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View Full Version : a poem of mine...*nervous*


Brokenelevator
01-10-2003, 11:39 PM
I entitled this, "Fuck you, America."
It's bad formatting but I'm too lazy to go back and fix all the line indentations.
I hope you at least find it amusing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

fuck this america, a kentucky fried chicken legislature serving steaming hot plates of corruption--for only $1.99 + your soul! fuck, the corporate prunes even market anti-materialism--the god of irony and the god of convenience SELLS!

fuck, the only four letter word I know that has lost as much meaning as the actual act---everytime I see the pope raping vanna white, I want to laugh....OR SHOOT MYSELF...and to gamble on this lot is far too risky--

the loss of worship in our country has transformed our spirituality into capitalism...we have made for ourselves a CARVEN IMAGE or IDOL--of Uncle Sam, eating state-dedicated quarters in a bowl of Cheerios, reading Wall Street Journal, wearing a necktie to hold in his bulging hardon--caused by pop music and the death of art--

we claim to embrace everything, but we are groping in a black hole. this politically correct *moment of silence* is bullshit--there IS NO SILENCE in our country--this is how we mock ourselves--

america, fuck your polyurethane babies, your starbucks democracy indulging in *artsy* conversation over cell phones--finding symbolic meaning in the last episode of FRIENDS--cuz we're so fucking DEEP--raising an absent family of two lawyers and two angsty, zit-ridden teenagers who think they are opening their eyes (WHEN IN REALITY THERE IS NOTHING THERE TO SEE) when they indulge in marijuana and taco bell, life in a van, to *mature* and find faith in BIG MONEY--

we crucify ourselves on white picket fences, we crucify ourselves on the american dream.

mayday, can i fucking repeat, you are burning down--there is NOTHING THERE--all your losses, your belittled sacrifices, your prozac mustang, rush to find meaning, your greek mythology books and high school transcript---they mean precisely.....SHIT

what are we pursuing? are we this suicidal? because is it OUR DEATH we are chasing, and no folks, there are no exceptions, no excuses, no written permission of exemptions, etc. and no folks, you really CANT keep what you've worked for, so just shut up for a second, put down your mortgage, lawsuit papers, and LISTEN--

listen to your heartbeat and inner self, the waves that weakly pass through your near-dead THIRD EYE---hold up your mind to the light and let go. thinking without your mind, USE YOUR SOUL. be still and fucking know....

once we've managed as a whole, we can start to communicate, or commune, in spirit and soul and passion, to push away this distraction, and work on unification---without needing uniforms--we can hold our divinity and our capacity and appreciate these brilliant colors given to us, and we can find God without religion or being desperate to understand or use OUR EYES (which are blind anyway), maybe...even evolve someday....taking place in the cosmos, letting sink this delusion of time and matter--

maybe....and i believe it...so don't say i don't have faith, because i have more than you fucking know. and until then, fuck you, america.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the reverend
01-11-2003, 02:20 AM
If i were American Im sure Id be outraged.
But being an Australian... I FUCKing loved it!!!
Good work.
Keep 'em coming.

flipmojo
01-11-2003, 04:32 AM
Easy killer...

Sounds like you need to find love or happiness with someone. Otherwise, the world will roll over you. It's not as bad as you wrote unless you are looking at America through frustrated/angry eyes.

For the record, I did agree with most of what you said. But someone could also write a poem about many beautiful things in America too.

Dr.Strangelove
01-13-2003, 11:40 AM
That was great. There's nothing wrong with the formatting, it's perfect as it is. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you wrote there, very truthful and to the point. I like the mixture of optimism and pessimism in there. You're saying, 'yes, things could change, and for the better, but until then, fuck what things are now.' Very nice. I'd like to hear some more.

psilomind
01-13-2003, 03:00 PM
You seem pretty angry. Though I do think government and capitalism are pretty restricting, it serves its purpose. One man puts in enough effort to give birth to a big corporation, then pays workers who can now go home and feed their families. But if it were a perfect world (which is not the case), I would gladly reject the need for "the system", and all this MTV Abercrombie capitalism bullshit. So my solution: Create a country and kick all the assholes out so the rest of us can live in peace.

kette
01-13-2003, 04:24 PM
i liked the poem, very beat.

the only suggestion i have for you (if you are interested, otherwise, just know that i really really dug it) is that near the end (right before listen to your heartbeat and inner self, the waves that weakly pass through your near-dead THIRD EYE...) i think i would slow it down somehow. it just seems to take a philosophical turn there, and a pacing change would really make it hit hard.

great stuff...

the reverend
01-13-2003, 07:52 PM
Heh.
I actually copied and pasted that "poem" into notepad and saved it. I really dug it. Keep em coming dude.

Thrakandor
01-19-2003, 07:52 PM
So my solution: Create a country and kick all the assholes out so the rest of us can live in peace.

Amen.

Brokenelevator
01-22-2003, 06:54 PM
thanks for the positive feedback guys, i appreciate it.

i'll be posting more later, when I have more internet access. for reasons i can't control, my access has been restricted temporarily. I'm working on it.

the main problem i have with losing my internet is losing TDN....*sighs*

raiSINgirl420
02-02-2003, 07:38 AM
nice piece, i would love to see it with some line breaks and a little tightening up.
there are alot of great lines!
i agree with the beat comment too, ginsberg - howl.

here is something similar that i wrote the day of the one year ann. of 9/11, i think it belongs in this thread, it could maybe use some punc but i am too lazy. :)

"the destruction of minds"
9.11.02

waving flags
holding hands
in the littered streets
linking fascistic minds
where are the best minds
of our generation?
i’ll tell you where they are not
they are not out there
flying the flag
hoping to get on tv
they are not screaming
god bless the u.s.,
mess with the best
die like the rest
they are not getting caught up
in the melodrama
of H.O.L.L.Y.W.O.O.D
their eyes are not glued
to the boob tube
devouring grease-soaked flesh
washing it down with slim fast
and diet soda
they’re not dressed in suits
working jobs they hate
exhausting this earth
for all it is or isn’t worth

i’ll tell you where they are
making the connections
in jive bars
in writing revolutions
protesting
to curb consumption
working jobs
only to get by

simplify to free your mind

this charade today
that blares on every
hypnotic channel
is camouflaging
our real problems
they dress them up
diverting the attention
to pretty faces
and green paper
instead of mind connection

turn off the tv
lower the radio
put down the tabloids
and dance
to the beat of your mind
step out of this time and space
that we have confined ourselves to
slaughter the ego
and intertwine

Rice
02-02-2003, 12:15 PM
wow, i liked that a lot! it's fun-ny. :) damn america! jesus....people suck!

that was great dude. keep em comin.