seeker
01-14-2003, 02:34 PM
okay, i'm posting some more poetry here to make a point... please critique me, offer interpretations, respond as you please. as a man planning to write for a living, i could use whatever help you can offer.
********
THE GREAT FALL
Living, laughing, loving
This is the meaning of life
I live to love
I love to laugh
Everything is perfect
Running through the alleys
Emmersed in the sun and unmindful of the brewing storm
Beautiful people, beautiful world
I did not see the devil and his pitchfork
He was standing around the corner, waiting
My soul pierced through, my heart forced out.
And as stars flashed, my brain crashed.
The torrent has begun and I have awakened
I cannot see where the clouds part; this storm's end cannot be forseen
Dying, crying, hating
This is the meaning of life
I die in my hate
I hate through my tears
Running from demons
Emmersed in the blackness and aware that there is no more light
Corrupted people, corrupted world
All I see is the devil mocking me
Ignorance is gone, but I am not ready to understand
Everything is falling apart
And I am still nowhere near the end.
*********
i wrote this in my pre-tool years when i focused on the pain of living and saw little good. the feeling was real at the time, but thanks to tool i've adopted a somewhat more positive outlook. i have one more to share, one i wrote in the time of my pain described above. i'll explain my point after you read the poem.
*********
HOPE
The treasures of life are shrouded in traps;
To find love, one must first defeat cowardice,
To discover truth, one must sift out the lies.
It is a difficult road to travel,
And it cannot be conquered alone.
There must be hope if there is ever to be success.
Hope sustains the weary,
It vanquishes despair.
How much more grievous, then, to lose it!
We are as infants without the gentle wings of hope to protect us,
Vulnerable as a garden with no gardener.
Just as prized flowers become smothered by weeds
So are we, confined by the tendrils of despondency.
Therefore we must take care never to forsake our hope,
Lest we are prepared to lay down and die.
*********
ok, here we go. the point isn't to show you all what a great guy i am when i'm sad, it's to share with you a realization i've made. in retrospect i believed i was always dark and brooding in the year or so that my low-point prevailed. i came across this poem while sifting through my works. guess there always was hope... it's why i never killed myself, i guess.
anyway, what i'm saying is keep faith when you're down. don't focus on the shit you've stepped in, scrape it off and be on your way. there's always potential for good, even when you can't see through the fog of pain... the fact that i wrote the poem "hope" in a time when i felt as i depicted in "the great fall" (worse actually... if anyone wants to see my darker writing, just ask) evidences this.
remember, pain is an illusion of what it means to be alive ;)
********
THE GREAT FALL
Living, laughing, loving
This is the meaning of life
I live to love
I love to laugh
Everything is perfect
Running through the alleys
Emmersed in the sun and unmindful of the brewing storm
Beautiful people, beautiful world
I did not see the devil and his pitchfork
He was standing around the corner, waiting
My soul pierced through, my heart forced out.
And as stars flashed, my brain crashed.
The torrent has begun and I have awakened
I cannot see where the clouds part; this storm's end cannot be forseen
Dying, crying, hating
This is the meaning of life
I die in my hate
I hate through my tears
Running from demons
Emmersed in the blackness and aware that there is no more light
Corrupted people, corrupted world
All I see is the devil mocking me
Ignorance is gone, but I am not ready to understand
Everything is falling apart
And I am still nowhere near the end.
*********
i wrote this in my pre-tool years when i focused on the pain of living and saw little good. the feeling was real at the time, but thanks to tool i've adopted a somewhat more positive outlook. i have one more to share, one i wrote in the time of my pain described above. i'll explain my point after you read the poem.
*********
HOPE
The treasures of life are shrouded in traps;
To find love, one must first defeat cowardice,
To discover truth, one must sift out the lies.
It is a difficult road to travel,
And it cannot be conquered alone.
There must be hope if there is ever to be success.
Hope sustains the weary,
It vanquishes despair.
How much more grievous, then, to lose it!
We are as infants without the gentle wings of hope to protect us,
Vulnerable as a garden with no gardener.
Just as prized flowers become smothered by weeds
So are we, confined by the tendrils of despondency.
Therefore we must take care never to forsake our hope,
Lest we are prepared to lay down and die.
*********
ok, here we go. the point isn't to show you all what a great guy i am when i'm sad, it's to share with you a realization i've made. in retrospect i believed i was always dark and brooding in the year or so that my low-point prevailed. i came across this poem while sifting through my works. guess there always was hope... it's why i never killed myself, i guess.
anyway, what i'm saying is keep faith when you're down. don't focus on the shit you've stepped in, scrape it off and be on your way. there's always potential for good, even when you can't see through the fog of pain... the fact that i wrote the poem "hope" in a time when i felt as i depicted in "the great fall" (worse actually... if anyone wants to see my darker writing, just ask) evidences this.
remember, pain is an illusion of what it means to be alive ;)