Holy crap this song is pretty good.

[Omar Rodriguez-Mopez]

I just heard it and thought it would be just sorta like a joke. Lol now I tihnk it's one of my favotire Tool songs. Very good vocal performance on Maynards part.

[hushypushy]

yeah it's old school too, Opiate style

i like jamming to this song on guitar, it's easy and fun

[crumbling|image]

Truly, this song does deserve more credit than it gets.

[anarcho-commie]

Yeah, I like it just because it's sounds very "opiate" oriented. As it was recorded back then. Not much Tool sounds old school like that anymore.

[crumbling|image]

Yes, that's true. But it's definitely progressed into something beautiful.

[Ambival]

I really like this song, despite it's title.
Im wandering if they will ever record another acoustic-style song like it.
& if they ever play it live anymore?

[Track 01]

This is a really good song...it sounds like it could be a stoners anthem

[smok3y]

i don't know why but i like this song too.

[ktdude]

I sort of 'rediscovered' this song this weekend after forgetting about it for a while - man I forgot how good it is - it's totally different to Tool and yet it sounds awesome. Maynard's voice is great on it.

[Confuzzled]

This is a really good song...it sounds like it could be a stoners anthem
lol yea right it could be.
Gotta love this song. Dunno why but its amazing, Manyards vocals are great.

[ShadowLine]

i love it because the way its played is so relaxed so kind of innocent whilst singing about a penis. it almoast as if its played to be a serious song.

chris
x

[TJP]

would you like to glide on? slide a mile six inches at a time on maynards diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick! [gotta love those lyrics] LOL

[ShadowLine]

would you like to glide on? slide a mile six inches at a time on maynards diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick! [gotta love those lyrics] LOL

most definatley. the best lyrics he's ever written.lol

chris
x

[Judi]

The song is funny and awesome at the same time.
I love it!!

[ktdude]

we all love a nice bit of maynard's dick

[steve99_9]

good rock tune. listen to it quite a bit

[somniferousalmondeye]

yeah i must admit i love maynard's dick, did i just say that, who'm i kidding i'd suck his dick just cause he's the only man i love besides my dad, uncle, and grand pa(s), only i would never suck their cocks. anyway this song does kick ass.

[philipg]

its weird to think that this song could have been the first tool song written
like tool formed as a joke band, started writing songs like hush that were rockin but still not really serious but then evolved into one of the most serious and enigmatic bands ever...
all of my joke bands have just ended up sucking.

[phunt]

its got the ol time siggy change in there aswell

hawt

[ktdude]

yeah i must admit i love maynard's dick, did i just say that, who'm i kidding i'd suck his dick just cause he's the only man i love besides my dad, uncle, and grand pa(s), only i would never suck their cocks. anyway this song does kick ass.
ROFL!!

[Chronicle0]

Oh geez, i rolled into a disturbing thread.

[ktdude]

could it be anything other than disturbing in a thread about this song!!

[vitamin]

It's so happy sounding, I really love it. I agree. I like the acousitc guitar... does anyone know who's playing the acoustic during the performance? It IS live isn't it?

[mjdlight]

I've really always taken this song as a hillarious parody of the kind of rock you would find on mainstream FM stations at the time it was written. Hillarious, especially when Maynard lets go with a really nice, long (pun intended) scream of 'MAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYNARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD'SSSSSSSSSSS S DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!'

[Useful)(Idiot]

i just heard this song for the first time the other day and damn its awesome. never heard a song like this from tool. i half excepted a blues harmonica to start playing at the beginning.

[Chronicle0]

Lol it reminds me too of those mainstream songs on FM.

[pandora's paradox]

My favourite thing about this song is that Tool have taken someone else's music style, and made it sound good/better.

[Phorty]

If he wasn't talking about his dick this song would be number one on all the request countdowns across america.
Wait , scratch that , if he didnt BLATANTLY mention his dick it would be on all the countdown charts , im willing to bet that a large group of the MTV audience wouldnt have been able to decipher that the song was about his dick otherwise.
Oh well , guess we'll never know what that would've been like.



Then again ... there is still The Pot.

[eternalnuisance.com]

I must admit that I too love Maynards dick.

[InfiniteEye]

I must admit that I too love Maynards dick.

who wouldn't love his dick

[eternalnuisance.com]

People with bad taste

[Red Yehti]

I love this song because, as Useful)(Idiot said b4, its so different from any other TOOL song, and it still kicks ass. It has to be joke on other bands who would consider a song like this their best work. TOOL puts it on as a hidden track with no mention of it in the CD packaging at all. I used to work with a guy who considered himself a huge TOOL fan...he had no clue this song existed. He always turned the CD off during lame. When I played it for him...his jaw dropped, and face turned beet red.

[lagimatt]

This song hasn't reached it's full potential. i think every cover band should wield this ditty. I actually requested it to a cover band once. the lead singer looked at me like i was an asshole (maybe i am...) I think i oughta try it out as a pickup line in the bar.... "hey beautiful, How'd you like to slide a mile 5 & 1/2 inches at a time??" :-D that would for sure get the ladies. right? ... ?

[toller]

I think it's great that tool can write a song about maynard's penis that is way better than any song most bands on the radio could write!

[J Stebbins]

Underrated song, kind of. Even if it's a joke, his dick screams are tremendous. I like the whole flow of the song, I catch myself listening to it more then I think I should.

[ktdude]

Underrated song, kind of. Even if it's a joke, his dick screams are tremendous. I like the whole flow of the song, I catch myself listening to it more then I think I should.
don't be ashamed, none of us can get enough of maynard's dick

ah, it never gets old

[mjkajdcjc]

Truly, this song does deserve more credit than it gets.

Amen! This is probably the best song on the album (unless you think that "Third Eye" or "No Quarter" is better).

[one_reflection]

This song hasn't reached it's full potential. i think every cover band should wield this ditty. I actually requested it to a cover band once. the lead singer looked at me like i was an asshole (maybe i am...) I think i oughta try it out as a pickup line in the bar.... "hey beautiful, How'd you like to slide a mile 5 & 1/2 inches at a time??" :-D that would for sure get the ladies. right? ... ?

You could round it up to 6... =p

[fivenichols]

Get her drunk and say "9."

I love this song, and I heard a local band sing it at a show.

First performance, first song played. It was sweet.

[ktdude]

Get her drunk and say "9."

I love this song, and I heard a local band sing it at a show.

First performance, first song played. It was sweet.
nice! that must have been pretty cool.

[Ambival]

fuck....gotta love this song still. heh

[philipg]

haha even if it does share a chord progression with like half the green day songs out there... this song kicks so much ass.
if i could sing as well as maynard does on this track i would be happy with myself.
that high note/ scream is just so groovy. that and the burping

[TurdEye13]

Maynard's vocals are what makes this song great.

[o00mega00]

Got that feel good kinda fresh early nineties feel to it. "Took you out in the back of the toolshed Put it right on top of your forehead".....lyrical fucking genious!!!

[mr. nikki jensen]

haha even if it does share a chord progression with like half the green day songs out there... this song kicks so much ass.
if i could sing as well as maynard does on this track i would be happy with myself.
that high note/ scream is just so groovy. that and the burping

yeah funny and awesome

[mjkajdcjc]

It's so happy sounding, I really love it. I agree. I like the acousitc guitar... does anyone know who's playing the acoustic during the performance? It IS live isn't it?

How did this guy get banned? Was he/she/it an alias?

13 posts = banning (must have been the 13 worst posts possible)

[lagimatt]

Hrmmm... drunk, 9. always....too.... honest, dammit --- maybe that's what i've been doing wrong LOL

Edit: honest, not honesd

[TEST]

that song is full of "ROCK"...LOL

[rintoot]

I've really always taken this song as a hillarious parody of the kind of rock you would find on mainstream FM stations at the time it was written. Hillarious, especially when Maynard lets go with a really nice, long (pun intended) scream of 'MAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYNARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD'SSSSSSSSSSS S DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!'

im glad you said this, i take it like that too, it sounds tailored for radio and its like they were just mocking the whole fucking genre...awesome

[Paradyne]

this is definately a song to be played within a large drunken crowd. The lyrics are quite clever as always.

[Polish_Rides_The_Spiral]

slide a mile six inches at a time on maynard's dick!

[Arkham Asylum]

I love how you can easily be fooled by the stereotypically rock 'n' roll sound of the song. When you actually listen, you realize it has some of the funniest lyrics ever.

[a-groan-of-tedium]

I love it as an intstrumental, but i can't take the lyrics. I feel awkward listening to it.

[bdberncraft]

yeah it's old school too, Opiate style

i like jamming to this song on guitar, it's easy and fun

I think it was actually recorded back in the day, just released later on. It's way fun to jam on guitar! I dig it. So 70's rock of them (for the most part).

[tomisatool]

Maynard is so modest...6 inches.

[darkpanda123]

Ok, I just heard this song tonight. I must say I love it. I wouldn't have known it was Tool if it wasn't good old Maynard. I totally agree, great song.

[ButIForgotMyPen]

Is there an acustic in this song and if soo whos playing it? because for like 20 seconds there it sounds like theres an acustic and an electric.... maybe im mistaken? any one know

[insaner]

it is an acoustic.

[pineal light]

hello -this is my first post here.
maynards dick is a great song. one thing has been bothering me though...i have been searching high and low for a classic rock song that it resembles. some say it is a neil young song..

my reasons for looking:
i just get to a bar where a live band is covering old rock classics. the first song they play was an old song that was maynards dick exactly! i could not believe what i was hearing. i looked around the bar and even saw one or two patrons singing along it's lyrics. not only that but they seemed extra excited to hear that particular song....

i find no mention of this anywhere on the internet, and am dying to know what it was. anyone have an idea?
i am in the process of tracking down the band and questioning them. either way
maynards dick is one of my favorites, and i have listening to it on repeat lately !!

[the OMJ]

I'ts about Maynards dick that alone makes it a good song. Cum on. ;)

[orangeisgoood]

ive never heard this song....i just tried to listen to it but...i get this messed up thing about some phone caller calling a company...how the hell do you listen to it?!?!?!

[orangeisgoood]

i just heard it on youtube...pretty funny lol...but im still wondering how you listen to it on the cd....

[jakesstuff_69]

After the phone call to the LAMC there is a bout a minute or two of silence before the song starts. maybe 8:15 or something way into the song.

[orangeisgoood]

ok, i got it now...sounds like a song by seether called "fine again"...he he he...im cranking it...

[Orbit]

Thinking about the words really makes me laugh. "Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's Dick". But yes it is an amazing song the way they play it acoustically just makes it even more of a jam song. Truly an epic song.

[*~*»¤«(Đispositioñ)»¤«*~*]

Maynard doesn't have a dick, he has a cock, so this song can't be about him.

[miketh74]

^ LOL ^

This song is great. As posted before.....who else could write a song about a penis and it cum (pun intended) out sounding awesome???