Violence at Barnes & Noble

[smk4813]

I was at a Barnes & Noble the other day. And what was a typical trip to the book store soon became a day of violence.

Here's the skinny,...

I was walking past the area with the comfy chairs (damn those are comfy) when all of the sudden I heard someone speaking of TOOL. I became instantly interested. So I listened in. Some woman was talking about Lateralus and this is what she said:

"Oh my god, you guys, I had just got done listening to TOOL's latest album, Lateralus, and, OMG, just as always, it sounded so demonic. OMG, I love TOOL, they're just so Satanic and so evil. I love them"

No joke. That's what the bitch said.

This 40-something yr. old goth/satan woman was yakking about something she knows absolutely nothing about just to sound cool or what not to the rest of her pseudo-intellectual goth friends.

I was outraged. Of course.

So I processed, to walk to the back of the store and find the biggest and heaviest book I could find (it was about 1,300,945 pages long and it was called "How to make Women Happy", obiviously written by a woman, but i digress) and I took it back and smacked the cunt on the back of her head. Her head then plunged into her mug of coffee breaking it into pieces. Passed out, her friends ran off like idiots while she lay there with bits of sharp mug in her burned, scalled face. It's moments like those that allow me to reflect on how HUGE I am. I hope I did the band some justice,.....'cause....welll.....DAMN.

[ExTReMe FrEAk]

Right...

[symbiosis]

I laughed...

[SiGuy]

bullshit

[UnholyBelligerence]

amusing story. I'm sure the band would be pleased.

[Chris_Brightwell]

I'm sure the band would be pleased.If I were in a band and one of my "fans" did that to another "fan", I'd be sorely disappointed.

I'd venture to guess that Tool would feel the same.

[mike tyson]

Fuck you dude, people can like Tool for whatever reason they want.

[ARMZ]

What has this got to do with the forth coming album?

Here's the fat.....now suck it.

[SiGuy]

pwn3d

[tomXwithXweather]

What i would like to know is why were you in the cd section in Barnes & Noble, they rip you off so bad.

[smk4813]

What i would like to know is why were you in the cd section in Barnes & Noble, they rip you off so bad.

I wasn't in the CD section. I was just passing by the area with the comfy chairs and I overheard the lady.

[smk4813]

If I were in a band and one of my "fans" did that to another "fan", I'd be sorely disappointed.

I'd venture to guess that Tool would feel the same.
Dude, I agree. Anyone can like TOOL, and that's fine. More power to them. But when they go around spouting shit about how demonic and satanic they are and their music is, well that's just out and out stupidity. The bitch was just using TOOL to make herself look cool by speaking about them to her stupid friends. If she actually liked TOOL, then that would be fine, because she would have somewhat of an interest to like them. Any person who digs TOOL knows.....THAT THEY AREN'T DEMONIC AND/OR SATANIC! She doesn't like'em. She was lying. And at the very least she deserved the book smashing for lying.

[Chris_Brightwell]

But when they go around spouting shit about how demonic and satanic they are and their music is, well that's just out and out stupidity.
And cracking someone over the head with a book is any better?

The bitch was just using TOOL to make herself look cool by speaking about them to her stupid friends. If she actually liked TOOL, then that would be fine, because she would have somewhat of an interest to like them.
I find your assumptions wth regard to this person quite amusing. You didn't ask any questions. You jumped to a conclusion and dealt with it as if you were a neanderthal.

Any person who digs TOOL knows.....THAT THEY AREN'T DEMONIC AND/OR SATANIC!
How do you know? Did you ask Maynard? Are you his priest?

She doesn't like'em. She was lying. And at the very least she deserved the book smashing for lying.
Whether you're lying or not, you're a moron.

[Misanthrope]

Hitting women is awesome.

[]thE*s0uRce[]

The bitch was just using TOOL to make herself look cool by speaking about them to her stupid friends.

Kind of like what you're doing by posting this thread? Except nobody here is your friend... If I was in the store when you did that I would've kicked you in the fucking face.

[eulogy508]

BULLSHIT

[bwood99x]

thE*s0uRce[']Kind of like what you're doing by posting this thread? Except nobody here is your friend... If I was in the store when you did that I would've kicked you in the fucking face.

BULLSHIT

What has this got to do with the forth coming album?

My thoughts exactly...

[5th Eye]

If that did happen, Tool would be pissed because you almost killed someone who helped give them money. That's what they want — money, not competent fans. As in, "All you read and see and hear on TV is a product begging for your fatass dirty dollar. Shut up and buy..."

Of course that might not be the case, but whatever.

[Thrakandor]

I miss Codpiece

[nipploleon dynomight]

I was at a Barnes & Noble the other day. And what was a typical trip to the book store soon became a day of violence.

Here's the skinny,...

I was walking past the area with the comfy chairs (damn those are comfy) when all of the sudden I heard someone speaking of TOOL. I became instantly interested. So I listened in. Some woman was talking about Lateralus and this is what she said:

"Oh my god, you guys, I had just got done listening to TOOL's latest album, Lateralus, and, OMG, just as always, it sounded so demonic. OMG, I love TOOL, they're just so Satanic and so evil. I love them"

No joke. That's what the bitch said.

This 40-something yr. old goth/satan woman was yakking about something she knows absolutely nothing about just to sound cool or what not to the rest of her pseudo-intellectual goth friends.

I was outraged. Of course.

So I processed, to walk to the back of the store and find the biggest and heaviest book I could find (it was about 1,300,945 pages long and it was called "How to make Women Happy", obiviously written by a woman, but i digress) and I took it back and smacked the cunt on the back of her head. Her head then plunged into her mug of coffee breaking it into pieces. Passed out, her friends ran off like idiots while she lay there with bits of sharp mug in her burned, scalled face. It's moments like those that allow me to reflect on how HUGE I am. I hope I did the band some justice,.....'cause....welll.....DAMN.

First mistake- listening to women

Second- not grabbing a bible instead, so that they will go home rip down their manson posters and kill themselves, because the book of god touched them

Third- not locking the door so you could kill everyone

Fourth- Not killing everyone

[Ashes-TO-Ashes]

Maddox anyone?

[Peon]

If I were in a band and one of my "fans" did that to another "fan", I'd be sorely disappointed.

I'd venture to guess that Tool would feel the same.
Your innocence is rather charming Chris.

[consumer#417]

goth/satan woman

this was the funniest part...

if it were funnier i'd think you were codpiece...

[DeRais]

You know, you don't have to hurt people just cause they're wromg, but sometimes someone says something so fucking stupid, you just slap them out of principal. Like the other day some black dude tried to tell my dad that judaism was started by two egyptian gods combining their powers and having an emaculate conception or some shit. It didn't piss me off, but it was so fucking dumb it made me wanna bitchslap the ignorant bastard.

[ARMZ]

Delete this fucking thread, please.

[Divine_left]

Your story would have been better had you replaced the pseudo-intellectual goth/satanic woman with a baby, and ate it.

I would have laughed for hours at that.


Your story would have been better if you took all the words out and replaced them with different ones.

[Flojob]

Hitting women is awesome.
Nice avatar.

[Perseensilmä]

Your story would have been better if you took all the words out and replaced them with different ones.

or didnt replace them at all.

[smk4813]

Apparently, I've pissed off a lot of people with this post. My sincerest apologizes to you all. I joined this forum with expectations of meeting other people who dig TOOL as much as I, b/c THERE'S NOBODY around here (Kennesaw/Marietta, GA). And if my words pissed you off, then I extend my sincerest apologizes.

Sorry.

Maybe my actions were wrong. Maybe they were right. In any case, I pissed off some people that I actually like. Sorry. I hope that we can get past this and on to more revelant matters like........Oh great, my sandwich is ready!

HAM,.....mmmmmm.........

[Perseensilmä]

Apparently, I've pissed off a lot of people with this post. My sincerest apologizes to you all. I joined this forum with expectations of meeting other people who dig TOOL as much as I, b/c THERE'S NOBODY around here (Kennesaw/Marietta, GA).

If youre not happy with the situation then unjoin.

[smk4813]

If youre not happy with the situation then unjoin.

No need to unjoin, duder. That's why I apologized and now we can all move on.

[Perseensilmä]

No we cant. I cant.

Is unjoining even possible?

[smk4813]

No we cant. I cant.

Is unjoining even possible?
*sigh*

[Red Eye Jedi]

I miss when people posted funny made up stories, and not stupid ones.



Hey guys one time this old lady was like 'Hey I like tool!' so I was like 'Hey you are old you cant like tool!' and stabbed her in the heart with a butter knife!!!

[Chris_Brightwell]

Hey guys one time this old lady was like 'Hey I like tool!' so I was like 'Hey you are old you cant like tool!' and stabbed her in the heart with a butter knife!!!
... my gramma likes Tool. No joke.

[Red Eye Jedi]

... my gramma likes Tool. No joke.
Yah my parents like Tool.



I think I stabbed your gramma Chris.... My mistake.

[nipploleon dynomight]

So I was high and up late, probably for about 3 days, I realized that I had been puking for a couple of hours and went to go get the car keys. The cat was sitting next to the table, so i took the keys and stab at the cat. It lunged backwards and I could only cut her legs. I chased her around the house, caught her, grabbed both legs, and pulled backwards. Her spine snapped into 2. Right as the spinal fluid on my pants gave me a boner I looked over to see my parents coming home. I was on about eighteen drugs, and the Crack high led me to the local bar where I killed someone and ate their adrenaline gland. But anyways, my parents look at me and my mom starts to scream and cry (you know how mom's can be), My dad got a baseball bat, and started to swing, I camly said "C'mon dad, it's just the cat!" Then he looked at me in amazment, I said "What?" He expained to me that we didn't have a cat, I look down and realize that it was my baby sister. I started to piss myself I was laughing so hard in the back of the police cruiser. I thought I had killed my cat, when I didn't even have one. By this time the eight grams of crack I had eaten set in. I gained the ability to kick the door out of the car, and jumped out. Rolling I listend to the sound of my bones cracking and sinew covering the dirty ground. I stopped rolling and went to smile, but seeing as though I had jumped in the wrong direction, I had only hit the cop and he wrecked the car. It all made sense now. Seeing the dead cop, the devil told me to steal his gun. After doing so I shot him in the head repeatedly. He was already dead, so I didn't get any more golden coins, or bonus points. I thought I saw a tree in the middle of the swamp across the road. It must of been semi- night on that highway, because I couldn't feel the grill on the side of my face at all. Other than that I have made no sins, and firmly believe I deserve access to heaven.

[nipploleon dynomight]

About pissing myself, I had already hot glued and sewn my penis hole shut, so I needed to operate. I could find no knife, so I had to use my nails. They didn't work and there was too much blood to see what I had done. I bent over repeatedly, I kept trying to bite through my skin, but only one vertebrae had snapped. Soon I hearad a reassuring second snap, and had teeth marks on my head in no time. It was hard to rip it off, but after about five minutes I got the whole head off,

[el rancho ovulate]

I laughed....

[5th Eye]

Okay, that would have been funny if it wasn't forced and asked for by everyone in this thread.

[ARMZ]

So I was high and up late, probably for about 3 days, I realized that I had been puking for a couple of hours and went to go get the car keys. The cat was sitting next to the table, so i took the keys and stab at the cat. It lunged backwards and I could only cut her legs. I chased her around the house, caught her, grabbed both legs, and pulled backwards. Her spine snapped into 2. Right as the spinal fluid on my pants gave me a boner I looked over to see my parents coming home. I was on about eighteen drugs, and the Crack high led me to the local bar where I killed someone and ate their adrenaline gland. But anyways, my parents look at me and my mom starts to scream and cry (you know how mom's can be), My dad got a baseball bat, and started to swing, I camly said "C'mon dad, it's just the cat!" Then he looked at me in amazment, I said "What?" He expained to me that we didn't have a cat, I look down and realize that it was my baby sister. I started to piss myself I was laughing so hard in the back of the police cruiser. I thought I had killed my cat, when I didn't even have one. By this time the eight grams of crack I had eaten set in. I gained the ability to kick the door out of the car, and jumped out. Rolling I listend to the sound of my bones cracking and sinew covering the dirty ground. I stopped rolling and went to smile, but seeing as though I had jumped in the wrong direction, I had only hit the cop and he wrecked the car. It all made sense now. Seeing the dead cop, the devil told me to steal his gun. After doing so I shot him in the head repeatedly. He was already dead, so I didn't get any more golden coins, or bonus points. I thought I saw a tree in the middle of the swamp across the road. It must of been semi- night on that highway, because I couldn't feel the grill on the side of my face at all. Other than that I have made no sins, and firmly believe I deserve access to heaven.
You my friend are one fucking sick and twisted bastard......and I want in.

I've always thought about doing some kind of snuffrape movie and putting it on Kazaa, perhaps we can join forces and mutilate together.

[SiGuy]

armz, are you a cop? if you say no then its entrapment!!

[ARMZ]

I ain't no cop sig, where ever did you get that idea from?

Do you want to join my cult?

[GregoryWohlwend]

I was at a Barnes & Noble the other day. And what was a typical trip to the book store soon became a day of violence.

Here's the skinny,...

I was walking past the area with the comfy chairs (damn those are comfy) when all of the sudden I heard someone speaking of TOOL. I became instantly interested. So I listened in. Some woman was talking about Lateralus and this is what she said:

"Oh my god, you guys, I had just got done listening to TOOL's latest album, Lateralus, and, OMG, just as always, it sounded so demonic. OMG, I love TOOL, they're just so Satanic and so evil. I love them"

No joke. That's what the bitch said.

This 40-something yr. old goth/satan woman was yakking about something she knows absolutely nothing about just to sound cool or what not to the rest of her pseudo-intellectual goth friends.

I was outraged. Of course.

So I processed, to walk to the back of the store and find the biggest and heaviest book I could find (it was about 1,300,945 pages long and it was called "How to make Women Happy", obiviously written by a woman, but i digress) and I took it back and smacked the cunt on the back of her head. Her head then plunged into her mug of coffee breaking it into pieces. Passed out, her friends ran off like idiots while she lay there with bits of sharp mug in her burned, scalled face. It's moments like those that allow me to reflect on how HUGE I am. I hope I did the band some justice,.....'cause....welll.....DAMN.

it's not surprising, the lyrics are vague enough that they can be adopted into anyone's personal views, satanist, teen angst or otherwise.

[5th Eye]

True - I used to think they were Satanist too, in the sense that they worship Satan. There's always the less extreme verison of satanism where you're your own god, per se, as well; perhaps that's what they're aiming for.

[Red Eye Jedi]

it's not surprising, the lyrics are vague enough that they can be adopted into anyone's personal views, satanist, teen angst or otherwise.
I think that is why they are so good, because they can mean so much in different ways to different people.