joshuacureton
06-10-2003, 08:30 AM
sometimes, when i get down on myself, i like to sit back with some type of uncontrollable controlled substance and throw some tool in the ol' 8 track. but something happened: the band used to be all about love and happiness and peppermint sno-cones and utopian escapades with virgins and dragons and elves...now they seem to have suffered a kierkegaardian crisis: theyve taken to blaspheming gods greatness!
why would you want to challenge the divinity of the lord?!? he came to us when the false god radio was at his strongest, only to seize power and slowly convert the world to his holiest of holy cyclopean guises: television!
yes, thank you jesus...you died so that we may not suffer eternal death, or something like that. john foretold of your return, and you came back to us, early in the 20th century, in a euclidean ark of mystery, garbed in circuits and vacuum tubes and knobs and chords: television...
now those godless pagans "tool" (an obvious reference to cock, or the swollen purple people eater, or mini-me, as it were) have decided to challenge the divinity of television? stinkfist??? sure, i will have another! double fist me in the asshole, just so long as i dont miss the lords entertainment: "friends!" what tool fails to realize is that because god has decided to incarnate in the form of television, he is trying to communicate to us that he is not feeling too good these days...in fact, he's a bit schizophrenic! think about it: on one channel, you have the lakers losing on a robert horry brick (sure sign of the impending armageddon), then on another channel you have porn, then on another channel there is the evening news, then on another channel there is porn, then on another channel there is a live invasion of another country, then there's more porn, then theres a christian garbed in toupee's and fake jewelry begging for money (lest you burn in hell), then theres some porn, then theres pbs (which no one watches), and more porn...etc. etc. god is trying to tell us, god incarnated as the great cyclops, the holy mr. telly, that he is losing his mind! schizophrenia!
what tool is recommending we do is that we watch more television and increase our drug consumption, all while maintaining a healthy diet of pussy and orange julius. take for example, the lyric "hey dipshit, watch more television because god wants you to, something has to change, undeniable dilemna..." isnt the message clear?!?
or the lyric "elbow deep inside the borderline, you should watch more tv cause we belong together" and the big finale "i'll keep digging until i find star trek" obviously the digging is referring to channel changing, that is, navigating gods' brainwaves, until the singer finds the program that he is looking for (i must admit, the star trek is an assumption because he sounds like a nerd to me, and as we all know, star trek is for nerds QED). the message? dont give up! eventually you will find something good on television...holy stinkfist, batman!
why would you want to challenge the divinity of the lord?!? he came to us when the false god radio was at his strongest, only to seize power and slowly convert the world to his holiest of holy cyclopean guises: television!
yes, thank you jesus...you died so that we may not suffer eternal death, or something like that. john foretold of your return, and you came back to us, early in the 20th century, in a euclidean ark of mystery, garbed in circuits and vacuum tubes and knobs and chords: television...
now those godless pagans "tool" (an obvious reference to cock, or the swollen purple people eater, or mini-me, as it were) have decided to challenge the divinity of television? stinkfist??? sure, i will have another! double fist me in the asshole, just so long as i dont miss the lords entertainment: "friends!" what tool fails to realize is that because god has decided to incarnate in the form of television, he is trying to communicate to us that he is not feeling too good these days...in fact, he's a bit schizophrenic! think about it: on one channel, you have the lakers losing on a robert horry brick (sure sign of the impending armageddon), then on another channel you have porn, then on another channel there is the evening news, then on another channel there is porn, then on another channel there is a live invasion of another country, then there's more porn, then theres a christian garbed in toupee's and fake jewelry begging for money (lest you burn in hell), then theres some porn, then theres pbs (which no one watches), and more porn...etc. etc. god is trying to tell us, god incarnated as the great cyclops, the holy mr. telly, that he is losing his mind! schizophrenia!
what tool is recommending we do is that we watch more television and increase our drug consumption, all while maintaining a healthy diet of pussy and orange julius. take for example, the lyric "hey dipshit, watch more television because god wants you to, something has to change, undeniable dilemna..." isnt the message clear?!?
or the lyric "elbow deep inside the borderline, you should watch more tv cause we belong together" and the big finale "i'll keep digging until i find star trek" obviously the digging is referring to channel changing, that is, navigating gods' brainwaves, until the singer finds the program that he is looking for (i must admit, the star trek is an assumption because he sounds like a nerd to me, and as we all know, star trek is for nerds QED). the message? dont give up! eventually you will find something good on television...holy stinkfist, batman!