mjk.com

[5th Eye]

Updated again! This time even sillier! Yay!

www.maynardjameskeenan.com

But you can't read it unless you're his friend.

[docder]

yes, we love activity!

[flipmojo]

I bet he spent a whole 1 minute on that haiku.

[triad636]

yea but its forward progression... but im doubting we will eversee this site, and the two adam sites as well

[5th Eye]

Probably when the album/other stuff get released.

[docder]

http://www.thearistocrats.com

[Tertius Oculum]

That site has the same font as his Haiku. I guess he liked the movie?

[docder]

that and G. Carlin!

[D-Day_Daddy]

There are eleven words. The First leters for each word are: N F A T A B C I P T A. Back to the moorse code thing again? Also the word PANIC is in there. Any other thoughts?

[rimb]

There are eleven words. The First leters for each word are: N F A T A B C I P T A. Back to the moorse code thing again? Also the word PANIC is in there. Any other thoughts?

Go for gold! (http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=N+F+A+T+A+B+C+I+P+T+A)

[D-Day_Daddy]

That site has the same font as his Haiku. I guess he liked the movie?


The fonts aren't the same, not even close. But nice try :)

[triad636]

Go for gold! (http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=N+F+A+T+A+B+C+I+P+T+A)
have fun with that, if i had extra time i would search for one but .. i dont so if anyone wants to go for it.. im sure there will be a few people up to it

[ARMZ]

I typed in 'Nude Family Act' into google,

The Aristocrats (http://www.radarmagazine.com/web-only/showbiz/2005/07/the-aristocrats-blow-by-blow.php)

edit/ it's up already, my bad

[thevirusunknown]

Reminds me of that fucking hilarious little unaired South Park bit. Perhaps some of you know what I'm talking about.

[dracomordag]

if you read down it says "nttuahdkeee saf raaim sibtlooywc racacottvs e r e d i n p o o h" which means "the new album is already out" in enochian

[Goldfoot]

Reminds me of that fucking hilarious little unaired South Park bit. Perhaps some of you know what I'm talking about.

I do and I was reminded of it too. Parts of this thread are sad though.

[Tertius Oculum]

The fonts aren't the same, not even close. But nice try :)

LOL, you're right. I didn't look at it that closely. I suck. :(



FAT BAT PANIC

[Ryan]

there certainly is a lot more activity going down since a long time. i'm thrilled.

[krumz]

I typed in 'Nude Family Act' into google,

The Aristocrats (http://www.radarmagazine.com/web-only/showbiz/2005/07/the-aristocrats-blow-by-blow.php)
thats sick!

[cureformax]

Tool - "IF BATCAT, NAP!" <---- June, 6th 2006

DualDisc featuring video to accompany entire album, in the theme of BatCats...finally an artist out there is courageous enough to tackle the problem of BatCats in our nations schools!

[docder]

CARTMAN rulz

[Spongebob]

check out maynards myspace: http://myspace.com/24730967

About me:
Born April 17th, 1964, in the back of a stolen hearse in Akron, I eventually infiltrated the area known as Ravenna, Ohio. Although miserably failing the entrance exam 3 consecutive times, I finally got it right and was accepted into the Children’s Division Black Ops, a deep under cover organization within the CIA. (Undercover operatives are far more convincing when they operate as a "Family Unit" or "F. U.") It all went to shite at a '78 Cleveland area Zig Zigglar seminar, and I was forced to abandon my mission. I relocated to the not so obvious village in Mason County, Michigan, known as Scottville. There I conducted human behavioral studies, gathering information on the local talent for what would be my greatest challenge yet. AmWay. and I failed. Not to worry. I was called into not so active duty into our nations military and proceeded to successfully infiltrate the United States Military Academy, USMA, West Point, NY. Unfortunately I was exposed by another deep cover operative posing as an HP-15c. (Hewlett-Packard calculator) Art school was the obvious place to hide. Kendall College of Art & Design, Grand Rapids, MI. This went on for three years. Three very FUN years. Not much got done. When the party ended, I found myself with a six month hangover and a new job as the "bird shizit scooper"(official title) at the Boston Pet Center, in Cambridge, MA.... a job that I was apparently very good at, and was transferred to Los Angeles as "Inspector General Bird Shizit Scooper, Petland Int." Once again, another deep cover operative exposed me posing this time as a Chinchilla with dysentery. The CIA was disgusted with my lack of professionalism and I was expelled from the "program." I then focused and channeled my hostility and frustration into music. Singing seemed like the obvious therapeutic medium. I started a band called TOOL, and more recently a band called A Perfect Circle. Oh… and sometimes I act.

[thevirusunknown]

That bio is awesome! I drive by Kendall College all the time....

[Thermopyle]

check out maynards myspace: http://myspace.com/24730967

About me:
Born April 17th, 1964, in the back of a stolen hearse in Akron, I eventually infiltrated the area known as Ravenna, Ohio. Although miserably failing the entrance exam 3 consecutive times, I finally got it right and was accepted into the Children’s Division Black Ops, a deep under cover organization within the CIA. (Undercover operatives are far more convincing when they operate as a "Family Unit" or "F. U.") It all went to shite at a '78 Cleveland area Zig Zigglar seminar, and I was forced to abandon my mission. I relocated to the not so obvious village in Mason County, Michigan, known as Scottville. There I conducted human behavioral studies, gathering information on the local talent for what would be my greatest challenge yet. AmWay. and I failed. Not to worry. I was called into not so active duty into our nations military and proceeded to successfully infiltrate the United States Military Academy, USMA, West Point, NY. Unfortunately I was exposed by another deep cover operative posing as an HP-15c. (Hewlett-Packard calculator) Art school was the obvious place to hide. Kendall College of Art & Design, Grand Rapids, MI. This went on for three years. Three very FUN years. Not much got done. When the party ended, I found myself with a six month hangover and a new job as the "bird shizit scooper"(official title) at the Boston Pet Center, in Cambridge, MA.... a job that I was apparently very good at, and was transferred to Los Angeles as "Inspector General Bird Shizit Scooper, Petland Int." Once again, another deep cover operative exposed me posing this time as a Chinchilla with dysentery. The CIA was disgusted with my lack of professionalism and I was expelled from the "program." I then focused and channeled my hostility and frustration into music. Singing seemed like the obvious therapeutic medium. I started a band called TOOL, and more recently a band called A Perfect Circle. Oh… and sometimes I act.

LOL! "Inspector General Bird Shizit Scooper"

[death_2_usa]

hmmm maynard appeared to be online on myspace.com. i sent him a message but am yet to recieve a reply

[Intertwined]

yeah I don't think he's open to adding people/messaging

Funny how he failed to mention texANS and the other band, Children of the A------- destiny?

[Bill_Hix]

I typed in 'Nude Family Act' into google,

The Aristocrats (http://www.radarmagazine.com/web-only/showbiz/2005/07/the-aristocrats-blow-by-blow.php)

edit/ it's up already, my bad

lmao- Xylophone, played by son with penis

[mike tyson]

new lyrics?

[randomhero8823]

there has to be something that is going to be announced soon! maynards myspace was updated today, adam jones put in pics in his blog, maynard made a hiku. I mean something has to be going on, all this updating at once cant be a coincidence. damn you tool!!quit fucking with our minds!! lol! but at the same time i love mystery!

[Spongebob]

maybe, MAYBE, they have been fucking around on their myspace sites because they have finished in the recording studio. there was like no word from tool for a month or so when they said they first went into the studio, they may have finished now and may have told the record stores that the album is coming out on september 19th.
adam has been on his myspace.com website heaps of times every day for a week or so now, so perhaps hes got free time now that recording is over.

then again, maybe those pictures from recording have been taken only recently and they have been recording for a couple of weeks or less.

[randomhero8823]

maybe it isnt them, and its people they hired to do this. its one big ad campaign!!

[Thermopyle]

Hmmm...Pooh and aristocrats

http://www.muchosucko.com/video-southparkjoke.html

[triad636]

Hmmm...Pooh and aristocrats

http://www.muchosucko.com/video-southparkjoke.html
that was hillarious.. heh, and nasty at the same time

[Goldfoot]

that was hillarious.. heh, and nasty at the same time

I prefer to go to http://www.cartmanthearistocrat.com

:p

[Paradigm619]

The joke goes something like this:

A family consisting of a father, mother, daughter, son, and their dog go into a talent agency and say they have an act they want the agent to see.

The agent says, "We don't do family acts, they are just too cute."

The mother pleads with him, "Please, just watch the act and you'll like it!"

After a moment of thought, the agent agrees to see the act....
<end joke setup>
<begin joke part>
The family starts the act by sitting in a circle much like you imagine indians doing when they sit smoking peyote and meditating. They start humming, in a strange haunting tone. Slowly the mother reaches one hand over and gently slides her finger into her daughters tight, hairless vagina. So young, that the process of autolubrication doesn't even begin. The daughter, as if on cue, slowly reaches over and grabs her daddies rock hard cock. We're talking a good 9 inches. Throbbing, you can almost see every beat of the heart coarse its way through the veins of his cock. The father reaches over and grabs the sons tiny little penis. Its really a poor excuse for a dick, but he grabs it none the less. Finally, the son tilts his head over and inserts his smooth tounge into the rancid butthole of the canine. The dog moans in delight.
Then the act goes a little out of script.
The daughter begins to scream as her bowels release a flurry of tarry stool and blood all over the floor. As dogs can't resist the sight, taste, and smell of feces it runs over to the daughers crossed legs and starts lapping the foul mixture from between her legs that are crossed in such a manner that it looks like the dog is drinking from a bloody shit bowl. The mother, sensing some distress in her daughters situation decides she needs a shower to cool her down. So the mother removes her hand from her daughters tight cunt which makes a type of farting sound as the air rushes in to replace the volume of the fingers, stand up and stradles her daughter who looks up and says, "mommy, make sure you get my eye. it doesnt feel quite right." The mother begins to unload a stream of urine into her daughters right eye while saying "does it feel better baby?" The dog looks up annoyed at the urine flavor being added to his bloody fecal soup, but he countinues. The father and son seeing this scene unfold brings out their base needs for dominance, as opposed to the females base needs for nurturing, and begin the process of biting each others testicals. The son first bites his fathers testical, until the father taps out. You can see the red marks on the scrotum of the dad, in between the massive clumps of unkempt hair. Their also appears to be some sort of dried seman in his pubic hair that the son fishes out with his fingers and samples. The father then begins the testical biting ritual on his son, but the sons hairless tiny scrotum is no match for the fathers teeth and the father bites the testical in half, leaving a bloody lesion on his sons scrotum and two halves of a testical drooping out. The son hangs his head in defeat, and reaches over and begins to finger his moms ass. Realzing that mom is no newbie to ass penetration, he goes ahead and fists her. Everytime you see his hand come out, you can see streaks of shit on it, the light colored kind, signifying a loose almost diarreah type of stool.
The dad begins beating his cock while his son softly licks his testicals. The dad grabs the sons hair and forces his face into his croch area. The mom, done peeing, grabs the daughters face and shoves it into her cunt. She puts her daughters nose in her twat and demands for her to blow her nose. She does as instructed and pulls out whereas her mom now has a pussy dripping with snot and urine. The daughter then goes over to the son and puts each piece of the severed testical in her hairless little girl cunt... The dad blows his load in her hair, the dog, after eating the fecal tarry goes and gives the dads seman a lick then starts making out with the girl... THen, as if on cue, the son turns over on his stomach such that his little ass hole is puckering in air, the daughter on top of him. The father begins to penetrate the sons asshole and the daughters pussy alternating. They start screaming so the mother shoves two pieces of fecal matter the son pulled out while fisting into their mouths. The mother then punches the husband in the face.. He returns the favor. Then she says look im of middle eastern decent. The father, son, and daughter all at once begin to urinate on her, while weilding .45 calibur hand guns. They shoot her in the twat 14 times, and she screams in delight, ALLLAH!!!!
Then they all throw their hands up and say "TADA!"
</end joke>
The agent, looking a little far from normal, says "what do you call this delightful act?"
The family, in unison, says "The Aristocrats!"

For more takes on the joke:
http://www.dead-frog.com/aristocrats/

[krumz]

^oh man!!!This is seriously sick joke...its no joke! really...

[pris0n]

^oh man!!!This is seriously sick joke...its no joke! really...

I've heard some other variations of it that were a little more gruesome.

Anyways isn't that aristocrats movie coming out soon? Maybe that is a sign, maybe they'll release the album later this month on the same day the movie comes out!!!

[Paradigm619]

Its limted U.S. release was 6 days ago on August 12th.

[Ertai]

is it just obvious, but everyone knows haiku is japanese for a poem comprised of 5/7/5 syllables...

so he makes a haiku that says that....HA

im sure will see some haikus on the new album

[ATARI]

it's the album lyricsssss

[Paradigm619]

5/7/5 syllables...

Maybe like the Fibonacci syllables on Lateralus?

1 - Black
1 - then
2 - white are
3 - all I see
5 - in my infancy
8 - red and yellow then came to be
5 - reaching out to me
3 - let's me see


eh? EH???

:\

[Sine Nobilitas]

He saw the movie and liked it. Then they were probably jokingly saying they should write a song version of the joke on the way back from the movie. Here is the result. That's it, no hidden meaning.

[triad636]

Maybe like the Fibonacci syllables on Lateralus?

1 - Black
1 - then
2 - white are
3 - all I see
5 - in my infancy
8 - red and yellow then came to be
5 - reaching out to me
3 - let's me see


eh? EH???

:\

dude there is one reason why your theory is wrong.. 7 isnt a fibonachi number...