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View Full Version : Tool did not write this song!


effigycm
04-25-2006, 05:32 PM
Immediately after putting Jambi on for the first time, It struck me that the guitar riff was a little different compared to most tool songs. Alright...no problem...I'll give it a chance -- but I knew something wasn't quite right about it.

After the 3rd or 4th time through the song, something strange started to happen. I realized I had the tune stuck in my head without ever really being conscious of what song it was on the album, nor being aware of what any of the lyrics were. Usually this doesn't happen to me. I am usually far more famaliar with a song before I try to start singing along with it, and getting it stuck in my head during all hours of the day.

I was just sitting around at work one day when it finally struck me -- this song wasn't written by Tool at all. This song was written by Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior*. It's obvious. How could a song possibly be this good, without having some kind of divine intervention involved? At 5:30 when MJK comes back in with the vocals 'Shine on....'? Written by Jesus with help from God. It's that good.

For those of you who think you are clever and will claim Jesus died a long time ago -- I must tell you there is a ritual in which you can still speak to him. I won't go into detail here but it involves 7 candles, a virgin, 3 cows, and goat blood.

I love this song.



*Sarcasm, don't bother making a religious reply or tell me that you don't believe in (enter religion here). I'm agnostic.

cr0nick
04-25-2006, 05:32 PM
oh

slicknickshady
04-25-2006, 05:33 PM
haha.

Smith1228
04-25-2006, 05:39 PM
I'm agnostic.

LOL

F!end
04-25-2006, 05:49 PM
Ok.

resonance.
04-25-2006, 06:02 PM
Don't forget Peter Frampton!

spiralout11235
04-25-2006, 07:06 PM
hahaha

triad636
04-25-2006, 07:08 PM
I lol'd at this thread, thanks for the laugh. :)

TheHolyGift
04-25-2006, 07:17 PM
Funny thing is, I've had a poster in my room for about 2 years that has Jesus with a guitar on it. I always wondered why. Now I know!

Alcawhorlick
04-25-2006, 07:17 PM
I like this theory. I think he might have something.
But I would have preferred if Satan would have written it and every other song on the album for that matter.Then they would have been good like Tool's older songs.
This definitely is jesus-approved rock and roll.

Sampson
04-25-2006, 07:18 PM
Funny thing is, I've had a poster in my room for about 2 years that has Jesus with a guitar on it. I always wondered why. Now I know!

Jesus Rocks! (I have the same poster)

TheHolyGift
04-25-2006, 07:23 PM
Jesus Rocks! (I have the same poster)

High five!

mike09
04-25-2006, 07:25 PM
lol

nconcklin
04-25-2006, 07:36 PM
Ah man I was hoping it was like a cover and I'd get to go find the original version.

hbynoe
04-25-2006, 07:38 PM
:)

Behemoth
04-26-2006, 07:22 AM
I L'dMAO

zavlin
04-26-2006, 07:43 AM
i agree....this is currently my favorite song on the album i think.

Choice Breath
04-26-2006, 07:46 AM
It's not true because everyone knows Jesus strictly writes Ska songs and the occasional Merengue dance mix.

BlairLicksTaint
04-26-2006, 07:50 AM
Thanks for the laugh, that was great

psychodad
04-26-2006, 08:01 AM
Maybe now that the leak has been confirmed real by many, the "hoax" crowd can get behind this theory. They need something!

bitter_enigma
04-26-2006, 08:14 AM
haha awesome!
...but it's actually 23 candles, and the virgin has to be 10,000 days old.

azatoth
04-26-2006, 08:20 AM
this gave me a lol

well done!