Help me out please

[dork]

I sit down and take off my coat. I am cold but i do not let it show. She cannot see discomfort. Discomfort is awkward. She would judge me. I count the dots on the table, trying to look busy. Boredom is my weakness, it mustn't show through. I
conceal it well, thinkin, and writing. I try to appear focused, if she sensed my insecurities I wouldn't have a chance. I am afraid, a coward. But I hid it well. I have nothing to do so I write this, and I do it for you.


It's a rough version, but id kind of like some feedback if you'd be so kind.

[Matteran]

I like it, but i think it would be more effective if it was a little more mysterious, for example:

The original line:
"I count the dots on the table, trying to look busy"

What if you played with the noun, and possibly omited it all together:

"Counting the dots on the table, trying to look busy"

That's how i tend to like mysterious stuff.

[dork]

thanks yo, i never realized how many times i use the word I in my writing