Carbonatedgravy
04-21-2006, 12:10 AM
It's a bit awkward to just bring such a personaly story out openly, but this song coupled with Wings For Marie touched me in a way I really didn't expect, and I would like to share if that's okay.
For most of my life I have suffered severe depression, and over the last few years, and particularly months, I have become increasingly suicidal. The reasons for my depression are complex, and while I'm not sensitive about discussing it, it's not necessary to the story. Death is a threshold I feel I have passed many times before in my mind, but I have always been physically held back due to an indescribable connection to my mother. I have tried to break free of this connection for a long time so I could just kill myself guilt-free and be done with it.
It was obviously a selfish thought of me, but I didn't care. Today when I heard this song for the first few times with the lyrics as interpreted by the members here I started to make parallels between Maynard's connection to him mother and my own connections. My mother, like his, has been very religious and very faithful. She has prayed for me time and again, which I've always resented since I am not myself religious in nature.
But this song opened my eyes, particularly the passage:
Cause you, who faithfully served,
What have I done to be a son to an angel
What have I done to be worthy
Even as I just mechanically copy and paste that my eyes well up. I've never really done anything to be a good son to a mother who has given me so much. And I'm through with that. I called my mom tonight at midnight and told her that I was finally willing to change and try to get help. (I've had help before but I never gave it any effort, because I did NOT want it.)
I know that this was highly personal for Maynard, and I don't know what he intended for others to get out of this song, but I have a lot to owe to it.
Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for being cheesy.
For most of my life I have suffered severe depression, and over the last few years, and particularly months, I have become increasingly suicidal. The reasons for my depression are complex, and while I'm not sensitive about discussing it, it's not necessary to the story. Death is a threshold I feel I have passed many times before in my mind, but I have always been physically held back due to an indescribable connection to my mother. I have tried to break free of this connection for a long time so I could just kill myself guilt-free and be done with it.
It was obviously a selfish thought of me, but I didn't care. Today when I heard this song for the first few times with the lyrics as interpreted by the members here I started to make parallels between Maynard's connection to him mother and my own connections. My mother, like his, has been very religious and very faithful. She has prayed for me time and again, which I've always resented since I am not myself religious in nature.
But this song opened my eyes, particularly the passage:
Cause you, who faithfully served,
What have I done to be a son to an angel
What have I done to be worthy
Even as I just mechanically copy and paste that my eyes well up. I've never really done anything to be a good son to a mother who has given me so much. And I'm through with that. I called my mom tonight at midnight and told her that I was finally willing to change and try to get help. (I've had help before but I never gave it any effort, because I did NOT want it.)
I know that this was highly personal for Maynard, and I don't know what he intended for others to get out of this song, but I have a lot to owe to it.
Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for being cheesy.