PDA

View Full Version : December


nevermore
07-21-2005, 09:46 PM
December Newsletter

"Don't panic" I told myself, Maynard doesn't have internet access or get good cell reception in that submarine-craft of his on the ocean sea-bed, so he probably doesn't even know about the blurb. Still we've got to keep this thing quiet - that is if you want the new Tool record to proceed according to schedule. Even you readers... yes YOU, Tool Collective members with your damn message board and chats (which, fortunately, are probably down), keep your lips sealed. In fact, if you have to discus this with your TA friends, it might be prudent to discreetly tap their shoes with yours using Morse code. Just tap out something like 34D243334D117 and they'll know exactly what you're talking about.

So now I know what sjalfsflekkun means. Actually, it's thanks to the December issue of Marie Claire (a perfumed office copy donated by the wife of a Chiropractor) that I now know what the word means. And speaking of "self-pollution",

--'Sjalfsflekkun' anagrams to 'JUNK SELF FLASK’ and ‘FLAK SELF JUNKS’


Checkout clerk (another coded reference?)... Checkout, you betcha'... an X-ian secret weapon. Weapon of mASS destruction. "She almost looks like a real Playmate of the Year candidate doesn't she, Joe?" Right down to all those "curvaceous qualifications."

MJK's larger than life-sized replica of Captain Nemo's Nautilus * (with a bathroom) re-anti-Christened "Hot Sea Man." That or go to ruinously expensive Babbo? Oh yeah, the record.

*In July of 1951 Congress authorized construction of the world's first nuclear powered submarine. On December 12th (oddly enough a Tuesday this year) of that year, the Navy Department announced that she would be the sixth ship of the fleet to bear the name NAUTILUS.

UtUmNo1
07-21-2005, 09:49 PM
That was your first post?

WTF is it?

BonePony420
07-21-2005, 09:56 PM
wow. i totally have no fucking idea what you are talking about...

*confused*

mike tyson
07-21-2005, 10:04 PM
i'm guessing that was posted at toolarmy?

solomonarul
07-21-2005, 10:16 PM
i better decode that fast...
maybe i can found out exactly where in the pacific is mjk's submarine!

Tertius Oculum
07-21-2005, 11:11 PM
Whoa whoa, WTF. December 12th? Are you suggesting that this is the new release date?

Tertius Oculum
07-21-2005, 11:32 PM
Hmm, what do you guys think? Try putting 34D243334D117 into:
http://morsecode.scphillips.com/jtranslator.html

It could be the first single, lol.

collapsed shell
07-21-2005, 11:48 PM
Hmm, what do you guys think? Try putting 34D243334D117 into:
http://morsecode.scphillips.com/jtranslator.html

It could be the first single, lol.


actually i think maynard is bringing the tit's back to the show and that is his measurements

34 d boobs (34d117) - is no doubt the order/item number for some new tithuggers
24 waist
33 hips

SmallWangedMan
07-21-2005, 11:51 PM
I wish it was December. I'm hot.

















Is that what this thread is about?

Tertius Oculum
07-21-2005, 11:57 PM
actually i think maynard is bringing the tit's back to the show and that is his measurements

34 d boobs (34d117) - is no doubt the order/item number for some new tithuggers
24 waist
33 hips
Son of a bitch, I hate you. :(

Well, I tested your theory, but http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp?product_id=34d117 doesn't work. Atleast not anymore.

collapsed shell
07-22-2005, 12:25 AM
Son of a bitch, I hate you. :(

Well, I tested your theory, but http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp?product_id=34d117 doesn't work. Atleast not anymore.


well my friend you made a mistake. now that maynard has shown he doesn't need tool as much as they need him (APC) they decided to up his costume budget this tour.

so he'll be buying everything from walmarts more expensive and trendyer couisin target

Tertius Oculum
07-22-2005, 12:38 AM
well my friend you made a mistake. now that maynard has shown he doesn't need tool as much as they need him (APC) they decided to up his costume budget this tour.

so he'll be buying everything from walmarts more expensive and trendyer couisin target

The Checkout Clerk (The supposed hot one that was hindering the album production) worked at Wal-Mart, it's all in the December Newsletter. So I figured it would be a product ID at Wal-Mart, but it isn't, so maybe you are wrong.

collapsed shell
07-22-2005, 12:42 AM
ah maynard with tits...

i'll tell ya what. this keyboard protector i bought just paid for itself.

ka' boom!!!

Tertius Oculum
07-22-2005, 12:44 AM
ah maynard with tits...

i'll tell ya what. this keyboard protector i bought just paid for itself.

ka' boom!!!
lolpwnt.
I can't sleep and I'm bored.

collapsed shell
07-22-2005, 12:45 AM
lolpwnt.
I can't sleep and I'm bored.

yes i read your medication thread

Tertius Oculum
07-22-2005, 12:50 AM
Hahaha, :/ unfortunately it's real.

Spongebob
07-22-2005, 02:32 PM
nevermore = blair.

ATObassist
07-23-2005, 04:42 AM
On December 12th (oddly enough a Tuesday this year) of that year, the Navy Department announced that she would be the sixth ship of the fleet to bear the name NAUTILUS.


according to all the calenders taht i've seen dec. 12th is a monday.

pornstarchampion
07-23-2005, 05:36 AM
So the new album will be named Nautilus?

UtUmNo1
07-23-2005, 07:29 AM
No, Refractionoid.

pornstarchampion
07-23-2005, 08:25 AM
No, Refractionoid.
What the fuck happened to Teleincision and that elephant one

LetTheRabbitsWearGlasses
07-23-2005, 09:37 AM
What the fuck happened to Teleincision and that elephant one

I ate them. Fear me.

haich
07-23-2005, 11:50 AM
refractionoid!

champion
07-23-2005, 11:55 AM
nautilus, august 23rd.

Tertius Oculum
07-23-2005, 12:53 PM
according to all the calenders taht i've seen dec. 12th is a monday.
You are right.

awaking
11-08-2005, 10:10 PM
I was reading up on the news updates trying to find something about the album. I found a few things acctully. go to the news an scroll down to January 05 theres a bunch of updates u can go decode GO. I shall be the one to discover the secret, or not its getting late. but someone will find something soon i bet

Ryan
11-08-2005, 11:03 PM
11) I really might vote for Miss July. Too bad, though, there aren�t 13 playmates a year, one representing the hidden sign of the zodiac, Ophiuchus, The Serpent-Bearer.

=

Bliboran

fraz
11-08-2005, 11:37 PM
so who reckons this is a prank? or is it really an excerpt from the next toolband newsletter - it certainly reads like Blair wrote it - but I guess if you read enough of his crap - it wouldn't be too hard to imitate.

Perseensilmä
11-09-2005, 12:05 AM
Actually this newsletter is old. It's real but it's motherfucking old.