A beginning of something

[Dr.Strangelove]

I'm often starting things, things that could be stories, poems, what have you. I think one day I'll have to take all the beginnings of things that I've written, and somehow compile them all into one story. Well, anyways, here's something I started tonight while I was at work. And no, it is not autobiographical. Well, not completely anyways....

There has always been some part of me, small as it may be, that has taken pleasure and delight in the guilt and suffering of others. As much as I deny it, the evidence pertaining to the truth of this matter is irrefutable. Well, that is to say, to me and my knowledge of myself. As far as everyone else is concerned, I am the picture of kindness and empathy. And I, along with every human being on this planet or any other, truly believe that no one knows or ever will know the REAL me. That me that I try so hard every day to supress and conceal from the ones I love. The me that nevertheless remains an ever-present and very integral part of who I am.


So, I don't know. Although it isn't completely autobiographical, I do believe that most people feel this way about themselves at one time or another in their life. I have to admit, I have.

[seeker]

i'm a writer myself and have far too many false starts sitting on backup CDs. if you run with this, it reads like something with the propensity to flourish. then again, i've started so many that i thought were good, only to crash and burn in 3000 words :(

ahh, writing...

oh, and i agree with your observations... i know i have that part of me others haven't seen (or in some special cases, have glimpsed). cheerio, keep writing, no swizz.

[Choke]

hey dr.strangelove, that piece you wrote about how to make your children distrust the government was really funny. you could do more with that piece. to bad the thread got locked.

[Dr.Strangelove]

Originally posted by Choke
hey dr.strangelove, that piece you wrote about how to make your children distrust the government was really funny. you could do more with that piece. to bad the thread got locked.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Brightwell's got some kind of personal vendetta with me, that's the second thread of mine he's locked. This will be the third.

[Mark D]

Originally posted by Dr.Strangelove


Yeah, I'm pretty sure Brightwell's got some kind of personal vendetta with me, that's the second thread of mine he's locked. This will be the third.

Take a look at the Fuck Chris_Brightwell thread in socialize.

[SmileyGladhands]

Dr.Strangelove...... I like what you wrote. It is very similar to how I feel about myself sometimes. You put it brilliantly and I am very interested in reading the rest if you finish it. if you do, and you don't mind, would you post the rest?

[Dr.Strangelove]

Originally posted by SmileyGladhands
You put it brilliantly and I am very interested in reading the rest if you finish it. if you do, and you don't mind, would you post the rest?

Yeah definitely, but that might never happen. For some reason I can never just finish writing something I've started. Either I just get bored with the idea, or most of the time I'm just too critical of myself to continue with it. Thanks for the positive feedback though.

[seeker]

have you read stephen king's memoir "on writing"? whether you like the guy or not, it's a pretty good and inspiring book if you're a writer. it suggests some disciplines and basically details the methods of one of the most prolific writers of our time, all the while managing not to sound like a "how to write" work of bullshit.

one of the best suggestions in there, one that's helped me write longer stories (longest i've ever gotten was 25000 words--about 65 pages on Word) is the thought that you should NEVER let anyone else see what you've written until it's complete. selfish, maybe, but practical advice. it frees you to write by yourself for yourself, without the influences of popular opinion.

another solid bit is the notion of regulation. set yourself a goal, "no less than 500/1000/2000 words per day" depending on your schedule, and stick to it as best you can.

my final suggestion (assuming you want them at all) is to plan for the story very loosely. keep it fresh for yourself by disallowing yourself to know the whole story before you start to write. not only does this result in more natural behavior by the characters, but it results in some masturbatory delight when you realize what a smart and surprising writer you can be.

anyway, just don't give up... i'm tired of hearing about writers dropping the art. i'm struggling with it myself, but it's my dream to do it solely as my source of income some day. good luck!

[SkinnyWhiteGuy]

I hope that in my attempts to be concise I haven't come across as argumentative, because I respect everything I've read on this thread so far. (please excuse my spelling if need be, by the way)

> I can certainly appreciate what you're saying. I excpect that everyone has that side of themselves, and that most people would not want those close to them to see it. That is true for me.

But here's my thinking on it. That side, the REAL me, is not the flawed foundation on which the rest of me is based. Rather, it is a natural side effect of the bad things and unhappy times I've had just living life. I've had a basicly rosy growing up, yet I still get pissed off about little things and royally fuck up a good many promising relationships. That's life, I'm human. That doesn't make me a dumbass or a bad person. Well, maybe a dumbass.

I will now flip my labeling of "the REAL me" to refer to the one that works with handicapped people, and loves my family and in whom my freinds seem to find some respectable qualities. I think I'm a pretty good guy. I dont think it's wishful thinking to say that THAT is the "Real me."

Here's a scenario. Out with some friends, all extreme pacifists. Not that I'm an agressive guy by any means, but I'm not a pacifist. I wasn't watching, but the girls in the car all go "Oh no," and gasp and stuff all at once, and I turn around and see a guy and girl arguing. It's bar closing time, not an unexpected thing to observe. My friends in the car said that he pushed her and/or shook her. I then realize that I know both of these people, I hate the guy and am sort of friends with the girl.

That all happens in 4-6 seconds. My first thought is that I should help the girl. My next thought is that I would love to whip that prick's ass. Not out of chivalrous duty, but out of my caveman-ish desire to get in a fight to impress a girl I was out with. Of course it would not have impressed her in the least, but I'm thinking with my dong at this point.

Before I could figure out the automatic lock (I guess I really am a dumbass) the cops pulled up and berated the guy and he got the hell scared out of him and the situation subsided. I got out a bit later and made sure the girl was still ok, and she was with her friends and not him, and I was satisfied with the outcome and went back to the car.

The point: my first thought was the morally right one, as I see it. I think that the REAL me is the one I can be proud of, and that tries to determine right and wrong, and knows when to ignore the other, more petty and dark side of myself.

[Xanadu]

WHats wonderful about that thought is that it is applicable to the lives of so many of us. Its a great hook to begin with an aspect of our psyche that most people deny possessing, but can relate to.

Now weaving characters, environment, atmosphere, events etc, around the central theme of 'denying the darker side of ourselves' is the real challange (assuming you want to write a fictious novel or short story).

I am posting to say, keep up the good work! Id like to encourage you to keep writing...

If you need a brainstorming session or a critque... I (and many forum members) would be more than happy to help out.

[mindstream]

A man walks into a party, dressed impeccably and proceeds to be complimented by 99 guests on his attire. The 100th guest walks up and tells him he looks nice, "but that tie is all wrong." The gentleman spends the rest of the evening obsessing over his poor tie selection. Our tendency to ignore our predominantly positive, good attributes in favor of obsessing upon what is bad or "evil" about us falls under the same pattern of cynicism and self-doubt. I agree with "Skinny". Most of us are fundamentally good, loving people, albeit flawed. We all cannot help where our thoughts head at times, but it is what we do with those thoughts that make us who we are. The fact that I as well as many others can identify with this premise of "the stranger within us" tends to diminish my terminal uniqueness and it allows me to be at peace with the notion that I'm not going through life as an imposter.

[aeternus0]

It is interesting to think that we should spend so much time obsessing about our bad qualities instead if being proud or at least satisfied with our positive ones.

It also seems ironic. Psychologically, it is positive reinforcement that is most powerful. That is to say, if you berate a child for stealing a cookie, instead of feeling bad about it, they will spend time trying to figure out how to get the cookie without being punished for it - not exactly what was intended! On the other hand, if the child does something good, such as sharing their cookie with a sibling or whatever, and you compliment them on it, this seems to be a lot more effective.

Basically, it seems that positive reinforcement is much stronger than negative reinforcement. I wonder why there is such a discrepancy? Is there a difference between what we truly focus on about ourselves and what we think we focus on?

Food for thought...

[SmileyGladhands]

Originally posted by mindstream
Our tendency to ignore our predominantly positive, good attributes in favor of obsessing upon what is bad or "evil" about us falls under the same pattern of cynicism and self-doubt.

I'm not disputing what you say, because it is true, and I like the way you stated it with your story, I have a question.

What is wrong with striving for perfection? (and don't quote Tyler Durden :P )

[mindstream]

Perfection is impossible. Acceptance is the key.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the pursuit of perfection, so long as one can accept that the best we can hope to achieve is self improvement or a greater sense of self awareness. People who seek perfection as a goal will ALWAYS fall short and will always sell themselves short. I'm not saying we should ignore our faults or never try to improve upon them. But we need to recognize and nurture that which makes us who and what we are-warts and all! After all, how many perfectionists do you know who are truly happy people. And how many of them do you want to share your life with :)

[Thrakandor]

Originally posted by mindstream
Our tendency to ignore our predominantly positive, good attributes in favor of obsessing upon what is bad or "evil" about us falls under the same pattern of cynicism and self-doubt.

Isn't this where Jung's concept of the shadow and the embracing thereof kicks in?

I don't know an awful lot about his writings, I've been meaning to read up...