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implandnoises
08-10-2006, 08:00 AM
I was very excited when I recieved my very own Random Theme Generator in the post this morning. ObiJohnKenobi had kindly agreed to part with the first of his "personal use" generators for the humble price of two cases of mostaccioli and my Great Grandmother's special recipe for Mostaccioli and Mushroom Meatballs.

I opened the box and found my brand new RTG lovingly wrapped in a cushion of perfect al dente conchiglie (shell pasta). I couldn't wait to see what beautifully inane interpretations would be produced by this finest of apophenia machinery.

After being somewhat unsatisfied with other's posts about the meaning of Jambi (especially ones which promised to be definitive discussions yet failed to deliver anything more than a jumbled message of delusional paranoia), I decided I would haphazardly invent my own. With the help of my new RTG and several bottles of the Southern Hemisphere's finest plonk, I came up with this:



Here from the king's mountain view
Here from the wild dream come true
Feast like a sultan, I do
On treasures and flesh never few

[It has become quite clear to me now that the lyrics to this song were written from somewhere near the top of the hilly climbs that make up Maynard James Keenan's Arizona vineyard. From this kingly vantage point he eats grapes and drinks his own wine while surveying the culmination of his lifelong dream.]

But I would wish it all away
If I thought I'd lose you just one day

[As he basks in the heat of the bright Arizona sun, Maynard realises that the wine he sips at would not even exist without this great giver of light]

The devil and his had me down
In love with the dark side I'd found
Dabblin' all the way down
Up to my neck soon to drown.

[Here he is talking about all the bad mistakes he has made with cheap wine. Oh the hangovers...]

But you changed that all for me
Lifted me up, turned me round

[Now he sees the alchemy of it all: light into life, grape into wine. He has mastered the process and knows he could never go back to an inferior blend]

So I, I would wish this all away

[So he would give up his own wine to save the sun - in the knowledge that he could still enjoy the other great vino of the world]

Pray like a father dusk to dawn (it's father, not martyr. A martyr can't pray because he is dead)
Beg like a hooker all night long
Shout to the devil with my song
And got what I wanted all along

[This passage talks of how Maynard did all and everything to get his vineyard off the ground. Including "shout to the devil with my song", which the RTG says refers to an obscure band that goes by the name of C.A.D.]

But I
I would
If I could
I would
Wish it away
Wish it away
Wish it all away
Wanna wish it all away

[RTG dreams of vino and MJK dreams of Jeannie]

No price could hold sway
or justify my giving away my center

[Ain't nothing you can do to change his mind now...]

So if I could I'd wish it all away
If I thought tomorrow, they'd take you away

[etc...]

You're my piece of mind, my um...

[Maynard is so taken by the sun and with the heat having an effect on his level of intoxication he is briefly lost for words...]

I said I'm just trying to hold on
One more day

Damn my eyes!

Damn my eyes!

[OK, here comes the clincher in this drunken tirade]

Damn my eyes
If they should compromise
A full grown winery,
if I need it
I might as well be gone...

[It's all quite plain in the light of day isn't it? He doesn't want to lose his beautiful crops, but if it means losing the sun, then he would rather he never existed.]

Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one

Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the severed
Shine until the two become one

[Oh great thou art! Sun, life giver, repairer of broken grapevines. And quick, quick, do your work you good thing, because these vines are....]

Divided and withering away

Shine down upon the many, light our way,
Benevolent sun.

Breathe in union

[He is talking to the grapes now (he must be pretty wasted), basically encouraging them to grow well and work as a team]

So, as one, survive
Another day and season

[Because together the plants can get through the next season]

Silence Lee John, save your poison
Silence Lee John, stay out of my way

[Well, obviously Maynard is rather drunk by this point in the song, but I am guessing he had a bad experience at Lee John's Catering.]



That about wraps it up. I am stoked with the response from my RTG and I hope it can generate other tediously protracted meanings to the rest of the songs on this disc. If anyone has any comments or questions, please note that I never stated that this was the "definitive discussion" or any other such nonsense. So, feel free to call BULLSHIT.



Hmmm, that gives me an idea. I wonder if, with a few tweaks, I can get the RTG to produce a meaning for The Pot that centers around the pleasant smell of bovine poo....

5th Eye
08-10-2006, 08:08 AM
nice

spacemonkeyadb
08-10-2006, 08:11 AM
...especially ones which promised to be definitive discussions yet failed to deliver anything more than a jumbled message of delusional paranoia...


LOL! Good call.

implandnoises
08-10-2006, 08:26 AM
Thank you both for your kind words. But the respect (and pasta) should be given to ObiJohnKenobi, inventor of the fabled RTG.

DON IOTAE
08-10-2006, 08:33 AM
the original post is very Blair-esque. And no, I didn't get it. Like I don't get most of Blair's posts.

:P

implandnoises
08-10-2006, 08:59 AM
the original post is very Blair-esque. And no, I didn't get it. Like I don't get most of Blair's posts.

:P
Have you read the far superior thread "random theme generator"? Perhaps that may shed some light on the hidden message behind my post. Or perhaps one should put a hammer into one's computer screen in search of the hidden meaning.





Or, to be fair, perhaps my post was lacking in sauce from the outset. :-)

DON IOTAE
08-10-2006, 09:19 AM
Got it. thanx.

ObiJohnKenobi
08-10-2006, 08:25 PM
poo....


i wanted to quote it all, but just couldn't bring myself to do it.

you give me and the RTG too much credit! I do think I must have mistakenly sent you one of the RTG v2.0 prototypes, because the results it gave you were simply amazing!

A few points:

1) I was likely as drunk creating the RTG as maynard was when he penned this song. The mix is like a perfect blend of a chardonnais and cabernet sauvignon... for a heathen like me, its like a blend of molson canadian and cool ranch doritos;

2) i've always been skeptical of those praying martyrs... maybe it looks like they're praying when rigor mortis sets in;

3) i hope there's at least little bit of the tongue in cheek reserved for me - i'd deserve it, being the asshole that i can be;

4) i'm in love with your great-grandmother.

you will be first on the list for an RTG v3.0. i promise this version will be much more compact (it will be able to fit in the trunk of most cars) and it will not require a constant stream of semenal fluids to keep it running.

ObiJohnKenobi
08-10-2006, 08:28 PM
Thank you both for your kind words. But the respect (and pasta) should be given to ObiJohnKenobi, inventor of the fabled RTG.


as long as he's using the RTG v2.0, the sheep will be safe in new zealand...i think there's a combination of punctuation marks that re-inforces the fact that that is just a joke... 8=============D.... is that it?

i could use for more rigatoni, though.