Gaia's Gift

[Aenimal]

Hey, i posted this Poem in the other thread love thread but i didn't get any feedback. It's a peice i wrote for my girlfriend and I'm going to give it to her thursday. I'd like to hear your opinions on it.

Gaia's Gift

Just as every cycle, mine starts in chaos.
The winter's been long and depressive.
It's radical winds have blurred my vision
Keeping me from finding my destination.

But our mother is not without compassion,
Within her kingdom lies the ultimate secret;
Every cycle has it's polarities of dark and light
Just as every child has a soul and a mate.

And though the northern winds still blow,
I feel my equinox is finally upon me
For the darkness in my life
Has been subdued by your light.

Just as every being, my destination is clear
My journey; however, is ever-twisting
Through this labyrinth of life, I wander
Searching for the path ever-pondered..

But our mother is not without compassion,
Within her kingdom lie the ultimate guardians;
Every soul's way is guided by its mate
whom, earth risen, shall return you to it in love.

Now after a journey so long, I'm confronted
By your spirit so earthly, so divine, so soothing.
In this maze of mirrors, your eyes are the only windows,
Feeding me utopic scenes of the way through this life.

Facing you, my guardian, I am silently rejuvenated.
A thousand desires appeased, yet a thousand born.
You've a gaze that lures me,
A scent that delights me,
A voice that calms me,
A touch that mends me,
And a radiance that heals me.

We needn't look to the skies for heavenly destiny,
Its path is from earth, on earth and to the earth.
Its treasures are amongst us and within us.
They need simply be acknowledged.
And I acknowledge that you are
Gaia's Gift.

Thoughts?

[seeker]

It's so hard to critique poetry (especially the longer ones) because every word is so important to the whole and must be considered before an honest opinion can form. Basically, what sort of criticism are you seeking? Like or dislike? Suggestions of edits? Analysis of form?

Let me know and I'll see about getting back to you on it.

[Aenimal]

Like or dislike and any minor word changes you might have in mind. Are there any specific words you think seem out of place?

[Thrakandor]

Okay, I've made a few minor changes, I've marked them with the asterix.

Gaia's Gift

Just as every cycle, mine *begins* in chaos.
The winter's been long and *dreary*.
Its *raging* winds have blurred my vision
Keeping me from * my destination. *removed 'finding'*

But our mother is not without compassion,
Within her kingdom lies the ultimate secret;
Every cycle has its polarities of dark and light
Just as every child has a soul and a mate.

And though the northern winds still blow,
I feel my equinox is finally upon me
For the darkness in my life
Has been subdued by your light.

Just as every being, my destination is clear
My journey; however, is ever-twisting
Through this labyrinth of life, I wander
Searching for the path ever-pondered..

But our mother is not without compassion,
Within her kingdom lie the ultimate guardians;
Every soul's way is guided by its mate
whom, earth risen, shall return you to it in love.

Now after a journey so long, I'm confronted
By your spirit so divine, your spirit so
Soothing. *** Edited the last couple of lines a little
In this maze of mirrors, your eyes are the only windows,
Feeding me utopic scenes of the way through this life.

Facing you, my guardian, I am silently rejuvenated.
A thousand desires appeased, yet a thousand born.
You've a gaze that lures me,
A scent that delights me,
A voice that calms me,
A touch that mends me,
And a radiance that heals me.

We needn't look to the skies for heavenly destiny,
Its path is from earth, on earth and to the earth.
Its treasures are amongst us and within us.
They need simply be acknowledged.
And I acknowledge that you are
Gaia's Gift.



I like it, it has a sense of wonder about it, and a sense of peace.

Not sure if my changes helped or not, but either way, good luck with it. Hope your girlfriend likes it.

[dawn]

Alot of girls are suckers for poetry. Keep it the way it is,from your heart. It should need no critique.

[jpmanson]

hes. feelings are feelings..

but is ther emore?