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View Full Version : "H." as a struggle for self.


Looque
06-18-2003, 01:46 PM
Like many, I used to believe that "H." was very basically about being close to someone who is hurting you, but not being able to pull yourself away. In a way, I still believe this, but not in the same fashion as before. If you don't mind reading a little, feel free to take a look at my interpretion of "H." as a testimony to the effects of allowing others to define who you are, your "self." This, by the way, is my favorite song of all time.


What's coming through is alive.
What's holding up is a mirror.
But what's singing songs is a snake
Looking to turn my piss to wine.
------
The figure begins to reflect on who he is, seeing him for his true self, in his true light. The “snake” however, has other plans of what the figure should be. The “snake” sings songs of grandeur, planting images of a great someone-else that the figure should become. As soon as the figure embraces these versions of a person he could be, any convictions of self that the figure formerly held are lost and forgotten.
------
They're both totally void of hate,
But killing me just the same.
------
Neither his own thoughts of change nor the thoughts proposed by the “snake” are vicious in intent, but both are killing him. They take away his conviction of self that leads to the absence of his true self—its murder—and the creation of a false one suggested by his surroundings; suggested by the “snake.”
------
The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.
------
He has made the change, the “snake” is now behind him, telling him how wise of choice he has made to make the change. However, the self’s instinct, his blood, begs him to open up his heart again in order to see the truth.
------
And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
Considerately.
------
He realizes the futility in this grand change he has made. He has only become another person that he is unhappy with, no different than the situation he faced before. This is not who is to be. The emotions build up within him like a mounting storm.
------
Venomous voice, tempts me,
Drains me, bleeds me,
Leaves me cracked and empty.
Drags me down like some sweet gravity.
------
Again the lies of the “snake” promising a better self break down any convictions of self that the figure may have had. He is left cracked and empty, nothing but a shell to be filled by others’ versions of what he should be. These versions presented to him seem to be so promising and good, though; he doesn’t mind accepting them.
------
The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
------
Again he makes the suggested change. He becomes the version of a person the “snake” wanted him to become, and again his heart begs him to open up and see the truth. This is not any better. This is not right. The desperation builds within him.
------
I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
And considerately killing me.
------
The figure is far too connected, too reliant on those around him. This built up reliance doesn’t allow him to sever his connection and become his true self. Rather, his surroundings continue to dictate who he is, and kill who he should be.
------
Without the skin,
Beneath the storm,
Under these tears
The walls came down.
------
It is in this time, when the “storm” of emotions overtakes him, that he becomes vulnerable. His walls come down.
------
And the snake is drowned and
As I look in his eyes,
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of those times.

I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.
------
It was after his heart opened up and he saw what he had become for the falsehood that it was that he felt he had conquered the “snake” that had in essence created it. Recognizing a lie destroys it, right? His fear subsides and he looks back on what had happened time after time. He laments his gullibility and culpability.
------
And as the walls come down and
As I look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.
I don’t mind.
I don’t mind.
------
The conqueror feels strength in his revelation. His walls down, he welcomes his surroundings without malice, finding comfort in them as they approach him without malice, perhaps even soothing and congratulatory for his conquest. His fear fades, he feels at peace. However, he is only encountering another “snake,” just like all the others. In his vulnerability with his walls down, the “snake” imposes on him who he should become, just as has been happening cyclically in the figure’s past. He realizes that it has happened before and will likely happen again. Resigning himself to this sentiment through self-persuasion (“I don’t mind. I don’t mind. I don’t mind.”), he accepts it and becomes indifferent towards it. He has ultimately sacrificed his self completely.
------
I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
And considerately killing me.
------
Returning to the sad cycle of reliance and allowing his surroundings to determine his self, he continues to die time and time again, a new person emerging each time but with no real conviction. His surroundings, those around him, had no malicious intent and could have even been sincere in their suggestions, but ultimately, determining who another is to become is murder, killing the person he should be and should find on his own. The “snake” is anyone who imposes such versions of self that the figure becomes enticed to accept and become. There are many “snakes” one faces, and this symbolism is used since the snake is commonly associated with deceit, tracing back to the serpent in the Garden of Eden. This is appropriate, as any concept of whom a person should become presented by an outsider is deceitful. Only the individual can determine who he is to truly be. Anything else accepted by the individual aside from his own conception is an act and a lie, and cannot be held with conviction.

A testimony to the effects of accepting another’s image of what you should be, the song serves as motivation to dispel the “snakes” one faces in life and embrace the self that you can and have created for yourself. This, and only this, is who you are to be; this, and only this, can you hold with any conviction and live to any effect. However, the choice is yours to be made.

Also, I thank those who make this forum possible.

Mehhico
06-18-2003, 10:29 PM
(round of applause)

That was pretty fucking brilliantly put. Just when I thought I had exhausted the possibilities of interpretations this song may have, you step up and lay this down.
I don't have a hell of a lot to say, just wanted to show my appreciation for the thinking man.

Take care,
Andy

Looque
06-19-2003, 08:56 AM
Thanks Andy. I had actually just finished reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand when "H." came onto my playlist. The book, which champions defining yourself as opposed to living second-handedly on other people's opinions, still fresh in my mind perhaps urged me to see "H." in the light that I described above.

Additionally (I hadn't thought about this until reading a different post on here just a few minutes ago), the snake endlessly swallowing its own tail, working around in a circle, that is projected when the song is performed live supports my thoughts. The snake continually eats itself--just as the "snakes" in the song continually eat (consume/destroy/kill) the previous "snake's" conception of who the narrator should be. I believe the other thread referred to the snake as "Ouboros?" Something along those lines, as the image traces back a long way into history.

ParanoidMartyr
06-23-2003, 08:53 PM
Originally posted by Looque
Thanks Andy. I had actually just finished reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand when "H." came onto my playlist. The book, which champions defining yourself as opposed to living second-handedly on other people's opinions, still fresh in my mind perhaps urged me to see "H." in the light that I described above.


haven't read that book yet, only the epilogue about objetivism. it gave me the creeps! such a sad way of looking at life.

Mouse
07-12-2003, 08:34 AM
Wow, that was amazing Looque. Very brilliant.

g-bay-be
07-12-2003, 11:24 AM
That was amazing. You're are absolutely brilliant. This is the best and first interpretation

Chris H
07-24-2003, 02:13 PM
Yeah, I thought Looque's interpretation was excellent. Just out of curiousity, Looque, are you an English major at all? Like you, I also think that the snake has to symbolise some sort of negativity or deceit; others have argued differently in its meaning, but I still go with this one. I get the impression from the lyrics and the emotional feel of the changes in the song, that it might also have something to do with depression and reflecting upon what has made him depressed, eg. deceitful people.

Looque
07-30-2003, 10:26 PM
Just out of curiousity, Looque, are you an English major at all?

I'm definitely not an English major, nor do I have any desire to be. I'm a Biology/pre-med and Political Science double major.

Mehhico
07-31-2003, 08:00 PM
Hello again.
I have just had a very interesting discussion with my girlfriend about Looque's interpretation. I have been reading about the idea of the earths evolution into the fourth dimension and then referencing these ideas to the lyrics off of AEnima.
With regards to the initial post, lets just think that maybe that connection to our surroundings is what we NEED to let go of in order to truly see ourselves as we really are. Once we have this understanding we can move forward together.
I have recently got this funny thought that the image of us humans moving towards evolution (as the world will only evolve once everyone is "ready") will look something like a long line of people waiting to buy something, or a line of kids waiting to see Santa, or whatever. This also connects with the term "step". We need to stay in line with each other and continue to step towards and through into the next level. In 46+2 Maynard speaks of "stepping" through his shadow and that 46+2 is just ahead him.
With this in mind, lets have a look at the previous track to H. I think Eulogy runs very well into H. using this understanding. Suppose that the writer is realising that the influence of our surroundings is how we define ouselves, and that we must stop this thought-train. Hence, the name of the song. This song also refers to this image of a long line of people working towards evolution with lyrics like "don't you step out of line"; as we ALL have to do this together. Furthermore, the lyrics "come down, get off your fucking cross. We need the fucking space to nail the next fool martyr" is referring to the people who have stepped out of line due to them being "too connected to"(H.) society. They believe that this life we lead now IS "real" and they think that the idea of evolution is just a crazy idea and only gets in the way of making more money and being more popular.
This leads into the closing lyrics "to ascend you must die. You must be crucified. For our sins and our lies. Goodbye."
Another side note is that HWAP is the next full song after 46+2 and along these lines, the “man” could be another person or another example of someone who is too connected to this egotistic society, and hopefully the song helps them to understand that we are all in this together and that they should step back into line by first understanding this theory of “Oneness”.

I am truly sorry about the random thoughts I have just written, they are still working themselves out. I hope it makes a bit of sense to someone out there, or at the least raised a few more ideas.

Take care,
Andy

g-bay-be
08-03-2003, 12:00 PM
Hello again.
I have just had a very interesting discussion with my girlfriend about Looque's interpretation. I have been reading about the idea of the earths evolution into the fourth dimension and then referencing these ideas to the lyrics off of AEnima.
With regards to the initial post, lets just think that maybe that connection to our surroundings is what we NEED to let go of in order to truly see ourselves as we really are. Once we have this understanding we can move forward together.
I have recently got this funny thought that the image of us humans moving towards evolution (as the world will only evolve once everyone is "ready") will look something like a long line of people waiting to buy something, or a line of kids waiting to see Santa, or whatever. This also connects with the term "step". We need to stay in line with each other and continue to step towards and through into the next level. In 46+2 Maynard speaks of "stepping" through his shadow and that 46+2 is just ahead him.
With this in mind, lets have a look at the previous track to H. I think Eulogy runs very well into H. using this understanding. Suppose that the writer is realising that the influence of our surroundings is how we define ouselves, and that we must stop this thought-train. Hence, the name of the song. This song also refers to this image of a long line of people working towards evolution with lyrics like "don't you step out of line"; as we ALL have to do this together. Furthermore, the lyrics "come down, get off your fucking cross. We need the fucking space to nail the next fool martyr" is referring to the people who have stepped out of line due to them being "too connected to"(H.) society. They believe that this life we lead now IS "real" and they think that the idea of evolution is just a crazy idea and only gets in the way of making more money and being more popular.
This leads into the closing lyrics "to ascend you must die. You must be crucified. For our sins and our lies. Goodbye."
Another side note is that HWAP is the next full song after 46+2 and along these lines, the “man” could be another person or another example of someone who is too connected to this egotistic society, and hopefully the song helps them to understand that we are all in this together and that they should step back into line by first understanding this theory of “Oneness”.

I am truly sorry about the random thoughts I have just written, they are still working themselves out. I hope it makes a bit of sense to someone out there, or at the least raised a few more ideas.

Take care,
Andy




I must start out saying I found it funny that you discuss tool lyrics with your girlfriend... It funny because I do the same thing with my girlfriend...

Anyway... I think you are correct in what you are saying... I had a similar idea of everyone standing in line at a shopping mart except My vision was everone going up the escalator at a mall... everyone heding in the same direction... Yet someone will get out of line and take the stairs...

Luna Galapogos
08-09-2003, 07:06 PM
For one thing, the song H. is about being connected yes, but not to your surroundings. The song is esentially about loving someone and then having that person leave you, but rather than let them go, you kill yourself trying to love them. They will ignore you, say things that you find very condescending, but you will love them anyway. They don't mean to be doing all of these things to you. They are killing you 'considerately'. And yes, I agree that Eulogy is an excellent song to be right before it. The person that is 'standing above the crowd' is the person that has left you and is amongst the people that you no longer associate with because you are still only looking to this one person. Eventually you end up crucifying yourself, you are the martyr. The next fool martyr is the person next person that just can't let go of the person that they love. They eventually drive themselves made loving this person, and they feel that the only way to ascend is to die. The line next is 'for YOUR sins and YOUR lies'. This shows that they have finally gone and it was because they were never smart enough to see the one that they loved just lied to them, sinned against them. It is the price that one pays for loving someone too much, for connecting and not letting go. Keep in mind that they don't mean to be doing all of this to you. They are doing it 'considerately'.

Check the lyrics for Eulogy, they will show that it YOURS and not OUR.

P.S. I know what I said is true about what H. means because Maynard said it himself. However, the idea of Eulogy tying into it the way that I said is something that I have personally thought of.

Luna Galapogos
08-09-2003, 07:20 PM
I do believe that the interpretation at the top of this page is the best interpretation of this whole song that could be written. It was marvelous how it was all laid out. It made the song make even more sense then it had before I read it. Thanks

Looque
08-11-2003, 01:21 AM
I realize that Maynard has explicitly discussed (though briefly) this song similarly to how you described above. I've seen/heard/read that before. However, he has also explicitly mentioned "H." in relation to his son. To say with certainty that "H." is about one specific thing, even if it's one of the specific things I just named, is pretty audacious. He hasn't made it an easy task to define the song, as he himself has given multiple and diverging meanings (or clues to a meaning). Frankly, I'm about certain the interpretation I posted in this thread isn't the meaning that Maynard intended when he wrote the lyrics--and that's fine--but it is the meaning and significance I associate with the song as I listen to it.

Mehhico
08-11-2003, 01:46 PM
Galapogos: Whoops, my bad about the incorrect lyrics. My apologies to everyone.
I think, just as Looque said, the meaning of the song(s) is pretty much interpreted by the individual with respect to their own experiences. When I first started to, or tried to, figure this song out, the relationship between two people was the first obvious understanding. And it stuck for a long time because I couldn't possibly see any other meaning for it. The only problem with that is I have never been in such a relationship so it didn't really have a huge personal effect on me (of course the music did, but not so much the meaning of the lyrics).
When I read Looques post it gave the song a whole new meaning for me and one which I can really connect with as I am sure all of you see this sort of thing everyday. It also fit in really well with my understanding of the entire album.
And just because Maynard says it is so, it doesn't mean that is ALL he meant. Don't forgot your salt shaker, too.

Kind regards,
Andy