was quite embarrassed at how retarded I was.

I then got high again and I started to read www.howstuffworks.com and learn about all these things I had been questioning. I wanted to learn as much as I can. In school I was never really interested in learning what they had to teach.
I felt like an outsider and didn't like being amongst people so I dropped out. Which stunted my learning.

I then started going to Youth Group a Christian based gathering that me and my friend Matt would goto. I always thought to question religion and to try to think for myself (through listening to MJK and Timothy Leary) so I found it hard to have faith and accept the teachings of Jesus.
I started going to church because I found the topic of God to be very interesting, this was a youth based church that was trying to be "hip" and "cool" for the younger generation. With bands and stuff. So I enjoyed myself. I started reading the bible and praying. I still wanted to do drugs though because I believed in what Bill Hicks had to say; that God put drugs here to help speed up our evolution.
I was at a christian 'party' and I was drugged up on DXM and feeling really tired so I had these 2 guys put their holy hand upon me and pray for me to have a really good sleep that night. Then I did, I had the best sleep ever and woke up feeling like a million bucks. (this though can be called the "after glow" of the drug DXM) so I was a little unsure why I was feeling so great, so I came to the conclusion it was both God and drugs working together.

I went to church groups and I talked with other Christians and I said how I was feeling so great and that I had found Jesus, he was behind the couch drinking a bottle of Cough Syrup. So we made jokes about "God in a bottle" and ask Dr Mum.
But with most people I kept my drug dabbling a secret because not everyone was quite accepting and thought it was hypocritical to take drugs and then say you believe in the holy bible.
But there were some open-minded people who told me they found smoking a couple of bowls(marijuana) would get them closer to God.
Life was going quite well

[Wild_Lion_]

I had a thing for an indian girl that lived in Sydney and we had kind of fallen in love just by sending eachother emails and talking on instant messenger. I had plans of her comming to live with me and starting up our own religious following.

I don't remember exactly what happened but I found someone else a girl named Sajal who I found off the website www.hi5.com after browsing for indian girls in Christchurch I had been talking to online for awhile. Once I got high I felt like I had the courage and confidence to meet her. So we meet at her local Mall, I was really talkative and bubbly which she liked. I had an instant attraction to her and was constantly trying to hide my hard-on by continually tucking it under my belt.
She was Pakistani and so beautiful, she had braces that she was embarrassed about but i found her to be so cute.
I had the best day of my life, we talked about so much and laughed the whole time. We went and saw the movie The Ring 2 together and we made eachother laugh through out the whole thing. I fell in love in one day. I knew she was the one. It felt amazing to be around this girl she had so much energy and life to bring to my own.
We desided to go out with eachother on that very day.

I showed her some of my hacky sack moves that I could do because my body was at peak performance because of the drugs. She was impressed. We were so similar. She had drawings on her hand saying "PUNK" and I had writings on my arm saying "Your brain is dirty, let me brainwash you" we both liked how we tried to be original. For once life felt so good. She felt like a gift from God. I felt so blessed.

A few days later I was at Easter Camp, I was fully believing in God and The Devil and I thought they both played a part in everything on earth.
I had bought Sajal some jewlery including a sparkly ring. She was going to come see me and check out my tent and hangout.
I was feeling on top of the world. I was running round the camp site talking to randoms. I went up to one girl and said "Do you like Jesus?" and she goes "Yeah he's awesome" and I go "Do you wanna be like Jesus?" she replies "Yeah, I am Jesus" so I go "Ok, then die for me!" I laughed and so did her friend, she just got fucked off and told me to piss off. Then I was running round and saw some guys wearing a Tool shirt so I went up to them and said something like "what's with all these people wearing Tool shirts and wanting to be different but dress the same. I'm sick of seeing that same lateralus shirt everywhere." Then they asked who I was so I said "I'm Maynard" and they go "no your not. He has long hair" - me: "it's a wig" them: "Ok if your maynard what is the song Judith about?" me: "Jesus" them: "No it's about his mother" me: "Ok, I'm not Maynard, but I sometimes sing for him when he can't be fucked" then I took off.

We had our tent set up real mint with a sterio and good sounds, I wanted to invite those tool tshirt wearing guys to come listen but I didn't get a chance to.

I lost the jewlery in a pair of shorts I couldn't find and I said to my "mentor"(a christian guy that kinda helped me on my quest) and I said "It's Satan, he's trying to stuff up me and Sal's relationship" and he agreed.

Later on I was in the rain next to a hotdog stand waiting for the girl I loved. It all felt significant to me because a few weeks prior I was emailing the city counsil asking why they don't have a portable hotdog stand but they have an icecream truck.
I thought God had set all this up and it was fate.
I can remember feeling as if I knew God was real.

I had made a fuss about losing my arm band but really just kept it in my pocket for Sajal to wear when she got there. So that worked and she finally arrived and I was feeling quite stressed because I had to txt them directions to get there and it was all pretty annoying but they finally arrived and she came through and we walked to my tent. This was night time and there were ppl patrolling with torches so we tried to avoid them but then some lady goes "You're not allowed to have to goto your tent" so I go "fuck off you stupid christian bitch" which this made my gf laugh because she was Muslim. She was told to leave and this got me really winded up and her sister described me as "Really aggressive" I felt as if things had to go my way. Because I felt like I was the most important person. Anyway she left so I went back to my tent.

I couldn't sleep and was racing with thoughts.
I thought that I was getting messages from God and that I had to write them down. So I tried to use my torch but the batteries were dead. So I had to use my cell phone for light. I finally found my pens and then couldn't find paper. So I thought hmmm The devil is trying to make this hard for me to accomplish and God wants me to work to get this completed. So I desided to write my thoughts about God and the world on my bed roll and use it as a "scroll".

I wrote all sorts about how we should all love God and one another and that every religion that teaches love and to worship the higher being is correct. Even South Park had good views.

After writing this I wanted to share it with others so I put on dorky clothes and wore my glasses because I wanted to change my identity, at first ppl didn't recognise me. I showed what I wrote to some torch-men and they thought it was good. Then they told me i had to goto sleep and I said I couldn't but didn't tell them I was on drugs. So they took me to the main office and I had to talk to some ppl. At this point I was starting to think I could have my own following and that the Christian camp was the perfect place to share it with (thousands of teenagers) then I talked to the guy in charge and told him to read what I had written but he wasn't interested he said "We have the bible, we don't need what you have written" so I was pissed off and felt rejected. I started to feel evil within me and I understood how Satan felt being told to follow order but want to be my own God.
They talked to me and then brought up psych service because they knew I wasn't right in the head. This instantly triggered a fear because I knew they could stop me. My mentor showed up and we went into another room and I told him about what was going on. I said "I can feel the power of Satan and it feels good. I want to make my own following and take over" then he looked at me with tears in his eyes like he was disappointed and sad(like when Obi Won felt when Annikin had fallen to the darkside). Then he put his hand on me and started saying words in a different tounge. Instantly it hit me like a ton of bricks and I broke into tears the evil in me felt like it was being defeated and I didn't like that. so I pleaded for him to stop. Then the police came and took me to hospital where I'd get reviewed. I told the police that the camp was trying to push fundamental bible bullshit on to people and that it was a cult.

[Wild_Lion_]

Then when I was at the hospital I was talking to a security guard that was looking after me and he must have thought I was a psycho(which I was) because I was telling him how I have the devil in me, I don't remember what I was saying to him but I almost had him in tears he was so thankful when his buddy security guard came. I made a demon ghost face out of a tissue by ripping out the holes and making eyes and a mouth then scrunching it up and then unfolding it. The tissue looked like pure evil. I told the two guards that I am just a vessle for the devil and god to communicate through. I show the devil so people turn to God.
Then the doctor came in and I said to her "Do you believe in the devil?..." then I go "BLARRRH!" really loud and she jumped out of her skin in a big fright then I cracked up laughing. They were like yes ok this guy is manic. So I was sent to Princess Margret Hospital. I was put in seclusion there. A very basic room like a prison cell. I lay on the bed and my brain was racing so fast I started to hear voices that weren't my own thoughts. This scared me I thought I had dabbled so far with the darkside that demons were starting to communicate with me. After heaps of antipsychotic medication I was eventually brought back to normality.

I felt very confused. I was told by one group of ppl that it was demons and possession and by the professionals I was told it was all in my head and that I was manic. I didn't know what to believe so this mixed my head up and I felt alone and scared.
I had come down off my high so I wasn't that enthusiastic guy Sajal had meet so I was afraid of her seeing me and being disappointed 'cause I was no longer that talkative guy she meet but instead a shy, timid boy that thought of himself as boring and a downer to be with.

When I was released from hospital I tried getting on DXM to get me high again but it didn't work, infact it did the opposite it amplified my feelings of depression. I couldn't leave my bed. I just lay in bed alone listening to music such as A Perfect Circle with the words going "Go back to sleep, safe from pain and truth and choice and other poisoned devils, see they don't give a fuck about you like I do" so felt petrified in my own bed. Sajal didn't know what the fuck was up with me but she was really supportive of me. But I didn't feel worthy of her. I thought she had fallen in love with "the mask" I wore (ie the dxm user) not the real me. I didn't even know who the real me was anymore - I had been given all sorts of drugs to bring me back to what they called "normal".

I managed to get manic again and I created this website that use to have alot of content about Maynard and my obsessions with idols. Plus I abit of a conspiracy theorist. I wrote about how I thought Maynard was either the second comming of Jesus or he was Satan. I was really deluded.
I also wrote about an experience that happened to me. It was halloween and I was thinking I was possessed by Satan again and that he wanted me to help him get into Heaven. I thought that the bible taught us to love our enemy so I didn't see why the fallen angel would be any different. I was walking down my street with a blindfold on because I wanted to improve my senses. Then this girl who lived across the street from me asked me what i was doing but I ignored her but she told me to take of my blindfold and come talk to her. I did as she demanded and she asked me what I was doing, i replied "I'm practising black magic" then she asked who I was so I said "If I told you the spirit thats in me right now you would burst into tears" then I left and she ran inside scared. I sprinted to the end of my street and desided to walk to the pier. Then a car started to follow me, so I started to jog, it speed up and then I started to run at full speed and it went at my speed then I desided I couldn't keep this up (my plan was to goto my uncles who lived opposite the pier) anyways the car stopped when I stopped and a man came out of it filled with rage "What did you say to my daughter?!" and I put my hand out in the stop position and said "In the name of Jesus Christ, turn around and go back in your car" He did exactly that and left. So I wanted to share my re-newed found faith in God and Satan with my uncle Martin. I had pissed myself abit cause I was so afraid of what was going on. He wasn't home but his partner said he was at the pier so I desided to look for him, i couldn't find him so I called out to him he apparently heard me but we didn't see eachother. Then after all this I went to a lighted area and took two of my shirts off and started to wave them at the sky. I wanted a UFO to come and abduct me from this shitty world. Then I put my shirts back on and started to prey by a light then there were drunk teenagers seeing this and they wanted to know what was going on. I told them that I was praying for a tidal wave to come wash everything away or for a commet to come hit the earth because i was ready for armagedon. They got all excited and were like "Check this Jesus guy out". After praying in the light I stood up and looked to the sky and all of a sudden hallucinated a big red globe in the sky that formed like the eye in the parabola vid of tool. It followed my eyes down until it reached my chest and just went into it and I suddenly felt peace. I was freaked out and excited. I thought I was the choosen one by God
I then started to feel scared and thought that I couldn't handle the burden of being the one with all the responsibility of the world I thought I was too young to handle it. I was talking to a man fixing something and I then started crying and telling him how i couldn't cope and wanted out of this. He called the cops and they came and took me to hillmorton. I told the cops on the way about Satan and how he communicates through musicians because he is the prince of music and other crap.

When I got out of hillmorton I got high again and thought I was again getting messages from a higher being that had to be recorded for everyone to see. Frantically I looked around but couldn't find a pen to write it down, the next day I forgot about what it was I was suppose to write down and wrote the story on my website and then sent the site to Maynard James Keenan through his toolband email.
When I was really high I submitted alot of lyrics to MJK that was later used on the 10,000days album. I have no proof of this because I deleted all the content on my site out of embarrassment and I didn't save any of the emails.
When I wrote the lyrics I believe I had the holy spirit helping me. I have never had any responses back from the band Tool nor do they want to get in contact with me. One of the things I preached was not having an ego so them crediting me would be going against what I said.
Tool desided to come out of the shadows and show themselves in their new album one of the reasons was because I was thinking they were Gods and they wanted to show they are just regular human beings. I had basically forgotten about that because my memory was effected greatly and wasn't so flash because of all the drugs and meds I was on. Plus months had passed and I hadnt gotten any email replies. I do remember writing lyrics to some of the songs that are on the album. The album has a completely different view to their usual outlook of religion such as Christianity.

[Wild_Lion_]

So time passed and I was in and out of hospital continuing to get high and when I'd get manic I would love listening to my music and going on walks. In my mind they were little adventures. I had little or no fear so I would talk to strangers on the way. My neighbour hung out with me for awhile and we went to check out the local plantation that had recently been burnt down. It looked awesome. I was pretending to be Gollum because I felt as if I could relate to him quite well wanting power from "the ring" which was my drugs and conflicting emotions. I loved basing my life on movies and acting them out, fear and loathing in las vegas (I would pretend I was a journelist that would do drugs), star wars(battling the force), The Mask, Me, myself, and Irene, and a bunch of others. They would be great annalogies and I still do that. I just saw Spiderman 3 and him wearing the black suit that gives him more power, aggression, confidence(arrogance) is like me doing dxm but he loses the girl because of it and thats what happened to me. But anyways back to what I was saying about my adventures. I was at the burnt plantation and there were fire fighters watering the ground so I went by them and started dancing and singing "I'm a fire starter, twisted fire starter" One of them told me to fuck off the other was really nice and got me to feel the ground and see how hot it was. I was then walking along the beach and I would annoy dog walkers. I had a large stick shaped like Death's scythe so I pretended I was death. I went upto one person and told them I was here to take there life because there time was up. I think I scared them. They quickly went home so I desided to walk home, on the way I saw a lil party going on (turns out it was a hens night) so they told me to fuck off so I pretended to be a cat and started licking puddles. Then this guy came to drop off some speakers. I went upto him and started reading the lyrics off his shirt, which were Marilyn Manson - The New Shit (Babble, babble, bitch, bitch, rebel, rebel, party party, sex, sex, sex and don't forget the violence, blah blah blah, got your lovey dovey sad and lonely stupid little slogan now everybody sing along) they told him to beat me up but he thought I was cool 'cause I liked Marilyn. then I went home.

After a hospital admission I am back on my feet and "normal". So I am clubbing in town at a place called Rocky Cola. I see this guy wearing an APC shirt so I went upto him and started talking to him and then he was like "I know you" I was like "hmm nope" him: "You're the cat man!" and then we hung out all night and got eachothers cell numbers and I asked for his name and he said James, I asked for his last name and he just told me "write Junior". We chatted about Tool and one thing I asked him was "Would you have sex with Maynard if you had the chance?" and we both agreed that we would because we loved him so much. Then I went back to his house and he showed me his CD collection and dvds. He had heaps of music that I loved. So I was really happy I had found him as a new friend.

Later on I was on my computer on a Tool forum I had recently joined up with. I thought that some of the members were actually on the site because I saw avatars of pics of Maynard that I had never seen before so I thought it must have actually been the band. So when I heard the album I made a post about how happy I was that they took my input into the band. I got alot of shit back from people saying what the fuck am I on and I told them cough syrup.

It was the night before J-day in Christchurch and I talked to my friend James on the phone and he was tripping on Mushies. So i go to him "Dude, I can't handle this anymore. I can't take it. I'm guna go shoot my dad" as a joke, apparently it scared the shit out of him. At this point I thought that he was really Maynard and Tool was his band, I tried to make sense of it in my head - like that MJK that I saw in pics and stuff was just a double to pose for the band so the real band could stay secret or some whack crap like that. So I was on the phone and was like "OMG Maynard, I can't believe I said that I wanted to fuck you!" and he laughed and didn't know what was going on I don't think. I told him I would talk to him later. Because I thought him and his friends were the guys on the Tool forum so I would just chat to them on there. But really it was just randoms from across the globe.
I said on the forum how I wanted my artwork to be in the album art. So this guy told me that it would change if I took Aenima and 10,000days a flash light, a can of pineapple drink goto the nearest pine trees and at exactly (some random time) shake up the can and yell Maynard Magoo. I knew that they were taking the piss but I thought that they wanted me to goto the local plantation because Tool were guna be in there playing a live gig. And that we could also find some mushies to have and use the can for a can cone and get high and goto J-day the next day.

I started to walk to the pine trees near new brighton 'cause I thought they were the closest. But noone was there. Then I went back home. Then I checked my computer and someone played me a live clip so I was like "omg they must be playing already" I walked to the plantation and was listening to the song Vicarious as I was walking. I was all alone and it was about 3am at night. Then I started to think about the song and how it said "I like to watch things die from a good safe distance" then I thought I was being set up to be murdered. And the vid clip to the song Vicarious would have me being murdered. I thought that my friend James was guna stab me in the woods and all his friends because they were nazis (he was skin head) and he had a cd in his room with lil swatstikas so I made the connection that he wanted to kill me because I was in love with a paki girl. So I hid in the bushes and started to txt him
at that time I thought that the whole world had been watching me like Truman show and they all wanted me dead and that night was guna be the end to the star because they had enough of him. So I txted him saying "Ohh you've been watching too much South Park" because it reminded me of an episode where Scott Tenorman gets feed his parents and cries infront of the band Radiohead his fav band and they say how uncool he is.

Now I was really confused, I had a whole bunch of crazy theories flooding my head.

I then txted him saying I want millions of dollars for being in all this. Then suddenly my discman started playing and I thought "Fuck they will find where I am" so I appologized and said I was kidding then my discman stopped. Then I said something again about money or something and then it started to play again. I thought this was definately God at play. So I ran home and as I was trying to go I tripped up and was thinking God isn't letting me off easily. I got home and told my dad frantically "The lead singer of Tool is trying to kill me" and he was scared that i was so unwell.

I started writing a text document about how not to test God and I thought I was going to have to say about what I had learnt at J-day the next day infront of everyone. Like in an ending of South park ep where they say what they've learnt.


I wrote it on my computer because I thought that Tool would get it because I thought they were hacking my computer. But I also wrote it out on paper to read out at the j-day in the square. I thought that Tool would be there playing the song "The Pot" in tribute to legalising marijuana.

[Wild_Lion_]

The next day (j-day) I got some paint, took off my shirt and painted myself green. But my dad wouldn't let me go out like that so I had to wash it off. My dad didn't give me money to goto town because he wanted me to stay home. So I took some scissors a pottle of tomato sauce and the text docos.
I went to catch the bus and the bus wouldn't indicate to pull over. So I thought "fuck they expect me to walk to town, screw that" so I jumped out infront of the bus and did a stop signal with my hand (i thought I could do whatever I wanted seeing as I was the star of this truman show) then I pulled out the pottle of sauce and scissors and pretended to cut my wrists infront of them and put the sauce everywhere as blood. So then I ran to the next stop where people were waiting to get on. as I ran i dropped the pieces of paper with the appology to everyone on and they blew away so I forgot about it and just went to the bus got on and took money from where you paid and said "It's going to a good charity, don't worry" then he told me to give it back so I did.
I went to the back of the bus and started talking to people and asking "do you like Tool because they would be playing in the square today" they just took the piss and were like "oh yeah man and I hear black eye peas will be there too" and I said how they were gay. Then I got my scissors and started engraving shit in the back like beastiality websites and "Save the Panda" because I love animals (but not in a sick way I was just kidding) and Sajal was my lil "Panda" because she had dark rings around her eyes from being Paki.

I think the bus driver had radioed the cops 'cause when I got to the square they were ready for my arrest. I got off in town and went to the square and was a real cunt and went to a guy running j-day and asked him for pot because I was like "excuse me do you know who I am, Im the reason Tool are comming today you better shout me a sesh." Then I went to the chess board and interupted a game by grabbing the pieces and making them talk to eachother. Then I got arrested for disorderly behaviour.

[Wild_Lion_]

I was taken back to the cells where I took off my clothes span round in circles saying "Vicariously I live while the whole world dies" because I thought the vid clip for the song could be me doing that and hitting the walls and being a crazy nut. Then I got water from the tap and started inhaling it, trying to drown myself. It fucked with my head for the next few days.

I was taken to Hillmorton hospital where they put me in seclusion. I was lying in the bed with my arms burning (probably an adverse reaction to the meds I was given to calm down) I thought I was actually in hell and that my arms were burning because I was in hell and every 10mins someone would come to shine a torch in the window to see if I was ok. But I thought it was the devil patrolling the cells.
I started hearing monkey noises. I thought it was Tool, My ex, her sister, Ricky Gervais, staff of the hospital - all these people taunting me telling me I am a monkey in a cage, perform. Things got worse from there on but I won't go into detail.

To wrap this all up, I have been suffering mania and psychosis for about 3years now, all because of cough syrup. I'm in and out of hospital and I have had some crazy delusions, I often think tv shows and stuff are based on me but then when I come back to normality I can tell whats real and what isn't. But when I'm high I can't.
I think the DXM gives me creativity but it has been fucking with my life, I don't even want to write a pros/cons list because the cons list make me want to cry. I lost the girl of my dreams because of it.

Hopefully I can turn my life around and quit the drugs and do this course that is comming up (outdoor adventure conservation).
I still worship Tool and wish they responded to their fans, but I know they don't want to hear me say how great I think they are.

Thanks for reading abit of my story. I just needed to write this shit down just so I can look back on it.

[joblobob]

Great Story,

Sad outcome as in every DXM addict story...

I hope you come out better after all, clean friends and a clean GF would help you I guess...

[Inner_Eulogy]

WHAT IN THEE FUCK?!?! This is by far worse than Dave. I've read only about halfway through and I just feel completely brainfucked for the first time in my life.

[hemiola]

Just say no.

There is no joke or sarcasm or back-handed bullshit in this post.

Stop it with the drugs. I'm just quoting you. Alcohol and cough syrup are drugs as well.

One day you're going to wake up and realize you don't have any skills, or hobbies, or even the ability to have fun, and that my friend, will be a very sad day.

You didn't write any of the songs on 10,000 Days.

[Kedzie_Matthews]

that was quite the story

Stop it with the drugs for a bit, ok Simon? Get a clear look at things... Why do you keep leaving the hospital? Let us know how things go...

[๖ۣۜThe Stove๖ۣۜ]

Maybe try some mushrooms, LSD, n,DMT & The 5-meo version one[point]three as well.

Sorry. I only read about one point phive of the posts. but I read the last few sentences, and I think it's very sad.

For some reason DXM has tripped me out and I've never wanted to try it. Partly cause of it being labeled a dissociative, and cause I thought it would be to socially uncool to drink cough syrup, or even perform an extraction with some. That's how insecure I R.. uuh sorry.