pathological2
08-06-2005, 06:15 AM
"A groan of tedium escapes me startling the fearful"
-I'm sitting here, in the third eye reality, and the flow of ideas stops. And I groan aloud. (a groan of boredom) This startles me. It startles the fearful (the fearful is almost like a character, like "the patient" or "the rose"; all part of me). This is scary because it gives power to the snake. I may get pulled over to his side; I may not get what I came for, that's why I become afraid. This song is deep within the reality so it's hard to explain out of the reality.
"Is this a test? It has to be, otherwise I can't go on"
-Sitting here with this above feeling. I ask myself "is this a test?" Cause if it's not, I must die. I can't go on if this is really me! If this is not just a test and this is real, I cannot live. Very deep in the reality.
"Draining patience, drained vitality
This paranoid, paralyze vampire act's a little old"
-I'm gettting sick of having to be in this mind-wrenching state. I'm paranoid and paralyzed here; it's getting old.
"But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
I'm still right here"
-Even though I'm sick of coming here to this dream-like state, I'm still here right now (and will continue to come). I'm keeping faith in that this helps me to be here. That this is worth it (the poetry that comes from the squaring off between and the circling is worth it!). This helps to change me for the better, this tedious path.
"If there were no reward to reap
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away by now"
-I do recieve rewards for living like this (coming to this state over and over). I do wake up out of an apathetic existence. At times, I do reach myself and win. And when I do, it's like my spirit gives me a loving embrace and I go on with more motivation and excitement than ever (when communication is restablished). But there's alot of the same and alot of the negative. There are alot of times I lose and get further away from myself. That's what makes this path tedious. But I don't walk away from it and continue to come for the rewards.
"If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here."
-I come here because I DESIRE to heal. So by coming here, I am EMBRACING THAT DESIRE. I am damaged and broken and I crave to fix MYSELF. So I continue to come. But it's very tedious. I could lose everytime for months even. But when I win and come out of the place so negative and blind and cynical, it all becomes worth it!
"Be very patient, I must keep reminding myself of this"
-Here's the title "the patient". This is one of my labels (just like "the rose", "the fearful", etc.). I must be patient in order to get any rewards, cause there is a lot of pain to go through to get to the reward. I must die over and over just to live once (if that makes any sense).
"And I still may..."
-My warning - I still may walk away. Fuck it. I'm tired of the pain. I'd rather sleep forever than have to be awake to this stressful reflection process. That's what the third eye reality is for - to reflect and to change based on the reflection.
-I'm sitting here, in the third eye reality, and the flow of ideas stops. And I groan aloud. (a groan of boredom) This startles me. It startles the fearful (the fearful is almost like a character, like "the patient" or "the rose"; all part of me). This is scary because it gives power to the snake. I may get pulled over to his side; I may not get what I came for, that's why I become afraid. This song is deep within the reality so it's hard to explain out of the reality.
"Is this a test? It has to be, otherwise I can't go on"
-Sitting here with this above feeling. I ask myself "is this a test?" Cause if it's not, I must die. I can't go on if this is really me! If this is not just a test and this is real, I cannot live. Very deep in the reality.
"Draining patience, drained vitality
This paranoid, paralyze vampire act's a little old"
-I'm gettting sick of having to be in this mind-wrenching state. I'm paranoid and paralyzed here; it's getting old.
"But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
I'm still right here"
-Even though I'm sick of coming here to this dream-like state, I'm still here right now (and will continue to come). I'm keeping faith in that this helps me to be here. That this is worth it (the poetry that comes from the squaring off between and the circling is worth it!). This helps to change me for the better, this tedious path.
"If there were no reward to reap
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away by now"
-I do recieve rewards for living like this (coming to this state over and over). I do wake up out of an apathetic existence. At times, I do reach myself and win. And when I do, it's like my spirit gives me a loving embrace and I go on with more motivation and excitement than ever (when communication is restablished). But there's alot of the same and alot of the negative. There are alot of times I lose and get further away from myself. That's what makes this path tedious. But I don't walk away from it and continue to come for the rewards.
"If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here."
-I come here because I DESIRE to heal. So by coming here, I am EMBRACING THAT DESIRE. I am damaged and broken and I crave to fix MYSELF. So I continue to come. But it's very tedious. I could lose everytime for months even. But when I win and come out of the place so negative and blind and cynical, it all becomes worth it!
"Be very patient, I must keep reminding myself of this"
-Here's the title "the patient". This is one of my labels (just like "the rose", "the fearful", etc.). I must be patient in order to get any rewards, cause there is a lot of pain to go through to get to the reward. I must die over and over just to live once (if that makes any sense).
"And I still may..."
-My warning - I still may walk away. Fuck it. I'm tired of the pain. I'd rather sleep forever than have to be awake to this stressful reflection process. That's what the third eye reality is for - to reflect and to change based on the reflection.