Early Version of a song

[Matteran]

I don't know if any of you remember, but i posted the intro for this song. I extended the intro a little more, added the actual song in the guitar track. And I tried to add some bass. While, some parts i like, most of it was just jamming with myself. I'm also going to add tablas, but i need to borrow a friends mic. Tell me what you think, regarding the structure of the song on the guitar. Is it too boring? etc. If you have suggestions for the bass track, i'd love to hear them, but don't say the bass sucks, cause i know it does, i was just making parts of it as i went.

Oh yeah, and quick note, my timing is really irradic during the part of the intro where i'm plucking in straight time, with the horrible delay (same delay used for the part of the intro before it, i'll change that delay, don't worry), so i know that that part is screwed up.

Damn i'm hungry, i just got done playing a three hour jazz concert.

http://www.neuroleptic.net/linkedStuff/ExcitingDissapointmentLow.mp3

it's about 2.7mb, at 64kbps

[deviatedwolf625]

I like the use of delay.

Try having the bass line deviate from the guitar in the intro, sounds dull to me as a bass player.

I like the guitar line, and the overall concept. I'm a little before halfway through it at this point, just feeding thoughts as I listen.

I like the way the bass takes the melody in this part of the song, you might try to find a way to make it less repetitive, vocals maybe? or just some good old improvisation in the bass line.

Ooh kicked into the heavier part. Very sudden transition. Not a bad thing, just an observation.

You're missin a couple notes on the guitar though, I can hear those sour notes. It's gone back into being mellow, I like the heavier part a lot more, this kinda kicks me back.

You might try seperating those into two seperate pieces, i.e. Parabol/A.

Overall, it gets an B, mellow, but well written. Couple things you could work on.

Are you planning to add drums/vocals?

[Matteran]

yeah, as i said i'll be adding tablas (drums), and i have lyrics, i'm not a singer myself, but i might be able to work with a few friends who can sing, and get them to see what they can do.

I want to make the heavier part heavier, and do something, but i'll have to work with it, and it's kinda hard to get a hard sound with an acoustic.

Thanks for the comments.

[deviatedwolf625]

Uhm ... your eye is animated.

Alright, try playing those on an electric with some hardcore chorus and delay. Or maybe a phaser instead of chorus.

My personal 2 cents for effect choice ...

Do you own an electric?

[Restrain_yourself]

I remember this song... it sounds better now but i would have to say a few things:

1) In the begining when you have that feed-back sound thing (it sounds like a piano in the back round) turn that up. maybe add/or replace it with violin that would sound pure...

2) The bass needs to be more powerful... and lets say... bassy

3) the hard part doesn't fit in my opinion------- WHERE HAS THE DELAY GONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SONG??????

4) needs lyricrs for sure

5) end the bass and guitar at the same time

I do think that this sounds good but the begining sounds awsome play off that more then what you play in the middle...
Again only my beliefs.... thanks for putting it on again it is good

[Matteran]

i don't own an electric, so i'd need to go over to a friends house, and use his. But his tone is so thick, i'd need to fuck with it, but i'm not sure if he'd like that, cause you see, he's been perfecting his tone for years.

Yeah, right when the heavy part starts, i'm not really sure what i'm doing with the song, including the heavy part. I just made that part up independant of the song, but i thought i could make it fit, but didn't succeed too well. I definatly like it, so i'll work on sequeing nicer. And thanks for the eq tips

Am i not supposed to have an animated avatar?

[deviatedwolf625]

Yeah, they're kinda 'gainst the rules I think ... it is spiffay though

[Matteran]

Okay, I re-did the beginning of the song, so everything before the heavy part. I played a bass a little better, and changed a few things around in that. I made a completly different thing at the end of the intro for the guitar, so the bass isn't just following the guitar for the intro (the part where the guitar started strumming the main intro riff). And during the verse the guitar is basically the same, just some slightly different pacing, and a little longer. The bass during the verse isn't as improvised as you guys might want it to be, but i like it. It's more interesting than before.

http://www.neuroleptic.net/linkedStuff/ExcitingDissapointmentLow2.mp3

about 1.9mb

I noticed when the bass takes over the strumming part of the intro, the timing is a little different than the rest of the intro, it's just a little faster, so no need to point that out.

Next i'll be adding Tablas, just to flesh it out, and see what you guys think of my

L 3 3 7
74 [3 L 4
5 |< 1 L L 2

is "[3" how you make a B?

[Matteran]

no one?

[deviatedwolf625]

Listening now actually ..

Very mild intro. Are you doing that on an electric or an acoustic?

I like the bass line.

L33t tabla skillz eh?

I like that mellow part, which starts at 1:32

Bring up the volume a bit, like a 3db boost.

Are you planning to add vocals?

Again the bass takes a the melody, which is cool, but I can barely hear the guitar now ... turn down the bass a wee bit before giving that boost.

And it's all happy. 3:03

Overdubbage

And it is done.

[Matteran]

Are you doing that on an electric or an acoustic?

Are you planning to add vocals?

Overdubbage

And it is done.


Acoustic, the whole thing is acoustic

Yes, i've talked to a few singers that i know.

What the hell does overdubbage mean?

[deviatedwolf625]

You're only one guitar player

But there was two guitar tracks. You recorded, and recorded over it, hence, overdubbing.

[Matteran]

oh okay, yeah, in the final version of the song, i'm going to try and have the guitar track be one track, and the bass be one also, but since i'm just figuring parts out for the song, i decided to just mesh them together.

I made, like a map of the song, and at each destination the map lands at, is a different part of the song. Right now, each destination is seperate from the others, so timing gets off, and stuff. And i guess overdubbing. If that's a bad thing, or just an observation.

[deviatedwolf625]

Not a bad thing, it's using the studio to its fullest advantage.

Power to ya.

I'd be interested to hear how this sounded as a more electronic piece, but I'm a bastard like that, and love electronic music.

[Matteran]

like techno-y? or with an electric guitar? I played the heavy part of the song on an electric guitar last night, and it sounded nice, but since the changes in the harmony are so slight, it sounded really boring with the distortion, but also powerful. I'll upload what i have of the second half by the end of the weekend. I'm pretty sure i know how i want the rest of the song to go.

Also, I'll be able to show the song to a singer on wednesday, so i'd like to have the song mostly done.

Personally, i think this is pretty cool, have there been threads about someone writing a song, and posting the incredmental developments? Or are they always finished songs?

[deviatedwolf625]

Mostly, they're finished songs. mine are semi-finished, I have the structure, now it's just the tweaking it

Yeah, like semi techno-y.

It would be good to get singing to it.