poetry-please help

[OpenYour3rdEye]

hey, i had posted my poem up before, but hardly anyone had looked at is. ill post it one more time and hopefully get more feedback. thank you for any critiques you guys can give me.

I. Realization

Cold perspective stares right at me
He sees all that I can see
All my troubles, from day to day
Disappear when he comes to play
Why would anyone want him to leave?
He hides nothing up his sleeve
They are just jealous, they do not know
What would happen, if he were to go
The problems would start, the pain and fear
Realizing all we have is what lies here
But strangely enough, he is unable to stay
He cannot always come out to play
But when he comes, I start to see
He's just the missing part of me

II. Rebirth

I live my life, an empty waste
I yearn for freedom, just one taste
From outside my body to inside my mind
I'm trapped inside my own design
I hold the key, unable to turn
The door slowly opens, the more I learn
The lock was made to keep me in
But I am stronger than this evil whim
The harder I try, the farther I fall
Should I even fight at all?
Is it worth it? Will life change?
What if things just stay the same?
But if I never was to fight
Constant would it be, this plight
The end so close, I musn't crawl
My soul would be the one to fall

III. Resurrection

Back from the grave, given new life
I must learn to avoid the strife
He watches, he smirks, behind my back
Pulling the rope, tightening the slack
His pressence no longer do I seek
He only makes me small and weak
I do not need him, this he knows
The more I understand, the stronger I grow
A part of my past, I'll leave him behind
Just a figment inside of my mind

[Nirvana]

well... i liked numer II... and number III... but number I is a bit lame... and... if youd put it all together ..as one... i think it has some great work in it... my compliments

[OpenYour3rdEye]

thanks for the input-i forgot to mention that i would like to hear what you guys (or girls) think the poem is about. it'll be interesting to hear your interpretations.

[Nirvana]

Originally posted by OpenYour3rdEye
hey, i had posted my poem up before, but hardly anyone had looked at is. ill post it one more time and hopefully get more feedback. thank you for any critiques you guys can give me.
[QUOTE][B]
I. Realization

Cold perspective stares right at me
He sees all that I can see
All my troubles, from day to day
Disappear when he comes to play
Why would anyone want him to leave?
He hides nothing up his sleeve
They are just jealous, they do not know
What would happen, if he were to go
The problems would start, the pain and fear
Realizing all we have is what lies here
But strangely enough, he is unable to stay
He cannot always come out to play
But when he comes, I start to see
He's just the missing part of me

well.. i think this is about life... the things you have to get through before something really works out... but there is always someone who wants to help... but what if hes gone?...
then when you see that you dont need his help... you start thinking about life... and the more he turns his back.. and coming back.. the more you see that he isnt real...


II. Rebirth

I live my life, an empty waste
I yearn for freedom, just one taste
From outside my body to inside my mind
I'm trapped inside my own design
I hold the key, unable to turn
The door slowly opens, the more I learn
The lock was made to keep me in
But I am stronger than this evil whim
The harder I try, the farther I fall
Should I even fight at all?
Is it worth it? Will life change?
What if things just stay the same?
But if I never was to fight
Constant would it be, this plight
The end so close, I musn't crawl
My soul would be the one to fall

i think this is about your trouble in life... you try to find some keys to open the doors... but youll have to find the right key for the right door...
but the more youll try.. the more youll come into trouble.. is it worth to fight?.. maybe... but if you dont... your soul will be lost because you havent tried at all...



III. Resurrection

Back from the grave, given new life
I must learn to avoid the strife
He watches, he smirks, behind my back
Pulling the rope, tightening the slack
His pressence no longer do I seek
He only makes me small and weak
I do not need him, this he knows
The more I understand, the stronger I grow
A part of my past, I'll leave him behind
Just a figment inside of my mind

I think this is about after life... when you die your soul lives on... but your body and mind still dont want to die (they say that your body and soul keeps connected for a couple of days after your death)... so they resist that they are dead... but the more your soul understand whats going on... the stronger he grows... because he knows the enemy... he leaves his past (his life) behind to go on in the after life...

*this is what i think of it... maybe a little strange... but hey.. i am to*