View Full Version : My Grudge
base metal
10-17-2006, 08:14 PM
I understand the meaning of this song and as much as I want to let go of my grudge, I am having trouble doing so. I'm not one to dwell on problems, but, there is one incident in particular that has bothered me for far too long simply because it was pure fuckin' evil and it came out of nowhere for no reason at all.
Lateralus is my favorite Tool album, and as much as I understand the theme, I still haven't "given away the stone", I have days where I'm like "fuck it, let it go" and then I wake up in the middle of the night furious.
My point is, when will this bullshit stop and why can't I just throw it aside? Maynard help, you know pain.
PS, I'm not a mental case, just tortured.
Anyone out there have a similar predicament or story to share?
AlcheMilla
10-19-2006, 01:17 PM
..."My point is, when will this bullshit stop and why can't I just throw it aside? "
...we all have our grudges, I'd seriously doubt the one that claims to never have had any. Sometimes things just take time, and sometimes just trying to toss them aside wont do u any good, you'll have to know why it hit you so deep, and work with it. It might not sound fair that you have to spend time repairing something that you havent broken yourself, but thats the only way sometimes. At least thats my experience.
Just like in the song, it dont seem an easy task, theres a lot of anger and pride and sometimes the feeling that justice needs to be done...u need revenge or something... it can be hard to get past. And then one day this let go-moment just comes. And it might even have to come several times before you REALLY can do it. Patience.
base metal
10-19-2006, 07:35 PM
I agree with you. I don't mean to sound like I'm the only one struggling with these feelings and I don't expect people to feel sorry for me or anything. I only posted this thread to get some feedback from other people who have struggled with forgiveness and just want peace of mind. I'm not consumed by this, but, these feelings are very powerful and they come up to the surface every once in a while. Time will heal I know.
Thanks for responding.
AlcheMilla
10-19-2006, 09:51 PM
I agree with you. I don't mean to sound like I'm the only one struggling with these feelings and I don't expect people to feel sorry for me or anything. I only posted this thread to get some feedback from other people who have struggled with forgiveness and just want peace of mind. I'm not consumed by this, but, these feelings are very powerful and they come up to the surface every once in a while. Time will heal I know.
Thanks for responding.
Don't fret, we don't feel sorry for u.
Just occured to me that perhaps your grudge even isn't a grudge, but a perfectly natural reaction to something traumatic. Then you need to let yourself be hateful and mourn and all that, it's healthy. It sucks, but u need it. Someone wise once said to me that happiness is not to be expected from life. Heh, sounds harsh but it helped me at the time. Kinda gave me permission to feel like shit. Not knowing much about your predicament makes it hard to answer on any other than a very general level. Wish u well , though.
base metal
10-19-2006, 10:41 PM
Good point, I'll be fine, just throwing this out there even though its a bit personal.
base metal
11-02-2006, 04:50 PM
Ok, the incident I'm referring to happened at a job i had a couple years ago. Basically my managers and the owner of the place started some shit with me, threatened mine and my family's lives because the assistant manager's daughter liked me and they are really prejudice (i'm hispanic). For the record, i never laid a hand on this girl or disrespected these people in any way, and these motherfuckers got fuckin' psycho on me. 2 of them are women so i didn't hit them (though i felt like it) and the owner is a really big motherfucker, so i ended up seeing a lawyer and getting them off of my case finally, but i have not and will not forgive these assholes for this shit. You had to be there to know just how wrong this whole situation was, and believe me, i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I was completely violated......they must have been out their miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinds!!
Anyway, the grudge, intolerance, apc's - rose, orestes, thomas and the noose are all songs that i identify with......Orestes really sums up the way i feel.
lizbiz
11-03-2006, 12:28 PM
It's extremely hard to let some things go, especially when they are so profound and personal. I struggled with this once, when I couldn't understand why someone would go so far out of their way to screw me. Then a friend of mine opened my eyes and I've never held a grudge since.
- Vengence is empty, it will leave you with regret
- Holding a grudge hurts you and your energy more than the other party
- Don't try to understand what people are thinking, they are not you...
- Not giving into negative emotions will only make you stronger and when the other party realizes they haven't affected you - you will have the last laugh
- Life is too short to do anything but feed off of positive energy, every event that happens in your life is a learning experience, for everything negative that happens you can balance it by learning from it and use this knowledge for gain in the future
I've lived this way ever since... but I've struggled with one question... what if that person intentionally harms your family/close friend/someone you love... even ending their life? I'm not sure if the term 'let go' would apply here. I've never been in the situation, but I've always wondered if I could handle the ultimate test and try to understand why something happened instead of blindly reacting to it.
Hope this helps.
lizbiz
11-03-2006, 12:30 PM
Also, something that may help you...
If these people are racist and this is why they have acted this way... then it is not personal, even though you may feel that way.
If they are racist, that is there problem. Realize that people who constantly send out negative energy probably feel more pain than anyone you know. They need help.
base metal
11-07-2006, 02:36 AM
I hear ya. The worst of it is over, the rage, the hurt, the frustration and the horrible thoughts that I was having, and believe me, I am a real easy-going person, but I was pushed to the edge that time. I think they have finally realized that not only are they going to hell, but that they are some worthless beligerent turds. I know they feel stupid now, but they can never make this right....I could fuck somebody up if I saw them somewhere, but for now i'm thinkin' "fuck them, they have screwed themselves in karma" and I am 99.9% sure that there was a demonic force behind all of this, they were possessed. I have seen crazy, but this was literally like playing roulette with the devil, not good. That's why I think that people who bash religion for whatever reason (usually I find that they feel 'abandoned by God') need to watch their step for their own good. If you are constantly in a hostile/negative frame of mind about life, evil will find you and make plans. I don't want to argue about religion, but I know both sides of good and evil in graphic detail now and it is no joke.
I won't forgive them, but since the 'nightmare' is over, I can steb back and think about it with some clarity and I realize that, even though they stepped way out of bounds, their own hate for themselves and the world in general was to blame.
Thanks for sharing lizbiz.....peace
emotional masturbation
11-07-2006, 07:06 AM
Let go, be patient.
AlcheMilla
11-09-2006, 05:51 AM
Ok, the incident I'm referring to happened at a job i had a couple years ago. Basically my managers and the owner of the place started some shit with me, threatened mine and my family's lives because the assistant manager's daughter liked me and they are really prejudice (i'm hispanic). For the record, i never laid a hand on this girl or disrespected these people in any way, and these motherfuckers got fuckin' psycho on me. 2 of them are women so i didn't hit them (though i felt like it) and the owner is a really big motherfucker, so i ended up seeing a lawyer and getting them off of my case finally, but i have not and will not forgive these assholes for this shit. You had to be there to know just how wrong this whole situation was, and believe me, i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I was completely violated......they must have been out their miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinds!!
Anyway, the grudge, intolerance, apc's - rose, orestes, thomas and the noose are all songs that i identify with......Orestes really sums up the way i feel.
I can see why you would be holding a grudge, that's one bad situation to be in (understatement of the day...). Like you say, sometimes people are so out of their minds that the most logical explanation is that they are possessed, heh.
As for holding a grudge I don't think it cant be said any better than liz did. Thanks for sharing that.
And Orestes is a great song, I can relate to it too, on a very personal level. apc is soo soothing, even with that sinister thing to them...
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