My songs, Tell me what you think

[Jerk off]

Here are some songs I wrote for my abnd.
We're called John Handcock. Its just me on vocals and my freind Stac on Acustic. we have a Pearl Jam feel. We do alot of covers too.

~SIN
Sin deep my wicked one
Spread your wings and it’s done.
Let me in to your travesty
You well be my next tragedy
Sin deep
My wicked one
Sin deep
And pull me down
In to your sin
Pull me down with you

~Travesty

Blackened eyes
Red lips and
A Dark soul
These are my accoutrements
My vanity
These are what hide me
From your prying eyes.
I’ll use them to
Take you down
Down to my level
Pull you down
Like the stone
You will become.
I will use my
Vanity
To make you like me
My new travesty.

~ONE
Your kisses
Your Sweetness
Your body on mine
Our sweat mingles to become one
We breathe as one
Move as one
We are as one
This is what I need
What I crave
Nothing more
I’ll take whatever you offer
But all I really want is to become
One
For a while


~Change

I can feel a change coming through
An uneasy felling that won’t let me be
As I sit I can fell it move through me
What’s next?
Will I ever know
What’s around that bend?
Is it good
Is it bad.
What’s this change?
Why this feeling
Why me

[smirk]

those are cool , esp the first one

[Valkyrie]

Uh...hmm...kind of trite...

I mean...I can see the sin one being inspired from NIN...

The travesty thing is linked in both songs and so makes sin and travesty sound not only like one song, but...ripped off of each other.

The change one reminds me of 46 and 2 in terms of influence in the beginning lines...and one...well...that one I have nothing to really pull from.

But..the point is, and I'm not saying I could do any better, but in terms of the lyrics I have seen in the past, well...yours are boring. I see the same themes from the same angle with the same words and the same metaphors as many, many popular songs. And most popular songs just don't float my boat.

[livid76]

I like the lyrics, first off, but I have to agree with Valk in that the themes are pretty overdone.

If you guys truly do have a Pearl Jam feel, try some storytelling, not just raw emotion and sex drive. Hell, think of some of the stuff that Vedder does... when they're acoustic they're usually painting a picture, not wetting their dicks.

my 2 cents.

livid76

[Jerk off]

thanks for the info,
Those songs were all about the same subject. So, I kind of tried to make them fit together because we play them with no break in between just a switch in guitar. The first one is not inspired by NIN. It was just a line I though in my head and went with. I didn't post our Pearl Jam like songs becaus ei figured that It wouldtake up to much space Give me some time and i'll post them.

oh yeah, BTW I don't have a dick, but i guess it still applies.

[Cronos]

Originally posted by Jerk off
oh yeah, BTW I don't have a dick, but i guess it still applies.

Aha!

Your lyrics are very short and more reminiscent of poems to me.

[Druzzel Dermgo]

I have to tell you, I liked your songs, but they seem too short...like poems...maybe you should put them all together, like you said...maybe they should be one song under one name...but as i said, I like them...keep it up. I hope to hear of you guys some time...

[smirk]

cronos has come to the letters page, read my stuff, you know the artist always gets more respect when hes dead

[Jerk off]

I can't decide if im going to use this as a song or not but it just came out the other day. So tell me if it sucks or not :)


~Darkness consumes me here in this pit of despair.
I sit angry, confused, alone and bitter.
Desperately I scratch at the walls until my fingers are not but bloody stumps.
I scream until my voice is gone.
I weep, alone, in the dark, with only my memories of happiness
That remind me of what I once was.
That show me what I now am.
Until I am consumed by the Darkness I will sit,
Wishing that someone finds me.
It is useless for me to struggle now.
I am but a pawn in this game.~

[Cronos]

I wouldn't say sucks. They're good. But to me it all seems like it's done before. It's kind of hard to try and be original I guess when there are so many influences littering your head. The whole darkness thing seems overdone to me. But at least you have a writing style. So don't just give up. You will get better. You need to just find something original to write on, or you are trying to hard to force it. You don't have to have dark mysterious lyrics. Don't feel bound to a certain style or genre. Just pour something out, something you feel. That's all I can say about that. From reading that it all just seems like I've been reading those same kind of lyrics over and over again.

[Jerk off]

I don't try and do dark lyrics. When I sit down and write stuff like that comes out. I think it sounds trite. It all has been done before, When I make my self write something happy I feel like im lying, because i'm not happy. When i write i try to describe how I feel at any given moment in my life.
Thats just me, and I wont give up, because writing is what i love to do < next to singing,>